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@IbnSina @yasahebalzaman.313

I am not going to talk about my experiences of being lonely, I don't comfortable talking about those things in a public forum. Suffice it to say, loneliness is a subjective state. Different people perceive and react to it differently. Each of us has a subjective threshold for social contact and amount of support we need in order to feel happy, there are no absolute rights or wrong here. 

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2 hours ago, starlight said:

@IbnSina @yasahebalzaman.313

I am not going to talk about my experiences of being lonely, I don't comfortable talking about those things in a public forum. Suffice it to say, loneliness is a subjective state. Different people perceive and react to it differently. Each of us has a subjective threshold for social contact and amount of support we need in order to feel happy, there are no absolute rights or wrong here. 

Hmm, I am sorry to hear that. Alhamdulillah things are better now.

But at least you can answer the question I asked? Its a hypothetical question, you can give a hypothetical answer without revealing your personal life/story no?

@yasahebalzaman.313

Thank you for understanding me!

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Hmm, if I were to make some conclusions from my impression of what the people are saying I think I can say the following:

  1. Being lonely/alone improves/can help you in your state of dhikr.
  2. Being lonely/alone can put you in greater risk of committing haram in one way or the other.

But point 1 and 2 contradict each other no? Or would you guys say that point 2 becomes relevant when point 1 fails?

And how are the two points affected when you are in company?

And what company gives what results? The consensus might be that being alone is to be preferred in certain situations.

Is it easier to be a better muslim alone than it is in company or the other way around? Is it again dependent on the company? But what if you have the option of no company at all vs good company, which one would be to prefer and why?

I think Imam Ali(AS) said, and may Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى forgive me if I remember incorrectly, that: A good friend is he who reminds you of Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى.

Which means a good friend is he who improves your dhikr so is the discussion really about dhikr? Does one need company to improve dhikr and if not why do we even seek company? Is it the lack of dhikr that makes us seek the company of other humans?

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How even someone can say I'm lonely while he have Allah swt? And how even we can say: I'm not lonely because I have many people around me while we don't have Allah swt in our heart and in our life?

This is weird!

القصص
وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ اللَّهِ إِلَٰهًا آخَرَ لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ كُلُّ شَيْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُ لَهُ الْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ
Do not worship but Allah Who Is the    only God. Every thing will Eventually    be perished except the Holy Existence    of Allah, the Eternal Live; Command    belongs to Him only; and to Him you    will all be brought back.(88

الرحمن
كُلُّ مَنْ عَلَيْهَا فَانٍ
Whatever in the worlds are doomed to    Perdition,(26) 

الرحمن
وَيَبْقَىٰ وَجْهُ رَبِّكَ ذُو الْجَلَالِ وَالْإِكْرَامِ
Only the Existence of your Creator and    Nurturer is the Eternal; The One Who    is the Source-Owner of Sublimity,    Honour and Bounty.(27) 

Love these verses. Makes me chill.

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On 30/08/2016 at 7:51 PM, IbnSina said:

Let me give you an example, you are in Pakistan today. Lets say you would be thrown to the other side of earth, far far away from everyone you love, you know no one, no one knows you, you do not speak a word of their language and you do not understand their culture or ways of thinking, you are the only one looking the way you look and they do not appreciate it and lets also say you are the only muslim in this place.

Have you been in a situation like this? Would you enjoy it just as much?

LOL... yesss... it would be an adventure !! Wouldn't it? getting the opportunity to explore and learn about a totally different culture and country? I am sure there are some people around who understand and speak at least a little bit of english. That would be enough to get me around.

 I enjoy going on walks alone, I would be doing that everyday, enjoy a cup of coffee somewhere alone even on a side walk. One can always use this opportunity to take up a new hobby. I would be taking photographs of that country, writing a journal/blog, make a reading list and set myself some goals, memorise surahs........the list is endless. 

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@Haimi

Ahsant! What do you think about the questions I posted regarding the conclusions one can make?

@starlight

Very nice ideas and perspective, ahsant! But be careful what you wish for, even too much of whats good will become something bad in the end. I do not think you would feel the same way after months in that situation, also remember, in that scenario, everyone dislikes you because of the way you look. But what do you think about the questions I posted regarding the conclusion one can make? What is your answer and what are your thoughts?

