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Afsaneh14

sister getting married.. in a different way

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2 minutes ago, Sindbad05 said:

Get along her and occupy her time which you think are good and keep her away from bad things. Such as her hobbies may be travelling? 

lol with the money we have we can just about travel to the cornershop. and not afford anything there . but yes, i am thinking of things we did in our childhood

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2 minutes ago, Sindbad05 said:

Say her, it isn't you, it's your disappointments which tell that you are a loser and can't fight it. Encourage her.

that's the thing. its this thing where they say being gay isn't  a choice i was born this way i have always been attracted to girls etc...

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2 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

What brought her to this point?

must be what we have been through in life. also we never really had a support network. she must have got in with the wrong crowd

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2 minutes ago, Afsaneh14 said:

must be what we have been through in life. also we never really had a support network. she must have got in with the wrong crowd

https://concernedwomen.org/images/content/bornorbred.pdf

 

And right now she should be your priority don't discuss anything with her. Try to be friendly with her and show your love and don't discuss anything. 

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7 minutes ago, M.IB said:

You shall be in our prayers every day,

Allah shall make you strong and powerful,your sister InshaAllah will be among the mumineen,the events you lived are very frustrating,All understand that.

May Allah guide us all,and may yoube the source of inspiration and guidance to your sister.

You will be in Allah's protection,inshaAllah.

:)  

Anything you need just tell us!

 

thank you so much. may Allah bless you truly you have made me feel so much better. Everyone has. this site's support system has proven why Islam is such a beautiful religion and why being a part of this ummah is so beautifully rewarding

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1 minute ago, Afsaneh14 said:

i dunno what you mean by normal but she has got bipolar. she also drinks A LOT . please do not judge her

May Allah help you guys get through this. I pray to Allah that you guys find peace in this world and hereafter. 

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27 minutes ago, Afsaneh14 said:

thank you so much brother. my biggest fear was that everyone would say to kick her out or judge me and her. i really will try. but i am just so confused. if my family find out i am looking after her i won't be able to even lift my head in front of them. I will either be accused of being a bad influence to her, as i am older, or being shameless for helping her.

'sile-rehmi' (maintaining relations) is one of the best actions of a momin and 'kate-rehmi' (breaking relations) is one of the worst actions of a momim. If someone in your family gives you a hard time about looking after your family, you need to remind them of this fact.

You should also remind your brothers that you are doing their job for them and instead of being mad at you, they should be thanking you.

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11 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

And btw being gay is a choice

that's the thing. media influence is so much. everyone is coming out gay and saying they are born this way. they can't help it. and she is saying same. there is now apparent scientific research about it now

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4 minutes ago, Afsaneh14 said:

thank you so much. may Allah bless you truly you have made me feel so much better. Everyone has. this site's support system has proven why Islam is such a beautiful religion and why being a part of this ummah is so beautifully rewarding

Remember we are with you! Anything tell us,or can your sister listen to you and she can just tell us what she feels,we can help her maybe?

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1 minute ago, shiaman14 said:

sile-rehmi' (maintaining relations) is one of the best actions of a momin and 'kate-rehmi' (breaking relations) is one of the worst actions of a momim. If someone in your family gives you a hard time about looking after your family, you need to remind them of this fact.

You should also remind your brothers that you are doing their job for them and instead of being mad at you, they should be thanking you.

yes thankyou so much. if anyone does accuse me of being shameless i will tell them this. also i have never got on with my brothers, and they won't listen anyways lol

please if anyone can give nice narrations or stories about maintaining relations no matter what

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Just now, Afsaneh14 said:

that's the thing. media influence is so much. everyone is coming out gay and saying they are born this way. they can't help it. and she is saying same. there is now apparent scientific research about it now

Thats all false homosexuality is not genetic. I know how media is influencing this new generation. Homosexuality is a disease and one should get treatment for this. Try to spend time with her. When she will be with you at least she will not be doing all bad things. 

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4 minutes ago, Afsaneh14 said:

that's the thing. media influence is so much. everyone is coming out gay and saying they are born this way. they can't help it. and she is saying same. there is now apparent scientific research about it now

Yup,being born like that is lying..

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Just now, M.IB said:

she can just tell us what she feels,we can help her maybe?

inshaallah when she comes out of hospital i will really encourage her.talking here has helped me so much and inshaallah it will help her

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1 minute ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Thats all false homosexuality is not genetic. I know how media is influencing this new generation. Homosexuality is a disease and one should get treatment for this. Try to spend time with her. When she will be with you at least she will not be doing all bad things. 

inshallah may Allah protect us from this fitnah

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45 minutes ago, Afsaneh14 said:

what do i do if she tries to kill herself again after i tell her to get out

If she does, just remember that it was never your fault. If you are really worried about her, I mean sincerely worried about her: Do not under any circumstances kick her out or yell/lecture her. You are in a very precarious position, sis. One wrong move, and she is gone.

