Al Hadi

(SistersKeepOut)Frustration as a result of desires

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Does any brothers other than me here wish they were married especially for sexual purposes? not cause were bad people just cause resisting the sins is incredibly painful. I feel we as men with testosterone and all have it A LOT harder then women do! This has been supported by science.

I personally feel incredibly frustrated at times and I wish I lived in a society where ZINA wasn't so EASY and MARRIAGE so HARD!

its torture for me almost I know I have it good in comparison to starving children and what not but at least those starving children don't have to go through the burning pain of resisting the 24/7 opportunity of absolute disobedience. 

Despite that I wish my situation along with many of my brothers in the west especially the many suffering from things like porn addiction for example was better in this regard. So instead of going to sin to deal with this intense level of frustration and desire I decided to write it and if I where to express from a number 1-10 before I wrote this I would have put a 10 now a 5.

feel free to put the number you guys feel or explain if you have similar situations or advice even.

Edited by Al Hadi

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Every single guy that hit puberty has experienced your struggle, and the ones that haven't hit puberty yet will soon experience it as well. Some people fight these desires, others give up and sin. You need to be the one that is fighting it, because if others can do it than you can too. If you really can't handle it, you should instead do mut3a. 

"conquer your lustful desires and your wisdom will be perfected" - Imam Ali

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Keep yourself busy throughout the day, avoid too much alone time, and only use the computer in public spaces (living room, hallway, kitchen, open rooms). The more you fill your time, the less your mind will occupy itself with appetite. Work out, if that doesn't work, then fast. I'm not sure how old you are, but marriage should be a goal to work up to - so do your schooling, get your work experience, and build yourself up in maturity and sacred knowledge until you become a suitable partner. In a few years, your libido won't be as uncontrollable. At that point, hopefully you'll see that sin is actually ugly, harmful, undesirable, and takes people nowhere good, and you'll be able to overpower those urges completely inshaAllah.

Mut`a is also an option, but not always the most ideal. Know the rules, avoid all haram environments, and educate yourself on STDs.

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Salam Br. Hadi,

 

I would advise all my dear brothers and sisters to stay away from such filthy acts because it has long term consequences which you might not realize now but one day you will and by then it might be too late as you will have destroyed your life as well as the life of the people who care about you.

I look back at my life and since a young age was occupied with haram activities including zina and masturbation it affected my grades at school, relationship with friends and family and also my health now I am married not satisfied because I compare my wife with my ex girlfriends and movies I used to watch, I cant find a job in my field because my grades are poor all of this thanks to me not being able to control my nafas but rather allowing my nafas to control me. 

I would advise all young brothers and sisters to read the book that I linked below if you have not before and you will see what you can achieve if you fight and take control of your desires.

https://www.al-islam.org/the-elixir-of-love-ayatullah-muhammadi-rayshahri/divine-training#turning-point

May Allah SWT guide all our brothers and sisters to the right path and help them over come their nafas! AMEEN!

Be1a1

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Every young man goes through these phases, you, me, all of us.... its just a matter of how we handle it. As Hassan said, during ones pre-teen, teen, and young adult (under 25) years, your just a ball of raging hormones, some more so than others. The widespread pornography epidemic and the easy access to it isn't helping either. Take this with a grain of salt, we all know that Hellfire is horrific, right? A torture and pain beyond human comprehension, for ETERNITY. Then we have Jannah, bliss, happiness, and all things desired, likewise, for eternity. This is what we strive for, to earn the pleasure of our lord, and entering the gates of paradise, and masturbation/pornography or even Zina as a means to cope with un-married life are extremely indecent abominations, if only we knew. Although this is kind of pushing it, as you should already have a concept of how bad Hellfire is, but every time Muhammad Ali's heart slipped towards a sin, he would light a match in his palm. (May he rest in peace) Quote  

 "I don’t smoke but I keep a match box in my pocket. When my heart slips towards sin, I burn a match stick and heat my palm with it. Then I say to myself: “Ali, you can’t bear this heat, then how would you bear the unbearable heat of hell?”

