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ali_fatheroforphans

What responsibility do I have?

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Salam,

I often feel very guilty to see my little sister not observe the Islamic dress code at all. She loves wearing shorts which are very short, and is far off hijab.I just wonder how someone can get influenced so much, by society.

Do I just accept that those are her values? Because she gets very agitated when my mum criticizes her dress.

 

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22 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Salam,

I often feel very guilty to see my little sister not observe the Islamic dress code at all. She loves wearing shorts which are very short, and is far off hijab.I just wonder how someone can get influenced so much, by society.

Do I just accept that those are her values? Because she gets very agitated when my mum criticizes her dress.

 

It isn’t your position. This is between your parents and her. Take it from me, I grew up with only brothers, I did not like hearing it from my brothers. This kind of decision is made between your parents and how they choose to raise her. 

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33 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Do I just accept that those are her values? Because she gets very agitated when my mum criticizes her dress.

Pretty much, besides it is between her and Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, she is not compelled to follow Islam. 

لَا إِكْرَاهَ فِي الدِّينِ ۖ قَد تَّبَيَّنَ الرُّشْدُ مِنَ الْغَيِّ ۚ فَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِالطَّاغُوتِ وَيُؤْمِن بِاللَّهِ فَقَدِ اسْتَمْسَكَ بِالْعُرْوَةِ الْوُثْقَىٰ لَا انفِصَامَ لَهَا ۗ وَاللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ - 2:256

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2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Salam,

I often feel very guilty to see my little sister not observe the Islamic dress code at all. She loves wearing shorts which are very short, and is far off hijab.I just wonder how someone can get influenced so much, by society.

Do I just accept that those are her values? Because she gets very agitated when my mum criticizes her dress.

 

Whoever is telling you "that's between her and Allah it does not concern you" is ignoring the commandment of Allah to enjoin good and forbid evil.

Enjoining good and forbidding evil is even more important when it comes to your own family members. If she has her mind made up and you cannot stop her, then it is not wajib on you anymore, only then can you let it go.

But if you can stop her by convincing her through dialogue and preaching, then it is wajib on you to to try. But you should never show pleasure in these actions of hers.

May Allah bless you.

Edited by E.L King

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@E.L King gave great advice. Also make sure that even if she doesn't listen, you don't let her think that you're fine with her not wearing hijab (Sayed Sistani).

But you have to remember to give her the message in a way that resonates with her and is most likely to produce a response.

It also doesn't mean you should stop treating her with kindness - on the condition that such treatment doesn't encourage her in her ways, in which case even breaking ties with family is wajib if it's the only way to stop them from committing sins (see Sayed Khamenei's Q and A on this topic).

So pray for her and find the best way to guide her to fulfilling this important obligation.

Edited by silasun

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1 hour ago, silasun said:

@E.L King gave great advice. Also make sure that even if she doesn't listen, you don't let her think that you're fine with her not wearing hijab (Sayed Sistani).

But you have to remember to give her the message in a way that resonates with her and is most likely to produce a response.

It also doesn't mean you should stop treating her with kindness - on the condition that such treatment doesn't encourage her in her ways, in which case even breaking ties with family is wajib if it's the only way to stop them from committing sins (see Sayed Khamenei's Q and A on this topic).

So pray for her and find the best way to guide her to fulfilling this important obligation.

Salaam, I have a difficult time finding things related to Sayed Khamenei on the internet-would you by chance be able to provide a link for the mentioned Q&A, in sha Allah?

Thanks!

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I think an important question that nobodies asked is what kind of relationship do you have with your sister? 

If you're not super close and just come out of nowhere with all these rules shes going to rebel and your parents could get involved- telling you to stay out of it. If this happens- she might think its okay because her parents are defending her. 

If you're not close, then maybe this is an opportunity to be. Try and be really open and non judgemental and find out why she doesn't wish to observe hijab. It may just be down to ignorance: she simply doesn't know its importance in islam. You'd be surprised what kind of interesting conversations you'd have. 

My brothers beliefs are fairly different to mine and fairly often we have interesting discussions/debates about all kinds of topics. He's also very open minded so I feel reassurance/comfort if I ever need to ask advice or information about a certain topic. 

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5 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Salam,

I often feel very guilty to see my little sister not observe the Islamic dress code at all. She loves wearing shorts which are very short, and is far off hijab.I just wonder how someone can get influenced so much, by society.

Do I just accept that those are her values? Because she gets very agitated when my mum criticizes her dress.

 

Salaam Alaykum Brother

Good for your sister that has such a good brother. It is very important to observe Hijab and Islamic dress code. First of all, don't expect your sister to change her behaviour in one night. This process takes months, or maybe one or two years, so be patient. Never get angry on this because it only ruins your previous effort. Always calm and patient. Second, don't expect your sister to be nice to you when you talk about Hijab with her. She probably disrespects you or say inappropriate words, you MUST be quiet if it happens.

Apparently your mother is concerned about this. It's a good thing that you are not alone. Observing Islamic dress code is very very gradual process. Your mother and you should be together and patient. Try to be more respectful to your sister and help her as much as you can. Let her think that you always support her. Your mother should also show observation in this matter. Your sister should see that your mother doesn't wear any kind of cloth. For example, when your mother and you and your sister are shopping, your mother should say(loudly so that your sister hears that), I don't like this dress. It's too short or tight and I'm Muslim.

