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Irfani313

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Salam dear brothers and sisters,

I recently read this article on RT (Hunting for Wife #2 Online, Playing Islam to Wahhabism Distortion)

https://www.rt.com/op-edge/407765-polygamy-wife-uk-muslim/

I've read sister Catherine Shakdam's other articles before but I could not disagree more with this one. It appeared so ShiaChat'sy, liberal, feminist, wrapped in Hijab, so proudly calling herself Shia Muslim yet so beholden to Western lens when it comes to understanding of 'Islamic household' sunnah of the Prophet S and Aimah AS.

Comments..

Edited by Irfani313

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I don't see what's wrong with her article, I also agree that Mr. Chaiwala has simply made excuses and turned our religion into a joke or social experiment.

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَىٰ فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا - 4:3

If you fear injustice, then one wife is enough, just because it is halal doesn't mean that we should take four wives. We have to keep urf in consideration. If it is illegal in the country we live in, then according to Sistani, it is forbidden for us to do.

P.S. How many of those household traditions are actually legit, as in not contradicting the Quran or sayings of the Prophet? We don't have sahih books like Sunnis.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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4 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

I don't see what's wrong with her article, I also agree that Mr. Chaiwala has simply made excuses and turned our religion into a joke or social experiment.

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَىٰ فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا - 4:3

If you fear injustice, then one wife is enough, just because it is halal doesn't mean that we should take four wives. We have to keep urf in consideration. If it is illegal in the country we live in, then according to Sistani, it is forbidden for us to do.

P.S. How many of those household traditions are actually legit, as in not contradicting the Quran or sayings of the Prophet? We don't have sahih books like Sunnis.

But here is the thing. As Muslims there are much better ways to acheive a mostly happy polygamous marriage. I am sure you guys know of co-wives who are not mentally wrecked by their hubby's other wives and mostly live happily. Granted this is rare, but still acheivable. Honestly we as Muslims need to show these families as role models of how to achieve polygamy in a decent matter. Rather than treat polygamy like it is haram. That means if Muslim guys want to have a polygamous marriage then it should be cleared before he marries his first wife. Also the Muslim guy should preferably marry a Muslim woman who herself was the by-product of a halal polygamous marriage that was pretty decent. That way she will be more "chill" with a polygamous marriage of her hubby than a Muslim woman who was the by-product of a halal monogamous marriage. 

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59 minutes ago, Guest Account Ali said:

But here is the thing. As Muslims there are much better ways to acheive a mostly happy polygamous marriage. I am sure you guys know of co-wives who are not mentally wrecked by their hubby's other wives and mostly live happily. Granted this is rare, but still acheivable. Honestly we as Muslims need to show these families as role models of how to achieve polygamy in a decent matter. Rather than treat polygamy like it is haram. That means if Muslim guys want to have a polygamous marriage then it should be cleared before he marries his first wife. Also the Muslim guy should preferably marry a Muslim woman who herself was the by-product of a halal polygamous marriage that was pretty decent. That way she will be more "chill" with a polygamous marriage of her hubby than a Muslim woman who was the by-product of a halal monogamous marriage. 

I agree with you, but when you live in a country where polygamy is illegal, it is imperative that we respect the rules and regulations of said country. It is haram to be a lawbreaker, why would you break the law to pleasure yourself? We have a responsibility to be the best image of Islam possible in the West. If that means no multiple wives, so be it. 

It is very hard to do the extended family thing in places like the US and UK, it will never be accepted in their urf.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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6 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

I don't see what's wrong with her article, I

She had zero solid arguments against polygamy. To me it was more of an angry woman's rant than an article. I was expecting a more cohesive piece with some sound arguments.

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On 10/26/2017 at 10:08 PM, Gaius I. Caesar said:

I agree with you, but when you live in a country where polygamy is illegal, it is imperative that we respect the rules and regulations of said country. It is haram to be a lawbreaker, why would you break the law to pleasure yourself? We have a responsibility to be the best image of Islam possible in the West. If that means no multiple wives, so be it. 

It is very hard to do the extended family thing in places like the US and UK, it will never be accepted in their urf.

Muslims can live in countries and obey the law of the land if it does not make something haram that which is halal and vice-versa. There is no obedience to laws that make haram that which is halal or make something haram that which is makruh. 

