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Salam W Alaykum

I am in a very confusing situation right now.. I have been stressing too much about it.

I am originally a Shia Lebanese and live abroad with my family and have been doing it ever since I was kid. I always had in mind that I would marry a Lebanese girl since Lebanese suffer of extreme nationalism. For the past 3 months I have been dating an Iraqi girl who I adore and admire. I enjoy every second with her. When we first started talking she told me that her father is Sunni and her mother is Shia but she has very little knowledge of both, so she told me doesn't count herself as either. When we would go out, we would kiss (I know, haram) but I kissed her and then told her that what we are doing is wrong and we should do Mut'a (she was married before and I asked a Sheikh about it and he told me it is permissible). She was reacted in a negative way and didn't like the idea because in her point of view, kissing and such are not haram because we live in a different era etc.

But I explained to her that that is not the way I see it and so on. After about 1.5 month I managed to convince her to do Mut'a and we are both happy. My goal with this girl is to marry her but right now she tells me she is more into Sunni because of her father (he is not even living with her) and her view on Shia is bit weird because she has only a couple of friends of Shia and they were bad people and her mother didn't teach her a lot. Right now, we are in a critical situation where I told her that if I want to marry her, I am expecting her to pray, eat halal food only and fast and I would prefer if she would be Shia and I told her that I could prove to her why Shia is wrong using Sunni and Shia hadith. But she is very upset and I know her point of view on religion is a little bit European since she grew up here. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot to change her mind and we are almost on the edge of breakup because of this. Please what are your views on this ? I am really stressing about this and in my opinion, if she is Sunni but loves Ahlul Bayt I would not have a lot of problems with it but I would still worry about my children since I prefer them to be Shia..

Please, ANY ADVICE/OPINIONS WOULD BE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED.

AC

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Brother you are a follower of Ahlulbayt (as). Do what a Muslim should do and teach her the traditon of the Holy Prophet's Family (as). Increase your knowledge of Ahlulbayt tradition, practice it and teach it to her so that she may be of the knowledgeable and become a Shia too. Also ask Allah to strengthen you to refrain from your lusts and seek forgiveness from Allah. :)

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I think the crux of the problem is that she is not as religious as you would like her to be. Not to mention that, at this point in time, she is disinclined to convert to Shi'ism.

Don't get married in the belief that you will sort out the matter later. This is only going to get worse when kids come into the picture.

I'd advise you to ask yourself hard questions and tread carefully.

Best wishes.

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You can teach the kids both sides and they can decide when older. Can't really blame her, shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood. Especially with those images on internet and those hysterical sheikhs screaming ya Hussein and beating themselves, so it may turn her off. However Sunnis are not far into falling into extremisms also like the salafists. Both can be moderate and know how to respect different views, is only scholarly disagreement after all, no need to get sectarian. Sunnis cannot decide if a Shafi'i praying behind a Hanifa is haram or if Ashari is kufr and Athari is also kufr or maturudi I kufr, if one can ask intercession from graves or not and what is shirk exactly and is a Bidah, they don't even know which books constitute the authentic six precisely. If Sunnis can tolerate this much disagreement why can't they tolerate the shias?

Edited by SunniBrother

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@SunniBrother to consider Shias as extremists goes to show for your ignorance. To not understand as to why Shias beat themselves over Husayn (as) is a shame. Let me make this clear for you:The Grandson of the Holy Prophet (SAWA) got beheaded by a tyrant. If you cannot understand why people would be in so much grief then please do not consider us weird or extremists because it is a means of compassion, love and rememberance over a Great Man, the grandson of the most beloved creature to Allah, alhamdulillah. 

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26 minutes ago, AfricanShia said:

@SunniBrother to consider Shias as extremists goes to show for your ignorance. To not understand as to why Shias beat themselves over Husayn (as) is a shame. Let me make this clear for you:The Grandson of the Holy Prophet (SAWA) got beheaded by a tyrant. If you cannot understand why people would be in so much grief then please do not consider us weird or extremists because it is a means of compassion, love and rememberance over a Great Man, the grandson of the most beloved creature to Allah, alhamdulillah. 

The grief should making you sure to follow the path of Imam Hussain (as) everyday, instead to go to public and to hit yourself with blades in that particular day and then normally continue your life. His sacrifice is greatest for all those who wants to purify their soul and be victorious for remembering Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and be thankfulness for all situations Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى gives.

Edited by Dhulfikar

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8 hours ago, Deceptive223 said:

Salam W Alaykum

I am in a very confusing situation right now.. I have been stressing too much about it.

I am originally a Shia Lebanese and live abroad with my family and have been doing it ever since I was kid. I always had in mind that I would marry a Lebanese girl since Lebanese suffer of extreme nationalism. For the past 3 months I have been dating an Iraqi girl who I adore and admire. I enjoy every second with her. When we first started talking she told me that her father is Sunni and her mother is Shia but she has very little knowledge of both, so she told me doesn't count herself as either. When we would go out, we would kiss (I know, haram) but I kissed her and then told her that what we are doing is wrong and we should do Mut'a (she was married before and I asked a Sheikh about it and he told me it is permissible). She was reacted in a negative way and didn't like the idea because in her point of view, kissing and such are not haram because we live in a different era etc.

