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Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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l wrenched my back a couple of weeks ago. Since it wasn't getting much better l went to the doctor. He said at my age this is normal, yet l should join an exercise class to limber up. So l joined one.

l went today and by the time l changed clothes class was over.

And by the time l got home it was time for supper.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Animal cruelty anyone?

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“I live with two vegan dogs and a vegan cat. We like to feed our animals without exploiting other animals,” said Matt Johnson, a California-based vegan activist.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/feb/02/the-owners-putting-pets-on-vegan-diets-we-feed-our-animals-without-exploiting-others

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A man got hit hard in the head with a can of 7Up. He’s alright though, it was a soft drink.

Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
 -
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.
 

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I have a fairly common name. Some other guy has the same name and when they registered with a well-known email provider they were given an address that was a combination of the name and a number. Because I was the first to register the name, mine has no number!

Anyway, this dude keeps registering for various services and products using my address. Today I had one from a car dealership in the United States. So I sent this in reply to the sales man:

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Thanks for your email. 

You sound like an intelligent guy. Could you please tell the idiot who gave you this email address that his is different (assuming to get the chance to speak to him again).This email address belongs to someone who lives in London (United Kingdom). 

He keeps doing this, I don’t think he’s malicious, just a little bit dim.

So I get this reply from the salesman:

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I received this from [Muslim name] when I spoke to him a few days ago. We have an appointment to meet today to finalize a [car brand] purchase.

I'm now guessing that if the dude does not turn up for the appointment then it was a malicious use of the address.

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9 hours ago, shiaman14 said:

made this one up myself:

If Allah wanted us to eat chicken, he would have had Surah Dajjaj (chicken) in the Quran instead of Surah Baqara (Cow).

That is as bad as this one:

A man goes to the mosque and asks the imam which sura he was going to recite at jummah. The imam replies that he will recite all of Sura Baqara. The next week, the same man again asks the imam which sura he was going to recite at jummah. The imam answers he will recite sura fil. The man responds, "Well, l be leaving. l couldn't stand that long for that sura."

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This extract from an article in the UK's FT shows just how much the western view of the middle east is based on IDF press releases:

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Israel... has avoided intervening directly in Syria's war. But since 2013 it has carried out more than 100 air strikes inside Syria

https://www.ft.com/content/7c953a34-0f4a-11e8-940e-08320fc2a277

A reader comment pointing out the stupidity of the above observation is the second most highly recommended (the most highly recommended says the west should talk to Iran).

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3 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Any suggestions?

Here you Go !! 

maxresdefault.jpg

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