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Smiles786

Question about spousal selection

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Salaam all

I am a girl talking to a prospect with our parents consent. We get along great and I think he's the one.

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

I have never even held a guy's hand. I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

Any explanation or advice is appreciated from both genders.

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33 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam all

I am a girl talking to a prospect with our parents consent. We get along great and I think he's the one.

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

I have never even held a guy's hand. I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

Any explanation or advice is appreciated from both genders.

Salaam,

It may just be that he is a bit immature and is not sure about how to talk to women. Ask him if he is into movies and TV. If yes, then his version of women and marriage will be Hollywood-esque.

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7 minutes ago, shiaman14 said:

Salaam,

It may just be that he is a bit immature and is not sure about how to talk to women. Ask him if he is into movies and TV. If yes, then his version of women and marriage will be Hollywood-esque.

He thinks he's mature because he has been in relationships but I get the feeling those were more physical than emotional. 

Perhaps he needs some pointers on how-to talk to girls?

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I mean, personally for me, if the person and i were engaged, then “your lips look kissable” seems more like a compliment than anything else. 

But if you’ve just met him, then yeah, that’s too forward and pretty weird.

In terms of him complimenting your physical appearance—maybe he’s just more expressive than other people and complimenting you can be a way of saying, “I like you, and I’m also attracted to your face/whatever.” Take the compliment for what it is, because some men won’t even compliment their wives or make them feel loved. 

Or as Shiaman says, it may be just immaturity. How old is he?

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7 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam all

I am a girl talking to a prospect with our parents consent. We get along great and I think he's the one.

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

I have never even held a guy's hand. I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

Any explanation or advice is appreciated from both genders.

:salam:

Is it a habit for him or did he say it once - and maybe regreted it ?

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It is hard to wrote words such as K**********, especially there are young impressionable minds who will pollute their minds with natural desires.

Perhaps he is a flirtatious type of individual, and believe comments as such, will quickly create intimacy. As you are courting, just ignore those comments and talk about different subjects, eventually if he his conversations are on a  constant compliment based theme, then it would infer he isn't quite right in the head. Then you can let him know that in a polite manner. do remind your self, his comments may work on another type of female, it is just perhaps you who finds it too early, and in ten years time, you will be saying the opposite of not being complimented enough.

Edited by monad

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22 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam all

I am a girl talking to a prospect with our parents consent. We get along great and I think he's the one.

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

I have never even held a guy's hand. I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

Any explanation or advice is appreciated from both genders.

Salaam Alaykum

If you are not engaged by religion, tell him that you are non-mahram. But if you are mahram, can he express his feelings to any other woman on earth except his wife? Please, please, please, let him be comfortable with you. You are the only woman on earth that he can express his feelings. Please don't break him. Let him feel you're his fairy girl. Let him be your lover. 

In marriage, there is no limitations on expressing emotions. Why should some girls think like that? Men have emotional and physical needs. Doesn't it give you good feeling that you're the only one on earth who hears his emotions?

Please let him be comfortable with you if you are engaged. If not, tell him to leave everything after engagement.

Have a happy marriage inshaallah

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22 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

That's because he's flirting with you.

22 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

He's using the same approach for a potential spouse as he would for a potential girlfriend.

21 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

He thinks he's mature because he has been in relationships

Clearly, he's been in this situation before and he's been successful in those endeavors. How many relationships are we talking about exactly?

21 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Perhaps he needs some pointers on how-to talk to girls?

Nope, from the sound of it he knows how to talk to girls just fine.

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19 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam all

I am a girl talking to a prospect with our parents consent. We get along great and I think he's the one.

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

I have never even held a guy's hand. I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

Any explanation or advice is appreciated from both genders.

He just wants to have a physical relationship with you. Is he your fiance? or are you planing to marry him?

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22 hours ago, Smiles786 said:

Salaam all

I am a girl talking to a prospect with our parents consent. We get along great and I think he's the one.

I just find it odd that he is very expressive/vocal in his attraction towards me .  The other prospects never did this. He says stufc like  my lips look very kissable...(sorry for writing the k word)

I have never even held a guy's hand. I don't understand why he says these things and thinks it's important to let me know how he feels all the time. 

Any explanation or advice is appreciated from both genders.

