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Mohammad-f

How to avoid haraam in western world

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Salaam,

As I was not satisfied with my education in my country, Iran, I have decided to study my Master's degree in Europe or America, but the problem is that I am not sure if I can save my beliefs and faith there, and I am not sure if I can avoid doing haraam.

My questions are:

1- If you are not sure about the effect of immigration on your faith, is it considered Ta'arob ba'ad al hijrah (تعرب بعد الهجره), and therefore the immigration itself is considered a sin?

2- I am still single. Do you suggest me to get married and then immigrate to start studying in Europe or the USA? (I personally think that getting married will become a great barrier in my educational life, and may stop me from continuing education, but may have some good effects while I live in another country, like not being alone, and getting away from haraam sexual desires)

3- One of the things I am concerned about is how to manage myself to avoid some sins that are considered normal in the western culture. For example, how can I avoid shaking hand with the opposite gender, when in many cases, it is regarded really impolite to avoid doing so, and also in many cases, you do not have enough time to speak about the reason you do not shake hand with the person expected you to do so. 

4- As people living in a non-Muslim country, what are your suggestions to keep your beliefs, avoid sins and being a real Muslim? 

Thank you, 

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I personally think you can immigrate to a non-Muslim country and be twice as religious compared to living in a non-Muslim country. I personally live in Australia and I'm happy to call myself an Australian Muslim.

You know here we have harram all around us. It is literally so easy for me to walk into a bar, go to a night club etc. But despite all this our love for Allah is so great that we don't even feel the need of committing such a horrible act.

You have all sorts of Musims living in the West, ones that come in and literally  forget their values by doing everything harram, or ones who fear Allah and safeguard themselves from any kind of harram act.

It really depends on you and your belief. If you truly love Allah and our holy Imams (as), then no one can ever snatch the sweetness of your Iman.

Here in the West you also have some very respectful people. I find some outsiders more accepting than my own siblings. I also have a prayer room provided by my University so I am able to pray while I'm at Uni.

You can also take leadership roles in your local Shia community, take initiatives to spread the message of Ahlulbayt (as) etc. 

So there should be nothing stopping you from migrating to a non-Muslim country. Haven't you heard the saying  "Every day is Ashura and every land is Karbala"? 

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3 hours ago, Mohammad-f said:

Salaam,

As I was not satisfied with my education in my country, Iran, I have decided to study my Master's degree in Europe or America, but the problem is that I am not sure if I can save my beliefs and faith there, and I am not sure if I can avoid doing haraam.

My questions are:

1- If you are not sure about the effect of immigration on your faith, is it considered Ta'arob ba'ad al hijrah (تعرب بعد الهجره), and therefore the immigration itself is considered a sin?

2- I am still single. Do you suggest me to get married and then immigrate to start studying in Europe or the USA? (I personally think that getting married will become a great barrier in my educational life, and may stop me from continuing education, but may have some good effects while I live in another country, like not being alone, and getting away from haraam sexual desires)

3- One of the things I am concerned about is how to manage myself to avoid some sins that are considered normal in the western culture. For example, how can I avoid shaking hand with the opposite gender, when in many cases, it is regarded really impolite to avoid doing so, and also in many cases, you do not have enough time to speak about the reason you do not shake hand with the person expected you to do so. 

4- As people living in a non-Muslim country, what are your suggestions to keep your beliefs, avoid sins and being a real Muslim? 

Thank you, 

Sayyid Sistani states that you're allowed to shake hands with the opposite gender only if there is a barrier, so like wearing gloves while shaking with the opposite sex is permissible. 

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3 hours ago, Mohammad-f said:

Salaam,

As I was not satisfied with my education in my country, Iran, I have decided to study my Master's degree in Europe or America, but the problem is that I am not sure if I can save my beliefs and faith there, and I am not sure if I can avoid doing haraam.

My questions are:

1- If you are not sure about the effect of immigration on your faith, is it considered Ta'arob ba'ad al hijrah (تعرب بعد الهجره), and therefore the immigration itself is considered a sin?

