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Syed Fraz Hussain Naqvi

Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?

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As'salam O Alaikum...
May Allah Shower His Blessings upon Muhammed(saww) and his Progeny(as)

Many People say that In Islam..Real Love begins after marriage....But May i ask how..??
When one is compelled to do love with the other one cux he/she doesn't have any other choice....
Love is boundryless...Many of us say..then why  this Limitation..??

Regards

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Love in the modern sense is a biochemical phenomenon. Love in the past was associated with action--working for your family, looking after your kids, treating your spouse with respect. Today it is an emotion, a completely novel way of looking at this. Emotions don't last--how can they? Ground your social relations on action, and emotion may come into the equation later.

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salam 

 

Love found in marriages today is only an illusion, it is more a business transaction with conditions that must be met from both parties whether be 50/50 partnership or not.

The real love is the love of :Allah swt and his representative :Al-Hujjat a.s

:Allah swt is the source of real love, and this is everlasting and eternal.

When a husband and the wife/s base their marriage on the foundation of :Allah's deen, and when they strive to please each other  as ordered by :Allah swt, then they enjoy the real love that is created between them.

My true love in this world is only with my :Imam a.s as I will give up all my kids, my wives and all my money for him, and :Inshallah soon I will give up my self love, the most destructive and false love of all.

Edited by :Sami II

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:D hahaha .. brother :Sami ..i just love your passion and focused legendary genuine … devotion and loyalty. it's the kind of people books are written about masha Allah .. and surely if you don't make it this life around, I'm sure Allah will resurrect you to be around among the first of 313 in a next life .. in sha Allah ..

 

on the topic i would like to say that i just read letters my great grandfather wrote to my father in 1963, when he was 73 years old and had been married to the woman he "loves" since 50 years. He gave marriage advice saying that marriage is like a salad and needs oil and vinegar. Oil is like the smooth times, and vinegar is like the bitter times. 

 

He said that him marrying her out of purely love was basically that he didn't marry her for earthly reasons. Nor her money, nor any other benefit. I think the word love has been perverted by Hollywood. What most people today call love is mostly infatuation, and sexual attraction. While the old generations see love more as respect i guess.

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:D hahaha .. brother :Sami ..i just love your passion and focused legendary genuine … devotion and loyalty. it's the kind of people books are written about masha Allah .. and surely if you don't make it this life around, I'm sure Allah will resurrect you to be around among the first of 313 in a next life .. in sha Allah ..

 

on the topic i would like to say that i just read letters my great grandfather wrote to my father in 1963, when he was 73 years old and had been married to the woman he "loves" since 50 years. He gave marriage advice saying that marriage is like a salad and needs oil and vinegar. Oil is like the smooth times, and vinegar is like the bitter times. 

 

He said that him marrying her out of purely love was basically that he didn't marry her for earthly reasons. Nor her money, nor any other benefit. I think the word love has been perverted by Hollywood. What most people today call love is mostly infatuation, and sexual attraction. While the old generations see love more as respect i guess.

I also forget to mention the real love between :momins, like the love I have for you, my first brother of SC 

we have never met, I have no idea what you look like or what you really do, but our love for the our beloved :Al-hujjat a.s bounds us even closer no matter the distance, this is also true love.

I love you my dear brother.

 

ws

Edited by :Sami II

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I also forget to mention the real love between :momins, like the love I have for you, my first brother of SC 

we have never met, I have no idea what you look like or what you really do, but our love for the our beloved :Al-hujjat a.s bounds us even closer no matter the distance, this is also true love.

I love you my dear brother.

 

ws

 

i love you too dear brother and know that regardless where i am or how i look, or what i may be doing .. you are more than welcome to join me wherever i am, or count on me for any support i can give you. we are a true brotherhood in Allah in heaven and on earth in sha Allah, and may Allah accept our sacrifice and path in life.

walaikum salaam please make duas for us

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i love you too dear brother and know that regardless where i am or how i look, or what i may be doing .. you are more than welcome to join me wherever i am, or count on me for any support i can give you. we are a true brotherhood in Allah in heaven and on earth in sha Allah, and may Allah accept our sacrifice and path in life.

walaikum salaam please make duas for us

I will my dear brother and please remember me in your Duas too, (Abu Muhammad ).

