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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Why it seems like the "bad" Girl gets the Guy


Miss Wonderful

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Note: "bad girl"  is usually associated with negative description- but in all honesty I oppose this view. What media has labeled "bad girls" are in my opinion are simply women who've have gone through many obstacles in life and experienced many hardships to know how the world really operates. 

 We   begin seeing the world in rose colored glasses.  At a young age we were  taught  about everything beautiful and innocent  in this world. we read books on the Prophet Pbuh&hf and in  our hearts we desired  to find someone is a leader and  as religious, masculine, and brave as how he was.  We  always desired to be the perfect wife, who will fit in her role as God desired her to be. 

So it was easy to be impressed by anyone who spoke about religion. It was captivated and different, and  anyone who knew so much, and prayed, fasted, was  someone great. Of course he would have to balance religion with the times we lived in. But let me tell you.....there are men and women  out there who may fast, preach, pray, but  in reality they are average homo sapiens. Meaning that even though they have so much knowledge about Islam, and understand the values, they still choose to run on automatic. They are too lazy to truly make a habit of being a better person. And most people are like this. They give charity, give impressive lectures to students in the mosque, but its really on the surface. Behind the scenes they operate homo sapien level, their main objective is to eat, drink, sleep, etc. And they think they are doing good for the world- and they are doing nice things- but try to being in a marriage  with them and its huge fail.

Try  being behaving the way  Fatima (AS) was like with Imam Ali (AS) and these types of  people will take you for GRANTED. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are, or how religious, or how amazing, how generous, how passionate,  or how pure  or how  hardworking you are. These people are parasites. They will try to take from you what they can. Whether its them thriving on the feeling of power that you give them, because all you  are doing is just following the kindness of the Prophet Pbuh &HF. Being selfless like how Khadija (as) was like for the Prophet (pbuh) will get you stomped on. And you are left wandering if you should take on the characteristics of celebrities instead of holy figures.

Well the truth is...you can't  really live like how the Prophet Pbuh&hf and his family were. You cannot be selfless and humble for any man in 2017. In the year 2017, a man will appreciate you more if he has to spend lots of money on you during courting. Don't believe a word about  him respecting the independent women. He will take her for granted if she exhibits the "I am so independent behavior". if she does not allow him to be the sole bread winner, then he will play down his masculine role as the provider. Meaning he will take advantage of the situation and won't do as much. The Prophet pbuh +hf was different than the normal human being, it's why Khadija (as) married him in a heart beat. There was respect and sensitivity.

Also  these days men LOVE  makeup, the fake eyelashes, the whole  shabang. Yes you might be stunning with no makeup, but in reality vamping the looks is now IN.  I don't care how many times men say they like a girl to be natural.....they will cater more to you if you have the makeup. And honestly save the makeup for someone  who is worth it.  Because quality make up costs a lot. But  even advanced   beauty is not enough for men these days. My friend told me that even tho her husband posted their  newlywed photos on facebook, she caught him trying to flirt with other girls.
Yes! We live in these times now. So don't just depend on playing up your beauty, because even after your honeymoon, your man might still be contacting other girls. You really have to make your worth permanent by allowing him to keep chasing you and working hard to try and win you over. Because most men are on automatic and just follow primitive instincts. They are not disciplined and naturally not as developed as how holy figures were. Thats why Allah sent Prophets in the first place -to teach ppl. And man is ever so forgetful.

