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20 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

i hear some people say looks don’t matter but in my opinon they do 

I don’t like to sound shallow but I couldn’t get involved with someone I was not attracted to 

I am not superficial but why be with someone your not going to be attracted to 

Yes getting married to a person that your attracted to is very important but also there personality that also includes there manners and so on. Sometimes a girl can look so beautiful or a man look so handsome but have Crappy manners or personality but some are the opposite the have great manners and personality. You have to be careful who you want to marry don't let looks take away all your attention look at her or his manners and personality aswell. I have a met beautiful girls some but I didn't instantly wanted to Marry them because I value my future more and all most 99% of them and other girls mostly had different personality's or goals that simply don't fit my life style that I want. So yes not only looks are important but also personality if these two don't meat then don't risk it save yourself a heartbreak.

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13 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

If someone is very unattractive to me I would be tempted so I would rather take precaution

You need to believe in Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى he is the only one who can increase your love for him or anyone else in your life!

You are being negative, sister/brother. 

Stay positive!

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31 minutes ago, Wared said:

You need to believe in Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى he is the only one who can increase your love for him or anyone else in your life!

You are being negative, sister/brother. 

Stay positive!

I’m a girl lol

I'm being realistic so I can avoid haram

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23 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

I’m a girl lol

I'm being realistic so I can avoid haram

[Mod Note: Inappropriate language removed.]

We pray to Allah to obtain what we want, as for this topic, marriage.

And when some guys come to you and present themselves to you, you deny him.

Instead of praying for a husband whom can please your needs, ask Allah what pleases him and try to be a better person yourself.

This generation is stuck in a tornado, that we will never leave, and the divorce rate speaks by itself, it only increases.

Hope this quote changes you, fam. Look at Fatima Zarah (as) whom lived with Imam Ali who didn't have much money.

You don't have to be like her, but at least reflect about what Allah gave you and don't waste it on wordly desires, let go of this selfishness.

Shia Muslims foto.

Edited by Hameedeh
[Mod Note: Inappropriate language removed.]

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5 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam 

looks matter for spousal selection. I take precaution. Don’t want to be tempted by zina.

Sister, Please don't mind me being direct but I see something so fundamentally wrong with what you wrote above. Even if one marries a very good looking man there will always be someone better looking than him,someone whose looks you could be attracted to even more.A handsome man or a drop dead gorgeous women aren't what prevents from Zina. It is piety(fear of displeasing Allah) and the sense of faithfulness towards your life partner that comes with it are what keeps one on the right path.

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There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to someone. However, @Sisterfatima1 seems to make it the only priority and overlooking everything else. 

From the way you write, the guys you reject—it seems like you don’t know them for very long. And again, attraction is sometimes not instant, or within a month or even a few. 

If you choose a guy based on immediate attraction, you’re setting yourself up for failure in relationships. You may even end up in an abusive situation in the future and overlook it because of your sexual attraction toward the person. Would you prefer to better detect red flags or be blinded by them due to intense feelings that will fizzle out in less than 6 months? 

Lastly, do you want a mature relationship or a relationship/marriage purely based on sex and attraction?

and I agree with @starlight‘s answer above. Which has lead me to conclude that the OP is [EDIT] for a committed relationship.

Edited by Hassan-
removed inappropriate comment

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Well before you go around judging me i was in a committed relationship for 3 years who used to abuse the [Edited Out] out of me excuse my language and I am entitled to wanting to have a brother who’s decent looking and has good religion so I suggest you [EDIT]

Edited by Hassan-
removed inappropriate comment

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5 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Well before you go around judging me i was in a committed relationship for 3 years who used to abuse the [Edited Out] out of me excuse my language and I am entitled to wanting to have a brother who’s decent looking and has good religion so I suggest you [EDIT]

I didn't judge you, I have no right to judge you.

All I want is that you don't follow the footstep of shaitan, try to be more gentle, being mean will kill your heart, not all guys are the same.

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On 1/8/2018 at 10:56 PM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Well before you go around judging me i was in a committed relationship for 3 years who used to abuse the [Edited Out] out of me excuse my language and I am entitled to wanting to have a brother who’s decent looking and has good religion so I suggest you [EDIT]

Honestly at this point sister, you have no one to blame but yourself for your own own sadness in life when it comes to relationships. No one but yourself.

Perhaps maybe when you become a lot more older than you are, and lose your looks is only when this point will suddenly make sense in your head. 

