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ali_fatheroforphans

Are you assertive?

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Salam,

I know we've all met those people who are always nodding at people without having a voice or some sort of opinion. These people certain come across as "nice and friendly" but they're pushovers at the same time.

Islamically it is clear that we need the right balance so we're "nice/respectful" but also confident at the same time. 

This world is strange and people will certainly come at you from all different directions, so we need to have strong and confident personalities.

Have you guys found the right balance? I personally want to become more assertive but I end up avoiding arguments out of fear of creating a scene.

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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I sometimes have a problem of being too nice and will do my best to be kind to all people. I will often keep my opinions to myself and most of the time only speak when directly spoken too.  When I begin to trust people some decide to use my kindhearted and simplistic nature for their advantage and begin to treat me as a “pushover”, when this happens it goes to the opposite end of the scale. I haven’t found a “balance” it usually goes from one extreme to the other when it comes to my interactions with people because I’m quiet but won’t be afraid to speak up and defend myself when I am being used often with anger. 

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6 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Salam,

I know we've all met those people who are always nodding at people without having a voice or some sort of opinion. These people certain come across as "nice and friendly" but they're pushovers at the same time.

Islamically it is clear that we need the right balance so we're "nice/respectful" but also confident at the same time. 

This world is strange and people will certainly come at you from all different directions, so we need to have strong and confident personalities.

Have you guys found the right balance? I personally want to become more assertive but I end up avoiding arguments out of fear of creating a scene.

 

The only way to find the right balance is to ask Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, he will increase your faith, being nice isn't a weakness, and sometimes silent voice is the best response.

As long as the confidence isn't ruining your faith, cause confidence can lead to dangerous places, aka shirk where you think you are the best, and It's all because of you....

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I think its OK to have an overall calm demeanor and it matters who your audience is. In front of non-Muslims you always have to be at your best and attract them with your Akhlaq.

But if you look at Nahjul Balagha and the way Our Imam responds to people when he is right or in the Haq. He does not really hold back. Balance is needed.I assume this audience is muslim here.

Sermon 19:

Amir al-mu’minin was delivering a lecture from the pulpit of (the mosque of) Kufah when al-Ash’ath ibn Qays objected and said, “O’ Amir al-mu’minin this thing is not in your favour but against you.”Amir al-mu’minin looked at him with anger and said:

How do you know what is for me and what is against me?! Curse of Allah and others be on you. You are a weaver and son of a weaver. You are the son of an unbeliever and yourself a hypocrite. You were arrested once by the Unbelievers and once by the Muslims, but your wealth and birth could not save you from either. The man who contrives for his own people to be put to sword and invites death and destruction for them does deserve that the near ones should hate him and the remote ones should not trust him.

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Good point. I think people must be fair in analysing behaviour. If someone stands up for an opinion they have, or politely objects, it isn't the same as arrogance or being defiant.

Sometimes we genuinely feel another person isn't in the right, or has misrepresented us. Sometimes it's important to make sure we clearly voice our disagreement, in a dignified way when it is appropriate - at the right place and time mind.

You're spot on, it's about having a balance. There is no shame in being assertive, rather it ought to be the norm.

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2 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

Good point. I think people must be fair in analysing behaviour. If someone stands up for an opinion they have, or politely objects, it isn't the same as arrogance or being defiant.

Sometimes we genuinely feel another person isn't in the right, or has misrepresented us. Sometimes it's important to make sure we clearly voice our disagreement, in a dignified way when it is appropriate - at the right place and time mind.

You're spot on, it's about having a balance. There is no shame in being assertive, rather it ought to be the norm.

Imam Hussein taught us to fight back, but in a gentle way!

Imam Ali (as) taught us to be good to women even if they are horrible like someone I can't mention.... We all know the camel fight.

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