Honestly, its not different from the times of the Prophet pbuh+hf. He had to teach men how to behave like legit human beings. Men were buryin their daughters, and not giving their wives their rights. Well its the same deal now. We are back to those ages. Ppl may not be  burying their daughters but ppl having different expectations then the ones that the Prophet pbuhf+ and his family taught. And women are not excused from this as well. But all I am saying is that we have to be more realistic  and not get carried away from reading hadiths and religious stories. For example, I am increasingly finding that a woman who  is given spending money, and spends it on things for herself is more respected by men, then the one  who says no its best to give this money to charity.  Doing something noble these days wont be credited to good nature anyway. Being selfish is credited to a woman of worth.  Being Selfless is not.  Does that mean completely be selfish? NO. It means learning to accept financial gifts from your husband or spouse and not let pride get into the way because you maybe bring home your own income. You must also set aside money for charity, but anything he gives you-ACCEPT as your own. It gives him feeling of pride and accomplishment.  And then you can do whatever you want with it-such saving a  portion of it to charity. If you deny the financial gift -even if u have good intentions -it will be a blow to his ego- and it will become a habit for him not to spend on you. Average men don't understand the concept of nobility and being selfless. They are not holy figures to appreciate this. The minute you deny a financial  gift because you feel selfless and want to give it to ppl in needs, or feel  shy  accepting it or think it will make him happy that u dont want to burden him-it wont. He will just find another girl to spend on. 

Also the truth is  there are times you may bypass the person who really is genuinely good hearted. They might not be as  religious ( meaning they dont know much hadith and details but they do pray or read quran)-and that could be a turn off to you. But they are faithful they want the best for you. They ACTUALLY WEAR THEIR HEART  on their sleeve. They might be not as good looking, but they show how good they are with ACTIONS. They will treat you respect, cater to you, and are inspired from you to better themselves in religion. They might be dorks, and  they come across as lame, but they prove to you that they are someone you can rely on. And even if you get into an argument with them, they will try to make things right  quickly. They will be happy to support you and not hesitate to give you what you need financially  and not make you feel like a burden. And sometimes because they are so straightforward  you might think they are creeps but in reality they are just not word savvy as the other men. they dont know how to play word games and mind games. They just speak with all the innocence. It's a complex world we live in.

Does that mean it will be impossible to find a  religious man that knows the lectures and details and follows everything to a t- and who eally tries to better himself than average men? No, but it will most likely be hard.

And the so called "bad girl"  can tell the difference from such  men from observing the mannerism., and thats why she is quick to get the good guy. While the inexperienced girl ends up with a jerk, because she is wowed by the personality of the so called scholar.

Anyway...always remember  NO MAN CAN MATCH UP TO A HOLY FIGURE. AVERAGE MEN AND HOLY FIGURES ARE ON ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SPIRITUAL AND MENTAL PLATFORM .WE ARE AT DIFFERENT TIMES, let a man  PROVE IT TO YOU BY HIS ACTIONS. THE IMPORTANCE OF ALLOWING A MAN TO SPEND ON YOU FINANCIALLY and LETTING HIM CHASE YOU. BEING MORE FASHIONABLE/USE OF MAKEUP WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF ISLAM. KNOWING THAT YOU CANNOT DEPEND ONLY ON YOUR PASSION AND BEAUTY FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE . DON'T BE SELFLESS, BUT KEEP A BALANCE OF HEALTHY SELFISHNESS, AND KEEP IN MIND YOUR ISLAMIC DUTIES...
 

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  • Advanced Member

Well, I think that the person that can be a true infidel is the one who can take off partners, if the person can not, it means that he or she has to be a believer... I'm kidding you again, just joking.

I've noticed that at least in this country, people hate the ones who like to give alms to people, they say that is because people who beg are swindlers that either have a lot of money and don't  need to beg or are just people that don't want to work.

And some people look at me bad when I give (sometimes not always), and I say s"#~w y/u, I don't have to live like they want me to live, I'm not your puppet in which you can decide how I should live, what I should say. I'm free not a robot.

I respect if they have reasons for not giving but it's my bussiness if I want to give or not.

