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Divorce for wrong reasons.


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#1 The Strategist

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 04:32 AM

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Many a couple divorce for wrong reasons. Sometimes trivial, selfish and stupid. Either initiated by men or by women, divorces have horrendous consequences on the lives of the divorcing couple and those of any children from the marriage.

The fallout is spiritual, emotional, social and material. This thread is intended to advertise some wisdom about the consequences of a marriage break up. Though permitted, divorce in Islam is highly discouraged and loathed. But still, divorce which is now pandemic in the West, has taken root in Islamic society as well. Lately, more and more marriages seem to end for weird reasons.

Are Muslims being influenced by the trends set by the West? Are Muslim couples becoming more selfish and individualistic? Are young Muslim couples naive and unaware of the impact divorce can have on the lives of those directly or indirectly involved?

Perhaps we can discuss the causes and consequences from various perspectives- Islamic and general- to make ourselves aware of what a divorce can do to us.

#2 metaphysical

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 05:26 AM

Money money money moooooooooney!!


MOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!!!

#3 Ya Aba 3abdillah

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 09:04 AM

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1 consequence, the throne of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì shudders due to divorces based on wrong reasons. If someone wants to be responsible for that, good luck to them on the day of qiyaama.

ws

#4 Nocturne

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 09:16 AM

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Divorce is a very Makrooh kind of thing. Our teacher once told us. Well he's Sunni & I don't know how much this authentic this is.
That Our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not like one thing in the Rulings of Islam & that is Talaaq. It's allowed in Islam but our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not like it at all.

#5 ansoo

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 06:20 PM

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From A bundle of Flowers

The Holy Prophet [s] said: "Marry and do not divorce because the Throne of heaven quakes from divorce."

Wasa'il ush Shiah, vol. 22, p. 9

Imam Sadiq [a] said: Allah, Almighty and Glorious, is pleased with the house wherein marriage takes place and is displeased with the house wherein divorce is found, and there is nothing with Allah more hateful than divorce."

Al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 54

The Holy Prophet [s] said: "Certainly, Allah, Almighty and Glorious, dislikes or curses any man or woman whose intention of divorce or marriage is merely tasting the pleasure of it."

The Holy Prophet [s] repeated this statement three times to emphasize that any man who divorces his wife for a new marriage and tasting the pleasure of the new wed, as well as if any woman who demands her divorce for the same purpose and marries another man, is involved in the curse of Allah.

Al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 54

The Holy Prophet [s] said: "The lady from the women of my Ummah who safely observes four traits deserves Heaven: if she protects her piety, obeys her husband, establishes her five cardinal prayers, and fasts in the month of Ramadan."

Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 104, p. 107


I'll be honest. I think one reason is awareness that women have gained. Where as in the past our cultures always said 'have patience' but now a days youth and others study and they realize that patience doesnt mean to sit quiet and take opression, but that we should stand up to opression. This awareness may lead to more divorces where as before women who suffered stayed married.

The other thing is, technology. Internet can be used for good things and bad and sadly I've now known 3-4 marriages being destroyed because of cheating spouses on the internet. However, the cheating spouse may have been unhappy in the marriage to begin with.

Are Muslims being influenced by the trends set by the West? Are Muslim couples becoming more selfish and individualistic? Are young Muslim couples naive and unaware of the impact divorce can have on the lives of those directly or indirectly involved?


I do agree with this. We never realize the consequence of an action until it is taken. I think this is why it is good to have a marriage contract with divorce clauses to make divorce not so easy especially if the other person is willing to make things work.

Hope that helps.

Ma'salaama

#6 BintAlHoda

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 08:13 PM

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i think the problem is not "divorce for the wrong reasons" but "marriage for the wrong reasons" (such as marrying someone because of their money, status, culture, family connections, etc which do not lead to happiness).

also, how do u know whether two people are divorcing for the "wrong" or the "right" reasons? how can u make that kind of value judgement? i have never even heard a hadith indicating what are the "wrong" or "right" reasons to divorce. after all, the husband and wife are the ones who are having to live their lives together day and night, and if one of them is not happy, then the marriage is going to be miserable and a source of pain for both of them instead of a source of solace and security.