2- I am still single. Do you suggest me to get married and then immigrate to start studying in Europe or the USA? (I personally think that getting married will become a great barrier in my educational life, and may stop me from continuing education, but may have some good effects while I live in another country, like not being alone, and getting away from haraam sexual desires)

3- One of the things I am concerned about is how to manage myself to avoid some sins that are considered normal in the western culture. For example, how can I avoid shaking hand with the opposite gender, when in many cases, it is regarded really impolite to avoid doing so, and also in many cases, you do not have enough time to speak about the reason you do not shake hand with the person expected you to do so. 

4- As people living in a non-Muslim country, what are your suggestions to keep your beliefs, avoid sins and being a real Muslim? 

Thank you, 

 The best question ever, Haram is sooo much in west..

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9 hours ago, Mohammad-f said:

Salaam,

As I was not satisfied with my education in my country, Iran, I have decided to study my Master's degree in Europe or America, but the problem is that I am not sure if I can save my beliefs and faith there, and I am not sure if I can avoid doing haraam.

My questions are:

1- If you are not sure about the effect of immigration on your faith, is it considered Ta'arob ba'ad al hijrah (تعرب بعد الهجره), and therefore the immigration itself is considered a sin?

2- I am still single. Do you suggest me to get married and then immigrate to start studying in Europe or the USA? (I personally think that getting married will become a great barrier in my educational life, and may stop me from continuing education, but may have some good effects while I live in another country, like not being alone, and getting away from haraam sexual desires)

3- One of the things I am concerned about is how to manage myself to avoid some sins that are considered normal in the western culture. For example, how can I avoid shaking hand with the opposite gender, when in many cases, it is regarded really impolite to avoid doing so, and also in many cases, you do not have enough time to speak about the reason you do not shake hand with the person expected you to do so. 

4- As people living in a non-Muslim country, what are your suggestions to keep your beliefs, avoid sins and being a real Muslim? 

Thank you, 

The key is finding a good Muslim community to be with and to find good Muslim friends to socialize with. 

In regards to sexuality. You may need to consider Mutah. But this is your call. And you have to be able to judge your own desires. If you do want to pursue Mutah then maybe there might be some either online or offline Mutah networks that you can be a part of in order to find a sister. I would suggest asking around on this website for such resources. Since walking up to a sister randomly is very jarring to say the least. 

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23 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

The key is finding a good Muslim community to be with and to find good Muslim friends to socialize with. 

In regards to sexuality. You may need to consider Mutah. But this is your call. And you have to be able to judge your own desires. If you do want to pursue Mutah then maybe there might be some either online or offline Mutah networks that you can be a part of in order to find a sister. I would suggest asking around on this website for such resources. Since walking up to a sister randomly is very jarring to say the least. 

How to find such a community you mentioned? I am a Shia. 

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9 hours ago, Mohammad-f said:

How to find such a community you mentioned? I am a Shia. 

Well, I would suggest private messaging some of the moderators here and telling them where you are moving to. Then they should be able to connect you to users who live there and can help you. 

Also you could just Google which Shia masjids will be in your area. Then go to these masjids and from there you can figure things out. 

Though I will warn you that you may have to get used to Shia communities of other ethnicities. And since Desi Shia communities are the most numerous compared to Iranian communities, you may need to adjust to new cultures since you may not always get to find a practicing Iranian community. But most if not all of these communities can communicate in English so there is no language barrier. 

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One word be an unmoveable object.Your faith is an unmoveable object.

I am currently studying in the West and I am a visible minority.Not only am I a woman wearing a hijab but my field is also predominently male.

In your third point you said :

On 1/14/2018 at 3:30 AM, Mohammad-f said:

3- One of the things I am concerned about is how to manage myself to avoid some sins that are considered normal in the western culture. For example, how can I avoid shaking hand with the opposite gender, when in many cases, it is regarded really impolite to avoid doing so, and also in many cases, you do not have enough time to speak about the reason you do not shake hand with the person expected you to do so. 

first of all :its a sin.So honestly I dont care two cents if its normal here or not.What I realised after coming here is that it depends on you and solely on you.For me I do not shake hands with men and when one presents his hands I just say no.yes simply no.usually they look at me for a few seconds and they get embarassed and then they move on and nobody mentions it again.Sometimes they even try another form of greeting like a bow or clasping their hands and I think hmm this might be a good person, and it sort of became a measure of judging for me.Trust me its very easy to weed out the racist bigot from the lot then.Saves you a lot of headache and secondguessing later on.

