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5 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

What people are saying is that you can’t expect to marry a Channing Tatum lookalike, which is the impression I get from some sisters. 

What we are also saying is that take Mr. Great Enough Who Treats Me Well, not just a guy rejecting based on looks or that he doesn’t meet some unrealistic standard. 

For example, I always wanted a really tall guy. My fiancé is 5’8, more on the average side for a guy, but I’m still attracted to him, and I still love him. I didn’t say, “Oh my glob, you aren’t 6 feet! You aren’t good enough for me!!!!” 

Look at the bigger picture. Sexual attraction (and attraction in general) is not skin deep. I bet most people on here are not the ideal height and weight and facial appearance, so unless you’re a model lookalike, or close to it, it isn’t fair to have that “swipe right” mentality as if men, and people in general, are disposable. 

If one is average in looks, you need to expect someone who will have average looks to be with you, as a general rule. 

I love when I see sisters whom understands the guy point of view!

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10 hours ago, Sumerian said:

Mate, looks are important for men, we have hadiths on it. Entire chapters in our hadith books actually.

We aren't Sufis or Catholics.

Good comment on this from an Islamic perspective;

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235027562-importance-of-physical-attraction-in-marriage/?do=findComment&comment=2764691

My G, then you must also follow the golden rule in this case. If you can handle being at the blunt end of females being selective about guys. Fine. No further comments. If you can't, then you are a hypocrite. 

And here is the thing, any guy or girl who says they don't mind being at the blunt end of selectively is lying. Straight up. 

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1 minute ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Yes but the prophet (PBUH) also used to arrange marriages between "ugly"/short/ etc. companions and attractive women. Even when the prophet could have picked a more handsome companion for the arranged marriage who had the same amount of taqwa as the "ugly or short" companion. What say you to that? 

wsalam, i'm just reassuring the OP that islamically what she's saying is not wrong but obviously if you read the last part of the narration rasoolallah (sawa) still confirms the fact that marrying someone because of his or her faith is still the best criteria and ofcourse I agree with that, just saying their is nothing wrong with someone rejecting a potential spouse because of shallow reasons but like you said in your post above it's a two way street so if I can reject someone due to shallow reasons i too should expect someone can reject me for the same shallow reasons, wsalam 

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1 hour ago, rinneganMahdi said:

wsalam, i'm just reassuring the OP that islamically what she's saying is not wrong but obviously if you read the last part of the narration rasoolallah (sawa) still confirms the fact that marrying someone because of his or her faith is still the best criteria and ofcourse I agree with that, just saying their is nothing wrong with someone rejecting a potential spouse because of shallow reasons but like you said in your post above it's a two way street so if I can reject someone due to shallow reasons i too should expect someone can reject me for the same shallow reasons, wsalam 

Bruh

Be transparent. I know for a fact that you don't like being rejected for shallow reasons. No one does. So at this point you are complacent with hypocrisy. And Islam isn't a religion of hypocrisy. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

My G, then you must also follow the golden rule in this case. If you can handle being at the blunt end of females being selective about guys. Fine. No further comments. If you can't, then you are a hypocrite. 

And here is the thing, any guy or girl who says they don't mind being at the blunt end of selectively is lying. Straight up. 

Why are men promised virgins in Jannah? Why are they promised that the Huri will be more beaulitful than anything you ever seen? 

Why doesn't women get the same things? (She can if she really wants, that if Allah accepts it, cause Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى says He will give everything to them) It cause women prefer other things, Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى knows that very well!

Imam sadiq even says that one of the pleasing thing is to see your wife undressed, there is nothing more appealing.

Second of all, women are way more attractive than men, and that is cause men prefer looks, and girls prefer character over the looks.

It is the western mind  that says that men needs to be looking ''hot'', when infact a real man is handsome, and has a personality that is stable!

