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Rawan91

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Salam Alyaikum,

I would really appreciate it if anyone can help me with what I am about to say.

I met this amazing guy at my college, and after getting to know him we really liked each other. I am two years older than him. We are both adults. We are aware that in Islam we can't date, so we both wanted to ask our parent's approval, to make it halal. We both have good intentions, and by no means we aren't rushing at all. He comes from a different section in Islam. I am a Shia, he is a Sunnie. We can coexist. I see no problem, at the end of the day we are both Muslims. He asked his parents, but they refused for several reasons. One of the main reasons is because I am older than him, and because I come from a different tradition. I am Lebanese, he is Syrian. His parents aren't giving me a chance. Once again we aren't rushing. We are also aware that we both aren't ready, but we have good intentions. & no one knows what the future hold in stores for us. All we asking for is acceptance to cointine to speak to one another, and if it becomes serious then we'll move from there. 

 Is there any way for his parents to agree? Any thoughts on this. Thank you, 

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Salaam Alaykum

Age difference is not an issue if both wife and husband understand and accept it. Religion difference is a big issue. Think more about that. My roomates are Sunni. I am living in a Sunni environment. My previous roommate had some kind of extremist views. From my experience of living with Sunnis, you definitely cannot say that guy is a good fit to you till you live with him, but after you get married, it's done.

Think carefully. You miss puting your head on his shoulder in Imam Reza shrine, you miss going to Karbala together, you miss talking with him about greatness of Imam Ali, you miss crying over Imam Hussain in Ashoura, you miss a lot of things.

I was in your position before, but I waited till I found an angle. I married her recently, and I am very happy with her. We have a lot of plans together to pray, to do zyarat, and so on. You cannot do most of the religious practices with a Sunni husband. I talk with my wife about Imam Hussain and ahlulbait. Think carefully on your decision.

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8 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

Age difference is not an issue if both wife and husband understand and accept it. Religion difference is a big issue. Think more about that. My roomates are Sunni. I am living in a Sunni environment. My previous roommate had some kind of extremist views. From my experience of living with Sunnis, you definitely cannot say that guy is a good fit to you till you live with him, but after you get married, it's done.

I can relate.

Personally I had a sunni friend who were really nice, and didn't hate me for me being Shia, but in the later years he quit talking to me, and before we like walked our different paths after high school, he came up with extreme thoughts, like agreeing with daesh, it is kind of scary tbh how a man can change... Hope Allah has mercy upon him, he was really a good guy, or maybe he still is...

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Ayatullah Sistani: It is not permissible to marry the people of the book with the obligatory precaution and it is permissible for the Sunni people if have no fear of distortion.

Imam  Khamenei fatwa is same as Ayatullah sistani

& the other Maraji say it is Makrooh.

http://www.islamquest.net/fa/archive/question/fa2203

Shia & sunni marriage pt1

Shia & sunni marriage pt2

Edited by Hameedeh
[Mod Note: The dark background on fonts may be removed by a Moderator.]

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I am speaking from personal experience, if his parents don't agree right now, they won't agree later on and will create problems for you. I went through the same thing as you, the guy wanted to convince his parents so he took 10 years of my life and in the end his parents still a manged to break everything. 

I strongly advise you to not waste time and distance yourself before you get too attached. 

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Fron a shariah perspective, it is permissible if there is not chance of you going astray. 

However, I strongly recommend against it. Your kids will be confused and end being neither shia not sunni. 

Lots of others problems as well.

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Salam,

the age gap really shouldn't be a problem. Since you are both mature and aware adults who are in agreement then age shouldn't matter.

But, despite both of you being Muslims, believe me when I say marrying a man from a different sect of Islam really isn't easy. I understand your thoughts that the both of you are muslims and hence share the majority of beliefs, and you're right. But you'd be surprised to see how many differences exist between the two. Sharing a life with someone and potentially having kids in the future will be difficult because whose way will you be teaching the kids? During ramadan, whose calender will you be following as a family, which masjids will you attend?

These questions might not be a problem for you if simple things like this don't matter and thats great! Its great if the both of you can merge and understand your differences positively.

However, the most important thing in my opinion is having acceptance from the parents and if his parents arent willing to accept you already now simply because your a Shia Lebanese. then thats a sign to back out. They might end up accepting after much convincing, but after that, things still wont ever be "normal" and "accepting" if that makes sense.

Goodluck. 

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