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3 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

@Haimi

Ahsant! What do you think about the questions I posted regarding the conclusions one can make?

@starlight

Very nice ideas and perspective, ahsant! But be careful what you wish for, even too much of whats good will become something bad in the end. I do not think you would feel the same way after months in that situation, also remember, in that scenario, everyone dislikes you because of the way you look. But what do you think about the questions I posted regarding the conclusion one can make? What is your answer and what are your thoughts?

sorry but which question?:-)

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Just now, Haimi said:

sorry but which question?:-)

Hmm, if I were to make some conclusions from my impression of what the people are saying I think I can say the following:

  1. Being lonely/alone improves/can help you in your state of dhikr.
  2. Being lonely/alone can put you in greater risk of committing haram in one way or the other.

But point 1 and 2 contradict each other no? Or would you guys say that point 2 becomes relevant when point 1 fails?

And how are the two points affected when you are in company?

And what company gives what results? The consensus might be that being alone is to be preferred in certain situations.

Is it easier to be a better muslim alone than it is in company or the other way around? Is it again dependent on the company? But what if you have the option of no company at all vs good company, which one would be to prefer and why?

I think Imam Ali(AS) said, and may Allah(SWT) forgive me if I remember incorrectly, that: A good friend is he who reminds you of Allah(SWT).

Which means a good friend is he who improves your dhikr so is the discussion really about dhikr? Does one need company to improve dhikr and if not why do we even seek company? Is it the lack of dhikr that makes us seek the company of other humans?

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Assalamo Alaykom.

well depends. some people do Haram with their Tongue When they aren't lonely . well they have to be lonely must of the time so they can control the Fire(tongue!). on the other way some people do Haram when they are Lonely, such as masturbating( Nao'ozoBellah or watching/listening Inappropriate Movies/Music. some has their own activiteis with their Sick Minds. that's the Moment when you feel that you need a Scholar, a master experienced one, who has worked/Working on his soul for a long time, who has some experience with Akhlaghi Books, Actually who knows Akhlaghi Scholars and PEOPLE. a soccer player knows every good football players, how even we don't know them while we say: I'm an Akhlaghi Man? i want to be a good man? here's the moment when we badly need to read Akhlaghi ways to get knowledge about Sins, their ways, Satan(Eblis) Tricks, knowing Ourself Perfectly(Human's Knowledge)

Wassalamo Alaykom.

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53 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Hmm, if I were to make some conclusions from my impression of what the people are saying I think I can say the following:

  1. Being lonely/alone improves/can help you in your state of dhikr.
  2. Being lonely/alone can put you in greater risk of committing haram in one way or the other.

 

Which means a good friend is he who improves your dhikr so is the discussion really about dhikr? Does one need company to improve dhikr and if not why do we even seek company? Is it the lack of dhikr that makes us seek the company of other humans?

Ofc company does matter, that's why we need a Partner in Our Life Right? that's why we've Families? That's why we need to Have a teacher? Class Mate? that's why we need to buy our stuff from other Humans? Community? that's why we Do Salah Jema'at! and etc....

But remember one thing, if you're sick and when you've Cold fever, are you trying to contact with people and surrounding yourself with them? or if they has it, do you like to be with them? [ get my Akhlaghi Point:-) ]

Edited by Haimi

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On 9/1/2016 at 3:08 AM, IbnSina said:
  • Being lonely/alone improves/can help you in your state of dhikr.
  • Being lonely/alone can put you in greater risk of committing haram in one way or the other

Varies from person to person. Personally, I perform better when I am alone and that includes my faith. However, part of it is due to the fact I am an introvert, I don't enjoy social interaction. Hence I would have no problem choosing no company over bad company. 

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Salam brother,

A person who is in the constant state of dhikr, is good either way , with or without human company, even if that company is good company.

Why? Because Allah says in a Hadith regarding Dhikr :

"I am the COMPANY of those who remember me ( dhikr me )! "

No human can replace the company of Allah, but this also depends, on a person's mind set.

Some people feel they need to be in the company of others for better dhikr, that is why those hadiths are said , be in the company of those who remind you of me.

Some don't need anyone to remind them of Allah, hence they are hadiths for those who don't need anyone's company to remind them of Allah.