And in all english classes I was, when there was conversational classes only, they picked up that topic about beggars and why we should give and even at the end of one class the teacher turned to me and said: "Now you see that we shouldn't give, you're not going to do it again, right?" and I said to him: "Of course I'm going to keep giving, if you don't want, don't do it, but I want to"

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  • Veteran Member

@Nataly It's not bad go give, but please make sure that you give to people who really need it. There are so many people who have become inspired by Robin Hood i.e. they don't earn money themselves but they ask money from other people and they say they are going to help the poor, but they really help their girlfriends/ boyfriends. Be very careful when you give money to an organization. Few years ago, I became religious and I donated a lot of money, but later I found out it was all used by some young girls to buy make up and clothes. I lost respect among people and everyone stared thinking I am a fool. My relatives became angry saying if you want to give money to poor, we deserve it more, why didn't you give us? There are people who don't bother you, but once you start giving them money, they feel entitled and they expect more and more. The people who used my money, now they won't leave me alone. Every time, they need money, they start bothering me and they use every tactic, even blackmailing and threatening. I am not talking about homeless/poor  people who really need money. The fact is charity doesn't really reach them. 

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  • Veteran Member

Moral of the story:

Women, spice up your manners and appearance and learn the art of carrying yourself; be crafty and cunning when dealing with your men because being nice and honest does not pay off; the way to manage your man is by giving him the illusion of power while retaining all power in your hands; be strong and independent without making it too obvious; don't just accept gifts but DEMAND them; be selfish to guard your own interests and that of your family, because men are ultimately quite dumb when it comes to domestic and familial matters; stand your ground and don't let your man or inlaws or anyone else walk over you.

More power to womankind! <3

 

Edited by Marbles
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  • Veteran Member

l am disappointed in you, Ms.Wondergirl.

First, "bad" means BAD, misbehaving, short-on-morals, ... and probably carries a few diseases and parasites.

Second, it is not that the "bad girl" "gets". lt is What-She-gets. What she deserves.

The same with men.

Third, make-up: The girl basically doesn't need it or it doesn't do her any good. Want a laugh? Look at the blondes on TV with thick, bright red lipstuck.

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  • Veteran Member

Hopefully since it's 2018 now so you can be all those nice things for a man lol, someone told me to read this after a recent thread I had started about "Why the wrong guys always approaches you". What you have mentioned is true nevertheless good and bad people exist in every gender/background/society/country/nation and to change your behavior towards others based on that is basically becoming what you disliked in the first place, being cautious and wary is a different matter. I assure you there are men who are nice and have none of negative qualities mentioned in your blog however it takes one to know one and if there is prejudice or preconceived ideas towards any gender/race/background then that will surely make it more difficult to come across such people as we never know where a nice person may come from and the prejudice thus limits us.

Edited by Inconsolable
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On 8/30/2017 at 4:12 AM, Marbles said:

Moral of the story:

Women, spice up your manners and appearance and learn the art of carrying yourself; be crafty and cunning when dealing with your men because being nice and honest does not pay off; the way to manage your man is by giving him the illusion of power while retaining all power in your hands; be strong and independent without making it too obvious; don't just accept gifts but DEMAND them; be selfish to guard your own interests and that of your family, because men are ultimately quite dumb when it comes to domestic and familial matters; stand your ground and don't let your man or inlaws or anyone else walk over you.

More power to womankind! <3

You'd make the perfect manipulative desi mother!

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      ·         One as a Muslim leaving his will to his family. We will not indulge in this here now because it is not our current discussion.
       
      ·         The other is his will as the head of the Islamic state (or Islamic community) and this will is for the well being of Muslims. This will must have been obvious to all Muslims. It is the Command of Allah. The Prophet must have told the Muslims abundantly and in a very obvious way how to govern themselves after his death to maintain justice and to protect Islam and themselves. This is so important for Islam (the last and complete religion) to continue to the end of time. Also, it must have been a direct order from Allah, whose revelation included everything people need, and should be found obvious in the Quran if Islam is a complete religion. So, what is this will? And where is it?
       
      ·         Furthermore, one may contemplate the question: Didn’t any of the Muslims ask the Prophet how they are to govern themselves after him? What about the Sahabah who are held at such a high status? Didn’t any of them ask the question?
       
