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Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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Nasseruddin Shah, while in England as a guest of the British crown, is taken to a football game (which at the time had not yet become the world's preferred sport but was mostly an English affair). He watches the game for a while without understanding much of what is happening, before finally asking one of the Englishmen: "What are they trying to do?" The Englishman says: "They are trying to take the ball from one another." Nasseruddin Shah replies to this (in earnest): "Why don't they just give them 22 balls?"

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Here is I read something off my pathetic Facebook feed:

 

A boy asked a wise old man, "Why do people run after the material comforts of the world when it is mortal? If they will leave their money behind when they die then why do they amass wealth? Why do they make enemies out of friends for material gains?'

 

The wise old man listened to all the three questions of the young boy, and then took out a box of matchsticks from the pocket of his decrepit tunic.

 

He took out three matchsticks, put the two back in the box, and broke the remaining matchstick in two. He threw away the top part of the matchstick and sharpened the edge of the second half and made it pointy. He then picked his teeth for the shreds of boiled mutton he had eaten in lunch, and said:

 

"Son, how do I know?"

Edited by Marbles

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An old joke from the 1960s:

 

A man travels with his wife for a European vacation. They get to London for dinner and he orders "steak and potatoes". Then they travel to Brussels and for dinner he orders "steak and potatoes". They get to Bonn and again he orders "steak and potatoes". Then in Paris he once more orders "steak and potatoes" for dinner. Finally, they fly back to the United States. Driving home, they stop at a restaurant and the man orders "steak and potatoes". After they finish eating the man says to his wife, "I don't understand why people come back from Europe and rave about the food? It tastes the same over there as it does here."

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WARNING : Slight Exaggeration --extrapolated from true events:

 

 

A man was arguing with his wife in the kitchen. She said, "how can you say that with a sharp knife in my hand?" The dumb man said, "It is not as sharp as your tongue.!" The wife starts laughing. The Dumb Man says, "Forget 5, give me 10". The wife says, "Yes".  So they start to double High 5. The Dumb Man gets 5 in his right hand and a knife in his left hand.

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A Lor is sitting on a park bench with his girlfriend, when suddenly his girlfriend says: "Oh no, it's my father!" The Lor asks her: "Has your father met me?" She says "No." He says: "OK, it's fine, just tell him I'm your brother."

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I am not interested in jokes but this one is funny:

O God! Thanks for everything you gave, for everything you didnt give, for everything you gave but then you took it back, for everything you didnt give but you are going to give later, for everything you gave but you are going to take it back, for every thing you are not going to give and for everything you didnt give but you claim that you have given it.

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A Sikh goes to a movie in a somewhat frustrated mood. His friend asks him why he seems uneasy? He says that its the seventh time that he is going to this movie. His friend asks him why to which he replies that there is this scene in the movie where the actress is about to give her number at which point the train comes and he cant hear hear her fully, so he is going time and again hoping the train is bit late so he can get the full number. But the train is never late. :(

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There were two friends walking together when it started to rain. Like any sane person, the first friend started running to find cover faster. The second friend says, "Why are you running away from rain? It's Allah's rahmah. You're basically running away from Allah's blessings." So the first friend gets embarrassed and slows his pace to a walk. 

The next day it starts raining again and the second friend starts running for shelter. The first friend says, "Why are you running?! You just told me yesterday you shouldn't run from Allah's blessings!"

The second friend says, "Exactly! Rain is Allah's blessing, and I'm running to avoid stepping on the rain.What kind of a person would it make me if I were to step on Allah's blessings?"

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An old lady goes to her priest and says ''father,I have a problem with my husband, he keeps chasing after young girls''

 

The priest replies ''ah yes, I have a similar problem with my dog, he is always chasing cars''

 

The old lady, a little perplexed, asks ''How are the two similar?''

 

The priest replies ''Well up to now, he has never caught one, but if he ever does, I don't know what on earth he thinks he'll be able to do with it!''

Edited by Ali_Hussain

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British navel vessel encounters:

 

Irish: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

British: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees tot he north to avoid a collision.

Irish: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees tot he south to avoid a collision.

British: This is the captain of a British navy ship, I say again divert YOUR course.

Irish: Negative. I say again you will have to divert YOUR course.

British: This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia! The second largest ship in the British atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that is 15 degrees north or countermeasures will be taken to ensure the safety of this ship. 

Irish: We are a lighthouse. Your call. 

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During an international conference an Afghan came over to a delegate from Pakistan and introduced himself, "I am the minister of shipping".

 

Pakistani delegate said in jest, "there are no seaports in Afghanistan. How can you be a minister of shipping?"

 

Afghan said, "then why do you have ministers for law and electricity in Pakistan?"

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Salam,

:who is a true Muslim?

A man bought some rams to kill them as sacrifice. He takes them by the mosque in order to slay them and share their meat for those who were true Muslims.

He left the rams outside, & holding a big knife in his hand he entered the mosque shouting to the people:

- the one who is a true Muslim come out with me!

No one said anything, as they saw the knife, & did not know what he called them for.

A man went after him saying - I consider myself to be a true Muslim. He slew the ram & gave half of it to the man to take home.

He walked back into the mosque now holding a bleeding knife, & asked again: - is there any other true Muslim? - no one answered as they feared for their lives. Finally a man said: - let the Imam speak, he knows better who is a true Muslim.

- don't involve me - the Imam replied - I am only here to do a job I am paid for.

ws

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Here is I read something off my pathetic Facebook feed:

 

A boy asked a wise old man, "Why do people run after the material comforts of the world when it is mortal? If they will leave their money behind when they die then why do they amass wealth? Why do they make enemies out of friends for material gains?'

 

The wise old man listened to all the three questions of the young boy, and then took out a box of matchsticks from the pocket of his decrepit tunic.

 

He took out three matchsticks, put the two back in the box, and broke the remaining matchstick in two. He threw away the top part of the matchstick and sharpened the edge of the second half and made it pointy. He then picked his teeth for the shreds of boiled mutton he had eaten in lunch, and said:

 

"Son, how do I know?"

 

 

LOL. Did not expect that ending.

 

Here is another joke: The Imam of the mosque announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

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(salam)

 

I do hope the MODs are not in an over censoring mode. So here is the joke:

 

 

A young man comes home very drunk. Needing to take the pressure off his bladder, he finds a door and opens it. A light comes on. "Odd" he thinks. So he closes the door and he can see the light go off. So he opens the door again and a light comes on again. He closes the door again and the light goes off again.

He does this several times.

The next morning the young man says to his mother, "I think we have a jinn in the house." "Why", she asks. "Because", he said, "Last night when I opened the door a light came on and when I closed the door the light went off."

"Oh, Yarabi", his mother says, "It was you playing with the motion sensor last night."

 

 

You thought something nasty happened to the  refrigerator, didn't you.???????? :shifty:

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