My advice is since you are a man (I assume from your name) dont shake hands with either women or men and you dont need to justify yourself or your believes to anybody.I noticed in the early days that the times where I just said no clearly and  politely bordering on being brutally frank were the times I was  respected and valued as opposed to the times  when I got red in the face and looked embarassed.Because in the end what do I have to be embarassed for?This is me,this is my religion and those are my believes take it or leave it for I wont change for you.

dont do 

طاعة المخلوق في معصية الخالق 

Another point (bare with me I know I am ranting here but this really is close to home for me)

When I came here there was a lot of talk of cultural shock (phase one is of course complete and utter admiration ad enthrallement by their so called democarcy freedom progress bla bla ...)

I remember the first day we had a guided tour in my university ,its one of the best in the country so you can imagine it was pretty grand with all the technology you could dream about, and then I asked if there was a prayer room and guess what do I get ? guess just guess.go on

the dirty floor of the security stairs landing where the closest toilet is 3 floors up.

why ? why you ask ? because apparently this is a "laicque " society.Then what about the 2 churches annexed to the uni and  the megachurch down the street(I am not even kidding,I wish I was kidding).

Fine , not a problem thank God I live around the block.

And then I go to buy my first groceries and what do I see in the streets in -24C december weather beggars wearing sleevless shirts.Old and young,of all ethnicities.

and do you know what their views on giving money to those beggars are :Me? giving money to them?! so they can buy drugs and booze? OMG! Why are they allowed in the metro station after closing time (-30C weather)?its going to smell of rot and excrement tommorrow dont they have shelters for them?

shelters ?yes they have shelters,I know of them and you know what, they treat their animals better than they treat those مساكين in those shelters.

I have a third point about the food, to go to my classes in a certain part of the uni I have to pass the food court ,everytime I pass it (almost daily) there is a certain smell that lingers , that is so strong I almost feel its precense at this point it has become part of the walls.At first i thought it was uncleanliness or something but then  they are sticklers for the law  and following codes here so that must not be it.Then I realised it was pork and non halal meat.

And so everytime our professor  asked about cultural shock and which phase of integration *cough* assimilation and mental slavery we where in,all I saw were those beggars,'that prayer room' and I swear sometimes I could smell pork and of course I had to keep a blank expression on my face while all I could think of was you hypocrite you build this country on blood lies and ظلم and you call yourself civilised and whats more you want us to call you civilised.

You are Iranian, correct ? You should be proud, you should hold you head high because you probably are the only country to have made a true revolution in the past century.Your men and women are speakers of truth and of justice and I think that what the past days/ decades have proven that the Iranian people are dispite and inspite of the attacks by the rest of the world you are  one of the most conscious and aware people in the world.

Do you think they know about whats going on in Syria ,Iraq, about the unspeakable ظلم happening in Yemen and Palestine and Nigeria and Rohinga ? 

Do you think they know  what their darling military is really doing in our lands ?

No , they dont and they probably never will and they will end their lives just as they lived them as empty mindless sheep فهم كالانعام .eventhough god gave them countless opportunities to turn to light (because god is just).

You know they see the hijab and they think naive,religious (negative connotation here) or worse terrorist and different/other.

they see the color of my skin and my name and they think inferior and ignorant.

Fine underestimate us all for all I care.Because  one day Imam Al Mahdi will come عجل الله فرجه الشريف and he will end your tyranny and truth will shine and you will reap what you sowed

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Wasalam!