      ·         Questions we as Muslims may ask:
      -        Did the Prophet appoint a person as his successor? If so, who is he?
      -        If not, did he appoint a counsel to select the ruler? If so, who are they?
      -        Did he set up an Islam method of how to elect the ruler?
      -        If he had left choosing the ruler to the Muslims (and the Sahabah) to decide, did he tell them how to do it?
      -        Did he tell them the proper Islamic system of election? Or did he leave them to be confused about such a paramount issue?
      -        Why would he leave them without clarifying to them what to do?
      -        Is this expected of a wise person, let alone the last Prophet of Allah?
      -        If there is Islamic system of election, where can we find it?
      -        Are there any hadiths on this issue, since it is so important, and the Muslims were divided because of it?
      -        Since governing is paramount in Islam for justice to prevail (as we mentioned above) why can’t we find proper and abundant fiqh derived directly from the Quran and hadiths about it?
      -        If none of the above, then it would appear that Islam is not a complete religion as the Quran, and the Muslims claim.
      -        Is this acceptable?
      -        Why is this subject so unclear and engulfed by so much confusion, while the Prophet told us everything else, even how to wash when we go to the toilet?
      -        Is this confusion deliberate?
      -        Why?
      -        Who is behind it? And who benefited from it?
       
      ·         What about Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)? Did He leave this important issue without clarification to the Muslims (who are humans and can make mistakes) without telling them what to do, and how to do it?
      ·         If so, then if there is injustice due to the wrong choice of ruler, we should blame Allah for not showing us the way.
      -        Is this acceptable?
      -        Isn’t it kufr to believe that?
      ·         If this is not acceptable, and we believe it is not, then we should categorically claim that the solution is available somewhere. And in a very clear way.
       
      Every Conceivable Probability
       
      Every conceivable probability, reasoning and justification are acceptable, no matter how illogical they are, except the one probability that the Prophet named a person to be after him. This probability is never logical, never included, and never accepted. As if the Prophet had no right, or did not know how, to select a good Sahabi to succeed him.
       
      The Sunnah of the Prophet
       
      The Sunna of the Prophet is everything he said, did or gave tacit approval to.
       
      For those who believe that the Prophet left choosing the ruler to the Muslims (and the Sahabah) to decide, then it is a sunnah, and should be followed and abided by. Also, this sunnah must be Allah’s order and command, because the Prophet applies the Quran to the letter. It should not be disobeyed.
       
      ·         Why did Abu Bakr not abide by this Sunnah when he appointed Omar to rule after him? Is this not disobeying the sunnah?
      ·         Is this a new phenomenon that was not part of the Islam of the Prophet (i.e. a bid’ah) that Abu Bakr invented?
      ·         Is disobeying the sunnah, not disobeying Allah?
      ·         Also, when Omar accepted to be appointed, is this not disobeying the sunnah, and the command of Allah?
      ·         Omar, in turn, appointed a group of 6 people to choose the successor after him:
      -        Is this not disobeying the sunnah and the command of Allah?
      -        Where did this number 6 come from?
      -        Is this number 6 available in the Quran or sunnah?
      -        How were these 6 people selected out of the rest of the Sahabah?
      -        From an Islamic point of view, what are the virtues and abilities of these 6 people to be eligible as rulers?
      -        Is there anything about that in the fiqh books?
      -        Were there no other Muslims worthy of including in this group?
      -        Where is this information available?
       
      ·         The Imam Ali was the leader of the Muslim army during the time of the Prophet. Is this not a sunnah?
      ·         Why is it that the first three Kalifas did not abide by it?
      ·         Where is the military role of Imam Ali during their reign?
       