 

Also can we please stop referring to polygamy in the same disdain Catholics do? A guy who marries a single woman will do it for the same lustful intentions if he decides to marry another time. Also, there is nothing wrong or to be ashamed about our sexual desires and wanting to fulfill them in a halal way. For example, if a Muslim woman finds out before her nikah that her hubby has ED and she decides to call off the engagement then we should not shame her in doing so. Again, we believe the Islamic paradigm of sexuality which includes polygamy, NOT the Catholic paradigm. 

 

Now, I never said polygamy was mustahab. Even the Quran says it is better not to do polygamy. But we should be careful in our criticisms of polygamy lest we insult ancient Shia scholars, Shia imams, and the prophet, who all to varying extents practiced polygamy. 

 

Also yes I do understand that the current political environment that is stacked against Muslims is making polygamy socially and economically and politically difficult. But hey, that did not stop Orthodox Jews from accruing more political power at least here in the US and in general making the US more friendlier to Orthodox Judaism. Which includes things like polygamy, gender segregation, modest clothing, kosher, etc. Notice how despite many precepts of Orthodox Judaism being unacceptable or borderline acceptable to the American and British paradigm, Jews have garnered sufficient social and political and even economic influence to have Orthodox Judaism be the exception to these Western countries and their moral paradigms. In fact in some areas it is illegal to even question the Orthodox Jewish paradigm despite it clashing with Western culture and norms.

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1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Notice how despite many precepts of Orthodox Judaism being unacceptable or borderline acceptable to the American and British paradigm, Jews have garnered sufficient social and political and even economic influence to have Orthodox Judaism be the exception to these Western countries and their moral paradigms. In fact in some areas it is illegal to even question the Orthodox Jewish paradigm despite it clashing with Western culture and norms.

Notice how we and the Mormons get the same grief for what the same things we share with the Orthodox Jews, we don't live in gated communities, so naturally we are held to the same standards as everyone else in public. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Now, I never said polygamy was mustahab. Even the Quran says it is better not to do polygamy. But we should be careful in our criticisms of polygamy lest we insult ancient Shia scholars, Shia imams, and the prophet, who all to varying extents practiced polygamy

I never said polygamy is haram for us, I said it is haram for us to break the laws of the country we are living in. Even if it includes the right to have more than one wife. Like you said, the Quran states that it is better to have one wife than have multiple wives.

I would die before insulting any of our scholars (ha), Imams (as) or the Prophet (saws)

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

lso can we please stop referring to polygamy in the same disdain Catholics do? A guy who marries a single woman will do it for the same lustful intentions if he decides to marry another time. Also, there is nothing wrong or to be ashamed about our sexual desires and wanting to fulfill them in a halal way. For example, if a Muslim woman finds out before her nikah that her hubby has ED and she decides to call off the engagement then we should not shame her in doing so. Again, we believe the Islamic paradigm of sexuality which includes polygamy, NOT the Catholic paradigm. 

I never said anything about Catholics, why bring them up? My disdain is not for polygamy, but people misusing polygamy and giving Islam a bad image. By the way calling off the engagement with somebody over ED is incredibly shallow, it can be fixed. There is no excuse, period.

 

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Muslims can live in countries and obey the law of the land if it does not make something haram that which is halal and vice-versa. There is no obedience to laws that make haram that which is halal or make something haram that which is makruh. 

Quote

 

I don't know about that, doesn't sound completely right. I will do some more research on this.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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3 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Notice how we and the Mormons get the same grief for what the same things we share with the Orthodox Jews, we don't live in gated communities, so naturally we are held to the same standards as everyone else in public. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

I never said polygamy is haram for us, I said it is haram for us to break the laws of the country we are living in. Even if it includes the right to have more than one wife. Like you said, the Quran states that it is better to have one wife than have multiple wives.

I would die before insulting any of our scholars (ha), Imams (as) or the Prophet (saws)

I never said anything about Catholics, why bring them up? My disdain is not for polygamy, but people misusing polygamy and giving Islam a bad image. By the way calling off the engagement with somebody over ED is incredibly shallow, it can be fixed. There is no excuse, period.

 

I don't know about that, doesn't sound completely right. I will do some more research on this.

