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Ahmed Rachid

Cultural differences in marriage

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Salam Alaykum.

 

I recently approached a family in order to get to know one of the sisters of the family for marriage.

 

Although  the girl was keen to get to know me. I was rejected because of my cultural difference.

 

They wanted marriage right away whereas we needed more time to get to know the family.

 

They told me that without islamic marriage i could sit with the girl for 2 15 minute sessions then marriage.

 

This is where they started to say that it is haram to sit with the girl more because its haram to develop feelings and thoughts.

 

They also rejected on the grounds that they did not know me.

 

What they knew of me was i was a servent at an islamic centre and a recitor. Thats all they knew.

 

When we went over we were disrespected by the father as he did not want me to go closer to his daughter. Since we went over they did not contact my dad even though  the sister was adament she wants to get to know me.

Its been three months. And i still wamt this. 

I need  help to build a case to present a case to the family to show them that what they are doing is unislamic.

 

I have had numerous discussions with the brother but it has not worked. I need help :(

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I think you should move on. You never know the real reason why they rejected you.

You have pure intentions and maybe Allah has destined something better for you. 

I personally wouldn't marry If I knew his dad was being disrespectful to me.

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1 hour ago, monad said:

Show him your bank account.

 

1 hour ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

I think you should move on. You never know the real reason why they rejected you.

You have pure intentions and maybe Allah has destined something better for you. 

I personally wouldn't marry If I knew his dad was being disrespectful to me.

I understand what you mean. but me and the sister both want eachother.

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If the father doesn't approve of it, and didn't leave the door open for further contact, then that's it.

They are not being disrespectful. Saying "no" should not forcibly come with an explanation, thus you can't demand it nor force them to listen to you. It is called freedom, and that is more sacred than anything you can tell them.

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I'm not sure we know the full picture here.

They are allowing you 2x15min sessions together and despite these restrictions you and the sis really want each other.

That's some seriously powerful pheromones being emitted.

Edited by Haji 2003

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On 11/24/2017 at 2:56 AM, Ahmed Rachid said:

Salam Alaykum.

 

I recently approached a family in order to get to know one of the sisters of the family for marriage.

 

Although  the girl was keen to get to know me. I was rejected because of my cultural difference.

 

They wanted marriage right away whereas we needed more time to get to know the family.

 

They told me that without islamic marriage i could sit with the girl for 2 15 minute sessions then marriage.

 

This is where they started to say that it is haram to sit with the girl more because its haram to develop feelings and thoughts.

 

They also rejected on the grounds that they did not know me.

 

What they knew of me was i was a servent at an islamic centre and a recitor. Thats all they knew.

 

When we went over we were disrespected by the father as he did not want me to go closer to his daughter. Since we went over they did not contact my dad even though  the sister was adament she wants to get to know me.

Its been three months. And i still wamt this. 

I need  help to build a case to present a case to the family to show them that what they are doing is unislamic.

 

I have had numerous discussions with the brother but it has not worked. I need help :(

Good for you. One time I was rejected without even seeing my picture, but I'm happy now

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Salam All.

Thanks for your replies.

Thanks for advising me to move away.

 

I asked for Ahadith and ayaat that promote mixing of culture.

 

And about if someone comes and asks for your hand its Barakeh.

And the concept of mahram and non mahram.

 

And how it is said that marriage should be easy.

 

Inshallah I will be going back to the family

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