       
      Justification
      For those who say that Abu Bakr appointed Omar because the situation required it. We may ask:
       
      ·         Abu Bakr’s actions major decisions should all be Islamic. Is appointing a ruler after his death Islamic?
      ·         Is it in the Quran?
      ·         Is it a Sunnah?
      ·         Did the Prophet give Abu Bakr this right?
      ·         When the Prophet died, was the Muslim situation so good that they did not need the Prophet to appoint a successor for him? Or at least an advice for them as to what to do?
      ·         What about the fact that the Ansar and Muhajireen (who assembled in Saqifat Bani Sa’ida and were discussing who should be the ruler for three days) drew their swards and almost killed each other due to the fact that the arguments and disagreements between them were so high, while the Prophet’s body was still not buried?
      ·         Did this situation not warrant the Prophet to advise them about it?
      ·         Did the Prophet know this would happen?
      ·         Did Allah not tell the Prophet that this would happen, and what to do to evert it?
      ·         Was is it proper for the Sahabah to meet for three days to argue about this issue (meeting and arguing for three days means there was a big disagreement between them), leaving the Prophet body not buried?
      ·         Imagine the Sahabah meeting for the first whole day. During this day they would go home to eat then come back to the meeting (perhaps more than once). They go to the toilet. They pray etc. They go home to sleep, then come back to the meeting. They did this for three days, and the body of the Prophet is left without them attending to it (except Imam Ali, the Prophet’s family, and a few notable Sahabah who did not attend the meetings).
      ·         Was this proper of the powerful Sahabah to do?
      ·         Is this a show of respect to the Prophet, who is the beloved of Allah, the Creator of all things?
       
      The Guardianship of Islam
       
      Guardianship goes beyond ruling. In fact, ruling is part of this guardianship, and the guardian must be the ruler, otherwise how can he have the required influence and authority to protect Islam and the Muslims?
       
      ·         Who was the guardian of Islam?
      ·         Naturally the Prophet himself was the guardian.
      ·         Who made him the guardian?
      ·         Allah did, since Allah is the ultimate guardian. Islam is Allah’s religion.
      ·         Did Islam need a guardian after the Prophet?
      ·         Who is the guardian after the Prophet death?
      ·         Who appoints him? Shouldn’t it be God since it is His religion, and He is the one who knows the best person for the task?
       
      Most Muslims at the time of the Prophet were new to Islam. Some entered into Islam only few years before the Prophet died. Most people did not know how to read or write, and needed someone to explain the Quran and the rules to them. Understanding the Quran and its explanation is not a simple matter that one can take lightly. Even at our present time, with the high education available, we still need someone specialised to explain the Quran properly. There has to be one person, or a group of Sahabah, who should have been able to do that.
       
      But there is a problem:
       
      What about if the Sahabah make a mistake? Is the correct interpretation lost forever? In other words; the real Islam is lost for ever.
       
      For the person, or group of Sahabah, to be such that they don’t make a mistake,
       
      ·         This person, or a group of Sahabah, must be chosen by the Prophet himself because he is the only one who knows the eligible person, or persons, for the task.
      ·         But how does the Prophet know?
      ·         He must be told by Allah. In other words, it is the command of Allah.
      ·         Then, the guardian, or guardians, must be chosen by Allah who knows the eligible ones to guard his accepted religion.
      ·         Hence, guardianship is Allah’s appointment. This point is of paramount importance that we need to pay attention to.
      ·         It cannot be perceived that Allah leaves such an important issue to humans, who can make mistakes, to decide.
       
      Some may say that a group of Sahabah will make sure that they tell each other and make sure that Islamic rules are preserved.
       
      The question, then, becomes:
       
      ·         How may Sahabah are required to make sure that Islam is preserved?
      ·         Who choses these Sahabah?
      ·         And who are these Sahabah?
      ·         Some say if ten Sahabah (as a minimum) agree on a verse in the Quran, then it is right, and that how the Muslims put the Quran together during the time of the Khalifah Uthman.
      ·         Why ten?
      ·         Is this an infallible number?
      ·         Who decided on the ten?
      ·         Where did this magic number come from?
      ·         Is it in the Quran? No.
      ·         Is it the order of Allah? No.
      ·         Did the Prophet say it? No.
      ·         This also entails, for us Muslims, that the number ten should be acceptable for any other subject. Is this acceptable?
      ·         If none of the above, then we discard the tales related to this number, particularly with regards to putting the Quran together during the time of the Khalifah Uthman.
      ·         Furthermore, these people are telling us the number of people is more important than one actually knowledgeable person. Shouldn’t the level of expertise be more important than the number of people?
       