This ones good too

"God doesn’t allow you to go back and live your life over again. But the older you get, the wiser you get; and in the time I got left, I’m living right. Every day is a judgement for me. Every night when I go to bed, I ask myself, ‘If God were to judge me just on what I did today, would I go to heaven or hell?’ Being a true Muslim is the most important thing in the world to me. It means more to me than being black or being American. I can’t save other people’s souls; only God can do that. But I can try to save mine."

You will be married one day, Inshallah

just be patient, 

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Anfaal 6:46] 

 

 

Edited by Bazzi_
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5 hours ago, Al Hadi said:

feel free to put the number you guys feel or explain if you have similar situations or advice even.

So I am guessing mutah is not an option for you? you can do mutah with a non virgin, independent shia woman. 

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12 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

So I am guessing mutah is not an option for you? you can do mutah with a non virgin, independent shia woman. 

Im Shia, but I think this is the first time of heard of this "mutah" thing.... can someone elaborate or explain it? What I managed to put together from al-islam is that its a contract with another muslim women? Her father has to approve of it? And you pay her for the service.....? Isn't that kinda like prostitution? (minus moral and actual physical contracts)

Edited by Bazzi_

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Just now, Bazzi_ said:

Im Shia, but I think this is the first time of heard of this "mutah" thing.... can someone elaborate it or explain? What I managed to put together from al-islam is that its a contract with another muslim women? Her father has to approve of it? And you pay her for the service.....? Isn't that kinda like prostitution? 

bruv do a search. 60% of shiachat threads are talking about mutah

mutah is a temporary marriage between two consenting, independent adults where they both agree to any terms that they want to agree to and agree that any children born from the mutah are the mans full children and responsibility not illegitimate. 

its not prostitution because the woman has to observe an iddah period after the mutah expires. what kind of worlds-worst-prostitute can only earn money once every few months lol

if the girl is a virgin, then by obligatory precaution the man has to ask her father/ guardian permission first before the mutah. 

sex isnt something shady and sinful that we need to be ashamed of. people have done quite a lot of it you know. mutah is just one option available to people where permanent marriage is not an option

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17 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

So I am guessing mutah is not an option for you? you can do mutah with a non virgin, independent shia woman.

Sunni is also ok. Think of it as one in eye for Umar. Christians and Jews are ok if Bro isn't already married.

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Just now, Haji 2003 said:

Sunni is also ok. Think of it as one in eye for Umar. Christians and Jews are ok if Bro isn't already married.

you have just completely blown my mind

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1 minute ago, DigitalUmmah said:

bruv do a search. 60% of shiachat threads are talking about mutah

mutah is a temporary marriage between two consenting, independent adults where they both agree to any terms that they want to agree to and agree that any children born from the mutah are the mans full children and responsibility not illegitimate. 

its not prostitution because the woman has to observe an iddah period after the mutah expires. what kind of worlds-worst-prostitute can only earn money once every few months lol

if the girl is a virgin, then by obligatory precaution the man has to ask her father/ guardian permission first before the mutah. 

sex isnt something shady and sinful that we need to be ashamed of. people have done quite a lot of it you know. mutah is just one option available to people where permanent marriage is not an option

Well thats interesting..... to each their own I guess. I get the concept, but isn't that the special part about permanent marriage, that both parties are chaste... mutah eliminates that, no? When you say "where permanent marriage is not an option". what do you mean by that? Like, financially? Cant find a spouse? Current hardships preventing him from getting married? Again, I am by no means criticizing it, and can understand the whole concept and goal...... im just thrown off a bit. Like, wha?!?!

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Just now, Bazzi_ said:

Well thats interesting..... to each their own I guess. I get the concept, but isn't that the special part about permanent marriage, that both parties are chaste... mutah eliminates that, no? When you say "where permanent marriage is not an option". what do you mean by that? Like, financially? Cant find a spouse? Current hardships preventing him from getting married? Again, I am by no means criticizing it, and can understand the whole concept and goal...... im just thrown off a bit. Like, wha?!?!