But I explained to her that that is not the way I see it and so on. After about 1.5 month I managed to convince her to do Mut'a and we are both happy. My goal with this girl is to marry her but right now she tells me she is more into Sunni because of her father (he is not even living with her) and her view on Shia is bit weird because she has only a couple of friends of Shia and they were bad people and her mother didn't teach her a lot. Right now, we are in a critical situation where I told her that if I want to marry her, I am expecting her to pray, eat halal food only and fast and I would prefer if she would be Shia and I told her that I could prove to her why Shia is wrong using Sunni and Shia hadith. But she is very upset and I know her point of view on religion is a little bit European since she grew up here. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot to change her mind and we are almost on the edge of breakup because of this. Please what are your views on this ? I am really stressing about this and in my opinion, if she is Sunni but loves Ahlul Bayt I would not have a lot of problems with it but I would still worry about my children since I prefer them to be Shia..

Please, ANY ADVICE/OPINIONS WOULD BE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED.

AC

Brother - in some ways, it is a simple choice. AhlulBayt or her?

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7 hours ago, AfricanShia said:

Brother you are a follower of Ahlulbayt (as). Do what a Muslim should do and teach her the traditon of the Holy Prophet's Family (as). Increase your knowledge of Ahlulbayt tradition, practice it and teach it to her so that she may be of the knowledgeable and become a Shia too. Also ask Allah to strengthen you to refrain from your lusts and seek forgiveness from Allah. :)

@AfricanShia @Marbles @AfricanShia @SunniBrother @Dhulfikar @shiaman14 @Panzerwaffe That's my thought right now. I will give her more time to teach her by actions and not by words. My cousin told me something: "If she really falls in love with you, she will eventually start looking deeper into your beliefs". She gave me hope but I don't want to hope too much. We still got like 3-4 years before marriage/engagement.

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1 hour ago, Marbles said:

I think the crux of the problem is that she is not as religious as you would like her to be. Not to mention that, at this point in time, she is disinclined to convert to Shi'ism.

Don't get married in the belief that you will sort out the matter later. This is only going to get worse when kids come into the picture.

I'd advise you to ask yourself hard questions and tread carefully.

Best wishes.

I am a religious man "in the mind". I don't go to a lot of majles but I have religion 24/7 in my mind. My life is based on religion. I don't always do the extra stuff like Salat Al-Layl and such so I am not the ideal religious Shia Muslim and the only thing I require from her is to stay away from haram food, pray and fast so that my children will learn the core of Islam and I would teach them about Ahlul Bayt

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1 hour ago, AfricanShia said:

@SunniBrother to consider Shias as extremists goes to show for your ignorance. To not understand as to why Shias beat themselves over Husayn (as) is a shame. Let me make this clear for you:The Grandson of the Holy Prophet (SAWA) got beheaded by a tyrant. If you cannot understand why people would be in so much grief then please do not consider us weird or extremists because it is a means of compassion, love and rememberance over a Great Man, the grandson of the most beloved creature to Allah, alhamdulillah. 

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

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21 minutes ago, Dhulfikar said:

Do all Sunnis (not salafis) respect the 12 imams of Ahlulbait (as)?

No doubt brother. Especially sufis have a great love for Imam Ja'afar (r.a). But classical sunnism Is Sufism. Those affected by Salafism are corrupted and cannot be regarded as traditional Sunni.

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1 hour ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

Fasting is not a form of grief in Islam. Rather a praise to Allah. Maybe some people cant express their grief properly.

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44 minutes ago, SunniBrother said:

No doubt brother. Especially sufis have a great love for Imam Ja'afar (r.a). But classical sunnism Is Sufism. Those affected by Salafism are corrupted and cannot be regarded as traditional Sunni.

Then why are you Sunni in the first place?

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2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

What about giving kids candy because Ashura is believed to be a day of victory by some sunni's?

One hadith says it was already a custom of the mushrikin in Mecca.

The other hadith says that the jews in Medina schooled the Prophet s.a.w.a.s. about Ashura.

To make it more confusing there are the stories of various Prophets on the Day of Ashura added to the first two narrations. Where did all these stories come from if the Prophet s.a.w.a.s. did not even knew what this day was about and which Prophet was connected to it yet on the Day of Ashura we'll hear a list of stories about Prophets and their victories on the Day of Ashura with the Tragedy of Karbala not even mentioned.