Bruh, Orthodox Jews are better assimilated and accepted and in higher numbers at least in the US, so yes we should attempt to emulate their success. Not by assimilating (Which is a fancy way of saying "be like us or we will ostracise you") but by gaining enough social, political, and economic prominence in the US at least. Then essentially Muslims will "redefine" the American identity and we will no longer be looked upon as the distant other. 

 

Also I brought up Catholicism as more of a description of the opposite paradigm of sexuality of Islam, not necessarily the nuances of the religion. 

 

Also I hope you realize that by treating it AS IF polygamy was haram and distasteful and never talking about It will lead people to have bad polygamous marriages because no one taught them better when they were younger? Again, that is why Muslims need to push past this and elevate examples of real life good polygamous Muslim couples in our communities and teach our kids both monogamy and polygamy and how to achieve relative success in both. That way they grow up with the skills necessary to navigate both polygamy and monogamy. 

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7 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Bruh, Orthodox Jews are better assimilated and accepted and in higher numbers at least in the US, so yes we should attempt to emulate their success. Not by assimilating (Which is a fancy way of saying "be like us or we will ostracise you") but by gaining enough social, political, and economic prominence in the US at least.

Already we are a bigger community and live publicly with the average American, if we could be less insular, we wouldn't be lacking in social, economic and political prominence, although I don't necessarily think that is a good thing. Especially the political part, we might end up like the Zionists and fail to see political reality in an objective manner.

You don't need to explain what assimilation is to me, bro. I went to school.

7 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Then essentially Muslims will "redefine" the American identity and we will no longer be looked upon as the distant other. 

 

It wasn't long ago that we were simply seem as Americans who follow Islam, now we're just potential terror suspects and the "other".  9/11 changed everything for Muslims in the US and Europe.

7 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Also I hope you realize that by treating it AS IF polygamy was haram and distasteful and never talking about It will lead people to have bad polygamous marriages because no one taught them better when they were younger? Again, that is why Muslims need to push past this and elevate examples of real life good polygamous Muslim couples in our communities and teach our kids both monogamy and polygamy and how to achieve relative success in both. That way they grow up with the skills necessary to navigate both polygamy and monogamy. 

No, I hope you realize that there is no reason why we should be taking more than one wife in western countries, other than we want to. It has a lot of disavantages from what I can tell and for the record, I have yet to hear about good examples of polygamy in the US, where I live. Polygamy is fine but how Mr. Chaiwala is going about it seems fishy and distasteful, giving Islam a bad image.

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10 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Already we are a bigger community and live publicly with the average American, if we could be less insular, we wouldn't be lacking in social, economic and political prominence, although I don't necessarily think that is a good thing. Especially the political part, we might end up like the Zionists and fail to see political reality in an objective manner.

You don't need to explain what assimilation is to me, bro. I went to school.

It wasn't long ago that we were simply seem as Americans who follow Islam, now we're just potential terror suspects and the "other".  9/11 changed everything for Muslims in the US and Europe.

No, I hope you realize that there is no reason why we should be taking more than one wife in western countries, other than we want to. It has a lot of disavantages from what I can tell and for the record, I have yet to hear about good examples of polygamy in the US, where I live. Polygamy is fine but how Mr. Chaiwala is going about it seems fishy and distasteful, giving Islam a bad image.

Dude, I am not sure if you moved to the US or actually grew up here. As for me, I was born in Canada but then when I was about 6 months my parents moved to the US. So I was always in the western environment as it were. Also, I can show you demographics studies done that show we are close give or take maybe about 40-50 years, but still we have not overtaken jews in population number. Also, dude every single minority in the US is "insular" as it were and still are. It is just that muslims are singled out for being insular like it is a bad thing. Again, no one blames Native Americans, African Americans, Asians, Italians, Catholics, Hispanics, etc. for being "insular" as it were and Americans hypocritically think of these groups as normal, despite these groups also disliking mainstream white americans as much as the next person in their "insular" communities and committing more crimes in the US. Again, literally Jews in the US had to gain more PEGS( Political, economic, Geographic, and Social) so that they would be socially persecuted less, politically not scorned, and economically given more freedom to operate. I remember this one Bostonian man talking about how when he lived in a jewish neighborhood during the 1950s most of the jews there were afraid of showing their jewishness as it were, however right up until the US allied with Israel is when through religious ties with Israel jews were finally more free as it were to gain prominence. So until something like that happens in the US then muslims will never truly be able to achieve complete acceptance no matter how many muslim hollywood actors there are and no matter how many fortune 500 companies we own. 