       
      The Companions:
       
      The Quran says in Chapter 62 (Al-Jumu’a), verse 11:
       
      وَإِذَا رَأَوْا تِجَارَةً أَوْ لَهْوًا انفَضُّوا إِلَيْهَا وَتَرَكُوكَ قَائِمًا ۚ قُلْ مَا عِندَ اللَّهِ خَيْرٌ مِّنَ اللَّهْوِ وَمِنَ التِّجَارَةِ ۚ وَاللَّهُ خَيْرُ الرَّازِقِينَ
      But when they saw a transaction or a diversion, [O Muhammad], they rushed to it and left you standing. Say, "What is with Allah is better than diversion and than a transaction, and Allah is the best of providers."
       
      Surat Al-Jumu’a was revealed to the Prophet on the sixth year of Hijrah. That is 5 years before the Prophet died. Even then, most Muslims (except few, and it is said 12 of them) used to leave him while he was delivering the Juma’a speech of the Juma’a prayer to go to worldly things, to the extent that necessitated Allah to dress them down.
       
      People say all the Sahabah maintain justice and piousness. So, whoever you follow, you will be guided. This is in direct contradiction to the above verse.
       
      This is also in direct contradiction to Chapter 63, in the Quran: المنافقون Al-Munaafiqoon (The Hypocrites). This chapter clearly says that there were hypocrites who were part of what we now call Sahabah (since Sahabah are defined as anyone who saw the profit even once).
       
      The Quran says in Chapter 9 (At-Tawba), verse 101:
       
      وَمِمَّنْ حَوْلَكُم مِّنَ ٱلْأَعْرَابِ مُنَٰفِقُونَ ۖ وَمِنْ أَهْلِ ٱلْمَدِينَةِ ۖ مَرَدُواْ عَلَى ٱلنِّفَاقِ لَا تَعْلَمُهُمْ ۖ نَحْنُ نَعْلَمُهُمْ ۚ سَنُعَذِّبُهُم مَّرَّتَيْنِ ثُمَّ يُرَدُّونَ إِلَىٰ عَذَابٍ عَظِيمٍۢ
      And among those around you of the Bedouins are hypocrites, and [also] from the people of Madinah. They have become accustomed to hypocrisy. You, [O Muhammad], do not know them, [but] We know them. We will punish them twice [in this world]; then they will be returned to a great punishment.
       
      Prophet Moses and the Israelites
       
      The events of the Prophet Moses with the Israelites that the Quran tells us are eye opening examples.
       
      The Israelites saw with their own eyes how Prophet Moses split the sea with his stick. They crossed the sea to safety while the water was high around them. No one told them the event as a story. It happened to them first hand. Only a few days later when Moses left them to converse with Allah, they gathered the gold from women. Every woman donated her gold to make a calf, and worship it.
       
      The Quran goes on about other stories of the Israelites with Prophet Moses.
       
      Most people think that this behavior is a characteristic of the Israelites. They forget that the Israelites are humans like everybody else, and that this behavior is a human behavior of those who are either not believers, or they are new to the belief and don’t fully understand it.
       
      The Quran tells as many stories about the people of the Prophets.
       
      Why do Muslims think that the new Muslims during the time of the Prophet Muhammed are any different while the Quran, and the Prophet himself told them that they will behave no different from the people before them.
       
