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Salam 

i hear some people say looks don’t matter but in my opinon they do 

I don’t like to sound shallow but I couldn’t get involved with someone I was not attracted to 

I am not superficial but why be with someone your not going to be attracted to 

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I believe you don’t need to have “instant attraction” with potientials. 

In fact, I believe “slow burn” attraction, as in, attraction developing overtime is much more long-lasting.

The difference between this and instant attraction is that with instant attraction, it tends to fizzle-out quickly. You tend to get irritated with the person more readily. 

Slow-burn attraction is what lasts. Instead of it fizzling-out, things just get better and better. And I know this because what I have with my fiancé is the slow-burn—and im more in love with him everyday.

Dont reject someone just because you don’t feel instant sparks and butterflies. Give that person a chance. 

Its not that looks don’t matter, it’s giving people a chance to show his or her own character. Character is more important than looks. 

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18 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

I would rather get an average looking woman who has good character than an overly attractive woman who I would cringe at.

 

Ahsant.

Rather have a woman with a spirituality so high than a model with no taqwa at all.

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Beauty is very important. It's not the most important thing, as taqwa and akhlaq are, but one should marry someone they are attracted to, so the relationship doesn't go downhill.

We have hadiths on beauty and quality of women in our corpus.

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My priority would be meeting someone who has a great personality, common interest and to be a best friend regardless of how she looked. My biggest fear is not finding someone who can be both my wife and best friend. There are hundreds of things that attract you to a person and physical attraction is one i really don't care about, Besides all people are beautiful.  

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Salam!

A woman with looks and no character will surely break you down, If she doesn't have dignity! Her duty is to support his Husband and well as our duty is to make her feel secure!

A good woman can lead you to Jannah and she can also be the reason you lost your way to the right path, cause we men are weak, as Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى says ''We created the men weak.''

Bildresultat för good woman islam

Peace!

Edited by Wared

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Salaam Alaykum

I agree with the comment of @Islandsandmirrors.

Even though you remove some good personalities from your list, I think it's better to not marry with a person that you are not interested in. If he finds out later on that you are not interested, it breaks his heart.

I put most of my attention on having Islamic personality. I was in touch with a beautiful girl where I live, but I decided to quit. She was almost perfect on appearance, but she didn't have Akhlaq. I decided to quit because life is not a game. I know that religion brings kindness and closeness between wife and husband.

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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See the problem is it does matter for me. But so does character/personality. Character/personality is obvious why it matters, but I recall reading that psychologically, you treat people who are attractive better and are more patient with them, and those two things sound like something a Muslim man should do for his spouse (and vice versa obviously). Now obviously I don't mean I'll be looking for (maybe am looking lol) for an 11/10 but it does matter to a degree. I do agree with what people like ali_fatheroforphans heartsandmirrors and wholeheartedshia 110%, but it does matter in the end for me. If only for that purpose.

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1 minute ago, zerorequiiem said:

See the problem is it does matter for me. But so does character/personality. Character/personality is obvious why it matters, but I recall reading that psychologically, you treat people who are attractive better and are more patient with them, and those two things sound like something a Muslim man should do for his spouse (and vice versa obviously). Now obviously I don't mean I'll be looking for (maybe am looking lol) for an 11/10 but it does matter to a degree. I do agree with what people like ali_fatheroforphans heartsandmirrors and wholeheartedshia 110%, but it does matter in the end for me. If only for that purpose.

Personally I find women with hijab more attractive, I don't why, It is a gift from Allah.

And yea we men tend to choose the attractive side, despite the fact that we know that with women better character are suitable for us.

We just have to pray to ask Allah to ease your thoughts and we need to trust him more.

Peace!

