Jump to content
Shianon

How do you deal with sexual frustration?

Recommended Posts

assalamu alikum.

How do you deal with sexual frustration when masturbating is haram?

(Female,18) I really like this boy, my age. And this isn't one of those silly crushes where you have feelings for someone and that's about it. Obviously I've always had those, but I'd never think much of them because they're just feelings and not people I'd want to be with.

But now, with the boy, he's the first person I actually like and feel this way about. He's religious and his personality is great, it's not even so much his appearance that attracts me. We don't do/speak in any way is haram. Sometimes we message and when we see each other in person usually someone is around (i.e. my brother or mom, because he's a family friend).

I get really intense feelings and heavy breathing. It's not as easy as just not thinking about him. I tried to reach tv to get my mind off him but I find myself out of focus from the tv show. Istaghfir Allah, I go out of focus in prayer too. And it's not like marriage is an option. I'm going to college as is he, and our parents definitely won't let us get married unless he's financially stable. 

I just don't know why masturbation would be haram? I know Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى Knows Best (i.e. it could be addicting or lead to haram things) but at the same time what is someone supposed to do when so sexually frustrated, when it's affecting my day to day life?

Please be open minded when answering 

Thank you and wa salam

Edited by Hassan-
Removed inappropriate content

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:bismillah:

Assalamu alaykum,

Dear sister,

Masturbation is haram mutlaqan [absolutely forbidden] because it is zina, period. I had once read Sayyid Sadiq Shirazi [ha] quote a hadith from Imam as-Sadiq[as] that whoever masturbates has committed zina with himself, so you can well imagine the sinfulness of this vile act.
Have you tried fasting? It works like miracle. Fast frequently. Don't leave any wajibat. Pray nawafil more often. Listen to/ recite Surah at-Tawbah and Surah Yusuf. Focus especially on those  bits where Yusuf[as] fights temptation and subhanallah, emerges triumphant.
Look at the problem from this angle- I may love a car, a house or any particular object. I covet that car/house, but don't have enough money to purchase it. However much I may like it, I know that since I am not the lawful owner of the car/house, I cannot steal it/usurp or forcibly occupy it. Think about the evils of letting go of your self control, and how poorly it would reflect upon your personality in the eyes of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. Learn to conquer your desires. Merely having a desire does not warrant fleeing headlong in its direction to fulfill it. The jihad against the nafs is the greatest jihad. The zuhd of Khadijah[sa], Fatima al-batool[sa] and Zaynab [as] should be your ideal. Do not criticize the ahkam of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى out of desperation, my sister.
I had seen your other thread as well, and it looks like that you need serious help. May Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى help you overcome your temptations, dear sister.
Allahumma salli ala Muhammadin wa Aali Muhammad.

Edited by AbdusSibtayn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/4/2017 at 6:19 PM, Shianon said:

 And it's not like marriage is an option. I'm going to college as is he, and our parents definitely won't let us get married unless he's financially stable. 

Uhh why is marriage not an option? The financial burden is his responsibility; if you are willing to give up your right then there is no problem. What you must do is seek Allah ta'ala's help in learning to communicate your needs to your parents. You must progressively pressure your parents and slowly reveal the extent of your desires; first by hinting, and then more forcefully and frequently. Eventually, you may have to even nag them if they persist in their cultural stubbornness. You need to hint that you are feeling this way about this man and that you are thinking about him a lot, and that you are becoming sexually frustrated and progressively notch it up until they think that if they don't get you married then you are going to do something haraam (that latter point is the nuclear option). Don't actually do this of course, it's just a way to move the ball forward if they are being stubborn despite you progressively nudging them. Again, this should be gradual don't come out all at once; just slowly slowly start pushing and pushing until your parents are like "we need to get this girl married."

Allah is with you, and if you are willing to postpone your right to maintainance and ask for a small mahr, then with Allah's help anything is possible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Many non-Muslims are against masturbation too, because it is simply harmful. There is actually scientific evidence to prove so and you will be astonished when you come to realise how many studies have been done on this issue.

Masturbation is a behavioural addiction and don't dig yourself into a deep hole which will take you years to get out of. You will most likely mess with you brain chemistry which is horrible.

My advice is to do some scientific research on masturbation and get out of the mindset of "why is it wrong?" Asap. 

Put your trust in Allah and inshallah everything will be fine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Many non-Muslims are against masturbation too, because it is simply harmful. There is actually scientific evidence to prove so and you will be astonished when you come to realise how many studies have been done on this issue.

Masturbation is a behavioural addiction and don't dig yourself into a deep hole which will take you years to get out of. You will most likely mess with you brain chemistry which is horrible.

My advice is to do some scientific research on masturbation and get out of the mindset of "why is it wrong?" Asap. 

Put your trust in Allah and inshallah everything will be fine.

What studies are you talking about? Perhaps you are referring to excessive masturbation because masturbation in general is considered healthy from a scientific perspective.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, King said:

masturbation in general is considered healthy from a scientific perspective

Generally people who masturbate develop an addiction, which is very harmful. Dopamine produced during masturbation is produced in unhealthy amounts.

Those who say that masturbation is healthy are all talking bs - they just want people to become like animals and not turn away from filthy stuff like pornography.

Please don't fall for this "masturbation is healthy" propaganda by randoms.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Generally people who masturbate develop an addiction, which is very harmful

Some people who have internet access develop an addiction, for example, to browse social media which is not productive nor healthy. Basically anything can be harmful if there is exaggeration about it.

4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Dopamine produced during masturbation is produced in unhealthy amounts

Any evidence its amount is anyhow different than the one produced during usual sexual intercurse?

4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

talking bs - they just want people to become like animals

I always thought masturbation is rather human habit, as well as porne adiction. If you don't want to be "like animals" you must avoid sex as well.

I am not advocating or vouching for (male) masturbation, it is haram which is the main reason to avoid it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
49 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Generally people who masturbate develop an addiction, which is very harmful. Dopamine produced during masturbation is produced in unhealthy amounts.

Those who say that masturbation is healthy are all talking bs - they just want people to become like animals and not turn away from filthy stuff like pornography.

Please don't fall for this "masturbation is healthy" propaganda by randoms.

This is not true at all.  I don't know where you are getting your information from, it certainly is not peer evaluated research.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×