Edited by Faruk

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3 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

You can teach the kids both sides and they can decide when older. Can't really blame her, shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood. Especially with those images on internet and those hysterical sheikhs screaming ya Hussein and beating themselves, so it may turn her off. However Sunnis are not far into falling into extremisms also like the salafists. Both can be moderate and know how to respect different views, is only scholarly disagreement after all, no need to get sectarian. Sunnis cannot decide if a Shafi'i praying behind a Hanifa is haram or if Ashari is kufr and Athari is also kufr or maturudi I kufr, if one can ask intercession from graves or not and what is shirk exactly and is a Bidah, they don't even know which books constitute the authentic six precisely. If Sunnis can tolerate this much disagreement why can't they tolerate the shias?

It really is such a tough choice for this poor girl.

On the one side, we have people who scratch themselves and scream for Hussain (as).
On the other side, we have suicide bombers who kill themselves and all the innocent people around them.

Such a tough choice....

2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Since when beating yourself in public with blades, harming and deforming the creation of Allah is purification? There are other ways to remember and grief and show steadfastness like donating blood or fasting if you want.

you missed suicide bombing. Purified and 70+ virgins.

2 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

Sunnis not necessarily deny the imams. There are many Sufis with practices like Eid Ghadir, nothing wrong with that.

Successor of Prophet - Imam Ali (as) or Caliph Abu Bakr?

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4 hours ago, SunniBrother said:

shia are weird when they beat themselves with blades until they are all covered in blood.

As if that is what Shi'ism is all about. I should believe you'll know better after being a certain time on shiachat.

I am against self-mutilation but I rather have people beating themselves up than people celebrating that day as the victory of the Prophets a.s. trying to cover up what really happened and thereby making a diabolical attempt to turn something blasphemous into something beautiful.

Edited by Faruk

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7 minutes ago, Faruk said:

What about giving kids candy because Ashura is believed to be a day of victory by some sunni's?

One hadith says it was already a custom of the mushrikin in Mecca, The other hadith says that the jews in Medina schooled the Prophet s.a.w.a.s. about Ashura.

No brother. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) ordered to fast on that day because Muslims are closer to Musa (a.s) then the Jews. Grief doesn't stop one for praising Allah. In fact the martyrdom of Hussein (r.a) is a honor Allah gave him to die as Islam greatest martyr. I don't agree giving candies to commemorate, this is wrong, maybe salafis do and this doesn't make sense since we are supposed to fast. This can be viewed as many forms and fasting to praise Allah on that day should be a form of thanks for saving Islam through Hussein (r.a) martyrdom like when Musa (a.s) crossed the red sea liberating Bani Israel from the Pharaoh oppression and allowing them to worship Allah in the same manner Hussein (r.a) martyrdom saved Islam from the destruction at the hands of Yazid (l). So why shouldn't we praise Allah while remembering Hussein (r.a)?

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6 minutes ago, shiaman14 said:

It really is such a tough choice for this poor girl.

On the one side, we have people who scratch themselves and scream for Hussain (as).
On the other side, we have suicide bombers who kill themselves and all the innocent people around them.

Such a tough choice....

you missed suicide bombing. Purified and 70+ virgins.

Successor of Prophet - Imam Ali (as) or Caliph Abu Bakr?

Why are you bashing me? Are you Muawiyah who bash people who don't agree with you? Are you a opressor? My aqeedah is not anyone business

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9 minutes ago, SunniBrother said:

No brother. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) ordered to fast on that day because Muslims are closer to Musa (a.s) then the Jews. Grief doesn't stop one for praising Allah. In fact the martyrdom of Hussein (r.a) is a honor Allah gave him to die as Islam greatest martyr. I don't agree giving candies to commemorate, this is wrong, maybe salafis do and this doesn't make sense since we are supposed to fast. This can be viewed as many forms and fasting to praise Allah on that day should be a form of thanks for saving Islam through Hussein (r.a) martyrdom like when Musa (a.s) crossed the red sea liberating Bani Israel from the Pharaoh oppression and allowing them to worship Allah in the same manner Hussein (r.a) martyrdom saved Islam from the destruction at the hands of Yazid (l). So why shouldn't we praise Allah while remembering Hussein (r.a)?

How can a muslim believe that the Jews thaught Muhammad s.a.w.a.s. about the deen?

Second of all this is the belief of the Umayyads who tried to cover up the Tragedy and make something beautiful of it.

The intention was surely not based on the interpretation that the martyrdom of Imam Hussain a.s. was a victory over injustice.

They considered it a victory because they just plainly killed him a.s. and covered it up with the story that the Jews thaught Muhammad s.a.w.a.s. about the victory of Musa a.s.

It's actually a double blasphemy.

1. to consider the murder of Imam Hussain a.s. a victory

2. to teach that the jews thaught Muhammad s.a.w.a.s.

Edited by Faruk

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3 minutes ago, SunniBrother said:

Why are you bashing me? Are you Muawiyah who bash people who don't agree with you? Are you a opressor? My aqeedah is not anyone business

did I say anything about you? I merely pointed out facts...similar to what you did.

Google "house glass stone"

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