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4 hours ago, zerorequiiem said:

See the problem is it does matter for me. But so does character/personality. Character/personality is obvious why it matters, but I recall reading that psychologically, you treat people who are attractive better and are more patient with them, and those two things sound like something a Muslim man should do for his spouse (and vice versa obviously). Now obviously I don't mean I'll be looking for (maybe am looking lol) for an 11/10 but it does matter to a degree. I do agree with what people like ali_fatheroforphans heartsandmirrors and wholeheartedshia 110%, but it does matter in the end for me. If only for that purpose.

that's very natural. of course you should not be after a perfect model, but how some one looks is important next to other factors.

some times some one might be very handsome or good looking but his face doesn't attract you as a man for example. So if after a while you didn't get used to some one's look and still feeling bad, you will never later get used to it,

looking for this factor is natural and it's totally OK, although there are more important factors like character and etc... but still you can keep it as well next to them. 

after all most of the people that claim they only care about moral, etc ... when it comes to the start of a relation look affects them anyway.

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11 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Its not that looks don’t matter, it’s giving people a chance to show his or her own character. Character is more important than looks. 

Yea I agree . but looks is very important. we should take in consider 

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12 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

i hear some people say looks don’t matter but in my opinon they do 

I don’t like to sound shallow but I couldn’t get involved with someone I was not attracted to 

I am not superficial but why be with someone your not going to be attracted to 

Need to find a balance. 

 

And define handsome or beautiful. May be i find someone really beautiful but to you he could be just ok. Beauty is in the eye of beholder. 

Edited by Ron_Burgundy

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Looks do matter, but the mind is a funny thing. If you come to know that a person has a bad character, their looks will become repulsive to you, even if they are perfectly proportioned. If you come to know that a person has good character and personality, your mind will see them as beautiful even if they are distorted in form. 

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1 minute ago, AnotherShepherd said:

Character looks so good on a person. 

The invisble hijab and the visible hijab is beauitiful on a woman!

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27 minutes ago, notme said:

Looks do matter, but the mind is a funny thing. If you come to know that a person has a bad character, their looks will become repulsive to you, even if they are perfectly proportioned. If you come to know that a person has good character and personality, your mind will see them as beautiful even if they are distorted in form. 

+ 1. For some people, looks matter but they don't matter to everyone. I have seen that my perception of people changes depending upon their behavior and personality. 

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Just now, Sisterfatima1 said:

My point is I think you would need to feel a basic attraction 

I couldn’t be with someone I had absolutely no attraction to not even 10% attraction 

 

Everything from Allah is pleasing, most ugly people have much more character, and character gives a human beauty.

Believe me, I know.... Apperance ain't anythig, It is usually a devil behind that mask, who thinks she/he is better, cause Allah made her/him pretty!

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3 minutes ago, Wared said:

Everything from Allah is pleasing, most ugly people have much more character, and character gives a human beauty.

Believe me, I know.... Apperance ain't anythig, It is usually a devil behind that mask, who thinks she/he is better, cause Allah made her/him pretty!

I’m not saying I want mr perfect but I want someone I think I have a basic attraction to or looks decent 

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1 minute ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

I’m not saying I want mr perfect but I want someone I think I have a basic attraction to or looks decent 

Ask Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى about the guy you desire, or ask him to make you less judgemental, cause in this life it doesn't matter what you have, If you enter paradise, you will be happy until Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى decides to remove you from this existent.

These kind of thoughts is chasing donya... Try to see good in every single person despite if he incapable of speaking, cause you don't know what he has been through.

I was just like you, believe me, and It isn't pleasing at all, the reality is much more hurtful than you think, just be patient until Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى reveals the beauty of the real world!

Inshallah he has mercy upon me and you and everyone who have sinned, and tries to seek his nearness!

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18 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

i hear some people say looks don’t matter but in my opinon they do 

I don’t like to sound shallow but I couldn’t get involved with someone I was not attracted to 

I am not superficial but why be with someone your not going to be attracted to 

Salaam 

looks matter for spousal selection. I take precaution. Don’t want to be tempted by zina.

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5 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam 

looks matter for spousal selection. I take precaution. Don’t want to be tempted by zina.

Elaborate, what you mean by tempted by Zina?

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