Jump to content
Guest Account Ali

Occurrences of Infidelity amongst muslim women

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Salaam, 
I am not trying to insinuate that there is an epidemic of infidelity amongst married muslim women. God knows it is fairly uncommon amongst muslim women, and is way way more common amongst muslim men (which is pathetic and the justifications from men are too). Anyways, I was browsing the aboutislam.net website and there was a curious number of cases wherein muslim women anonymously online admitted to infidelity to counselors on the website. 

Here are the cases I could gather from the website that feature muslim women as the adulteresses in their marriage:

(I honestly cannot understand even why the adultery took place in this situation. Sure the hubby lived away, but visits every week and I assume satisfies his wife in bed. Even if he does not, this is no excuse for this woman's animalistic behavior).
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/brother-in-law-forces-me-to-continue-our-haram-relationship/

(This one involved no physical infidelity, but was still pretty bad.)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/brother-in-law-seduced-me-my-husband-found-it-out/

(It is not clear if this one involves physical infidelity, but again bad.)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/wife-still-love-ex/

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/wifes-dating-another-man-shall-divorce/

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/i-cannot-trust-my-wife-anymore/

(This one is extremely over-apologetic and is about as pathetic in its justification of zina as much as when men use these same tired excuses. I also dislike the counselor's response to this in the sense that his response made it seem like she was justified in her adultery. Not that financial ineptitude of the husband is a good thing, but at the same time this is a silly and pathetic excuse to use to justify FULL BLOWN AND SECRETIVE INFIDELITY FROM HER ACTUAL HUSBAND)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/i-cheated-on-my-careless-husband-left-home/

(This one has to be the most bizarre and messed up one I can think of, so not sure if this is normative)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/my-secret-relationship-with-our-male-servant/

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/mom-cheating-on-dad-what-to-do/

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/my-cousin-cheats-on-her-husband-how-to-help/

(This one is extremely over-apologetic and is about as pathetic in its justification of zina as much as when men use these same tired excuses. Not to say that sexual negligence is a good thing, but we are not animals and should instead learn to call a relationship quits and divorce before zina occurs)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-scholar/crimes-penalties/committing-zina-due-to-husbands-neglect/

(For those muslimah out there who yearn for a good emotionally and physically caring husband. Unfortunately this case involves such a man who unfortunately was given a rude awakening by his wife and her ironic infidelity since day one of the marriage)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/wifes-affair-with-brother-love-or-harassment/

(This one was also pathetic as literally not even a year into the marriage and the woman already commits some form of infidelity. I mean, seriously?)
http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/divorce/how-to-deal-with-depression-after-divorce/

I think Dr. Haleh Banani really hits the nail on the head when she says it is important to not blame or scapegoat your spouse when infidelity occurs. As infidelity can still occur in a marriage despite good sexual and emotional satisfaction amongst spouses. Here is a good video you can watch for more info from Dr. Banani: https://muslimmatters.org/2015/01/22/keys-to-improve-your-marriage-with-haleh-banani-3/  In one of the articles that I saw wherein a muslim man confessed his wife's fling with the husband's brother, the answer given to the husband by the counselor is actually quite interesting and may point out that just because a man or woman in a marriage is sexually and emotionally satisfied in a marriage DOES NOT guarantee that infidelity won't occur. Here is the counselor's answer: "Apparently, she is very weak, thus completely susceptible to coercion! Maybe, she has such a bad self-image that she needs attention to make her feel good about herself. Maybe, the opposite is true, and she is so proud that she needs attention to maintain her overblown ego, which is actually the same problem just inverted; she only feels good about herself when others “love” her, because she does not love herself". The full qoute and article is in this link: http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/wifes-affair-with-brother-love-or-harassment/  

Nonetheless, I am actually quite curious if muslimah and muslims on here can relate similar tales of other muslim women you guys and gals knew of or heard of who committed zina? (if any due to how rare it is amongst married muslimah)What are the trends amongst muslimahs who you know of who committed zina? I hesitate to observe patterns between the cases listed above in the links because when muslimah self-report infidelity online or offline for help they purposely omit key details that would placate more guilt on their part than they want people to know, and instead only include enough details to make the situation come across as a "mistake" so they can scapegoat and blame the husband. It is important that although muslimah rarely do zina, light must still be shed on the cases wherein muslimah do have such illegal intercourse. So, I appreciate your responses.