But the best is, it would not make any difference for a dhakir, either way he is good, with and without.

This Hadith Qudsi is the greatest proof:

Oh David! Inform all the people on earth and convey my message that I am the lover of whom who loves me, and sit with those who sit with me, and accompany those , who are attached to My Rememberence. 
 
And converse with those who converse with me, and select and choose those who choose me, and act according to the will of those who are obedient to me.
 
Who ever loves me and I know his true love in his heart for me,I shall accept him for myself, and give such life to him, that NONE OF MY CREATURES can over take him.
 
Who ever seeks me and wants me, shall find me, and who ever seeks OTHER THAN ME SHALL NOT FIND ME. 
 
Hence o people of the world , abandon the arrogance of this world!
 
Leave the shallow and animalistic life that you are in, and speed towards my honors and being in conversation with ME, and sitting with ME, and attachment/fondness of ME, and be attached and fond of me so that I too be fond of you and speed in my love towards you ! "
 
Edited by certainclarity

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Salaams,

I'm lonely now (or at least lonelier than I was). I had what I thought were lots of friends (also had a fair bit of money). The money went, the phone calls dried up (basically).

To go from Mr Popularity to an almost hermit like existence has been a real eye-opener and good teacher.

Alhamdulillah I've learnt who my true friends are (very,very few but worth their weight in gold). It's no bad thing to have one's false illusions shattered.

Not quite pure loneliness (and more than a little cliched) but a positive experience over all.

Oh and I certainly talk to God a lot more (I'd say 90% of the time). Of course it's not a two-way conversation. Just that in my many moments of solitariness I direct my thoughts, regrets and hopes to Him consciously.

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We can also look it from this perspective what if you are in a situation you are surrounded by friends and family, you live in a country you know the language and people, yet they are trouble and head ache for you, they speak the same language yet you don't understand each other.

Or even worse, you have everything, family, loved ones, friends, familiar with language and culture, yet you feel empty and alone !

So it goes both ways , becareful what you wish for, you might get it.

We have loads of threads regarding people who are lonely/alone and loads of people who just want to run away from even their loved ones...just to be alone .

Those who have experienced both sides, may realize this better.

Edited by certainclarity

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Imam Khomeini R.A Lesson About Khalvat & Jalvat(Privacy & socializing)

نکته: 22 خلوت یا جلوت بر انسان لازم است مثل طبیب معالج و پرستار شفیق از قلب خود نگاهداری کند و در احوال آن دقت کند که اگر خلوت با حال او مناسب است در خلوت عمل را به جا آورد و اگر در خلوت اشتغال بیشتر می شود در جلوت به عبادت قیام کند.() در مسأله خلوت گرفتن یا حضور در جمع مهمترین مطلب رعایت این نکته است که، اگر خوف آن می رود که حضور در جمع سبب افتادن در گناه شود باید از جمع دوری کرد. هم چنین دوری از ورود به مجالسی که یاد خدا در آنها نمیشود و جز فراموشی حق چیزی ندارد، افضل از حضور در آنهاست. همینطور در خلوت اگر مفسده ای برای سالک در پی داشته باشد باید از آن دوری کرد. بنابراین سالک باید در احوالات خود دقت کند،اگر در خلوت افکار شیطانی در او راه پیدا میکند و بیماریهای قلبی اش افرون میشود، حضور در جمع بهتر بلکه واجب است. و اگر در جمع خوف گرفتاری در معاصی بدنی از قبیل دروغ و تهمت و ریا و فحش و هتک حرمتها و تمسخر و چشمچرانی و همنشینی با افکار بدکار و فاسق و...می رود باید از حضور در جمع دوری گزیده و خلوت گزیند، مگر اینکه چاره ای نباشد. بهترین حالت در اینجا برای کسانی است که از هر دو حالت خالی نباشند. یعنی علاوه بر اینکه در جمع حضور دارند، مرتکب هیچ خلاف و گناهی نمیشوند و خانه دل را از غیر خالی مینمایند. از عظمت مقام انسانی است که در میان جمع باشد و یک لحظه از یاد خدا غافل نباشد

1-both are necessary for Human.

2- You're The attending physician and nurse Shafiq, and your Heart is the Patient.