This may sound like a generalization, but generally women and men are only picky about looks when they still have their looks. But when God decides to take away your looks is when suddenly this selectivity about looks goes in the trash. Remember this for the rest of your life.

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22 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Honestly at this point sister, you have no one to blame but yourself for your own own sadness in life when it comes to relationships. No one but yourself.

Perhaps maybe when you become a lot more older than you are, and lose your looks is only when this point will suddenly make sense in your head. 

This may sound like a generalization, but generally women and men are only picky about looks when they still have their looks. But when God decides to take away your looks is when suddenly this selectivity about looks goes in the trash. Remember this for the rest of your life.

Thank you for understanding, brother. I didn't want to offend her but she sounded a bit too mean. I mean I understand that she wants a decent guy, but at least give a guy a chance before you turn him down, ''He is too ugly'' and skips him like people skip on tinder, religion is the most important one, cause with religion comes a healthy body.

Peace!

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Salam

Marriage can happen in two ways within our community: arranged marriage or love marriage. With an arranged marriage, all your qualities- whether good or bad- will be put under a magnifying glass. Families will therefore care about your appearance, moreso if you're a woman. 

I'm not sure if the same applies in a love marriage. The saying goes, "Love is blind". You could be drawn to a person because you're attracted to their appearance, or their personality might intrigue you. Their humour, the way they light up a room, their passion for a certain subject, their love for children/family/animals etc. Or you might share a common interest. Anything besides appearance can also attract a person to another, imo. 

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1 minute ago, yusur317 said:

Salam

Marriage can happen in two ways within our community: arranged marriage or love marriage. With an arranged marriage, all your qualities- whether good or bad- will be put under a magnifying glass. Families will therefore care about your appearance, moreso if you're a woman. 

I'm not sure if the same applies in a love marriage. The saying goes, "Love is blind". You could be drawn to a person because you're attracted to their appearance, or their personality might intrigue you. Their humour, the way they light up a room, their passion for a certain subject, their love for children/family/animals etc. Or you might share a common interest. Anything besides appearance can also attract a person to another, imo. 

That is the character of a person, the personality, It even makes the man/woman more beauitful/handsome and more reliable in a relationship.

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23 hours ago, Wared said:

[Mod Note: Inappropriate language removed.]

We pray to Allah to obtain what we want, as for this topic, marriage.

And when some guys come to you and present themselves to you, you deny him.

Instead of praying for a husband whom can please your needs, ask Allah what pleases him and try to be a better person yourself.

This generation is stuck in a tornado, that we will never leave, and the divorce rate speaks by itself, it only increases.

Hope this quote changes you, fam. Look at Fatima Zarah (as) whom lived with Imam Ali who didn't have much money.

You don't have to be like her, but at least reflect about what Allah gave you and don't waste it on wordly desires, let go of this selfishness.

Shia Muslims foto.

You are beyond rude. This is a forum for discussion not insults. 

Edited by Hameedeh
Inappropriate language in the quote was removed.

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22 hours ago, starlight said:

Sister, Please don't mind me being direct but I see something so fundamentally wrong with what you wrote above. Even if one marries a very good looking man there will always be someone better looking than him,someone whose looks you could be attracted to even more.A handsome man or a drop dead gorgeous women aren't what prevents from Zina. It is piety(fear of displeasing Allah) and the sense of faithfulness towards your life partner that comes with it are what keeps one on the right path.

It’s not about getting the best looking person. Attraction is necessary. You can’t marry and have children with someone you find very unattractive. Obviously we all take precaution to ensure we avoid haram.  To me, this is an extra precaution like going to a halal restaurant instead of subway or something.

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4 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

It’s not about getting the best looking person. Attraction is necessary. You can’t marry and have children with someone you find very unattractive. Obviously we all take precaution to ensure we avoid haram.  To me, this is an extra precaution like going to a halal restaurant instead of subway or something.

As with anything in life. You must follow the golden rule. Listen, if your criteria is this. Fine. Then don't cry when a guy rejects you if you are not visually pleasing enough for him. In all your aspects. Got it? Zero complaining. Not a peep from you. And if a guy rejects you, he is fully right to do since he wants to prevent himself from cheating on you, since you ain't all there for him. Once again, no complaining. Got it? Good. 

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On 1/8/2018 at 8:43 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

i hear some people say looks don’t matter but in my opinon they do 

I don’t like to sound shallow but I couldn’t get involved with someone I was not attracted to 

I am not superficial but why be with someone your not going to be attracted to 

Just a Decent Woman, Nothing Else. We all have flaws, May Allah Forgive Us. Aameen.