Born and raised in the west I can tell you from my perspective that for most sinful acts I never recognised as sins in the first place. I used to support gay marriage and other sinful acts like abortion. I used to think it was all normal until I discovered Islam and its understanding of human nature and Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى made me think about my place in the world and have so much regret for all the ignorance I had of Islam. The first time I prayed I cried for the hate I used to speak of Islam and it’s holy prophet which I feel as forgiven me and for this until my last breath and then in the hereafter I will forever be a Muslim. Brother when you are in the West always have something on you to remember Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and the Ahlulbayt and you will never go astray inshallah. I always have a Zulfiqar around my wrist when I go out to remember who I am..one who submits to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى 

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@Mohammad-f

Salaam Alaykum brother

I am Iranian student studying in US for masters degree. I know what you mean.

1. Follow your marji for exact ruling. I can't help you with this. I'm afraid to say something which is not correct.

2. DEFINITELY marry then come here. I go to Iranian mosque and see a lot of girls and guys around 30 who are still single. Don't come alone. Loneliness doesn't kill you, but give you something similar feeling. My friend who is 32 years old and single told me:" My friends in US told me to marry before coming US, but I didn't listen. Now I regret what I did". Don't come single. Wife is not a barrier for your education. She helps you a lot not only sexually, but also in your education progress. I was a perfect student back in my university, but this loneliness affected on my education here. There was an Iranian girl here in mosque, 33 years old and single. She said:" what is US? I wanna live in Iran". Her mother said she wants to live in Iran for 6 months. These are all results of loneliness and acting against your natural needs.

Advantages of having wife is not just sex, loneliness, and progress in education. It's far more than that. I'm alone in US, and I know what I mean.

3. I do not shake hand with women here, and it is not impolite. I didn't shake hand with department staff one day and she said:" That is the beauty of differences". She was OK with that. I told her that it's not personal. It's just following my religion. I didn't shake hand at two job interviews. I didn't shake hand at my internship. One time I told my CEO to take the wine out of the table. My religion doesn't let me to sit behind a table that there's a wine on it.

Brother, if you make a big deal out of these rudimentary things in your mind, they will become HUGE.

4. I do night prayers here and try to avoid sins. It's possible IF you really want it.

I just have one suggestion. When you come here, don't forget your country and where you come from. Don't forget religion. This is also important, know people first, then be friend with them. 

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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I’m so tired the West This-the West that, as if non-western countries are perfect and not immoral. 

People in non-western countries just hide their sins better due to public and societal/familial shame. 

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On 1/15/2018 at 11:20 PM, Islandsandmirrors said:

I’m so tired the West This-the West that, as if non-western countries are perfect and not immoral. 

People in non-western countries just hide their sins better due to public and societal/familial shame. 

You do have a point.

Largest consumers of Internet porn are a lot of conservative Muslim majority countries. For example Pakistan.

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On 1/16/2018 at 5:52 AM, starlight said:

How did you come up with this? Do you have any stats?

Google named Pakistan as a top porn searching nation. There is a lot on this.

Whether this is true or not - isn't relevant to me because I just wanna get my point across that even Muslims in conservative countries can consume porn.

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5 minutes ago, starlight said:

3.jpg.b785d9af1a2173f7a9e84df7a21d09d9.jpg

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Yeah. You are right.Muslim countries are in the list. 

Actually Pakistan doesn't have high porn consumers as of recent times. Maybe all the hype that Pakistan is a top porn searching nation is just propaganda (who knows).

But yeah the truth is that Middle Eastern countries do consume a lot of porn.

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1 hour ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Actually Pakistan doesn't have high porn consumers as of recent times. Maybe all the hype that Pakistan is a top porn searching nation is just propaganda (who knows).

But yeah the truth is that Middle Eastern countries do consume a lot of porn.

 When they use vpn it counted as user from other Country so maybe not included in the list this a problem that countries such as Iran & Pakistan suffers from that.

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On 1/15/2018 at 10:51 PM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

@Mohammad-f

Salaam Alaykum brother

I am Iranian student studying in US for masters degree. I know what you mean.