I'm not going to lie. I get these compliments all the time from "MUSLIM" and "ARAB" men. It is really how society has turn into. Once a girl and a guy reach a certain age, they believe it is a compliment and sweet. Now I address these concerns to my friends before. Just like you, I don't like it. Unless I was engaged to him of course. I been called old fashion, too conservative, and close minded by my friends and they are females and muslim.

A few times I address my issues with these men that were doing this, and I been called weird and too religious or strict.

@Smiles786 Smiles,

There is really no right or wrong way. If it bothers you, just tell him makes you a little uncomfortable because your not sure how to react because you aren't experience in this type of talk from the opposite genders.

I hope I helped.

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8 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

If you are not engaged by religion, tell him that you are non-mahram. But if you are mahram, can he express his feelings to any other woman on earth except his wife? Please, please, please, let him be comfortable with you. You are the only woman on earth that he can express his feelings. Please don't break him. Let him feel you're his fairy girl. Let him be your lover. 

In marriage, there is no limitations on expressing emotions. Why should some girls think like that? Men have emotional and physical needs. Doesn't it give you good feeling that you're the only one on earth who hears his emotions?

Please let him be comfortable with you if you are engaged. If not, tell him to leave everything after engagement.

Have a happy marriage inshaallah

I just wanted to mention something to prevent confusion. This is OK only if he is engaged  BY RELIGION. Otherwise, it's Haram and not acceptable.

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20 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I mean, personally for me, if the person and i were engaged, then “your lips look kissable” seems more like a compliment than anything else. 

But if you’ve just met him, then yeah, that’s too forward and pretty weird.

In terms of him complimenting your physical appearance—maybe he’s just more expressive than other people and complimenting you can be a way of saying, “I like you, and I’m also attracted to your face/whatever.” Take the compliment for what it is, because some men won’t even compliment their wives or make them feel loved. 

Or as Shiaman says, it may be just immaturity. How old is he?

Thank you. He' in his early 30s

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17 hours ago, realizm said:

:salam:

Is it a habit for him or did he say it once - and maybe regreted it ?

He says similar things but I think he knows I am not okay with this. He has toned it down if I don't respond.

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8 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

That's because he's flirting with you.

He's using the same approach for a potential spouse as he would for a potential girlfriend.

Clearly, he's been in this situation before and he's been successful in those endeavors. How many relationships are we talking about exactly?

Nope, from the sound of it he knows how to talk to girls just fine.

Girlfriend and fiance are not the same.  I don't think he gets that. This relationship will remain halal until nikkah. 

He didn't say how many past relationships. But I highly doubt it's a lot. He actually told me that girls like me would not pay attention to him.

I don't think I am similar to the other girls he has complimented.

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4 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

He just wants to have a physical relationship with you. Is he your fiance? or are you planing to marry him?

Almost. We are planning engagement and marriage right now.

Physical after nikkah only. 

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3 hours ago, LadyNadine said:

I'm not going to lie. I get these compliments all the time from "MUSLIM" and "ARAB" men. It is really how society has turn into. Once a girl and a guy reach a certain age, they believe it is a compliment and sweet. Now I address these concerns to my friends before. Just like you, I don't like it. Unless I was engaged to him of course. I been called old fashion, too conservative, and close minded by my friends and they are females and muslim.

A few times I address my issues with these men that were doing this, and I been called weird and too religious or strict.

@Smiles786 Smiles,

There is really no right or wrong way. If it bothers you, just tell him makes you a little uncomfortable because your not sure how to react because you aren't experience in this type of talk from the opposite genders.

I hope I helped.

I am with you on this. Men need to respect boundaries. They flirt too much even in ziyarat and the halal shops.

My mom said I act like an aunty :hahaha:

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Just now, Smiles786 said:

I am with you on this. Men need to respect boundaries. They flirt too much even in ziyarat and the halal shops.

My mom said I act like an aunty :hahaha:

LOL 

Your not doing anything wrong, but if really serious about you two, just phrase it in a way you would make it not sound to harsh.

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3 minutes ago, LadyNadine said:

LOL 

Your not doing anything wrong, but if really serious about you two, just phrase it in a way you would make it not sound to harsh.

When did men become so expressive?

My dad and brother don't do any of these things 

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17 minutes ago, Smiles786 said:

When did men become so expressive?

My dad and brother don't do any of these things 

Well. I am sure your dad did there would be a problem. Lol but with your brother you’re not sure about that. Men act different when they are around family and when they aren’t. Same goes for females. 

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