 

Also, most people don't realize but Jews took up Zionism in the 1950s as a way to protect themselves politically in the US and represent their interests. I mean, most zionists know that contrary to the western narrative Israel was never at any point in its history and even now under any existential threat,if you want to I can provide yo references wherein Israeli historians and scholars themselves admit that they were never under any real threat even during the six-day war. They just associate with Zionism to give themselves an exclusive political identity that prevents informal (not formal) persecution. I don't agree with Zionism, but Zionism is a harsh reaction of the amount of brutish violence and subjugation Jews felt in Europe and America for centuries upon centuries, so of course Zionism will be quite brutish and blind in return.

 

Also, I explained Assimilationism because most people think it is just fitting in, however it actually has a more darker past and tone due to European and American intolerance towards the "other". Again, just open up any sociology textbook to unveil this term and its meaning. If you did, then good job, if you don't know about assimilation and its sociological definition and implications then I suggest reading up on it. 

 

Okay bruh, I don't know what dreamstate you were living in but muslims in America were ALWAYS the other. Before 9/11, muslims were associated with old orientalist stereotypes that were often negative and portrayed muslims and Islam negatively. In fact, 9/11 did not change much, instead of associating a typical muslim with Osama Bin Laden they associated a typical muslim with Jafar from Aladdin, among other orientalist pop culture icons that emerged from "arabian fantasy". With such "masterpieces" as Aladdin being the epitome of the pathetic POV westerners had on muslims and arab culture. I suggest you check out the works of Edward Said, and his colleagues in order to get a more intellectual outlook on this. 

 

Dude, the free-love movement of the 1970s was polyamory on LSD in the US, and that had pretty mainstream acceptance. Not that Islamically the free-love movement was good, and certainly it was abominable in its extremities. In fact, it took the Vietnam war that forcibly moved American men onto battles of occupation to break the free-love movement. I mean, it is hard to practice polyamory when you have PTSD among other psychological disorders and the main "treatment" as it was among behavioral health specialists back then was to get a typical nuclear family. Serial monogamy is worse than polygamy of the Islamic variant, yet it has mainstream acceptance. Again, if it can be done then let it be done and stop being so judgemental. You don't think the chaiwala having 50 different girlfriends due to him committing serial monogamy is better than if he had 1,2,3, or 4 wives and had to practice polygamy of the Islamic variant? I can show you psychological studies that show that ironically serial monogamy may be more of a cancer to good relationships than polygamy. Mainly that serial monogamy actually increases chances of infidelity in a marriage than does polygamy. Again, I have witnessed several muslim marriages that end in infidelity because one or both of the spouses had relationships before the marriage and then committed infidelity due to lack of self-control. Again, i would rather have Mr. Chaiwala practice polygamy and have more than 1 wife than have Mr. Chaiwala be obsessed with getting laid by chicks in college and "explore" his sexuality, as is the current suggested paradigm especially amongst millennials, or just having multiple relationships before his marriage and Mr. Chaiwala then all of a sudden marrying monogamously but mentally torturing his wife because he is cheating (I am sure you know this occurs more often than we would like to admit). 

Edited by Guest Account Ali

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29 minutes ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Dude, I am not sure if you moved to the US or actually grew up here.

I grew up in the West, I was born in the US and I am a convert to Islam, if that helps you understand where I am coming from.

33 minutes ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Okay bruh, I don't know what dreamstate you were living in but muslims in America were ALWAYS the other. Before 9/11, muslims were associated with old orientalist stereotypes that were often negative and portrayed muslims and Islam negatively

Brother Ali, I am not living in a dreamstate, I am simply saying that it is currently unfeasible in this environment and situation to encourage polygamy in the youth. Do you have any idea how expensive it difficult it is to get a house with more than four bedrooms in the US? Food, electricity and water bills for a family plus five? What if the kids want to go to college, some states have free college but it has yet to catch on, good luck with that. What will happen if when your daughters get married, will their husbands live with the family or will they get their own houses? Spousal fights between your wives, how will you meditate the situation? Can you actually handle it? Extended family? These are the questions one should ask before even considering more than one wife. It is very foolish in my opinion and from my perspective, to encourage unrealistic ideas amongst the youth. By the way, before you reply further, I am in no shape or form, a serial monogamist but it really does have it's advantages.

