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Islandsandmirrors

Many woman are not maternal

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Working with kids at my old job, I’ve observed lots of parents and have seen different parenting styles. 

What I’ve noticed is that many mothers have parenting styles that I don’t agree with, and I’m starting to believe, now more than ever, that some people should never be parents. Many woman who become first time parents after the age of 30, not all, but some, tend to take-out their frustration on their children more often than not and tend to be “hellicopter parents”.

I had one mother (who was nearing 50 with a six or seven year old daughter) demand why I was trying to hand out her daughter a sticker (it was our job to hand out a sticker to every child as to promote our educational program for kids.) and that she wanted to speak to my manager and when I said “it’s my job.” She said that “well, rapists hand out candy.” (Imagine: it was at a children’s kiosk at a mall.)  

then there are mothers who are not maternal, but have kids mostly because they feel the pressure of their biological clock ticking. There’s a difference, in my opinion, between wanting kids because you really, really love kids and wanting to start your own family, and people who follow what society tells them—live it up in your 20s, don’t think about commitment or marriage or starting a family until after you’re perfectly established and you’re 30 or over, and just mess with guys until you’re getting older then find a good guy. The latter should never be mothers. These moms tend to also think of motherhood as a massive burden in general and wish they could still live it up. 

Theres nothing wrong with some woman not wanting to be mothers. But it is wrong to become a mother just because of pressure. It’s the same as desperately trying to find commitment after living it up—it shouldn’t be expected to find a good person. 

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Salam

my son is very attached to me he has seperation anxiety i try taking him to places to try getting him to seperate some think I’m smothering him when really I’m trying to get him to be social like I sit next to him at his playgroup if I don’t sit next to him he won’t play at all he will not enjoy anything 

Some misunderstand my situation 

i find people with kids understand abit more as to those who don’t 

also I may add my son don’t like people who he don’t know to touching him very quickly 

he will scream and cry 

my son prefers to know people before they get touch him 

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I do agree with you that parents should have kids out of love and not because of social pressure.

However this whole idea that "helicopter parenting is ruining children" is very exaggerated and not true. This whole rage on "helicopter parents" has a lot of cultural bias associated with it. Just because some cultures emphasis on the child to be independent doesn't imply that we take it as our worldview. 

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2 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

live it up in your 20s, don’t think about commitment or marriage or starting a family until after you’re perfectly established and you’re 30 or over, and just mess with guys until you’re getting older then find a good guy. The latter should never be mothers. These moms tend to also think of motherhood as a massive burden in general and wish they could still live it up. 

I know a lot of people both male and female who have done this and they themselves still wish to continue to have a “live it up” attitude even after the fact that they’re 30 and in Australia it’s all about having a live it up attitude even if you have children to care for.  In Australia this used to be the mainstream to not have to worry about kids until you’re 30 and in some cases still is, however, a growing trend of young Aussie people in this generation often establish a career quite young, get married and have started to have kids in their mid/early twenties. I have cousins who have married and have had kids young and they make great parents. 

I certainly won’t be a “helicopter parent” when I have kids one day atleast not in the traditional sense like I am not going to question a woman who hands my child a sticker and bring up rapists lol. I will be there for my son/daughter when she or he wants to try something new and I will give them plenty of space to discover who they are and want they want to do in life and whatever they wish to do I will guide them with all the love I will have for them but I’ll be hovering around to help them with their mistakes. I find it very heartbreaking when some parents force their kids to do something they don’t wish to do. I know a person and he wants to be a chef but his parents are putting pressure on him to go to University but the hospitality industry is his passion and he is too scared to speak with his parents. 

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We first tell women to become mothers. They feel so much pressure and when they finally decide to become a mother, then we make motherhood this impossible job and constantly tell women: why did you become a mother? You are so bad at this job, why did you make this bad decision. You ruined your child's life, you ruined everyone's life who will ever interact with your child, because you failed to make him a perfect human being. You changed the course of history, whole mankind by that one decision when you decided to become a mother. 