"chaste" does not equal "virgin". there is no law in our religion that one has to be virgin at the point of permanent marriage, but its pretty much a global cultural thing. 

look at OP for a perfect example. he is still young, studying, unable to marry permanently. he is suffering from a lot of sexual frustration and mental trauma may allahs mercy be upon him. what are his options? masturbation? zina? going crazy?

no man. the best thing for him is mutah. its allowed in quran, its allowed in sunnah. it will earn thawaab. it will help him without adding the pressure of permanent marriage. 

this may come as a shock to many but girls desire sex just as much as men. the girls are out there. OP needs to fix up his dress sense, work out, look sharp, get a personality and attract an independent sister who would be willing to do mutah with him. 

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13 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

"chaste" does not equal "virgin". there is no law in our religion that one has to be virgin at the point of permanent marriage, but its pretty much a global cultural thing. 

look at OP for a perfect example. he is still young, studying, unable to marry permanently. he is suffering from a lot of sexual frustration and mental trauma may allahs mercy be upon him. what are his options? masturbation? zina? going crazy?

no man. the best thing for him is mutah. its allowed in quran, its allowed in sunnah. it will earn thawaab. it will help him without adding the pressure of permanent marriage. 

this may come as a shock to many but girls desire sex just as much as men. the girls are out there. OP needs to fix up his dress sense, work out, look sharp, get a personality and attract an independent sister who would be willing to do mutah with him. 

I found this on ummah.com (I try to stay away from there however, bunch of shia hating freaks) are sunnis against it though? They use these hadiths, dont know how authentic they are but:

 

Likewise, Mutah was a hobby of the pagan Arabs. Hence, it was not forbidden in the beginning. This is because Islam was in a transitional stage. The Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) initially allowed Mutah on a few occassions because there were many new converts to Islam who had weak faith. They were often in times of war away from their wives, in which their desires got the best of them since they were not accustomed to the chastity of Islam. In order to prevent the apostacy of these new converts over the issue of Mutah, the Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) did not forbid Mutah immediately. (And these are the Hadith which the Shia quote to “prove” that Sunnis believe in the permissibility of Mutah.)

Once the Muslims became stronger in faith, the Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) categorically banned the practise of Mutah.

* Hadith Forbidding Mutah

The Hadith forbidding Mutah are considered Mutawattir, meaning that they have been transmitted so many times and by so many people that there is no doubt as to their authenticity. We are but a few of the many Hadith in which the Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) banned Mutah:

The Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) said:

“O people, I had permitted you Mutah before, [but now] whoever of you has any part in it currently must part with her, and do not take back anything which you may have given them, as Allah Exalted and Majestic has forbidden it until the day of resurrection.” [Muslim, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Nasa`i, and Darimi]

Ali (رضّى الله عنه) said:

“The Messenger of Allah had forbidden Mutah on the day of Khaybar and had forbidden the eating of the meat of domestic camels.” [Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizy, Ibn Majah, Nasa`i, Tahawy, Shafi’i, Bayhaqy, and Hazimy]

Ali (رضّى الله عنه) said to a man who was engaging in Mutah:

“You are a straying person, the Messenger of Allah has forbidden temporary marriage and the meat of domestic camels on the day of Khaybar.” [Muslim and Bayhaqy]

A man called Rabee’ Bin Sabra said to Umar bin Abdul Aziz:

“I testify that according to my father that it happened that the Messenger of Allah had forbidden it [Mutah] on the farewell pilgrimage.” [Abu Dawood and Imam Ahmad]

According to Abu Huraira:

The Messenger of Allah had forbidden or abolished temporary marriage, its marriage and its divorce, its waiting period, and its inheritance. [DarQutny, Ishaq Bin Rahwiya, and Ibn Habban]

When Ali (رضّى الله عنه) was given the Caliphate, he thanked Allah Most High and praised Him and said:

“O people, the Messenger of Allah had permitted Mutah three times then forbade it. I swear by Allah, ready to fulfil my oath, that if I find any person who engages in temporary marriage without having ratified this with a proper marriage, I will have him lashed 100 stripes unless he can bring two witnesses to prove that the Messenger had permitted it after forbidding it.” [Ibn Majah]
 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, DigitalUmmah said:

^^ why are you quoting sunni proofs on a shia forum regarding a shia matter?

read this

http://www.shiapen.com/comprehensive/mutah.html 

You have a point.....