P.S. Being gay isn't a sin, her being in the relationship with the girl is. Still be understanding of her like you have been in the past.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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8 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

If she does, just remember that it was never your fault. If you are really worried about her, I mean sincerely worried about her: Do not under any circumstances kick her out or yell/lecture her. You are in a very precarious position, sis. One wrong move, and she is gone.

P.S. Being gay isn't a sin, her being in the relationship with the girl is. Still be understanding of her like you have been in the past.

yes she is so vulnerable. and i too have been in such a vulnerable position, except i am not gay

so is being gay not haram??? but then why can she not be i a relationship. does that mean she has to forever hold her desire. or does that mean she should still marry a man?

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum

Your profile says that you live in London.  There are many outlets to help her.  I would not compromise my religion for a corrupted sister.  If she is living with you, you must be firm and tell her what you forbid in your house.  Homosexuality and alcohol. 

I would not be a doormat for a girl who doesn't respect herself. 

You can still maintain relations with her by calling her or meeting her up outside your home. 

Today she shows up drunk and tells you she is married and will bring her partner to your home next.  What next have them both for dinner and sing happy songs?

I'm sorry I can not tolerate such behavior.  If you were in Pakistan, maybe I would allow her to come to sleep instead of her being homeless, but in London she can go to many shelters where the law is on her side.

Almost everyone goes through tragedy, heartbreak, or has a sob story, doesn't mean they lose faith in God and do every major sin under the sky.  

Why doesn't she see you as an example of how you pulled through and was able to carry yourself with respect?  What about the thousands and thousands of orphans in Iraq, Lebanon, Afghanistan, Yemen and all across the world without parents?

Use the days she is staying with you to remind her about her behavior is haram and why she doesn't want to have Allah in her life.  Why?  There are many lectures on Youtube from Hassanain Rajabali to Khalil Jafar talking about life, trials and hardship.

Educate her about her major sins.  Does she believe in Day of Judgement and the Hereafter?

Explain to her about tawbah and to be sincere in asking forgiveness and God forgives all sins and she can start with a clean slate and all her past sins can be forgiven.  How does she want to live the rest of her life as an upright moral person of dignity or as an alcoholic homosexual undignified individual?

Find the reason of why she drinks.  She is hiding her problems or doesn't want to face them.  Why?  How does drinking help with anything?  Except to numb the feelings and forget for a few hours?  What's the point?  If she does alcohol, what prevents her from doing hard drugs later?  Maybe she does, and you don't know about it.

Talk to her and see why she is resorting this way. 

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

 

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Assalamu'Alaikum.

I am saddened to know that this is happening to you sis. I hope this time of difficulty will pass soon too like the others (think of it as a test from Alah swt).

My suggestion to your circumstance is that you shouldn't touch the topic of her being gay as much as possible. Because I am sure she already feels pressured from her family and friends and the society. However, by that I don't mean that you should compromise in your Islamic beliefs and practices! You mustn't let her drink at home (at least try to prevent it), and bring her partner in there, etc!

What I think you should do at this moment is, ask her what is it that she doesn't like about Islam. Start from there, and tell her about the lives of our Imams and the mumineens who lived their lives while sacrificing so much. Clear her doubts, I think that should be your first priority. and do that by either dicussion or by showing how you yourself practice Islam and how it helps you.

Hope your sister gets guided back on track by Allah swt. (Ameen)

 

Sincerely,

Zavon

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4 hours ago, Afsaneh14 said:

i dunno what you mean by normal but she has got bipolar. she also drinks A LOT . please do not judge her

If she's mentally ill and alcoholic, can you compel her to get treatment? 

Other than that, give her your love without accommodating her poor choices. Don't allow her to bring alcohol, drugs, or sexual partners into your house. Require her to contribute to rent and household chores. Invite her to go places and do things with you, so that she sees that she doesn't need all these harmful things to have fun. 

It's not clear yet what causes people to have homosexual urges, but acting on those urges is definitely a choice. No matter, though, she feels that she can't control it so just don't let her bring it around, but accept and love her as a person anyway. 

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6 hours ago, Afsaneh14 said:

i dunno what you mean by normal but she has got bipolar. she also drinks A LOT . please do not judge her

I believe that you should ask your sister to go for gender reassignment surgery. She is physically ill. I believe that she should get fit to get married in a normal way.  And whosoever she marries, she must tell her about her previous surgery otherwise it will affect her marriage in future.

You can initiate fund raising campaign for it and I guess SC admin can also help in this regard by confirming your sister's problem and participants may give away whatever they can spend through a bank account or through Western union.

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