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2 hours ago, kirtc said:

do mutaah.. its permissible so why not.. tell your wife to get fit or deal with it.. 

What a wonderful example of a noble Muslim man you are to the rest of the world!

The response you've given is what contributes to Islam having a bad name in the West!

Your comment and attitude is backward and primitive!

Did you not bother to read the original post properly?! He explains that his wife has psychological problems. Where is the consideration towards her? She may be suffering from depression and all I hear from a lot of so-called men on this thread is " go ahead" without any thought for his wife. 

People like you don't spouses..!

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2 hours ago, Peace30 said:

Yes he's being shallow if he only cares for physical appearances!

His wife has her own problems which he appears to oblivious about! Or are you one of these patriarchal men who gives Islam a bad name? It might surprise you to learn that the world doesn't revolve around men and their " needs"!

We're only getting one side of the story. His one.

Maybe he's not a good husband towards her and she has her own grievances...?

Not everything is so black and white!

Her husband has his own problems which she appears to be oblivious about! Or are you one of these matriarchal women who gives Islam a bad name? It might surprise you to learn that the world doesn't revolve around women and their " psychological issues"!

(irrelevant to the fact that a man is allowed to do mut'ah)

Maybe she's not a good wife towards him and he has his own grievances...? (see how nasty it is to assume?)

Not everything is so black and white!

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He mentioned that she cannot go to gym because she is busy in doing household chores. Since he claims to be rich, why doesn't he hire help especially when maids are available in Pakistan at very low wages. 

He starts with 'I have very high sex drive'. What if his wife also says: 'I am overweight because I love food'. Both are carnal desires and we are supposed to control both desires. 

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45 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

He mentioned that she cannot go to gym because she is busy in doing household chores. Since he claims to be rich, why doesn't he hire help especially when maids are available in Pakistan at very low wages. 

He starts with 'I have very high sex drive'. What if his wife also says: 'I am overweight because I love food'. Both are carnal desires and we are supposed to control both desires. 

Very well said! At last some common sense!

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1 hour ago, IbnMariam said:

Her husband has his own problems which she appears to be oblivious about! Or are you one of these matriarchal women who gives Islam a bad name? It might surprise you to learn that the world doesn't revolve around women and their " psychological issues"!

(irrelevant to the fact that a man is allowed to do mut'ah)

Maybe she's not a good wife towards him and he has his own grievances...? (see how nasty it is to assume?)

Not everything is so black and white!

You haven't actually addressed the issues I have previously underscored..! Repeating my argument back to me doesn't make the points you raise any more valid..

Perhaps if he examines the reasons why she has psychological problems, such as, oh, I don't know, because she could be DEPRESSED, or deeply unhappy within her marriage, or some other reason that we don't know about. Frankly, as her husband it is his duty to enquire and assist her with these needs, instead of just looking at how he can cast cast her to one side without any, seemingly, consideration towards her.

Further, I am abhorred at the level of mysogenistic comments arising from this post. 

Islam doesn't need reviving, but many Muslims clearly need to get in touch with the 21st century!

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3 hours ago, Peace30 said:

he's being shallow if he only cares for physical appearances!

 

9 hours ago, Peace30 said:

Marriage isn't just about looks and an active sex life! It's about understanding and mutual respect!

Looks and physical appearances are an important part of married life. I am not saying women should look like Victoria' Secret models but there are numerous narrations from Islamic sources that emphasise on the importance of looking good for one's husband in the bedroom.So we cannot just discount the importance of looking good and love making in a marriage.

A group of companions and Shī‘as of Imām as-Sādiq (as) narrate that the Imām asked us: “What is the most pleasurable thing?” We said: “There are many pleasurable things.” Imām said: “The most pleasurable thing is making love with (your) spouses.” - Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20

About the rest of the things, whether the husband had shown consideration towards her problems,if she is clinically depressed or not I think we should see if the OP comes back and replies rather than assuming things and getting into arguments. :dry:

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15 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I am 31, physically fit and healthy person (hint:6 packs), athletic body and , alhmadulillah a high above-average income. I am married for last 5 years. I want to do Muta for the below reasons:

1- very high sex drive

2- my wife has become very fat. at the time of our marriage she was 46 kilograms and now she is 88 KG. imagine my situation... the attraction is ENDED totally

3- My wife has some psychological issues as well due to which there are a lot of troubles.

4- many pretty girls keep proposing me and flirting with me due to my good looks and a good social status.

If i do Muta with someone and we feel compatible enough for each other I can convert it into a permanent one.

what are your thoughts and suggestions for me. Please do not recommend fasting. I know that already.

I am apalled. 

1. You shouldn't do mutah on the basis that you are not attracted to your wife as much. Weight gain is correlated with depression and you must be understanding and sympathize with her situation. Most depressed people will gain weight and not lose it. You doing mutah will break her and she will most likely comfort eat and gain even more weight. She will think of herself as a failure. 

2. You should love her unconditionally. You are confusing lust with love. No one looks the same forever. People gain weight, lose weight, gain weight, for various reasons. 

3. I'm sorry that you are no longer attracted to her body, but you sound like a jerk. 

Btw, this is coming from a person who:

1. Has dealt with depression

2. Gained 40 pounds in less than a year due to a combination of depression and binge eating disorder

3. Lost 55 pounds and kept it off since.

4. Would still love my SO even if he gained more weight than he already has since he's met me. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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17 hours ago, starlight said:

Salam, 

Welcome back to SC. 

Have you told your wife that you don't find her attractive anymore, so much that you are contemplating second marriage?

