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Obeying parents

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Guest Aalia

What does obeying parents actually mean.To what extent should we obey them.If my father forces me to persue the field which i don't like eg mba what should i do even after telling him..If my mother always tells me to go somewhere i don't like .what is my duty?.If my mother tells me all the time what to wear..what should i do as i am adult now ?

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7 hours ago, Guest Aalia said:

What does obeying parents actually mean.To what extent should we obey them.If my father forces me to persue the field which i don't like eg mba what should i do even after telling him..If my mother always tells me to go somewhere i don't like .what is my duty?.If my mother tells me all the time what to wear..what should i do as i am adult now ?

According to the Right of Obedience

Love and obedience are two inseparable things. Love is like the flame of a lamp and obedience is like its light. Thus, after exhorting the children to love their parents it is but natural to expect them to obey them. And in this respect also obedience of parents is a mirror of obedience of Allah. The ayat (verses) mentioned in the beginning are enough to show this aspect. Furthermore, the following similarity is worthy of attention:

First Similarity

Second Similarity

Now comes a very interesting aspect of this discourse: Allah is Ever-living and Self-existent; He is Eternal; He can never die, nor can His `Lordship' and `Rule' ever come to end.
 
But the life of a man is flanked by `non-existence' on both sides. First he was non-existent, then became existent, then again he dies.
 
Ordinarily, it would have been quite enough to order the child to obey his parents so long as they are alive, and make him free of all obligations as soon as they depart from this world. But it would not have been in keeping with the 'metaphorical lordship' of parents. Islam ordained that as the Lordship of Allah does not come to end; like-wise, the lordship of the parents is not effected by their death. It continues so long as the child is alive.
 
Al-Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a. s.) said:
 
Verily, a servant of Allah remains good to his parents when they are alive; then they die and he neither repays their loan nor asks pardon (of Allah) for them. At that, Allah writes him as a disobedient child. And, verily, he remains disobedient to them during their life-time, not being good to them, but when they die, he repays their loan and asks pardon (of Allah) for them. Then Allah writes him as an `obedient and good' child.
 
A man from Banu Salamah asked the Holy Prophet, “After the death of my parents, is there any right of theirs, still remaining which I should perform (by which I should do good to them)?” The Holy Prophet said: “Yes, praying for them, asking pardon of Allah for them, fulfiling their promise and respecting their friends.”

Third Similarity

The above hadith shows one more similarity. To respect the chosen servants of Allah (like Prophet and Imams) is an important part of the rights of Allah. Likewise, to respect the friends of one's parents is among the compulsory rights of the parents.

Superiority of Mother's Rights

Uptil now, I have explained the joint rights of both parents on the children. But we know that during pregnancy and rearing children, the mother gladly suffers such turmoils which paternal love can never endure. Islam is the natural religion; it has nowhere ignored the natural urges. It is for this reason that many ayat specially refer to the troubles endured by mothers.
 
. . . in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning . . .(Qur'an, 31 :14)
 
We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents. In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carry-ing of the child to his weaning is thirty month (Qur'an, 46:15)
 
Hakim ibn Hizam asked the Holy Prophet “O' Messenger of Allah, whom should I do good to?” The Holy Prophet said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” The Holy Prophet again said: “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” The Holy Prophet again said, “Your moth-er.” He asked fourth time, “Then who?” Then the Holy Prophet said, “Your father.”
 
It is because of this hadith that Muslim scholars say that the right of the mother is three times greater than the right of father. Also, the Holy Prophet has said: “Paradise is under the feet of mothers.”

A Warning

Islam has given parents so much right on their children. But it does not mean that the parents have been given licence to ill-treat their children. Tyrant parents are a danger to Muslim society and family.
 
As a check against such high-handedness, the Holy Prophet has said: “Allah has cursed those parents who (by their behaviour) compel their children to disobey them.”
 
How can this happen?
 
If the parents themselves do not care about the rights of their children; if they do not give proper religious education; if they neglect their character-building; if they put so much burden upon them that is beyond their strength; if they behave towards the children tyrannically - then it is they who are compelling the children to revolt against them; and they will become candidates of the above-mentioned curse of Allah.

The Qur'an and the Gospels

The Rev. G. Margoliouth has written in the introduction of the translation of The Koran by Rev. J. M. Rodwell:
The shortcomings of the moral teaching contained in the Koran are striking enough if judged from the highest ethical stand-point with which we are acquainted.
 
Well, we have seen what the Qur'an and the Prophet of the Qur'an teach about the moral and ethical obligations of parents and children. Let us see what light is thrown on this subject in the Gospels
 
While he (Jesus) yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. Then one (man) said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. But he answered and said unto him that told him, who is my mother? and who are my brethren? (Mathew, 12: 46-48).
 
What a gentle way of talking about one's mother and brethren
 
of course, we Muslims know that Prophet `Isa (a.s.) could never talk like this about his mother. But this knowledge comes not from the Gospel, but from the Qur'an itself, where he is quoted as saying:
 
(Allah) has made me kind to my mother, and did not make me over-bearing or miserable. (Qur'an, 19:32)
 
Now, we may easily judge which book presents the “highest ethical stand-point.”
 
Rev. J. M. Rodwell has translated the 40th ayah of 4th surah like this:
 
“Worship God, and join not aught with Him in worship. Be good to parents . . .
 
And under this ayah, he has written the following foot-note.
 
An undutiful child is very seldom heard of among the Egyptians, or the Arabs in general. Sons scarcely ever sit, or eat, or smoke, in the presence of the father unless bidden to do so; and they often wait upon him and upon his guests at meals and on other occasions; they do not cease to act thus when they have become men.
 
This foot-note under this ayah is an acknowledgement that this respect and honor of the parent in the Muslim societies is the direct result of the teaching of the Qur'an.

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Guest Aalia
41 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

According to the Right of Obedience 
 

Well written but my questions remain unanswered

Edited by starlight
Edited long quote

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Guest Aalia
2 hours ago, starlight said:

To the OP..obeying parents doesn't mean that they take all the decisions of your life. You can have your say in choosing subjects,  career, spouse and it's not a sin to go against them when it comes to personal decisions.

Then what does obeying parents mean? When we have to obey them?

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