 

ws

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but at the same time i do believe there is a somehow special love that can be romantic somehow that springs from this respect and divine connection. between husband and wife. ideally, anyway.

 

even if over the years perhaps this feeling comes and goes .. i guess .. i haven't been there yet


wasalaam

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salam 

 

Love found in marriages today is only an illusion, it is more a business transaction with conditions that must be met from both parties whether be 50/50 partnership or not.

The real love is the love of :Allah swt and his representative :Al-Hujjat a.s

:Allah swt is the source of real love, and this is everlasting and eternal.

When a husband and the wife/s base their marriage on the foundation of :Allah's deen, and when they strive to please each other  as ordered by :Allah swt, then they enjoy the real love that is created between them.

My true love in this world is only with my :Imam a.s as I will give up all my kids, my wives and all my money for him, and :Inshallah soon I will give up my self love, the most destructive and false love of all.

I m not talking about that sort of Love...Ur're changing the course of the Topic...I m asking about the Love b/w a male and a female...or say frnakly B/W A boy and a girl....

 

:D hahaha .. brother :Sami ..i just love your passion and focused legendary genuine … devotion and loyalty. it's the kind of people books are written about masha Allah .. and surely if you don't make it this life around, I'm sure Allah will resurrect you to be around among the first of 313 in a next life .. in sha Allah ..

 

on the topic i would like to say that i just read letters my great grandfather wrote to my father in 1963, when he was 73 years old and had been married to the woman he "loves" since 50 years. He gave marriage advice saying that marriage is like a salad and needs oil and vinegar. Oil is like the smooth times, and vinegar is like the bitter times. 

 

He said that him marrying her out of purely love was basically that he didn't marry her for earthly reasons. Nor her money, nor any other benefit. I think the word love has been perverted by Hollywood. What most people today call love is mostly infatuation, and sexual attraction. While the old generations see love more as respect i guess.

So it manifests that the true love doesn't depend upon the boundries of Marriage...!!!

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I m not talking about that sort of Love...Ur're changing the course of the Topic...I m asking about the Love b/w a male and a female...or say frnakly B/W A boy and a girl....

 

So it manifests that the true love doesn't depend upon the boundries of Marriage...!!!

True love has no conditions, it have no boundaries and is unlimited.

The love between a man and a woman has conditions, it is temporary and has boundaries.

Eg. it has the conditions of a marriage contract and many conditions must be met to fulfil this love, it has geographical boundaries like both must be close to each other to achieve  success, and it is limited, most marriages today last no more then several years at best, and the love goes away.

I would describe this love as self love, you only love the wife/s or husband because they do something for your ego.

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Love comes after marriage. Honesty is important in a marriage. If you don't have this, your marriage is a disaster.

Physical attraction will eventually go, but respect, honoring your spouse, and having mawada for each other continues until God takes His Amana.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Love comes after marriage. Honesty is important in a marriage. If you don't have this, your marriage is a disaster.

Physical attraction will eventually go, but respect, honoring your spouse, and having mawada for each other continues until God takes His Amana.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

Some degree of physical attraction between you and your spouse will always remain even you are elderly, I agree with you that honesty and respect is the key to a good relationship between you and your spouse, as well as your friends, family, parents, siblings and children. To respect and be honest with someone is to love that person.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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Salams,

 

This fallible advice is first and foremost directed at myself before anyone else:

 

1) Real love happens after marriage. But there is a secret to it which the Qur'an unlocks for us, 1) mawaddah and 2) rahmah. The first (mawaddah) refers to a deep seated friendship between husband and wife, and the second (rahmah) is understanding that your spouse is a fallible and weak human beings. He or she will make mistakes, will sometimes act childish and not listen, do wrong things etc. part of rahmah is that you forgive the person for their faults and make excuses for them. This is not easy, but a good way to help is to put your ego aside and contemplate on your own faults and mistakes. If you can do this then it will be harder to put yourself at a higher moral ground than your spouse. Perceiving yourself as superior to your spouse is a recipe for disaster. This can be for example, you think you are more ethical, nicer, smarter, etc. do not let these thoughts take root in your heart, fight them as much as you can for these are the whispers of demons. You may be better than them in something, but surely they are better than you in other things.