      The Quran says in Chapter 3 (AaL Imraan), verse 144:
       
      وَمَا مُحَمَّدٌ إِلَّا رَسُولٌ قَدْ خَلَتْ مِنْ قَبْلِهِ الرُّسُلُ أَفَإِنْ مَاتَ أَوْ قُتِلَ انْقَلَبْتُمْ عَلَى أَعْقَابِكُمْ وَمَنْ يَنْقَلِبْ عَلَى عَقِبَيْهِ فَلَنْ يَضُرَّ اللَّهَ شَيْئًا وَسَيَجْزِي اللَّهُ الشَّاكِرِينَ
      Muhammad is not but a messenger. [Other] messengers have passed on before him. So, if he was to die or be killed, would you turn back on your heels [to unbelief]? And he who turns back on his heels will never harm Allah at all; but Allah will reward the grateful.
       
       
    • By Abdul-Hadi in Chasing Islam
         3
      I am alone at home for the week. Mom has gone to visit my aunt & uncle in New York state. I'm happy for her because she hasn't gone on a vacation since before COVID19 began it's rampage through America; so it's good that she's getting to visit them. She'll be visiting with my cousin Hannah as well. However, it's just me here with the cats (after all someone had to stay around to feed, water, scoop, and spend time with them). I have the house to myself for a week. Just me, completely alone and that got me thinking about my progress in Islam.

      There is a masjid here in town. A Sunni masjid but a masjid nonetheless. I have gone there before when I was first investigating Islam, but not since I have decided to follow the Shia. I wanted to attend Jummah today, but the masjid is still closed because of COVID19. Unfortunately, even if the masjid was open, I can only think that I would be castigated by nitpicking brothers for how I pray, the way I perform the wudhu, and have to get into debates that I am not prepared for (and don't want to get into) as to why I "pray the wrong way" and how I am a heathen, so on and so forth. There is no Shia Islamic Center anywhere remotely close to my hometown. The closest one is 120 miles to the north of me and that's simply too far to drive for a Jummah service every week with the price of gas being what it is and me not even working at the time being (as well as not being able to leave the county without permission, but we won't get into that).

      It makes me lonely as a revert. A revert who is the only Muslim in his family, let alone his household. I read through the Quran, sure but a lot of brothers and sisters have and many of them many more times that I already have. I have no background with the Hadith and don't know how to determine which are reliable, which I am allowed to use, and how to read them. I have no older brothers who can mentor me in Islam, as I feel like I am the only Shia in the area even if that is not true. What I liked about being a Christian, despite the glaring theological problems with Christianity, was the community and fellowship that was available to me at any of the hundreds of churches in the area. There were older Christians who could mentor me in the faith, Bible studies that were run that I could attend, service work in the community I could participate in... the communal aspect of religion is very important; but sadly I do not have any of those luxuries right now whether it's because of the town I live in or whether it's because I'm in the minority of an already minority religion in America. On one hand, I find myself wishing that Islam in America was like Christianity while on the other hand, for reasons I'll not get into here that I've already outlined in numerous threads, I thank Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that it is different entirely. Shia Islam, despite being the minority of a minority in America, has yet to become infected and corrupted the way that Christianity has and inshallah, it never will. Inshallah, Islam in America will truly grow in to the "fastest growing religion" and will bring about a revival of traditional values and morality that this country desperately needs.

      But before that day comes, what is there that can be done?

      The answer: cling closely to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), the example of the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) and the Glorious Quran. Read it every day without ceasing, when you finish the final surah-- go back to the beginning and start over again. Make your five daily prayers wherein you spend time with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and for those five wonderful times throughout the day, spend time before Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Recite the Tasbih. Renew your Wudhu always. Read Islamic literature and watch Khutbas, and offer dua that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) might bring you some upright brothers to fellowship and pray along with, who encourage you as you encourage them. Perfect your prayers (which can be quite the challenge for Westerners with no background in Islam or Arabic). Enjoin good and forbid evil. Do the little things for family and friends to let Allah's (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) light shine through you and make this world a better place.

