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Salam aleykum,

Many people speak many times of how bad it is to be lonely and loneliness in general.

I thought that inshaAllah we could all share some of the positive aspects of being lonely here, maybe people that misses being lonely knows better what good things it has, maybe some people enjoy being lonely because it gives them more time to get to know themselves, inshaAllah we can all share our thoughts and ideas about it here.

Fi amanillah.

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1) Ponder; not just on your existence but on where you stand. Did you set up goals? Have you achieved them? What is your present status? What would you like to achieve in the future? Many people don't even know what they they actually love doing and what they want to achieve in life.

2) Read, write, share and learn: You will grow as a human being. Your knowledge bank will be refined which will help you in all walks of life and will increase your confidence and self esteem. You will one day reach a stage where you start reaching your own conclusions which is quite liberating. 

3) Watch movies/documentaries: To entertain your imagination or feed your curiosity. 

4) Shiachat ;) 

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I can write a book about pros of loneliness. The biggest difference I felt between married and single life is when you are single, you are sad/ bored while married, you are stressed out. When you are single, you choose to remain awake at night because you miss someone. When you are married, you cannot sleep because you are worried about paying bills or you are scared of an abusive partner. When you fear for your life, that's the worst feeling in the world. No problem can be compared to this. For married women, they have to control their emotions and look normal for their kids. I really don't understand how they do it. They probably have nerves made of steel. Or becoming a mother just makes women stronger. I read in an article that one American woman said marriage is 1% pleasure and 99% is stress and hard work. In today's world, getting married and having kids is truly like you have declared jihad. It is so so hard. But I know it is hard for single people to understand. When I was single, I didn't believe although many people told me that marriage is hard. 

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@Abbas.

But all of those can be done when you are not alone as well cant they?

@rkazmi33

Hmm, do you think your personal experience with married life makes your opinion not so objective?

I remember the things you have wrote about your married life earlier and for example how it has affected your relationship to your own family. I am so sad to hear how its has been for you. InshaAllah things will get better.

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Just because there are pros of loneliness it doesn't mean that it's something good.

Being lonely can be quite dangerous because we human beings are social beings. Islam stresses MUCH on being social and being active with people/society. One should not be lonely.

However if a person prefers to be alone that's not loneliness, but probably solitude or maybe even being an introvert. We are all kind of introverts, some may prefer to sit alone a day and contemplate about something and so on, but being lonely is not good. Imagine feeling lonely and no one speaks with you, write to you and so on. 

Perhaps this lecture can help:  

 

 

Inshallah my post can be deemed useful. 

 

 

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On 8/29/2016 at 2:13 PM, IbnSina said:

@Abbas.

 

@rkazmi33

Hmm, do you think your personal experience with married life makes your opinion not so objective?

I remember the things you have wrote about your married life earlier and for example how it has affected your relationship to your own family. I am so sad to hear how its has been for you. InshaAllah things will get better.

It's not only my life. I am saying these things because of my observations of other married couples. I will add a video of Agha Panhiyan in which he says that getting married and having kids is a struggle today. I am getting a divorce (inshahAllah ) and my life is better Alhamdulillah. When I see other women dealing with problems and I cannot do anything about it, I get frustrated and I  post online. 

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I like being alone and studying Islam and Rasūl‘Allah (sawas) Ahl al-Bayt (as) and contemplating on Allah's creation. In general I like being alone except when im not with my family, especially my parents.

Edited by Ali al-Abdullah

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@Ali-F

I know for sure loneliness is not something good all in all but sometimes it can be beneficial I think and some of its aspects can be good in right proportions and in the right situations.

But loneliness allows you to see things from a different perspective, the perspective of an outsider. For example, when you are riding a carousel it is all fun and lights and laughter, your focusing on the ride, but when you observe a carousel from outside you will notice that its just going around in circles.

And when you are unknown, when you dont have a community, it prevents you from feeling false pride, you are no one and no body knows you, who are you going to boast in front?