 

2) Be humble and know each one of your priorities are in life. Most likely, your priorities will not be the same so this means that you need to come to a middle line and compromise. Know that your priorities will shift as you grow older. Your priorities when you were in your early 20s will not be the same as your priorities in your early 30s. Do your best to know your spouse's priorities and meet them as much as you can even if they don't make sense to you. If they don't make sense to you, they make sense to your spouse. I am sure you have priorities that your spouse doesn't think make sense but you would be happy if they tried to respect them anyways. They will notice it if you do this. 

 

3) Do not make judgments or talk when you are angry and do not make promises when you are very happy. Make sure your mind is tranquil when you make important judgments and decisions. If you are in a fight or disagreement, whatever you do do not attack your spouse's person, focus only on what the problem is (i.e. talk about how you don't like them leaving a mess in the house, don't call them lazy and good for nothing). 

 

4) Very important, be cheerful. Imam Ali (as) says "al bashashatu mukh al mawadda" which means cheerfulness is the marrow of friendship (mawaddah). Stop being grumpy, stop being critical, stop complaining, stop fault finding, stop the frown. Bite your lip when you want to say something negative. If there is a problem, say the problem but then do shukr and flood it with positive things. Fault finding and complaining is a very serious disease and it will ruin your mind and your marital life. It will infect your spouse and all those around you and invite an army of demons in your life. Force yourself to be cheerful, force yourself to have a positive mindset and see the good in things. This will help you be grateful and take your imaan to heights you never imagined. It will also make turn your marital life into heaven on earth.  If you want to be happy, be cheerful even if you are not cheerful inside. The more you repeat something in your outer behavior, it will slowly sink in your heart and become an inner virtue. It will change your personality. Repetition, repetition, repetition. 

 

--> so be cheerful. Laugh and smile a lot even when you do not feel like it. Laughter makes you smarter and helps you make better decision. It makes you smarter and wiser. Just google the effects of laughter on the brain and you will see. Just an example here, laughter helps you make better financial decisions: http://www.moneysense.ca/columns/laughter-prompts-better-decisions/.... there are a lot more benefits, like better blood circulation etc. just search it and you will see. 

 

Ayatullah Jawadi Amoli in one of his durus said he knows couples who at 80 are more passionate about each other now than when they were newly wed. Mawaddah, a divine gift, is something that grows over time. Studies show that happily married people live 15 years longer than single people or people in bad relationships. If you want to be happy, you should try your best to be humble and fight your demonic urges to be right and superior. Be compassionate and have pity. Put your spouse first.

Edited by Al-Khattati

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Salams,

 

4) Very important, be cheerful. Imam Ali (as) says "al bashashatu mukh al mawadda" which means cheerfulness is the marrow of friendship (mawaddah). Stop being grumpy, stop being critical, stop complaining, stop fault finding, stop the frown. Bite your lip when you want to say something negative. If there is a problem, say the problem but then do shukr and flood it with positive things. Fault finding and complaining is a very serious disease and it will ruin your mind and your marital life. It will infect your spouse and all those around you and invite an army of demons in your life. Force yourself to be cheerful, force yourself to have a positive mindset and see the good in things. This will help you be grateful and take your imaan to heights you never imagined. It will also make turn your marital life into heaven on earth.  If you want to be happy, be cheerful even if you are not cheerful inside. The more you repeat something in your outer behavior, it will slowly sink in your heart and become an inner virtue. It will change your personality. Repetition, repetition, repetition. 

 

Salam Brother, great to see you post again.

 

I have a question which some members also want to know the answer to. 

 

Why is marriage half of Deen? Why does marriage amount to half of Iman?

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Salam Brother, great to see you post again.

 

I have a question which some members also want to know the answer to. 

 

Why is marriage half of Deen? Why does marriage amount to half of Iman?

