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Marriage without parents consent

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Guest Guest 62

Salam alikom, 

I have a question regarding marriage. I'll try to give a summary about my whole situation. 

I have been trying to get married to a man for two years now but have no luck because of my parents. The issue for them is that he is a non Arab while I am an Arab. My parents refuse to even meet him. My dad is holding on to certain stereotypes about the man's culture. For example he says people from his culture are known to be '' fighters ''.  My dad even went further to say after his death, I could get married to this man. 

I was really trying to find one thing in this man's personality that I could stop talking to him for, however there isnt anything big. Alhamdililah he is religious, very kind and has such a good heart. I've seen him handle many different situations that really showed me his true colors. 

I've also prayed istikhara a few times but did not get any response. 

After this long, it's become a complete heartache for me. My mind is always thinking about this situation. 

My question is, would I be able to do my nikkah without my parents consent given the circumstances of my situation? I really do not want to hurt my parents but feel this whole situation is just unfortunate. 

Has anyone ever done this? And if so, what was the outcome? 

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2 minutes ago, Guest Guest 62 said:

My question is, would I be able to do my nikkah without my parents consent given the circumstances of my situation? I really do not want to hurt my parents but feel this whole situation is just unfortunate.

Salam. If you have never been married before, according to the laws of Islam you need your father's permission to get married. How old are you? Do you actually want to run away and get married and never see your parents again? You don't want to have a real wedding with them smiling and hugging and kissing you and taking a bazillion photos? Don't make any horrible decision that would devastate your parents. They would probably die from a broken heart. 

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21 hours ago, Guest Guest 62 said:

Salam alikom, 

I have a question regarding marriage. I'll try to give a summary about my whole situation. 

I have been trying to get married to a man for two years now but have no luck because of my parents. The issue for them is that he is a non Arab while I am an Arab. My parents refuse to even meet him. My dad is holding on to certain stereotypes about the man's culture. For example he says people from his culture are known to be '' fighters ''.  My dad even went further to say after his death, I could get married to this man. 

I was really trying to find one thing in this man's personality that I could stop talking to him for, however there isnt anything big. Alhamdililah he is religious, very kind and has such a good heart. I've seen him handle many different situations that really showed me his true colors. 

I've also prayed istikhara a few times but did not get any response. 

After this long, it's become a complete heartache for me. My mind is always thinking about this situation. 

My question is, would I be able to do my nikkah without my parents consent given the circumstances of my situation? I really do not want to hurt my parents but feel this whole situation is just unfortunate. 

Has anyone ever done this? And if so, what was the outcome? 

Salaam Alaykum

Ask Imam of your mosque to talk with your dad. Ask someone to talk with your dad that your dad likes that person.

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2386. In the following situations, it will not be necessary for a woman to seek the permission of her father or paternal grandfather, before getting married:
If she is not a virgin. If she is a virgin, but her father or paternal grandfather refuse to grant permission to her for marrying a man who is compatible to her in the eyes of Shariah, as well as custom. If the father and the grandfather are not in any way willing to participate in the marriage. If they are not in a capacity to give their consent, like in the case of mental illness etc. If it is not possible to obtain their permission because of their absence, or such other reasons, and the woman is eager to get married urgently.

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2346/

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If their reasons for rejecting him are unislamic (culture, wealth, race, ethnicity, for example) you can proceed without permission, but you are likely to lose your family in the process, at least for a while maybe forever. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. 

It would be better to persuade them to accept him. Is there anyone in your community who can intercede with your father on your behalf, convince them that this man is good enough for his beloved daughter? 

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This depends on your marja’. There are three opinions among the maraji’ that I know of regarding this issue.

1. It is an obligatory caution to ask your father’s permission even if the father’s decisions are not valid or logical

2. It is an obligatory caution to ask your father’s permission, but if the father does not allow you without providing a valid or logical reason then the father’s permission ceases to be obligatory.

3. It is not obligatory to ask your father’s permission. 

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