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Marriage - Bias against women who do not wear veil

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8 minutes ago, .InshAllah. said:

As a mother, she will have a big impact on the children.  If she doesnt wear hijab then her daughters are unlikely to aswell.  For me thats not acceptable 

Fair input brother, thank you for your view.  So would you say even someone who is otherwise more respectful, more genuine, has better moral values, and would be far more compatible would still require to wear the Hijab , else even those good qualities would be off-set? I was having a debate with a few brothers, and i can see both sides to this.

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13 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Salam,

What is your view about the bias against women who do not wear the veil, when it comes to marriage, even if they are otherwise decent in other aspects? 

I think it’s sad, since you never know what another person is going through. 

Many nonhijabis have considered wearing the hijab, and no one’s personal opinion should override the person’s journey to become closer to Allah. Many brothers reject girls based on her not wearing hijab, not considering her character qualities or general compatibility.

Islam is not a religion of appearances. Islam is a religion on how to perfect one’s character.

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3 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I think it’s sad, since you never know what another person is going through. 

Many nonhijabis have considered wearing the hijab, and no one’s personal opinion should override the person’s journey to become closer to Allah. Many brothers reject girls based on her not wearing hijab, not considering her character qualities or general compatibility.

Islam is not a religion of appearances. Islam is a religion on how to perfect one’s character.

Thanks for your view sister. I mean i personally have no doubt that many women who do not wear the Hijab are - and can be- better in values, more genuine , more respectful and the like. However the debate is, does not covering the hair off-set that anyway. I'm here to just see the varying opinions. 

I know some brothers who have settled for Hijabis but have told me they had felt non-Hijabi prospects would have been better, but it was a shame about the scarf. I'm curious to examine this.

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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18 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I think it’s sad, since you never know what another person is going through. 

Many nonhijabis have considered wearing the hijab, and no one’s personal opinion should override the person’s journey to become closer to Allah. Many brothers reject girls based on her not wearing hijab, not considering her character qualities or general compatibility.

Islam is not a religion of appearances. Islam is a religion on how to perfect one’s character.

living prove of this.

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3 minutes ago, LadyNadine said:

Islam is not a religion of appearances. Islam is a religion on how to perfect one’s character

Don't you think islam is a compete religion, which gives compete etiquette of appearance and character? If answer is Yes, inner and outer both Hijabs are wajib.

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45 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

What is your view about the bias against women who do not wear the veil

By veil I guess you mean the hijab.

For me it's the same as rejecting a potential spouse if she/he doesn't pray namaz,or fast or doesn't give zakat or khums. 

[EDIT] and I wouldn't call it a bias. It's a perfectly valid reason.

 

Edited by starlight

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1 hour ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Salam,

What is your view about the bias against women who do not wear the veil, when it comes to marriage, even if they are otherwise decent in other aspects? 

There is a lot of biases against women who do not wear it. A lot see the hijab as a symbol of islam, which in a way it is. However, what I have notice among people, they have forgotten the "deen". We talk about deen being important, and how both male and females should fear Allah. Have good manners and morals. When she does not wear the veil, they brush aside her good character or deen and simply turn her down.

What if she is a good person?

Dress modest

Believes in Allah and fears him

Is a good shia

Respect her elders

Prays

Fast

Give to the poor

But because she doesn't wear the veil, she isn't consider to be a good muslim or person. In most of the lectures and mosques I have gone to, no one talks about deen anymore. It is rarely ever discussed, especially when choosing a spouse. We list qualities we want in a spouse, but we don't talk about her character it selves. 

It is quite sad...

Edited by LadyNadine

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25 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

However the debate is, does not covering the hair off-set that anyway.

However the debate is, does not covering what Allah has told you to cover and act modest off-set that anyway.

Fixed^^

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1 hour ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Salam,

What is your view about the bias against women who do not wear the veil, when it comes to marriage, even if they are otherwise decent in other aspects? 

I strongly support my wife if she wants to wear veil. She makes me happy.

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2 hours ago, starlight said:

By veil I guess you mean the hijab.

For me it's the same as rejecting a potential spouse if she/he doesn't pray namaz,or fast or doesn't give zakat or khums. 

[EDIT] and I wouldn't call it a bias. It's a perfectly valid reason.

 

I think to your list you must add also: 

1. Backbites 

2. Doesn't connect

3. Lazy

4. Doesn't have good core values

5. Isn't a genuinely good human being

If someone does all the Wajibaat, goes Ziyarah, and then you find them gossiping about other women like its a fun-fair over Biryani with their 'sisters' , if you can't connect with them, if they don't make an effort, if they don't seem self-less, those are just as bad in my eyes and the religious part is dust.

However you make a valid point, i don't disagree with you.  I just think anyone who goes into a marriage on outward piety is taking a massive risk. 

The idea isn't to be happy though is it, this world is only temporary i guess, so one must sacrifice.

Edited by Intellectual Resistance

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If i could give one narrative of so-called 'outward religious people' who turned out to be horrible spouses, both male and female, it would fill these boards.

This doesn't detract from Wajb being Wajib, i'm just curious about opinions here. Nothing more. 