Though for sure, like br @Gaius I. Caesar said loneliness is dangerous as well. When you are lonely you are a much easier target for ibliss and his allies. When you are lonely you are really fighting an all out war on all fronts, you cannot even count on yourself as an ally, its you against everyone including yourself.

But when you are with good brothers with strong iman, you become like one strong unit, where one gets weak the other helps him back up and you look after each other.

I will iA watch the lecture you sent me in the coming days.

 

@rkazmi33

Though your life might get better I am still sorry to hear about the divorce but inshaAllah it is kheyr. You should not give up on marriage though, I know for sure some brothers that are like light mashaAllah, strong in faith, strong in heart, they breath islam and they would never mistreat their wives. They would become a unit together, support for each other, good companions for this dunya and whats next and raise soldiers for our Imam(ajf), be support for those in need, create order and implore justice and whats right. Do not despair either way in Allahs(SWT) mercy, He is the most merciful.

Thank you for the video, I enjoyed it a lot.

 

@certainclarity

For me personally it means all of the ones together that you mentioned. But in general loneliness is when you are alone i guess.

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I don't mean this as an attack on the OP or anyone. However from my personal experience suffering from social anxiety and depression, naturally being an introvert and preferring solitude to the company of people. I find loneliness as others have pointed out above loneliness to be very dangerous thing indeed. It is certainly when shaytan attacks and is really strong. It is went your thoughts that are abnormal take a hold of you. It is true it becomes a love-hate relationship with loneliness and solitude but it is like a cancer. I'm saying this still as a lonely person.

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Being alone gives you mental strengths and it makes you independant of people and in general. From the way i see it also one Must pass through a lonely time so he can reach for God and remember there is no one else there but Him. And Sometimes it breaks the person because its not easy.. Afterall we were born to socialize. 

Edited by yasahebalzaman.313

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Ok, I see what you mean.

For me personally, being alone, was the greatest gift of my life given by Allah, that I cannot compare it with being with anyone. 

Infact being with people was more dangerous for me!

I experienced the aya where Allah questions his slaves;

" Is Allah not sufficient for his servant?"

When I was made to realize this ayah, even if the earth has no one in it , I can never feel alone or lonely, because I have Allah.

But the moment we limit our minds that we need a partner to be complete, that is where loneliness starts.Because is bound to limits and because we are so used to seeing the physical, the a absence of it causes a feeling of loneliness in the mind.

I went thru the state of aloneness and loneliness just because I really did not realize I can connect with Allah.

Once I opened my mind to possibilites that you really don't need anyone one but Allah, Allah himself miraculously took the loneliness away from me.

Since then I have not felt alone / lonely or despressed Alhamdulilah.

It has been years after that experience.

The days I was Alone, were the best days I had, as I experienced a lot of things that I never experienced when I was family/ friends/ partner ...

There is a Hadith by Imam Jafar al Sadiq where he says, if only people knew what is in aloneness, they would even want to run away from themselves !

Edited by certainclarity

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When I first spent time alone, and had nothing in the whole day I had a mental breakdown. always surrounded by people and such and really took the time to question myself and values and at the time I realised I had never thought of who I am as a person and always adapted to tailor people's personalities, I saw the world in a different light. At first it can be a devastating experience but it teaches to really find yourself and true values, I dont think what Im saying can be fully understood, only through experience.

Edited by HayderM

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Wa alaykom asalam

  • No extroverts around to drain your precious energy
  • Less Noise
  • No pressure of getting embarrassed if you mess something up :P
  • Not sure if this makes sense but.. Time actually slows down & you can do much more things that way

That's about it I think..

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2 hours ago, Shian e Ali said:

Wa alaykom asalam

  • No extroverts around to drain your precious energy
  • Less Noise
  • No pressure of getting embarrassed if you mess something up :P
  • Not sure if this makes sense but.. Time actually slows down & you can do much more things that way

That's about it I think..