 

From my understanding (which may be wrong) it is for two reasons: 1) marriage is an opportunity to struggle against one's ego. It is like a boiling cauldron which brings out the worst out of people out in the open like boiling water but by doing so it also gives us a better insight as to what the diseases of our heart are and creates a ground where we can fight them and grow to become decent human beings. 2) it is there as an alternative to zina. Marriage saves the soul, zina destroys it. Permanent marriage has a plus over temporary marriage in that its spiritual effects are greater as it involves deeper commitment and the production of offspring which as a result makes it in a person's interest to find a person who has real imaan and real commitment to bettering themselves. 

 

Allah knows best, but that's my take and I may be wrong 

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salam brother khattati,

quality read. ty for writing.

ive read ahadeeth on not to laugh too much or not laugh at all. Prophet's laughter used to be a smile. can you please elaborate on what you meant by laughter?

Edited by Purged

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salam brother khattati,

quality read. ty for writing.

ive read ahadeeth on not to laugh too much or not laugh at all. Prophet's laughter used to be a smile. can you please elaborate on what you meant by laughter?

 

salams

 

We should be generous with our smiles and cheerfulness, but be moderate in outright laughter. That is my understanding of all the hadiths on the subject when looked at holistically. 

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True love has no conditions, it have no boundaries and is unlimited.

The love between a man and a woman has conditions, it is temporary and has boundaries.

Eg. it has the conditions of a marriage contract and many conditions must be met to fulfil this love, it has geographical boundaries like both must be close to each other to achieve  success, and it is limited, most marriages today last no more then several years at best, and the love goes away.

I would describe this love as self love, you only love the wife/s or husband because they do something for your ego.

 

There actually is such a thing as real love that can exist between a man and a woman.   Real love can exist between two men.  And the same can also be said for two women.  This is because love is not the same as lust.  Just wanted to make that clear.

 

Now, if human love is not guaranteed to last that does not make human love unreal!  Sure, everything but God is in some sense unreal (so there is no need to single out human love as being unreal).  Secondly, when one loves someone or something, he may or may not realize it but he is in fact loving none other than God.   And this is why it would be wrong to categorically say that human love is unreal.   

Edited by eThErEaL

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There actually is such a thing as real love that can exist between a man and a woman.   Real love can exist between two men.  And the same can also be said for two women.  This is because love is not the same as lust.  Just wanted to make that clear.

 

Now, if human love is not guaranteed to last that does not make human love unreal!  Sure, everything but God is in some sense unreal (so there is no need to single out human love as being unreal).  Secondly, when one loves someone or something, he may or may not realize it but he is in fact loving none other than God.   And this is why it would be wrong to categorically say that human love is unreal.   

Today's construct of modern society does not allow for "real love" as part of the equation, and most people are plugged into this construct ( matrix).

It is a construct made of not real cities, with not real people, eating not real food, drinking not real water, having not real relations, and spending not real money.

Everything that exists today is artificial including the feelings most of us have.

There are a few people that live outside of this artificial construct, the Australian aborigines is one example, I had the good fortune to observe their  triable lives, and be amongst them as an honorary tribal member. I observed they eat real food, drink real water, and have real relations with one another. I have witnessed the real love they have for each other, the real love for the Earth they live on and the real love they have for their creator. This is why they are prosecuted and marked for extermination. I have also witnessed the love of another real man, he is also a marked man, and he is very very real, and he's love for his creator and humanity is not paralleled to any other man. He is my real love, my :Al-Hujjat a.s.

Yes, people can get a glimpse of this real love as all humans have the hard wire to do so as we have all been created this way, this is evident amongst momins for example but not limited to only them.

But at the end of the day, most of us have chosen to let go of this and settle for only glimpses of real love and real living as most of us are plugged into the artificial construct, because for most there is no choice. Because the love of oneself to survive and exist is much stronger then any other emotions, and thus the man or woman excepts this "matrix" as real and bows down to the fake life offered with it's fake love. Most are not willing to exchange it for the real thing as the fear is too great. When you overcome the fear and trust in something other than the current paradigm offered, then you being to see real love.

Edited by :Sami II

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Love comes after marriage. Honesty is important in a marriage. If you don't have this, your marriage is a disaster.

Physical attraction will eventually go, but respect, honoring your spouse, and having mawada for each other continues until God takes His Amana.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

So damned true.