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1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Bruh

Be transparent. I know for a fact that you don't like being rejected for shallow reasons. No one does. So at this point you are complacent with hypocrisy. And Islam isn't a religion of hypocrisy. 

it hurts but it is a fact of life, and I never said it wouldn't hurt but Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has given us this right so we must respect it no matter what, and being patient in the remembrance of Allah is the cure in these situations, i don't know how much more honestly i can express myself through typing these words all i can say is our lord the almighty understands and i hope you've understood my point brother I gain absolutley nothing from lying except a step closer to the hell fire (which I obviously don't want) just gave my thought on the OP's question

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53 minutes ago, Wared said:

Why are men promised virgins in Jannah? Why are they promised that the Huri will be more beaulitful than anything you ever seen? 

Why doesn't women get the same things? (She can if she really wants, that if Allah accepts it, cause Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى says He will give everything to them) It cause women prefer other things, Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى knows that very well!

Imam sadiq even says that one of the pleasing thing is to see your wife undressed, there is nothing more appealing.

Second of all, women are way more attractive than men, and that is cause men prefer looks, and girls prefer character over the looks.

It is the western mind  that says that men needs to be looking ''hot'', when infact a real man is handsome, and has a personality that is stable!

The same reason women are promised that their husbands on Earth will be beautified more so than he was on Earth. Heck our wives in paradise will be made to be immensely more beautiful than the houris. This is more so a matter of women being naturally hypergamous and men being naturally polygamous. 

And about your third line. Why can't an average looking wife with no discernible standout features not be appealing when undressing? (I don't mean she is fat or obese, I just mean she looks, you know, normal). Heck, even the Imams used to have wives who were, by cultural standards at that time, not deemed attractive. 

And when did I indicate that wanting an attractive spouse is unnatural? It is natural, then again so are many things that Islam deems sinful. For example, adultery is quite natural for men and women at certain times in their marriage and it occurs all the time in the animal kingdom, but yet God made it illegal for humans. Why? Because its consequences are insurmountable, especially since human beings have a finicky little thing called "emotions".

However, in paradise, these finicky emotions we have might be controlled or curbed. Women in jannah will go against their natural instinct and not be jealous about their hubby having multiple women, among other things. And in Jannah since everyone will be beautiful there will not exist this disdain in terms of being rejected due to not being up to snuff or eyeing up another person. 

But since we are on Earth, we have to think of looks as like the 10th variable when it comes to picking a spouse. In other words, the very very very last possible thing one could consider when it comes to marriage. Since again, we have this finicky little thing called "emotions". Anything less than making looks the 10th variable spells disaster for a person on this earth. A good example is the sister who started this whole discussion. At this point her misery is on her, and she has no one to blame but herself. And you might not make looks as much of a priority as she does, but from my vantage it seems to still be too much of a priority to a point where you could be responsible for your own misery in the future. 

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58 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

What people are saying is that you can’t expect to marry a Channing Tatum lookalike, which is the impression I get from some sisters. 

What we are also saying is that take Mr. Great Enough Who Treats Me Well, not just a guy rejecting based on looks or that he doesn’t meet some unrealistic standard. 

For example, I always wanted a really tall guy. My fiancé is 5’8, more on the average side for a guy, but I’m still attracted to him, and I still love him. I didn’t say, “Oh my glob, you aren’t 6 feet! You aren’t good enough for me!!!!” 

Look at the bigger picture. Sexual attraction (and attraction in general) is not skin deep. I bet most people on here are not the ideal height and weight and facial appearance, so unless you’re a model lookalike, or close to it, it isn’t fair to have that “swipe right” mentality as if men, and people in general, are disposable. 

If one is average in looks, you need to expect someone who will have average looks to be with you, as a general rule. 

EDIT: how would you feel if you were married to someone, who, all of a sudden went after some thinner, prettier girl?

You guys are missing my point. I did not say they have to be extremely good looking or that looks is the only criteria.

what I am saying is looks do matter. To be blunt it would be hard to have kids with someone you find very unattractive. 