I could have written this post. **thumbs up** Shian

There is nothing more enjoyable than being alone. My productivity increases by 100% and stress goes down to zero when I am alone. I get the luxury to ponder on things that require full mental attention or to think about nothing at all. This latter is something I relish in a world full of mental distractions.

 However, there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. Being alone is a physical state while loneliness is a state of mind. You can be surrounded by people and yet be lonely. Not sure what the OP meant in his post. 

A muslim can never be truly lonely because Allah SWT is always with us. Infact, when I am by myself I feel my connection to Allah is even stronger. If I sometimes feel it faltering I turn to Allah... I pray salah and read Quran and it immediately makes me feel better.

So, for me being alone is a blessing and being lonely is a blessing in disguise. :) 

Edited by starlight
Typo

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Loneliness/ depression are silent messengers trying to tell us to recheck our relationship and connection with Allah.

If Allah says I am closer than your jugular vein and yet one feels lonely it is sign that signal and connection is low.

Edited by certainclarity

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Hehe Alhamdulillah I am happy to hear that some people enjoy being lonely.

But be careful what you wish for and what you are saying, or Allah(SWT) might test the level of truth by granting you your wishes.

I think most of the people here have never in their life been truly lonely/alone/whatever you call it.

Allah(SWT) made us the way we are for a reason, I wonder, why did he create Eve(as) for prophet Adam(as) to begin with? Why did he give Aron(as) to prophet Musa(as)? Why did he give Imam Ali(as) to our beloved prophet(S)?

I think feeling lonely and feeling depressed are two completely different things. Furthermore even though some would argue that feeling depression is due to lack of faith, others could argue that feeling happy in dunya is due to lack of faith. However Islam is the middle way but we are not here to enjoy ourselves and living in an unjust world I find it hard to be completely happy.

At the end one may feel lonely/loneliness/etc but at the same time be content and say alhamdulillah.

And as I said, i do believe there are some benefits to being alone given the right proportions and the right scenarios.

And to my brothers and sisters that truly enjoy being lonely, alhamdulillah wa shukr, I hope Allah(SWT) never puts you in a situation that would make you question that. 

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I am sorry for your situation and understand what you are going thru.

Having said that , I think most who replied being happy alone , have already passed the situation of being alone and lonely first hand.

Do you have parents/ parent you live with? Brothers in faith you associate with ?If you do, your issue is having a spouse.

I personally have experienced for years, NO family, No partner, in a country I barely knew any one. When I was ignorant I felt lonely. 

Once I realized the presence of Allah, every thing fell into place.

If you are truly content you can never feel lonely or alone.

Normally when people feel lonely , they think they are the only one who is facing such a situation , not realizing others too are facing the same thing or have already passed what you are facing.

This is a misconception, Eve was not created for Adam, she was created as the Kaneez of Allah, and Adam Abdullah .

When Adam wanted her when he saw her, Allah told him she is my " Kaneez" you have to ask her from me.

What ever we want stems from our desire. Adam also wanted wings like angels, apart from wanting Eve . 

Imam Ali was not given to the prophet. He had a mission of Imamat . If we did not have imamat as a mission and responsibilty , the mission would have ended at the prophet.

The matter of imamat has nothing got to do with feeling of loneliness and being alone.

If any of our imams or prophet had to stay alone , they too Infact would not feel alone or lonely, as they were in direct connection with Allah, witnessing the other realm.

According to imam Jafar al Sadiq there were many prophets who were single.

Last not least, people have a choice to always move to an Islamic country to be surrounded by more like minded people and prospects not to be lonely, if one finds it hard to be alone.

Normally the kind of life where you have your family , your wife, and friends is more in villages now adays. People in cities will face, not having one or two of the above.

If one has no option to move that is another thing.

Probably  volenteering in a refugee camp will help us realize what does it mean to be lonely.