      Being alone in your deen can be rough, it can certainly test your resolve to stay on the right path. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) never tests you beyond what he knows that you can handle and like steel in a furnace, these tests are to refine you into something more beautiful. Alhamdulillah.
    • By 3wliya_maryam in spoken words/poetry/ deep thinking
         4
      The correlation between OCD and being sensitive may apply only to some people. There is no clear evidence that highly sensitive individuals are prone to the disorder, although one of the symptoms indicate sensitivity to be a major factor. For instance, one may begin to obsess over hygiene as they fear being contaminated or infected with bacteria at home, so they start washing their hands repeatedly or attempting to maintain the cleanliness of the house. They are sensitive to any foreign substance present within their surrounding environment.
      In Islam, we must sustain purity before prayer. That means performing ablution or a full body ritual purification that is called 'ghusl'. Nevertheless, one may start developing doubts as to whether they are truly purified. Women may have doubts about discharge whilst men may begin to worry about excreting semen. Perhaps their clothes were impure, or that they passed gas during prayer. It could lead to repeatedly showering, performing ablution or using the bathroom more frequently. For the individual it is undoubtedly stressful and can lead to physical health problems, such as dry skin and hair as well as acne.
      The flashback memories of my past childhood always affects me till this day. I was born as a sensitive and naive child. Sensitivity is that one trait people often despise, even the carriers of it. I was faced with difficulties for self acceptance, because not only did I loathe my self for my overreacting personality, I was a victim of fat shaming. I wanted to feel happy, free of worries by claiming my desires. But unfortunately we do not live in a Utopian world; not everything we wish for can be granted, unless we choose to put the effort. I definitely take it to heart if someone still fat shamed me, even if it was merely a 'joke'. It evokes all my memories of self loathe, where I was rather too young to be feeling insecure followed by wasted effort from dieting and physical activity. We dislike being called sensitive despite us being fully aware. We refuse to admit our behaviours because we choose to not be defined by it. We feel weak, with no self control towards our impulses. When these emotions begin to overwhelm us, our mental health deteriorates. We feel violated if one makes a remark, which leads us being defensive.
      One must also understand that sensitive people can vary. Some are just easily emotional and have deep empathy, whereas others I previously mentioned have the tendency to take everything so personal. Normally these individuals have insecurities followed by low self esteem and hence their weakness is criticism. They are not skilled to ignore varying perceptions because they choose to listen to them and not their own conscious mind. It is the fear of judgement that they may receive.
      You may be wondering about its relevance to scrupulosity, but in some form it plays a role. Again, it is not necessarily the cause of the disorder and this is only an elucidation of my own personal experience. I investigated within myself and realised that one of the triggers towards OCD was my highly sensitive personality. Followed by the altering chemical changes, my overreactions led to repetitive self harm out of guilt and loathe. My personality may have been a stepping stone towards the disorder; the smallest of things I felt was a grave sin and through time it only had gotten worse.
      Do not let others define you, a very important lesson that I wish I had grasped years ago. People like to manipulate and make you feel bad, even though you may be the victim. That does not mean you should play its role, rather you should only believe in what your heart feels right. Sometimes we know that our very own mind controls us too and causes us to react or act in ways we regret later, but do not let the past define you. Every now and then I feel hurt from my own levels of faith, because when you have that love and dedication to the Lord, the judgements you receive will become meaningless.
       
       
    • By Hameedeh in Think Positive
         21
      Marriage is not easy. You have to get to know each other. You are used to doing everything your own way. Now you need to compromise. Share with each other. Give and take. If you take more than you give, it won't be as sweet. Do not expect more from your spouse than your spouse will need from you. Life is good. It's better when you are together. If you both do your best. 
      ♥ May your days be sunny, your nights restful, and your heart satisfied with the blessings that Allah has given you. Think Positive. ♥
    • By Muntazir e Mahdi in Bayaan e Muntazir
         0
      My eyes tear up at this kalaam... O Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)... Please reveal Imam Mahdi (عليه السلام) soon and make us amongst his supporters...
       
       
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