Maybe you guys haven’t been in a situation like this 

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35 minutes ago, rinneganMahdi said:

it hurts but it is a fact of life, and I never said it wouldn't hurt but Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has given us this right so we must respect it no matter what, and being patient in the remembrance of Allah is the cure in these situations, i don't know how much more honestly i can express myself through typing these words all i can say is our lord the almighty understands and i hope you've understood my point brother I gain absolutley nothing from lying except a step closer to the hell fire (which I obviously don't want) just gave my thought on the OP's question

See my latest response to Brother Wared. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

My G, then you must also follow the golden rule in this case. If you can handle being at the blunt end of females being selective about guys. Fine. No further comments. If you can't, then you are a hypocrite. 

And here is the thing, any guy or girl who says they don't mind being at the blunt end of selectively is lying. Straight up. 

It's actually different for females, I talked about this before bro.

For females, beauty should not be a criteria. There is no equality in this case.

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24 minutes ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

It seems most the men in here are offended 

I would like to point out if you were to be set up with someone 

wouldn’t you ask to see their photo or would you go blindly 

Of course we would ask for a photo!

We never said you would go blindly, cause you need to know how the person is?

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32 minutes ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

It seems most the men in here are offended 

I would like to point out if you were to be set up with someone 

wouldn’t you ask to see their photo or would you go blindly 

Sister, stop characterizing us in one extreme. Seriously. 

 

You know what we are talking about, but if you want to be stuck in your ways. Fine. The only thing we are asking is if you mind being treated the same way. Just answer this question and this entire discussion comes to an end. 

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Jowaiber and Zalfa

"How beautiful it were if you could marry and establish a family, ending this forlorn and isolated life? You could fulfill your natural urges and also she could help you in your temporal and spiritual needs and goals."

"O Messenger of Allah, I have neither wealth nor beauty; nor I have a noble descent or lineage. Who will marry me? And which woman likes to be wife of a poor, short, black and ugly man like me?"......

https://www.al-islam.org/anecdotes-pious-men-ayatullah-murtadha-mutahhari/jowaiber-and-zalfa

 

Chapter 21: Believers Are Good Match of Believing Women 

 

http://www.fourshiabooks.com/hadith/al-kafi/19/21/1

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1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Elaborate your points further.  

 

 

It is good that a man looks for beauty in the females he wishes to marry as a bonus - as long as they are of good religiosity and akhlaq.

But a sister should not reject a man if she is pleased with his religion and akhlaq but not pleased with his beauty.

Edited by Sumerian

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I want to add that if looks matter to a person, it's much much better to be honest about it. I have seen too many couples where one partner is better looking than the other and the better looking partner insults the other partner on a regular basis or chooses to have affairs. It's much better to break someone's heart once than to break it everyday for 15-20 years. There are some men who don't mind the daily insults or the affairs as long as they remain married to a beautiful girl, but for some people it's not easy to deal with years of abuse and insults and dozens of affairs. Please be honest and if looks matter to you, please choose a good looking partner. People who are married to less good looking partners act like victims but are you really a victim if you are allowed to have dozens of affairs and everyone thinks it's justified? I think they are in much better position than people who are stuck with one good looking partner and they are expected to remain faithful. 

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1 minute ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Yeah @Islandsandmirrors just offended the whole Shiachat in one simple sentence :hahaha:

Well, depsite if people here are ugly or not, Allah loves us truly, he doesn't check your face or race, he checks your akhlaq and your faith.

Cause in the end, the one who created us is Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى he already knows how we will look like, and how we will behave!

Allah only wants you to dress up and take care of yourself in this world cause Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى knows what people will say, he wants you to have a healthy life in this world!

Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى wants us to have connetions with other people, and have a healthy life to live good, but we don't listen...

All things that Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى tells us to do benefit us not him, cause he is already perfect, Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى doesn't even need us! We need him, and he knows that very well!

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7 hours ago, Sumerian said:

It is good that a man looks for beauty in the females he wishes to marry as a bonus - as long as they are of good religiosity and akhlaq.

But a sister should not reject a man if she is pleased with his religion and akhlaq but not pleased with his beauty.

Like I Said, if one considers beauty as like the 10th variable in selecting a spouse. Then fine. Anything less spells disaster. For either gender. 

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