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3 hours ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Fair input brother, thank you for your view.  So would you say even someone who is otherwise more respectful, more genuine, has better moral values, and would be far more compatible would still require to wear the Hijab , else even those good qualities would be off-set? I was having a debate with a few brothers, and i can see both sides to this.

For me there are red-lines, and not wearing hijab is one of them.  I have no doubt that there are amazing women who are extremely pious but dont wear the hijab.  However good they are though, the question is whether you would be okay with your potential daughters also shunning the hijab.  If you marry a women who doesnt wear hijab, your daughters probably wont either.  Is that something you would be okay with?

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6 hours ago, .InshAllah. said:

For me there are red-lines, and not wearing hijab is one of them.  I have no doubt that there are amazing women who are extremely pious but dont wear the hijab.  However good they are though, the question is whether you would be okay with your potential daughters also shunning the hijab.  If you marry a women who doesnt wear hijab, your daughters probably wont either.  Is that something you would be okay with?

I wouldn't be okay with that at all. However i guess philosophically i was wondering what is marriage in Islam? Is it supposed to be finding someone you connect with, who is otherwise a believer, who can be self-less and who you can build a solid foundation with, or is it about just finding someone who is otherwise okay, flawed, but covers her hair, maybe because of nothing more and nothing less than that was her upbringing and cultural pressure.

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You can chose someone who has good akhlaq etc but does not wear hijab.

You can chose someone who wears hijab but has poor akhlaq etc.

Or you can chose someone with good akhlaq and hijab.

The guidelines for women, set by the creator of universe and everything in it, are the women of Ahlul Bayt(as), they had hijab and perfect akhlaq. Hijab is not negotiable as far as I am concerned, not for us Shias who have hadiths that supports the verses of the Holy Quran.

That doesnt mean that I am going to force anyone to wear hijab but it means I have the liberty of choosing who I marry and who I divorce.

This is not a matter of personal opinion its a matter of submission to the command of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى.

There is not a lack of women in the world so why not chose one that has both? You will live to regret it if you chose wrong.

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3 hours ago, LadyNadine said:

There is a lot of biases against women who do not wear it. A lot see the hijab as a symbol of islam, which in a way it is. However, what I have notice among people, they have forgotten the "deen". We talk about deen being important, and how both male and females should fear Allah. Have good manners and morals. When she does not wear the veil, they brush aside her good character or deen and simply turn her down.

What if she is a good person?

Dress modest

Believes in Allah and fears him

Is a good shia

Respect her elders

Prays

Fast

Give to the poor

But because she doesn't wear the veil, she isn't consider to be a good muslim or person. In most of the lectures and mosques I have gone to, no one talks about deen anymore. It is rarely ever discussed, especially when choosing a spouse. We list qualities we want in a spouse, but we don't talk about her character it selves. 

It is quite sad...

No one has any input on what I have said?

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4 hours ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Salam,

What is your view about the bias against women who do not wear the veil, when it comes to marriage, even if they are otherwise decent in other aspects? 

Salam 

i am going to honest 

It’s their choice some men don’t like every single person to know and look at their wife 

so for them it’s a big no to marry a woman like that 

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It is very important, because not wearing hijab while knowing it is a sin not to is fisq (so she is now a fasiqa). And one of the preferences is that a woman you marry has to be righteous.

People who wish to pretend otherwise are incorrect.

And it's not like it is only a one way issue. It goes for men as well - a woman should prefer a man who is righteous as well over a open sinner.

Say two men proposed to a woman, they were equal in everything except one of them wears a gold chain while knowing it is a sin. She should marry the one who doesn't wear the gold chain.

Every sin matters. And righteousness should always be a key to marriage.

Edited by Sumerian

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 There are people whom are not religious but are way better than muslims. 

Personally I want a girl with hijab cause I find it attractive. And It will teach my daughter to do the same.

No offense to girls who don't wear, but then again, they need to rethink... Who are they trying to please? Allah or the guys or the girls around them.

Exposing yourself to a man... can be fatal, just saying, that is a sin, I think. 

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I think there is also lot of bias against women who wear hijab, trust me!

Literally all my female cousins don't wear hijab (apart from one religious one).

My dad prefers me to marry a woman who doesn't wear hijab as he feels hijab is not necessary in this day and age. 

But to answer your question, It really depends on why the girl chooses not to wear it. Maybe some women feel judged and have always wanted to wear it - but their parents didn't let them due to some odd reason.

However if she doesn't wear it out of arrogance by stating "Quran doesn't mention hijab" - then it's a big NO from me.

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2 hours ago, Sumerian said:

a sin not to is fisq (so she is now a fasiqa). And one of the preferences is that a woman y

That is quite the accusation to make. Not everyone who sins is a fasiq. 

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10 hours ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Salam,

What is your view about the bias against women who do not wear the veil, when it comes to marriage, even if they are otherwise decent in other aspects? 

Nobody says anything about men not being pious enough because they don’t have a beard or a lighter beard.  

Quite frankly hijab or no hijab, everyone has their own level of faith

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2 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

Nobody says anything about men not being pious enough because they don’t have a beard or a lighter beard.  

Beard isn't wajib.Hijab is wajib. 

And why do we even compare men and women. Apples and oranges. Different bodies, different brains, different roles in society, different set of rules from Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى 

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