If after reading all that and you feel depressed, and now suddenly don't trust muslimah and their ability to be fidel in a marriage. Then please don't. In fact one guy actually had the guts to pose such a surprising question and the response from the counselor is something we should contemplate on for both genders. Read the question and answer here: http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/marital-obstacles/deathly-afraid-future-wife-will-affair/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is true. The bigger picture includes how approaching the women has become a problem. Feminism has a part in this. Dig deeper and LGBTQ, homosex in prisons, some legislations by the state and media will all have their hand in this. When the usual ways of sexual release are complicated so much and obstructed then like water seeking means to flow people start to sin. Of course people were already far enough from being supermen of taqwa in the new age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, Darth Vader said:

This is true. The bigger picture includes how approaching the women has become a problem. Feminism has a part in this. Dig deeper and LGBTQ, homosex in prisons, some legislations by the state and media will all have their hand in this. When the usual ways of sexual release are complicated so much and obstructed then like water seeking means to flow people start to sin. Of course people were already far enough from being supermen of taqwa in the new age.

Thanks for your advice. That being said, I would like to know your personal thoughts on the questions I posed in the second to last paragraph of the original post?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Darth Vader said:

This is true. The bigger picture includes how approaching the women has become a problem. Feminism has a part in this. Dig deeper and LGBTQ, homosex in prisons, some legislations by the state and media will all have their hand in this. When the usual ways of sexual release are complicated so much and obstructed then like water seeking means to flow people start to sin. Of course people were already far enough from being supermen of taqwa in the new age.

Also, I just wanted to say that your advice is applicable BEFORE marriage, when their are not halal means to fulfillment. However, I am specifically saying in regards to muslim women who ARE married and do have halal means to have sex  or are at an age where they can divorce and get remarried if there is not sexual fulfillment in a marriage, but still end up cheating somehow, on average how many have you observed or heard of who commit infidelity? What are the trends across these muslim women? Lack of religiosity? (actually religious and not cultural or just puts on hijab for show)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, I just wanted to ask a question in general. A decent number of cases above involve either the brother-in-law or cousin as the person the muslim women cheated with. I understand to not have guy friends before marriage, but at least among desi's muslim women, are very trusting of their brother-in-laws and the husband's cousins and thus loosen up gender segregation and interaction with these men. How does one approach this issue of temptation within the family and how should it be tackled? Does she just make sure that even if it be her brother-in-law or husband's cousin the muslimah should not put herself in a situation wherein something could happen?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Thanks for your advice. That being said, I would like to know your personal thoughts on the questions I posed in the second to last paragraph of the original post?

Brother I know of a few such cases. One woman has her husband living abroad and has not visited for some time now. Two others are said to have husbands with sexual incapacity. Simultaneously some men I know of, both married and unmarried for various reasons find such women or even professionals and go unto them. For the record, I do not like what they do, but I also do not judge them.

2 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Also, I just wanted to say that your advice is applicable BEFORE marriage, when their are not halal means to fulfillment. However, I am specifically saying in regards to muslim women who ARE married and do have halal means to have sex  or are at an age where they can divorce and get remarried if there is not sexual fulfillment in a marriage, but still end up cheating somehow, on average how many have you observed or heard of who commit infidelity? What are the trends across these muslim women? Lack of religiosity? (actually religious and not cultural or just puts on hijab for show)

You must be unmarried. A marriage especially nowadays is not a guaranteed 100% solution to the problem unfortunately. Read the previous paragraph for instance. Marriage helps, ideally a great deal but the solution is to learn to fear Allah and know He is watching. And that's it. The fear of Allah, the knowledge of our own deaths and being held accountable, the certainty in it, that's the one ingredient going extinct among us Muslims, same as other people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/19/2017 at 11:06 PM, Darth Vader said:

Brother I know of a few such cases. One woman has her husband living abroad and has not visited for some time now. Two others are said to have husbands with sexual incapacity. Simultaneously some men I know of, both married and unmarried for various reasons find such women or even professionals and go unto them. For the record, I do not like what they do, but I also do not judge them.

You must be unmarried. A marriage especially nowadays is not a guaranteed 100% solution to the problem unfortunately. Read the previous paragraph for instance. Marriage helps, ideally a great deal but the solution is to learn to fear Allah and know He is watching. And that's it. The fear of Allah, the knowledge of our own deaths and being held accountable, the certainty in it, that's the one ingredient going extinct among us Muslims, same as other people.