1. Follow your marji for exact ruling. I can't help you with this. I'm afraid to say something which is not correct.

2. DEFINITELY marry then come here. I go to Iranian mosque and see a lot of girls and guys around 30 who are still single. Don't come alone. Loneliness doesn't kill you, but give you something similar feeling. My friend who is 32 years old and single told me:" My friends in US told me to marry before coming US, but I didn't listen. Now I regret what I did". Don't come single. Wife is not a barrier for your education. She helps you a lot not only sexually, but also in your education progress. I was a perfect student back in my university, but this loneliness affected on my education here. There was an Iranian girl here in mosque, 33 years old and single. She said:" what is US? I wanna live in Iran". Her mother said she wants to live in Iran for 6 months. These are all results of loneliness and acting against your natural needs.

Advantages of having wife is not just sex, loneliness, and progress in education. It's far more than that. I'm alone in US, and I know what I mean.

3. I do not shake hand with women here, and it is not impolite. I didn't shake hand with department staff one day and she said:" That is the beauty of differences". She was OK with that. I told her that it's not personal. It's just following my religion. I didn't shake hand at two job interviews. I didn't shake hand at my internship. One time I told my CEO to take the wine out of the table. My religion doesn't let me to sit behind a table that there's a wine on it.

Brother, if you make a big deal out of these rudimentary things in your mind, they will become HUGE.

4. I do night prayers here and try to avoid sins. It's possible IF you really want it.

I just have one suggestion. When you come here, don't forget your country and where you come from. Don't forget religion. This is also important, know people first, then be friend with them. 

Salaam,

Brother have you considered marrying a Shia non-iranian woman? Maybe you are limiting your options that way. I do understand that there might be somewhat of a culture barrier but if she was born and raised in the West she should be able to adjust as should you adjust. For example, maybe you could try seeing if there is a woman willing to marry you in a Desi Shia community. 

Perhaps maybe your family and her family might be too racist, but as long as she and you are pious then the potential racism can be sifted out. Since ultimately what matters at the end of the day is you and her and your potential offspring. 

I am not sure why Shia communities of different ethnicities avoid each other. Honestly a lot of issues in our communities would be solved if there was even a slight amount of cross talk between us. Including marriage, finances, etc. 

Also in your case I might suggest Mutah for some time then. I believe I would try reaching out and seeing if a Mutah network exists for you to use. 

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On 1/16/2018 at 1:26 PM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

@Guest Account Ali

Marriage with people of your country is much easier. It seems that you haven't had experience of living alone in another country. It differs a lot. BTW, I don't restrict my options. I don't care on nationality, race, or other differences. 

Oh, my bad. I thought that you were born and raised in the West. Even then, from my vantage point you display a remarkable ability to empathize and from what I can assume adapt to people.

From my rudamentary observations, though you are foreign in that sense I guess you are one of those types that can adapt to an easier extent compared to other foreigners. 

Like if you were some random guy from some backwater village and you came to the US I can understand the difficulty with intermarriage. But you don't come across as that type.

I am not going to pretend to know who you are, but If I was in your position I would instead get rid of the need to find a spouse from the same ethnicity and instead work on your ability to adapt (which again though you may not recognize it you do have, if I assume you are being yourself when typing your posts)

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46 minutes ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Oh, my bad. I thought that you were born and raised in the West. Even then, from my vantage point you display a remarkable ability to empathize and from what I can assume adapt to people.

I know :)

47 minutes ago, Guest Account Ali said:

I am not going to pretend to know who you are, but If I was in your position I would instead get rid of the need to find a spouse from the same ethnicity and instead work on your ability to adapt (which again though you may not recognize it you do have, if I assume you are being yourself when typing your posts)

I don't know exactly. Sometimes you say hey I'm blah blah blah, but when you are in the position, you don't know what to do. One thing that I'm sure about myself is that if everything is within religion, I'm %100 Ok with that.

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11 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

I know :)

I don't know exactly. Sometimes you say hey I'm blah blah blah, but when you are in the position, you don't know what to do. One thing that I'm sure about myself is that if everything is within religion, I'm %100 Ok with that.

Good on that my homie G

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