By the way, thank you for reminding me of the old orientalists of yore. I don't know why I would forget about that.

57 minutes ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Also, I explained Assimilationism because most people think it is just fitting in, however it actually has a more darker past and tone due to European and American intolerance towards the "other". Again, just open up any sociology textbook to unveil this term and its meaning. If you did, then good job, if you don't know about assimilation and its sociological definition and implications then I suggest reading up on it. 

I have seen the dark side of assimilation in American history, I am not naive, Ali. Quite frankly,I don't see how it is revelant to my point of Mr. Chaiwala and how he gives Islam a bad image in countries where polygamy is out of norm and not readily accepted or perhaps illegal in the countries we live in.

Are you trying to say that we are assimilating into western culture by insisting having only one wife?  If so let me stop you there and remind you of this ayah: وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَىٰ فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا - 4:3

"And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]." 

 Basically, the Quran states that we have the right to marry more than one wife and it is optional, not mandatory. There is no reason have more than one wife if you fear that you will be or already inclined towards injustice and unfairness by having more than one wife; Then just one wife is enough for you. Allah loves the just, not the unjust.

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Again, if it can be done then let it be done and stop being so judgemental.

I am not being judgmental, just trying to be realistic about multiple nikahs. The only thing that I am being judgemental towards is Mr. Chaiwala for making sport of our deen.

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Again, i would rather have Mr. Chaiwala practice polygamy and have more than 1 wife than have Mr. Chaiwala be obsessed with getting laid by chicks in college and "explore" his sexuality, as is the current suggested paradigm especially amongst millennials, or just having multiple relationships before his marriage and Mr. Chaiwala then all of a sudden marrying monogamously but mentally torturing his wife because he is cheating (I am sure you know this occurs more often than we would like to admit). 

I would rather Mr. Chaiwala just be happy with the wives he has and understand that not everyone is going to or realistically can adopt this lifestyle. Nikah isn't a game.

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2 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

I grew up in the West, I was born in the US and I am a convert to Islam, if that helps you understand where I am coming from.

Brother Ali, I am not living in a dreamstate, I am simply saying that it is currently unfeasible in this environment and situation to encourage polygamy in the youth. Do you have any idea how expensive it difficult it is to get a house with more than four bedrooms in the US? Food, electricity and water bills for a family plus five? What if the kids want to go to college, some states have free college but it has yet to catch on, good luck with that. What will happen if when your daughters get married, will their husbands live with the family or will they get their own houses? Spousal fights between your wives, how will you meditate the situation? Can you actually handle it? Extended family? These are the questions one should ask before even considering more than one wife. It is very foolish in my opinion and from my perspective, to encourage unrealistic ideas amongst the youth. By the way, before you reply further, I am in no shape or form, a serial monogamist but it really does have it's advantages.

By the way, thank you for reminding me of the old orientalists of yore. I don't know why I would forget about that.

I have seen the dark side of assimilation in American history, I am not naive, Ali. Quite frankly,I don't see how it is revelant to my point of Mr. Chaiwala and how he gives Islam a bad image in countries where polygamy is out of norm and not readily accepted or perhaps illegal in the countries we live in.

Are you trying to say that we are assimilating into western culture by insisting having only one wife?  If so let me stop you there and remind you of this ayah: وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَىٰ فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا - 4:3

"And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]." 

 Basically, the Quran states that we have the right to marry more than one wife and it is optional, not mandatory. There is no reason have more than one wife if you fear that you will be or already inclined towards injustice and unfairness by having more than one wife; Then just one wife is enough for you. Allah loves the just, not the unjust.

I am not being judgmental, just trying to be realistic about multiple nikahs. The only thing that I am being judgemental towards is Mr. Chaiwala for making sport of our deen.

I would rather Mr. Chaiwala just be happy with the wives he has and understand that not everyone is going to or realistically can adopt this lifestyle. Nikah isn't a game.

I was on my mobile and did not see the convert thing on your profile. Also, again I can cite multiple evidences from psychological sources and sociological reports detailing how serial monogamy is not "better" as it were and may be worse than polygamy. I appreciate your individual input, but I have long since understood that individual input does not make or break paradigms without more proper investigations and preferably more quantifiable or even qualifiable data.