Never use force or fighting to make her dress islamically. Let her to understand this herself. Remember be kinder and more patient. Do as much favor as you can for your sister. Tell your mother to do the same. Gradually you can start talking with your sister in person about Hijab. The key is that she should first TRUST you that you are saying that just for help and your love as her brother.

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5 hours ago, E.L King said:

If she has her mind made up and you cannot stop her, then it is not wajib on you anymore, only then can you let it go

^ That is what I was getting at, brother. The way the OP described his  sister sounds like that situation. It is more wajib and therefore more responsibility on the parents than it is on the brother, they have more rights over their daughter than the OP has over his sister.

I wasn't trying to say that we should ignore enjoining good and forbidding evil; It may very well be that the parents are very aware of the situation, more so than the OP and have a solution.

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Does any of your cousin sisters do Hijab?? If yes then its better that you talk to them so that they could persuade your sister to wear it too and slowly becoming more Islamic. 

She just needs to know her Fitra which as of now is surrounded by the darkness of Ignorance. Just clear her ignorance and she will realize who she is..

Or; you can show her videos of many Aalimas on Youtube talking about Hijab.

Show her the beauty that lies in Hijab.

I personally love to see women wearing hijab and my heart is pleased to see women knowing their real worth but I hate to go through a path where there are Non Hijabis, it just boils my head up.

You can tell her all of these.

May Allah guide your sister InshaAllah.

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@E.L King @AmirAlmuminin Lover @silasun @Gaius I. Caesar @400226 @LadyNadine

Thanks for your responses!

It's interesting because I once had a civilized discussion with my sister. At first my sister said that nowhere in the Quran does it say that wearing Hijab is compulsory. However, after I proved her through the meaning of that specific Arabic word used in the Quranic verse (which tells women to cover up) - then she admitted that yeah it does.

But now she brings up these lame excuses such as, "why will showing legs to people make any difference ", "covering up is not aligned with my personal values". Now suddenly she hates it whenever I bring Quranic references. I try to be very polite and nice, but she still shuts me up and goes to her room all of a sudden. 

I'm personally very close to her, and we hardly have fights. She is very open-minded in a sense, that she accepts me being religious and has no problem. Forget about me, she even hates it when my Mum criticizes her dress. 

It's just going nowhere tbh. I just hope Allah guides her to the straight path. 

 

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3 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

It's just going nowhere tbh. I just hope Allah guides her to the straight path. 

 

I am sorry to hear that, at least you tried.  But I like said, there's nothing you can really do except pray and understand that in the end, her decision doesn't affect anyone but her and nobody but herself is responsible her choices in life.

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2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

@E.L King @AmirAlmuminin Lover @silasun @Gaius I. Caesar @400226 @LadyNadine

Thanks for your responses!

It's interesting because I once had a civilized discussion with my sister. At first my sister said that nowhere in the Quran does it say that wearing Hijab is compulsory. However, after I proved her through the meaning of that specific Arabic word used in the Quranic verse (which tells women to cover up) - then she admitted that yeah it does.

But now she brings up these lame excuses such as, "why will showing legs to people make any difference ", "covering up is not aligned with my personal values". Now suddenly she hates it whenever I bring Quranic references. I try to be very polite and nice, but she still shuts me up and goes to her room all of a sudden. 

I'm personally very close to her, and we hardly have fights. She is very open-minded in a sense, that she accepts me being religious and has no problem. Forget about me, she even hates it when my Mum criticizes her dress. 

It's just going nowhere tbh. I just hope Allah guides her to the straight path. 

 

Brother, all Muslim women who don't observe Hijab know that it's Wajib. They all know that it's in Quran.

Your approach should be changed. When I said be nice to her, I mean be super nice. For example, see what she likes to drink in the morning. Wake up early, GI to kitchen, make a perfect coffee or whatever and go to her room and give it to her. You should try hard. It's a Jihad. You can also peel fruit and give it to her during the day. She should feel that her brother is supportive and trustful first. I know you are good to her now, but for a big change like Hijab observation, you should try harder.

When I was back in Iran, I used to do similar things for my mother, and it affects on the person. I made breakfast and gave it to my mum on her bed when she woke up. I didn't do that to ask my mum to do sth, I did that because I love my mum. I realized that women like it. After several months of supporting and being nice, you can gradually start talking about Hijab. That time you can be HOPEFUL to see some small changes in her dress style (maybe wearing long shorts or leggings instead of short ones). Regardless of whatever result you'll get, you did your effort and Jihad. If it's a small change, you should be proud of yourself. 

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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15 hours ago, shia farm girl said:

Salaam, I have a difficult time finding things related to Sayed Khamenei on the internet-would you by chance be able to provide a link for the mentioned Q&A, in sha Allah?

Thanks!

Wsalam

I can't access the pdf of his Q and A online - it seems that leader.ir has been hit by some cyber attack because presstv has been down too.

If you need the Q and A pdf in the meantime I can put it on a dropbox for you.

Edited by silasun

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4 hours ago, silasun said:

Wsalam

I can't access the pdf of his Q and A online - it seems that leader.ir has been hit by some cyber attack because presstv has been down too.

If you need the Q and A pdf in the meantime I can put it on a dropbox for you.

As salaamun aleikum, Thank you so much for the link-very much appreciated. May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى reward you for your efforts, in sha Allah:)

 

 W/s

 

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