I don't know man, I got freaked out by all the sources that came up going against it that I just instantly developed a biase.... but ur right, I have too look into it more, do you know if Ayatollah Khomeini or Fadlallah spoke on this issue? I think Khamenei said it was makrooh, found that here on SC

Edited by Bazzi_
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Just now, Bazzi_ said:

You have a point.....

I don't know man, I got freaked out by all the sources that came up going against it that I just instantly developed a biased.... but ur right, I have too look into it more, do you know if Ayatollah Khomeini or Fadlallah spoke on this issue? I think Khamenei said it was makrooh, found that here on SC

I haven't heard of any shia scholar ever, saying it was not permissible. I could be wrong though. 

the truth is, and this IS in "sahih" sunni hadith, that it was banned by omar, not the holy prophet (S)

sunni say that omar had the right to change prophetic sunnah
shia say lol nope. 

its up to you who you decide to follow in the end, the holy prophet (S) or omar. 

http://www.shiapen.com/comprehensive/mutah/umar-banned-mutah.html

 

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7 hours ago, Al Hadi said:

Does any brothers other than me here wish they were married especially for sexual purposes?

Marriage does not solve the sexual appetite issue. This is a wrong concept that youngsters carry. The key is to develop some self control.

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1 hour ago, Darth Vader said:

Marriage does not solve the sexual appetite issue. 

Mutah does, man. thats what its for

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3 hours ago, Darth Vader said:

Marriage does not solve the sexual appetite issue. This is a wrong concept that youngsters carry. The key is to develop some self control.

Your married? 

Why doesn't it work I always imagined it makes sense can you explain I like to hear from your experience on why it doesn't work really?

Doesnt it help a little though?

Edited by Al Hadi

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5 hours ago, Darth Vader said:

Marriage does not solve the sexual appetite issue. This is a wrong concept that youngsters carry. The key is to develop some self control.

You have a valid point about Marriage not being a solution. To simply get married for sex is an exceptionally immature and stupid reason to get married. All it does is get a bunch of horny guys married when they are lacking in all of the other things even more necessary for a marriage to be successful such as maturity and financial standing among others.

Perhaps, Mutah is a valid solution afterall. Not as valid a solution as Self Control but better than having a guy masturbating.

Also, just because Mutah is halal doesn't mean every Shia guy will find a girl will automatically agree to it. Add, to that the fact that you have some unattractive, horny Shia guys looking for a Mutah. Good luck getting a Mutah done...lol.

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7 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

Also, just because Mutah is halal doesn't mean every Shia guy will find a girl will automatically agree to it. Add, to that the fact that you have some unattractive, horny Shia guys looking for a Mutah. Good luck getting a Mutah done...lol.

yeah, exactly. its not like you can go up to a random shia girl and say "mere naal mutah karneh?" you get me. brothers need to fix up first. 

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Salam,

 

Dear brother, it was must really be tough maintaining your eeman in this day and age. I pray to Allah (SWT) that he helps you persevere. As some of the brothers said, one option is to do muta. If you are not able to do so, then I would recommend take the course offered by the NoFAP academy. It works (enough said!). 

http://www.nofapacademy.com/.tmb/index.html

 

PM me if you have more questions.

 

Salman

Edited by salman1

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1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

Good luck getting a Mutah done...lol.

And this is the problem with mutah and why self control is even more essential.

Generally, Male libido >> Female libido, this is why marriage does not -solve- the problem (of course it "helps somewhat" @Al Hadi). Secondly there are those days women have when you can not have sex. So when you get the time and you.. have to go the chance is good that she is unavailable. Kids add to that chance. So do other events.

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8 minutes ago, Darth Vader said:

. Secondly there are those days women have when you can not have sex. So when you get the time and you.. have to go the chance is good that she is unavailable. Kids add to that chance. So do other events.

This reminds me of a joke. A man complained to his friend that its far easier to get sex from a colleague at work than from his own wife who is always by his side every night at home.

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