Also, for muslims adultery is probably the most abominable sin and dare I say even an unforgivable sin no matter how much one repents to God. Keeping this in mind, monogamy in general produces more of a chance of infidelity occurring among men. In fact, a myth that I believe I read in a sociological report was that amusingly enough infidelity occurred MORE not less amongst monogamous couples than polygamous couples. Anyways, that was a little offside diatribe. But I wanted to make a point, you only have yourselves to blame for muslim guys growing up and having that secret wife or wives because they WERE NOT TAUGHT BETTER in terms of how to have a good polygamous marriage. Ironically, in these situations wherein a secret wife is involved there actually is not much financial concern as the guy either is well of or has a good job.  Trust me, Desi's have as much of an aversion to polygamy as christians do and yet still polygamy occurs amongst muslims and it is horribly managed because we DON'T TEACH OUR KIDS ANY BETTER. I am not saying to not teach the emphasis of monogamy that the Quran points out, but we still have to teach at least something in the foreseeable event wherein polygamy could occur. That way the boy will grow up and even though his culture may not like it he will know how to PROPERLY manage a polygamous marriage. Personally I can name some that I know of, and yes financial responsibility is the main aspect to it. But again, most muslims nowadays are obsessed with becoming either Doctors, engineers, or lawyers, MBA's, etc. and ironically our current generation may be better able to afford polygamy than our parent's generation (I am referring to having immigrant parents).

 

Also, I don't think you understand. As a "young one" as it were I have seen monogamously obsessed muslims make sport of nikah's and even girls nowadays have "like 30 guys in her DM's" who she chats up. Also dude I think you need to understand that for every Mr. Chaiwala who has multiple wives there are 10 or 20 muslim guys who put on the act of liking monogamy but secretly are polygamous. Again, how about creating an environment wherein instead of shaming Mr. Chaiwala and the 30 or so guys who are secretly polygamous but put up the illusion of monogamy for having multiple wives, we teach them that indeed polygamy does have a financial strain that muslim men must carry and also teach them how to navigate the hoops of emotions concerning polygamy. You only exacerbate and make worst problems by making fun of Mr. Chaiwala for having a bad polygamous marriage and telling him that he needs to divorce. Instead, we should tell Mr. Chaiwala to go seek muslim couple's therapy that specializes in polygamous marriages (Yes this actually exists as does the diverse field of Islamic psychology) and from there a psychologist or therapist who is taught to properly empathize with the "human condition" as it were and try to dig deep and figure out if the marriage is salvageable or not. A lot of the times it is not, but many times it also is. Do not let this discourage anyone from seeking professional help. 

 

Bruh, I am way more worried about the increased rate of infidelity occurring amongst muslim marriages, of which the majority of them are monogamous either by name (as in there is a secret wife involved) or is actually monogamous. And from what I can tell, of the examples that I know of wherein guys can financially provide for their multiple wives and kids and in general have a good marriage and have no shame in having such a marriage, they are rather curiously shielded from the nonsense of infidelity that occurs primarily amongst monogamous muslims both by name or actually. Not only that, but in a complete twist of irony these same members of polygamous marriages are helping and giving cues to monogamous muslims on how to prevent adultery both emotionally and physically.

 

BTW, I wrote a post about the oft never talked about subject of infidelity occurring amongst muslim women, which I know rarely occurs amongst muslim women. But still, I would appreciate giving your thoughts on that post of mine. You should be able to find it by visiting my profile.     

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When someone talks about emotional abuse involving polygamy, I feel that person belongs to another planet. For every couple, there is 1 young girl always available to help out with the kids, I believe she is called the third wheel. All the married couples I know have a third wheel and she spends so much time, that everyone knows about her. An affair can happen in few meetings, so it's naive to think that an unmarried girl will spend so much time around a couple and nothing will happen.

Men are not scared of their wives, nor do they feel ashamed about having an affair in front of their wives. Their wives just pretend they don't see anything. In my world, seeing your husband with another woman is just part of married life that every woman has to accept. No one thinks this is abuse and I am talking about Shia couples, not Sunni or non-Muslim couples.

My close friend is dealing with a third wheel who lived with her and her husband for one whole year. I protested and made this an issue but my friend always denies that anything is happening between her husband and that third wheel. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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