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2 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

As with anything in life. You must follow the golden rule. Listen, if your criteria is this. Fine. Then don't cry when a guy rejects you if you are not visually pleasing enough for him. In all your aspects. Got it? Zero complaining. Not a peep from you. And if a guy rejects you, he is fully right to do since he wants to prevent himself from cheating on you, since you ain't all there for him. Once again, no complaining. Got it? Good. 

Mate, looks are important for men, we have hadiths on it. Entire chapters in our hadith books actually.

We aren't Sufis or Catholics.

Good comment on this from an Islamic perspective;

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235027562-importance-of-physical-attraction-in-marriage/?do=findComment&comment=2764691

Edited by Sumerian

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10 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

You are beyond rude. This is a forum for discussion not insults. 

Then I apologize, I am sorry for being rude then. Hope you can forgive me, pardon my language. I didn't even mean to be rude.

My point was only to look at yourself before you judge others.

Edited by Wared

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To all of the people on this thread that think it’s okay to be so rude about my opinion: think about what I am saying.

you have to like and respect the person you marry amongst other criteria you may have. Looks are not everything but they are important. That’s life. 

We have all had proposals from people we did not find compatible with us. Proposals get rejected  and accepted all the time.

all I am saying is that sometimes the appearance is an issue. Not being attracted to your spouse makes it difficult to emotionally connect with them. That’s not a good foundation for a marriage.

on a side note, practice the akhlaq you guys lecture about. Your responses are very rude. We are people. Have some manners 

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Salam OP, their is no problem islamically in loving someone due to their aesthetics, rasoolallah (sawa) has a narration in which it's stated that you can marry someone if you find him/her physically attractive, or because they are financially stable and well off, but the best criteria is marrying someone due to their faith, so anyway in essence their is no problem if you reject a man because he's not aesthetically pleasing because Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has given you and every other man/woman that right, and even ameerulmomineen Ali (as)  has a narration in which he states that 'only a fool forces somebody to love them', Allah has given us rights so if people refuse to accept that then that's their problem, wsalam

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57 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

To all of the people on this thread that think it’s okay to be so rude about my opinion: think about what I am saying.

you have to like and respect the person you marry amongst other criteria you may have. Looks are not everything but they are important. That’s life. 

We have all had proposals from people we did not find compatible with us. Proposals get rejected  and accepted all the time.

all I am saying is that sometimes the appearance is an issue. Not being attracted to your spouse makes it difficult to emotionally connect with them. That’s not a good foundation for a marriage.

on a side note, practice the akhlaq you guys lecture about. Your responses are very rude. We are people. Have some manners 

What people are saying is that you can’t expect to marry a Channing Tatum lookalike, which is the impression I get from some sisters. 

What we are also saying is that take Mr. Great Enough Who Treats Me Well, not just a guy rejecting based on looks or that he doesn’t meet some unrealistic standard. 

For example, I always wanted a really tall guy. My fiancé is 5’8, more on the average side for a guy, but I’m still attracted to him, and I still love him. I didn’t say, “Oh my glob, you aren’t 6 feet! You aren’t good enough for me!!!!” 

Look at the bigger picture. Sexual attraction (and attraction in general) is not skin deep. I bet most people on here are not the ideal height and weight and facial appearance, so unless you’re a model lookalike, or close to it, it isn’t fair to have that “swipe right” mentality as if men, and people in general, are disposable. 

If one is average in looks, you need to expect someone who will have average looks to be with you, as a general rule. 

EDIT: how would you feel if you were married to someone, who, all of a sudden went after some thinner, prettier girl?

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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3 minutes ago, rinneganMahdi said:

Salam OP, their is no problem islamically in loving someone due to their aesthetics, rasoolallah (sawa) has a narration in which it's stated that you can marry someone if you find him/her physically attractive, or because they are financially stable and well off, but the best criteria is marrying someone due to their faith, so anyway in essence their is no problem if you reject a man because he's not aesthetically pleasing because Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has given you and every other man/woman that right, and even ameerulmomineen Ali (as)  has a narration in which he states that 'only a fool forces somebody to love them', Allah has given us rights so if people refuse to accept that then that's their problem, wsalam

Yes but the prophet (PBUH) also used to arrange marriages between "ugly"/short/ etc. companions and attractive women. Even when the prophet could have picked a more handsome companion for the arranged marriage who had the same amount of taqwa as the "ugly or short" companion. What say you to that? 

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