So if we truly don't like the feeling of loneliness , we should either change our perspective or location , or both.

In sha Allah, I hope you also pass this stage and reach a stage of full contentment without the feeling of loneliness..,

Edited by certainclarity

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53 minutes ago, starlight said:

What makes you say this? 

Can you explain what you mean by being truly lonely?

Because most people in the world have never been truly alone/lonely.

Let me give you an example, you are in Pakistan today. Lets say you would be thrown to the other side of earth, far far away from everyone you love, you know no one, no one knows you, you do not speak a word of their language and you do not understand their culture or ways of thinking, you are the only one looking the way you look and they do not appreciate it and lets also say you are the only muslim in this place.

Have you been in a situation like this? Would you enjoy it just as much?

 

@certainclarity

I do not understand why every time I make a thread asking a question you directly assume it has to do with me personally. You assume too much about me.

If I asked about the trajectory to the moon and how to avoid debris orbiting planet earth, would you assume i am making a rocket and planning to visit the moon?

Alhamdulillah I accept whatever fate Allah(SWT) gives me and I only make dua for whatever would make me a better muslim, admitting I am not wise enough to know what will ultimately make me the best muslim that I can possibly be (remember my dua?). I am as content as one can be in my situation and I do not rely on humans to be the source of anything for me but I will never be fully content while living in dunya and I believe Allah(SWT) made humans feel hunger so they would seek food.

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If that is what you assumed, I am sorry you felt that way .

Having said that , this is an issue many face, so my point of my post was for all those who are going thru this phase, not only you. Any one else who would creae this thread I would have said the same.

Because I truly believe YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THRU THIS.

you mentioned :

"For me personally it means all of the ones together that you mentioned. But in general loneliness is when you are alone i guess."

 I also mentioned I went thru the same thing or even more than you.

When I did , first I changed my location, when that also did not help, I changed my perspective.

I am sharing my perspective as you asked.

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3 minutes ago, certainclarity said:

 

If that is what you assumed, I am sorry you felt that way .

Having said that , this is an issue many face, so my point of my post was for all those who are going thru this phase, not only you. Any one else who would creae this thread I would have said the same.

Because I truly believe YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THRU THIS.

you mentioned :

"For me personally it means all of the ones together that you mentioned. But in general loneliness is when you are alone i guess."

 I also mentioned I went thru the same thing or even more than you.

When I did , first I changed my location, when that also did not help, I changed my perspective.

I am sharing my perspective as you asked.

 

Okay thank you brother, I just felt like you were targeting me and claiming I lack faith because I made a thread asking people to share positive aspects of being alone.

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4 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

 

Okay thank you brother, I just felt like you were targeting me and claiming I lack faith because I made a thread asking people to share positive aspects of being alone.

Everyone lacks faith brother, even I do!

Faith has levels , we each are at our own level, and have to struggle to go to higher levels.

After passing every test we rise to a higher level of faith.

In sha Allah may we all complete our faiths 10 out of 10, like Salman Farsi did !

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

 

Alhamdulillah I accept whatever fate Allah(SWT) gives me and I only make dua for whatever would make me a better muslim, admitting I am not wise enough to know what will ultimately make me the best muslim that I can possibly be (remember my dua?). I am as content as one can be in my situation and I do not rely on humans to be the source of anything for me but I will never be fully content while living in dunya and I believe Allah(SWT) made humans feel hunger so they would seek food.

I always love your insight brother :DMasha'Allah this state of mind you talked about is really hard to achieve. 

@starlight what our brother meant i guess is that one can easily say he's lonely but could he Really experience and endure loneliness? When someone is left alone he will compromise a lot of his standards and his belief. He would make a sin for example, giving up easily to a temptation, he can start questioning himself his abilities and he could crack. Standing alone isnt for everyone it's for the people who have a huge faith and Understanding of God and ahlulbayt. 

 

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