Wouldn't it be better if we start a training like they do in space programs, or in army, where we can give each woman some challenges to see if she qualifies to be a mother and then we allow her to make this decision. The minute a woman decides to become a mother, she should get super powers and become a saint. She is never allowed to feel sad again, she should never become tired, and she should certainly never become frustrated no matter how much emotional, physical or psychological abuse she is dealing with. No, for the next 10-15 years, she is not allowed to feel any emotions. It's so funny to see people who have only few hours of experience with baby sitting, judging women who deal with mother hood for years. Unless you have children of your own, you are not allowed to judge mothers. 

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13 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

nless you have children of your own, you are not allowed to judge mothers. 

I am allowed to judge mother’s various parenting styles that I do not agree with. 

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It's become a rat race these days. I just want to point out, Millennial parents will be more in debt, less able to afford homes, less better off than the 'Baby boomers'. Their kids, generation X, will live in what i think is the ultimate rat race and a society that is ultra competitive with overcrowding. Universities are getting much harder to get into. Entrance requirements just increase. Jobs are scarce to find. Even martial prospects - and i don't even know how that seems to even work proportionally. Put that aside, enemies of Shia Islam are growing, being more vocal and attacking us, putting some incredible pressure. Enemies of Islam are on the rise, Atheism is on the rise, much we stand for is being considered 7th century and religion as a whole is being abandoned wholesale. 

If you leave kid to themselves, generation X in particular is going to badly regret it.  They need parents who can go out of their way to push them, motivate them, and make them shake out of mediocrity.  We are living in tough times and its only going to get harder.  Push your kids, but don't break them.  They might strop and be angry, but when they hit their early 20s they are going to thank God they had you as parents. Then you can let them fly and stand a chance in this rat race.

Helicopter parenting when done right, allows the child to be independent, developing on their own, but injects urgency and stimulus when required.  Smothering is doing it wrong and has no value but for your own paranoia. However, considering the number of Shias who smoke, date, do drugs, don't work hard , put alone the number of non-Shia that do that, parents must be vigilant. 

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Anyone is allowed to judge anyone, but those judgements don't have to be considered by the one accused.

I'm an easy-going mom. My teenage son has friends whose parents still won't let them cross a road alone, and he has friends whose parents don't even seem to pay any attention to what the kids are doing. In my opinion a middle path is best. Let kids learn from mistakes sometimes, but give them structure and guidance. 

Maybe my way isn't best for everyone. It's best for me and my family. If I see someone parenting in a way I disagree with, probably the best thing to do is to talk with them. Maybe they have reasons, or maybe they never learned any other way. If someone sees me do something they think is wrong, I'd appreciate them asking me about it. One or both of us might learn something. 

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24 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

No, for the next 10-15 years, she is not allowed to feel any emotions. It's so funny to see people who have only few hours of experience with baby sitting, judging women who deal with mother hood for years. Unless you have children of your own, you are not allowed to judge mothers. 

Sounds applicable to Pakistan, I am not sure about the United States. We have a different issue, namely irresponsible women becoming mothers and wanting to live it up and throwing tantrums and hitting their children when the reality gets in the way of wanting to party with her girlfriends. A woman has done this and gotten away with murder. (Casey Anthony)

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I am sorry, I didn't read the incident @Islandsandmirrors mentioned. I was reading topics against feminism and western culture, I thought this  was another topic for bashing women. This topic is about helicopter parenting. I apologize, I just hear and read a lot of stuff just blaming women and mothers for a lot of things. @Gaius I. Caesar In US, women also deal with emotional and other kinds of abuse, they become frustrated with their children not because they think of them as burden, but because they have to fulfill responsibilities while dealing with abuse. 

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52 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Helicopter parenting when done right, allows the child to be independent, developing on their own

I think you have a different view on what is considered to be “helicopter parenting” as studies have shown that it increases anxiety and low self-esteem in growing adults. Helicopter parenting is not the same as being a protective or cautious parent. 

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I am allowed to judge mother’s various parenting styles that I do not agree with. 

And what exactly are you judging on 

I know it’s easy to say when I am a mother I’ll do this and that 

one shoe does not fit all unless you understand the families circumstances 

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