3-if Privacy is matched with your Mood, then take the action in privacy.

4-if privacy gives you....., then try to worship in Community & Society.

5-in both topics, the Important thing that an Akhlaghi(Salek) Man has to be ware is: if you think that you're falling in a Sin's trap, then you've to Avoid it, because ZekroAllah is Supreme than Both.

6- if you think in privacy you will get closer to Satanic Thoughts , then it's Better to join society, but actually it's Wajeb!( hey brothers and Sisters pay attention to this one).

7- if you think in community you will do Physical sins( important words) Such as hypocrisy and lies and slander and insults and indignities and humiliation and voyeurism and sit with the wicked and ungodly thoughts and ..then you Must Avoid to be with people, Unless when you don't have a choice and an option(think about it deeply).

8-the best case in here is for people who's not Lacking of these two, means In addition to being in the present, they are not Committed any sins, and they wont let their Heart's house to be full on People(means they wont let anyone get inside their Heart except Allah swt) The greatness of human dignity is to be with people and to be in the Society, and when He isn't unaware even A moment of remembrance of Allah SWT.

 

Edited by Haimi

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On 2016/8/30 at 11:51 PM, IbnSina said:

Lets say you would be thrown to the other side of earth, far far away from everyone you love, you know no one, no one knows you, you do not speak a word of their language and you do not understand their culture or ways of thinking, you are the only one looking the way you look and

When I left my country all by myself for my university in America, I did not know anyone, I did not speak the language, etc etc but I had wonderful time!!! So the example does not bring any idea of loneliness to me.

Going back to the topic, It is blessing to have friends and loved ones around us to share quality time with; however, we all need some time to be alone. Because how we spend our alone time builds the biggest part of who we really are.

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1. Thinking about yourself and about death. I am hoping to become Shahid one day inshaallah.

2. Arranging to live islamically. Sleep sooner and wake up for Salaat-ul-Layl.

3. Thinking more about future and your future plans. Graduation, job, marriage, etc.

4. For me, Quran memorization is one thing that I really want Allah to give me some day. By now, he gave me only two Joze, but I want the whole.

5. Learning, studying, and thinking more about your islamic duties.

Sometimes, when I'm among my family and friends I am still alone. They all talk about Dunya. Oh, somebody got that apt, that guy got a self-driven car, he got job at Tesla, these people make me sick, and I still feel alone. I think you guys had same experience sometimes. People talk so much about dunya. I want to be accompanied with someone like Ayatollah Ghazi to teach me and tell me thinks to make myself improved. Sometimes I prefer to live alone in a far island.

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hi the way of twelver Shia is not abondoning Dunya & people  we must participate in business & other social works but do not become dependant to it if we abondon our family & people we cant spread Truth of Shia Islam 

Make your own world and be as if you are going to die tomorrow for your next life. 

http://www.hawzah.net/fa/Book/View/45270/24251/چنان-باش-که-همیشه-زنده-ای-و-چنان-باش-که-فردا-می-میری

https://translate.google.com/translate?sl=auto&tl=en&js=y&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hawzah.net%2Ffa%2FBook%2FView%2F45270%2F24251%2F%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D9%87%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88-%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C&edit-text=

In Nahj al-Fahsa, a narrator of Rasool Akram narrates:

The principle of the whole world and the convoys are all the same.

Make your own world and be as if you are going to die tomorrow for your next life.

 

In Safin-e-Bohar, the "breath" narrates from Imam Kadhim (peace be upon him) from tawf al-Qawul that they have been quoted as an authentic narration among al-Bait:

My Mina Licking My Stomp Lidine She Leaves Dinah Ladenaha.

It is not for us to leave our world for the sake of our religion or religion for the sake of the world.

Edited by Ashvazdanghe

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https://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=fa&u=http://old.aviny.com/shobhe/eteghadi/146.aspx&prev=search

The full hadith narrated from the happy language of the Imams (as) is based on the illumination of Imam Ali (as) and Imam Hassan Mojtaba, as follows: 

"The Holy Qur'an is the Qa''nak of the'Abda and the Prophet of the Endowment of the Covenant of the Death," (Mustardak al-Wasael, p. 146) 

Translation: For your world, act as if you live in the world forever, and act in the hereafter so that you die tomorrow " 

Obviously, when it comes to "the act of Ledenak," this is meant to be a worldly life, and when it says that "full of acts" is meant the life of the forefathers. 