 

Thanks for the welcome. yes, not many times but sometimes I mention it to her that look at yourself, what have you been converted to in last 5 years. Find me a slim smart lady. bla bla bla and she becomes angry with me but I am ok with her being angry with me. It is in indo-pak culture.

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18 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

I am 31, physically fit and healthy person (hint:6 packs), athletic body and , alhmadulillah a high above-average income. I am married for last 5 years. I want to do Muta for the below reasons:

1- very high sex drive

2- my wife has become very fat. at the time of our marriage she was 46 kilograms and now she is 88 KG. imagine my situation... the attraction is ENDED totally

3- My wife has some psychological issues as well due to which there are a lot of troubles.

4- many pretty girls keep proposing me and flirting with me due to my good looks and a good social status.

If i do Muta with someone and we feel compatible enough for each other I can convert it into a permanent one.

what are your thoughts and suggestions for me. Please do not recommend fasting. I know that already.

YOUR wife has psychological issues?????  really???

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13 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

Brother, whatever you do, keep your children peaceful environment in priority. That is crucial, then you can think about yourself and your wife.

There is two sides here. One side is your wife that doesn't understand your needs apparently, and another one is you that you are not interested in her for reason of getting fat. If she is chubby now, she got chubby in her life with you. When she was attractive, she decided to be with you. Mutah and second marriage are absolutely your right, but wife can also ask for money for milking children and doing chores. If you want to open a door for yourself, open a door for her too. Avoid doing divorce with her for this reason. Rasu-ul-llah said:" Jebreil recommended me so much to respect women's rights. I thought it is Haram to divorce them". Talk with her more. Try to convince her that you have your needs. BTW, I am very serious and formal in my social relations that I never let random girls come to me and propose.

Inshaallah your problem would be solved

My children's peaceful future is my first priority, like every human being, that is why I am not and I cannot divorce her.

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13 hours ago, Haydura77 said:

Although I find this brother's stance on his wife a bit extreme, I do partially symphatise with him. Some wifes don't look after themselves by gaining weight and ignoring their husband's urges for an intimate relationship and sex. What is the point of marriage if a wife becomes obese and she doesn't bother about her husband when he asks her to look good when he comes back from work. I am sure that husbands strongly advise their wives to exercise (and support them e g. by driving them to the gym)  but if they refuse to do so, what is the alternative?!

I would appreciate rational answers rather than emotional and defensive response to my comments. 

Respect for you brother! At least one person understands it.

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13 hours ago, Hassan- said:

To do Mut'a with non-Muslims while you are married to a Muslim women is impermissible to some maraji' (Sayed Sistani is one of them), and some maraji' (Sayed Khoei is one of them) allow it only with the permission of the wife.

is there any marja who allows it completely (without permission of the first wife)

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12 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

He is not planning to divorce her and in his culture, men abuse their wives by not giving divorce when their wives want divorce due to verbal, psychological and physical abuse. I am not trying to attack you, but the hadith you quoted might be for old times or for a culture in which men were not cunning and they were quick to divorce. Keeping a woman in an abusive marriage IS abuse. He is psychologically and verbally abusing her but he will not divorce her. I can assure you. 

Dear Kazmi, you are partly right. i will never divorce her, even she asks for it I will try to avoid as much as possible but just for my children, not for abusing her. I never verbally abused her. I always talk to her and behave with her in very polite and humble manner. I give her proper money every month, more than a typical average-income house wife can dream of. I am assuming here that you don't mean reminding her about her bad shape is abusing.

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8 hours ago, Fakeha said:

Lahore,Pakistan??

Put yourself in your wife's place and think as the lady whose husband is trying to involve in someone else...??

You have options in shariyah but if you marry another then you must be just with both of them(in all means)..

And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].

An-Nisa

4

Why should I put myself in my wife's place. And why should I tell her? Women are emotionally pumped up in such situations and they won't easily allow their husbands to be shared with another woman. But men on the other hand are genetically programmed so that they are and can be at ease in romancing more than one woman. It is true and a fact. Allah the creator knows that.

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11 hours ago, Marbles said:

You did not say if you have kids. Or does that not matter?

10 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

doesn't matter

3 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

....but you sound like a jerk.

 

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31 minutes ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

My children's peaceful future is my first priority, like every human being, that is why I am not and I cannot divorce her.

There's your answer, if that is the case, I certainly would advise you to refrain from doing muta. If the children are your main priority, then your wife is also your main priority. 

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19 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

want to do Muta for the below reasons:

1- very high sex drive

Do you consider yourself "Aadil"? If you willing to do temporary or permanent marriage you need to be just. 

For your reason # 1, I would like to ask you that have you not learned to control "hawa e nafs"? 

Surah An-Naziat, Verse 40:

وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِ وَنَهَى النَّفْسَ عَنِ الْهَوَىٰ

And as for him who fears to stand in the presence of his Lord and forbids the soul from low desires,

(English - Shakir)

19 hours ago, molaayi_from_lahore said:

2- my wife has become very fat. at the time of our marriage she was 46 kilograms and now she is 88 KG. imagine my situation... the attraction is ENDED totally

3- My wife has some psychological issues as well due to which there are a lot of troubles.

4- many pretty girls keep proposing me and flirting with me due to my good looks and a good social status.

2. Are you sure that your new wife will remain slim forever?

3. You knew she has psychological issues, have you tried to find out their causes & tried to give her the treatment?

4. This explains your hawa e nafs.

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40 kgs in 5 years is a LOT! Get her thyroid ,adrenal , blood glucose and lipid levels checked. 

Since you are well off buy her some good exercise equipment that she can use at home.This sounds like morbid obesity. Intimacy issues aside you should be concerned about the health of the mother of your kids. 

Edited by starlight

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