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TheslaveofAllah

Advice urgently needed

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Salam alikum 

I have had marriage problems since got married now 12 years later 3 children things has worsen.

to cut the story short me and him are completely different people , I didn't make the choice in marrying his, he's a saiyid but doesn't practice , doesn't even blv in many essentials of the religion.

 The final 4 years had been hell, last year went to solicitor and applied for divorce he pushed me as he didn't want it to work out. Once papers came through he went mental.

tries to work it out and give another chance at it but it's been  months he's refusing to speak we are sleeping at separate rooms.

i am really unhappy don't know what to do.

main problems 

he gambles 

addicted to chest 

hates me 

doesn't practice 

doesnt spend time with kids 

not willinh to work on this marriage 

I want to know should I keep patient and continue for the sake of kids even though I am broken 

or divorce and which means he won't want to see the kids ever as he made it clear.

when Allah says he makes mercy and love between couples why isn't mine like that is it coz I am a bad person and I am being punished?

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2 hours ago, TheslaveofAllah said:

Salam alikum 

I have had marriage problems since got married now 12 years later 3 children things has worsen.

to cut the story short me and him are completely different people , I didn't make the choice in marrying his, he's a saiyid but doesn't practice , doesn't even blv in many essentials of the religion.

 The final 4 years had been hell, last year went to solicitor and applied for divorce he pushed me as he didn't want it to work out. Once papers came through he went mental.

tries to work it out and give another chance at it but it's been  months he's refusing to speak we are sleeping at separate rooms.

i am really unhappy don't know what to do.

main problems 

he gambles 

addicted to chest 

hates me 

doesn't practice 

doesnt spend time with kids 

not willinh to work on this marriage 

I want to know should I keep patient and continue for the sake of kids even though I am broken 

or divorce and which means he won't want to see the kids ever as he made it clear.

when Allah says he makes mercy and love between couples why isn't mine like that is it coz I am a bad person and I am being punished?

Salaam, 

Not to detract away from your marital issues, but what does " he is addicted to chest" mean? 

Also, firstly you need to go seek counseling or therapy with your husband. Try private messaging a sister on this website and give her your location details and she should be able to find a good Muslim psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc who has a good track record of helping people (Shia or Sunni makes no difference) (preferably female but male is fine).  In fact from what I can tell Islamic psychology (a new strain of psychology that uses Islamic ideals to solve issues like marriage, etc) is highly dominated by Muslim women, so you should  have plenty of  female therapist's etc to choose from. 

Heck if he (your husband) is unwilling to go to counseling or therapy then at least go on your own and be as honest as possible in discussing the details of your marital issues ( if going alone then there is a strong preference for a female Muslim psychologist, therapist, or counsellor). Understand that not all therapist's, etc are created equal. So shop around until you find one (again preferably female) that chimes well with you and your marital issues. 

Sure, we here can give you advice. But your marriage has a lot of nuances that you cannot tell us and it would not be possible for us to help your marriage in the same capacity as a Muslim marriage therapist. So again, seek out the help of a professional Muslim therapist who you feel comfortable with in terms of alleviating your marital difficulties 

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Sister,if you can then leave him.  I am not an advocate of divorce but for me personally, a husband  who persistently indulging in any haram act (gambling,in your case) would be a deal breaker. I wouldn't want to raise my kids in the vicinity of a man who trivialises haram acts.

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First, think over as to what difficulties will happen after divorce:

1. Will your family accept to raise children ?

2. Will you require to do job to meet financial requirements of kids ?

3. Make all arrangements before hand and then leave him to your parents home without telling him otherwise he may become violent and then if you think you are ready, get divorced. Because I do not think that you can live with this person honestly. 

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