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The Qur’an and the narrations of the Infallibles (peace be upon them) point out a variety of signs that we Muslims should not only learn, but also incorporate into our everyday lives. This article will focus on the following narration that lists five signs of the believer: Imam Hasan al-Askari (peace be upon him) says, “[t]he signs of the believer are five: praying fifty-one Rak’at [including mandatory and optional prayers], Ziyarat al-Arba’een, wearing a ring in the right hand, prostration on dirt, and saying ‘Bismillah hir Rahman nir Raheem‘ in a raised voice.” (Wasa’il ush-Shi’a)

http://www.islamicinsights.com/religion/the-five-signs-of-a-believer.html

 

*Imam Muhammad b. 'Ali al-Baqir (as) once said to Muyassir:

يَا مُيَسِّرُ أَلاَّ أَخْبِرَكَ بِشِيـعَـتِنَا؟ قُلْتُ بَلى جُعِلْتُ فِدَاكَ. قَالَ إِنَّهُمْ حُصُونٌ حَصِينَةٍ وَ صُدُورٌ أَمِينَةٍ وَ أَحْلاَمٌ وَزِينَةٍ لَيْسُوا بِالْمَذِيعِ الْبَذَرِ وَلاَ بِالْجُفَاتِ الْمُرَاعِينَ. رُهْـبَانٌ بِاللَّيْلِ أَسَدٌ بِالنَّهَارِ.

“O' Muyassir!  Should I not describe to you who our Shia (true followers) are?”  Muyassir replied, “But of course, may I be sacrificed for you (O' Imam).”  The Imam continued: “Unquestionably they (our Shia) are like a fortified stronghold; their chests (hearts) are places that preserve the trusts (given to them such as secrets and private information) and are those who have a firm, dignified intelligence; they do not spread rumors that they are told (by others) and are not strict, severe people; nor are they people who show off. During the night time, they are as monks (they stay up in the night, busy in prayer and the worship of Allah) while during the daytime, they are as lions (active, energetic, and involved in the activities of the world and their community).”

https://www.al-islam.org/ethical-discourses-vol1-makarim-shirazi/discourse-2-characteristics-shia-part-1

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    • Salaam Alaykum Brother Good for your sister that has such a good brother. It is very important to observe Hijab and Islamic dress code. First of all, don't expect your sister to change her behaviour in one night. This process takes months, or maybe one or two years, so be patient. Never get angry on this because it only ruins your previous effort. Always calm and patient. Second, don't expect your sister to be nice to you when you talk about Hijab with her. She probably disrespects you or say inappropriate words, you MUST be quiet if it happens. Apparently your mother is concerned about this. It's a good thing that you are not alone. Observing Islamic dress code is very very gradual process. Your mother and you should be together and patient. Try to be more respectful to your sister and help her as much as you can. Let her think that you always support her. Your mother should also show observation in this matter. Your sister should see that your mother doesn't wear any kind of cloth. For example, when your mother and you and your sister are shopping, your mother should say(loudly so that your sister hears that), I don't like this dress. It's too short or tight and I'm Muslim. Never use force or fighting to make her dress islamically. Let her to understand this herself. Remember be kinder and more patient. Do as much favor as you can for your sister. Tell your mother to do the same. Gradually you can start talking with your sister in person about Hijab. The key is that she should first TRUST you that you are saying that just for help and your love as her brother.
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    • I think an important question that nobodies asked is what kind of relationship do you have with your sister?  If you're not super close and just come out of nowhere with all these rules shes going to rebel and your parents could get involved- telling you to stay out of it. If this happens- she might think its okay because her parents are defending her.  If you're not close, then maybe this is an opportunity to be. Try and be really open and non judgemental and find out why she doesn't wish to observe hijab. It may just be down to ignorance: she simply doesn't know its importance in islam. You'd be surprised what kind of interesting conversations you'd have.  My brothers beliefs are fairly different to mine and fairly often we have interesting discussions/debates about all kinds of topics. He's also very open minded so I feel reassurance/comfort if I ever need to ask advice or information about a certain topic. 
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