In the cases you describe, how is it that you know she is sleeping with another guy? Or do these women just hang around other guys they are not supposed to? Are these women actually (not culuteually or for show) religious? Also, are you saying that from your observations you know of guys that go after women who are adulterous or who seem the most susceptible to committing an affair? I am asking all these questions because I have noticed that due to Muslim men committing infidelity way more often Muslim women often times tend to report their husbands sexual crimes more often due to the support they get from other women who were victims. However, I don't see much of the same going on in the opposite direction. Granted Muslim women commit infidelity way way less and there will not be much to report. But we cannot pretend like it does not exist. Since Muslim women have been doing a good job of reporting their husbands infidelity In general the Muslim community both Shia and Sunni are now becoming aware of the problem such that even famous speakers are giving lectures on it. However, this recent public attention is rather focused exclusively on Muslim men and while there is some causal mention of some rare occurrences of Muslim women cheating not much is said or info is given on this phenomena. So, and for those reading this, this is why I am so pestering when it comes to this phenomena. 

 

Also, I apologize I speed read your initial post and assumed it was about premarital relations since you mentioned LGBTQ. However upon reading it, I would not say it was liberals who excuse or create unrealistic paradigms surrounding cheating women, but in general among Europeans. Even in Shakespeare's works we see elements of downplaying and almost forgiving women who cheat but depicting men who do so as monsters. This is an old paradigm of thought that has existed way before liberals. Essentially, western and even at times media and art in the Muslim world has "normalized" women and their infidelity. An example are tv shows like "Days of our lives" etc. That depict cheating done by women as "spicy" and "fiesty" and falling in love with some guy and her hubby having to "gain her love back" (Which is silly and stupid as no married woman should associate that much with the opposite gender to the point where things like that happen). These same tv shows, art, and even when the Muslim world was more decadent works like the original thousand and one nights also depicted and excused and fetishized cheating women, etc. These  modern and ancient works almost makes it seem like its a good thing to chase after such women. Not only that, but this same old and new paradigm also encourages her to go along with the guy seeking her out because her hubby could not "emotionally or sexually or both satisfy her" and like a wild animal want her to move from mate to mate and destroy people mentally along the way. 

 

In fact, I remember a Muslim women who is a couples therapist saying  what is ironic is that even if a man or woman is sexually AND emotionally satisfied in a marriage it still does not prevent infidelity. As putting yourself in the context wherein infidelity to occur is enough to make it happen despite how much of a good and satisfying marriage already exists for one or or more of the people involved in the infidelity. That is why as Muslims and even Christians, jews, and anyone regardless of faith has to observe proper haya and for muslims fiqhi gender segregation and for non-muslims some variant but effective gender segregation, I don't mean build a wall between guys and girls but doing things like not sitting close to your brother in law and keeping your distance and not being alone with him or any other guy not your husband or parents, or blood brothers are just one of many things that have to be done, around ANYONE of the opposite sex not your husband or parents or blood brothers. That includes in-laws of the opposite sex, no matter how much you infantillize them in your head

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recent Posts on ShiaChat!

    • There is a popular saying: "Knowledge without deed is nothing". This saying applies to some of the things but according to my speculation doesn't work for everything. For example, if ilm is: "Allah is 1" and the practical deed one might say is to "avoid shirk". Now, I truly believe and I gain knowledge. How about proton, neutron and electron revolve around nucleus? And proton has other particles in it etc. What could be the deed of this knowledge? Is it just information, then schools and university are mostly focusing on learning information rather than the true knowledge?
    • Hypothetically they can, but it seems more likely that they will slow access to sites that don't pay a ransom, not cut them off entirely. 
    • This reminds  me the following  hadith:  Ali ul Ma'a ul haq wal haq ma'a Ali Imam Ali is with haq and haq is with Ali As.  Ali ul Ma'a ul Quran wal Quran ma'a Ali. Imam Ali is with quran and quran  is with Ali As.  (This also provides the evidence for the hadith thaqlayn.) wasalam
    • Yes i own a car and i drive as well .   Its necessity in this part of the world ...... Positive : Ease your movement  Negative : Normally i dont swear at all .but while driving i swear every minute ......:))
×