#7 ansoo

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 09:27 PM

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^People do divorce for the wrong reason. There's a story that a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said I divorced my wife. The Prophet asked if she had done anything wrong and he said no. He then got re-married and repeated the same-divorce without reason. I think it happened 3 times and then the Prophet said Allah does not like divorce, out of the things allowed this is the most disliked thing. I'm sure someone has the exact story and hadeeth regarding the above manner. I know of quiet a few marrieges that really could have been saved.

Honestly, another reason is that men in Islam in general are allowed to divorce very easily, without reason as we even see in the above incident during the time of the Prophet and even today they are allowed to divorce very easily. Once again this is why clauses in marriage contracts often help.

Ma'salaama

#8 The Strategist

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 10:34 PM

Money money money moooooooooney!!
MOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Most eloquently put. No kidding!

#9 The Strategist

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Posted 06 June 2005 - 10:35 PM

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1 consequence, the throne of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì shudders due to divorces based on wrong reasons. If someone wants to be responsible for that, good luck to them on the day of qiyaama.

ws

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>



There are many spastics who would need that luck.

#10 huda

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Posted 07 June 2005 - 01:43 AM

i dont know the consequences of wronng marriages but what if a woman wants divorce badly and is not divorced for 5 years and has not been close to her husband during this period
our representatives in pak are useless people..............
they cant get a woman divorced they have there own [Edited Out] problems ...........
i posted earlier in this forum but no one answered no momin has anything to do for a momin..forget the momins the ulamas in pak need money nothing else
poor thing that woman is suffering

#11 The Strategist

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Posted 07 June 2005 - 02:00 AM

i dont know the consequences of wronng marriages but what if a woman wants divorce badly and is not divorced for 5 years and has not been close to her husband during this period
our representatives in pak are useless people..............
they cant get a woman divorced they have there own [Edited Out] problems ...........
i posted  earlier in this forum but no one answered no momin has anything to do for a momin..forget the momins the ulamas in pak need money nothing else
poor thing that woman is suffering

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>



There are avenues for a woman to seek divorce from a husband, without his permission, on several grounds in Islamic law. A Marja (or a Mujtahid as well(?)) can pronounce the divorce without the husbands consent, if he ( or she (?)) is satisfied that the grounds are legit.

If the woman is really suffering that badly and the Pakistani mullahs are not being helpful, making contact with a Marja in this day and age through the internet is not that difficult, is it?

#12 BintAlHoda

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Posted 07 June 2005 - 11:06 PM

There are avenues for a woman to seek divorce from a husband, without his permission, on several grounds in Islamic law. A Marja (or a Mujtahid as well(?)) can pronounce the divorce without the husbands consent, if he ( or she (?))  is satisfied that  the grounds are legit.

If the woman is really suffering that badly and the Pakistani mullahs are not being helpful, making contact with a Marja in this day and age through the internet is not that difficult, is it?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


the problem isn't just in pakistan. it happens EVERYWHERE. there may be avenues, but they've all got gigantic roadblocks on them.

#13 The Strategist

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Posted 08 June 2005 - 01:43 AM

the problem isn't just in pakistan.  it happens EVERYWHERE.  there may be avenues, but they've all got gigantic roadblocks on them.

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Most husbands would probably allow an unwilling wife to go her own way, if she persists on quitting. Is not easy for anyone- either the man or the woman- who wants to save the relationship to concede to a split. Divorce remains the most detested option in Islam.

No wonder there are huge gigantic roadblocks on available avenues. If women were to be granted divorce everytime they felt like it, the institution of marriage would have become like a hotel room. Or perhaps a short term lease apartment hotel at best. There would be new occupants every so often. Sounds outrageous? Just look at the divorce rates in most countries where the law has made divorce relatively easy to get. So much so, that marriage has lost its appeal altogether. Couples just cohabit as long as the honeymoon lasts and then move on.

But in cases where the wife genuinely needs some relief, I understand that the option
is available and exercised.



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