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Today's construct of modern society does not allow for "real love" as part of the equation, and most people are plugged into this construct ( matrix).

It is a construct made of not real cities, with not real people, eating not real food, drinking not real water, having not real relations, and spending not real money.

Everything that exists today is artificial including the feelings most of us have.

There are a few people that live outside of this artificial construct, the Australian aborigines is one example, I had the good fortune to observe their  triable lives, and be amongst them as an honorary tribal member. I observed they eat real food, drink real water, and have real relations with one another. I have witnessed the real love they have for each other, the real love for the Earth they live on and the real love they have for their creator. This is why they are prosecuted and marked for extermination. I have also witnessed the love of another real man, he is also a marked man, and he is very very real, and he's love for his creator and humanity is not paralleled to any other man. He is my real love, my :Al-Hujjat a.s.

Yes, people can get a glimpse of this real love as all humans have the hard wire to do so as we have all been created this way, this is evident amongst momins for example but not limited to only them.

But at the end of the day, most of us have chosen to let go of this and settle for only glimpses of real love and real living as most of us are plugged into the artificial construct, because for most there is no choice. Because the love of oneself to survive and exist is much stronger then any other emotions, and thus the man or woman excepts this "matrix" as real and bows down to the fake life offered with it's fake love. Most are not willing to exchange it for the real thing as the fear is too great. When you overcome the fear and trust in something other than the current paradigm offered, then you being to see real love.

I think you are using the word "real" too loosely.  Real is the very Being of God.  Only God is Real and everything else is illusory (which is another way of saying "quasi real").  

 

Masalama

Ethereal

Edited by eThErEaL

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I think you are using the word "real" too loosely.  Real is the very Being of God.  Only God is Real and everything else is illusory (which is another way of saying "quasi real").  

 

Masalama

Ethereal

indeed :Allah swt is the source and originator of all things, everything and all else in between including love.

I prefer the word "holographic" to "illusion" for a better word to describe the multi-dimentional plane we exist and perceive the universe/multiverse.

 

real

actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed.

"Julius Caesar was a real person"

synonyms:

actualexistent, non-fictional, non-fictitious, factualMore

 

when I refer to most of us not having real lives, It is actually a fact and not quasi as you put it.

 

Let's look at our cities we "reside" in, this word reside does not equate to living.

The cities for example NY is not an actual physical geographical location but a fictional address existing on a piece of paper or a computer screen .

Countries are no longer physical geographical locations but are private companies registered to a STATE authority for corporations.

The food most of you eat is not actual food, more then 70% of food found on supermarket shelves are GMO, e.g.. the apple you are munching on right now is not an apple, not from a metaphorical point of view but the literal meaning as it's DNA has been altered.

And let's look at the actions of love, in terms of confessions and expressions from a man to a woman for example.

The marriage contract, look at the certificate of marriage.

Bride: JANE DOE

Groom: JOHN SMITH 

it's not referring to you, but the corporate fiction entity ( person) that has been created for purposes of harvesting you.

How can there be love between dead people, as JOHN SMITH and JANE DOE are not living and only exist on paper.

But all of you attach yourself to these fictional entities as if it's your own, which is not the case as these entities are owned by the STATE in which it is registered in.

Let's not forget the money you use to purchase things for the one you love, to express your love, it is not real money, it has no backing of real substance e.g.. gold.

So how can living beings posing as dead entities have real love, when everything they do is not real in it's true sense.

When an aboriginal man marries an aboriginal woman, it is not registered to the STATE, as the STATE does not recognise them as artificial people.

When they have babies, they have the option to register their birth, if you refer to the application for registration, they have their own section on the form, in which they are referred to as man, woman, farther, mother  and baby, not parent or child ( which are not living as a gov department can be a parent).

They are not part of the system in which nothing real exist, for most of us this is not just an illusion, it is factual, it's in plain sight, it's in black and white, clear as day.

Just read all your contracts, pull out your birth certificate, your passport, your driver licences , credit cards etc.

These fictions entities are the ones engaging in love not you, so how can they the dead entities ever experience real love ?

 

Masalama

 

 

Edited by :Sami II

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