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Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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A friend posted this on FB: 

 

When I saw you I was like, "Mashallah!"
Then I wanted you and I was like, "Inshallah!"
But then I paid closer attention and I was like, "Subhanallah!"
I got to know you and I was like, "Astghfurallah!"
So since I left you I was like, "ALHAMDULILAAH!"

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Here is a typical Iranian joke.

 

Most Iranian jokes are of a racist nature; meaning, Iranians like to poke fun at the different nations and cities that make up the country.

 

The stereotype for "Turks" (Azeris) is that they are dumb.

The stereotype for Lors is two-fold: the main one is that they are violent, but they also have a stereotype of being dumb.

 

Keep in mind that these stereotypes are just for fun; everyone knows they are not really true. Azeris and Lors together make up about a third of Iran's population. :)

 

Now that I'm done with the intro, here is the joke...

 

It's Muharram. People are gathering at a local husseiniya for a majlis. The guy who is doing the majlis is starting to really get into it, and just before the majlis reaches its climax, he shouts: "Turn off the lights! Tonight we are going to Karbala!" After someone turns off the lights, he continues reciting the majlis. Once it is over and someone turns back on the lights, he notices that a large number of people are missing from the gathering, and some are standing against the back wall, holding their personal luggages. The rozeh khoon (majlis reciter guy) says to them: "What the hell are you guys doing!? This is a majlis! What are you, Turks?" To that, the luggage people replied: "No, we're Lors. The Turks have already boarded the bus."

 

The end.

 

Please don't delete this. :(

Edited by baradar_jackson

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Here is a typical Iranian joke.

 

Most Iranian jokes are of a racist nature; meaning, Iranians like to poke fun at the different nations and cities that make up the country.

 

[...]

 

Here's a kind of stereotype joke about rich Arabs.

 

The son of a rich Emarati minister was studying abroad in the U.S. He started driving his brand new Lamborghini Aventador to university but noticed that all the other students were travelling by train.

 

One day he checked his email and saw an email from his father asking him how he was liking his university. He responded, "I'm enjoying it here, but all of the students here get to university by train and I feel embarrassed when I get there in my Lamborghini."

 

So the next day he gets a response from his father: "Son, $500 million has just been added to your account. Go and get yourself your own train and please stop embarrassing us."

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A girl asked a man she just met what he did for a living. The man, a pastor, said, "I am an exorcist."

 

The girl responded, "Is that like a personal trainer or something?"

 

 

 

 

[an exorcist does exorcism, that casting out of demons -from Judeo-Christian superstitions]

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This is a pretty poor one:

 

Arabic is such a powerful language that it can even make a jet stop in mid air, you can check it out for yourselves, if you utter any Arabic sentence on a moving plane, the plane will immediately stop and redirect itself to the nearest airport

Edited by Ali_Hussain

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Two girls were fighting over a seat on a bus. The conductor came and said, 'Why are you fighting? Whoever is older among you should get the seat".

 

Both girls kept standing for the rest of the journey.

Edited by Marbles

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Two Palestinian men go to a sheikh and ask him: "Ya Imam, if we liberate al-Qods, are we permitted to have our way with the enemy's women?" The sheikh answers: "Ha! If you do that, you can have your way with me!"

 

(got this from a Palestinian movie)

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Missing Wife:

 

Husband: I lost my wife. She went shopping & still hasn't arrived home yet.
Inspector: What is her height?
Husband: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Husband: Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Inspector: Colour of hair ?
Husband: Changes according to the season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Pants and shirt, maybe a dress or something.
Inspector: Did she go in a car???
Husband: Yes!
Inspector: Can you tell me the number, name & colour of the car ?
Husband: NLH-638 Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode....and it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door. At this point the husband started crying...
Inspector: Don't worry sir, we will find your car.

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A Rashti man tells his friend: "Tehran is such an amazing place. As soon as you come out of the terminal, they come pick you up in a car free of charge, then they take you to the finest restaurants for dinner, then they take you to the finest hotels, everything paid for, and then they even give you money." His friend tells him: "You're so full of c.rap, you've never been to Tehran." The Rashti man says: "I haven't been, but my wife told me all about it."

Edited by baradar_jackson

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A Turk looks in the mirror and says: "The guy in this picture looks familiar." His Lor friend takes the mirror from him, looks into it, and says to him: "You idiot, of course he looks familiar. This is a picture of me!"

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OK, Marbles, that was a good joke. Now for a REAL story.

 

My wife's birthday was this week. For a couple of months, she kept saying she wanted ME TO BUY her a suit.

 

So the afternoon of her birthday, I went out and bought her a suit. A doll's suit.

 

She finds it hanging on the door...all birthday like.

 

She kinda glares at me and I said, "You wanted a suit, so I got you a suit".

 

She still looking at me. I said, "You didn't say what size."

 

She still looking at me, and I  said, "Be glad you didn't ask for a bikini."

 

 

Then we changed clothes and went out to eat at a nice restaurant. (I had to pay.) (My car and gas, too.)

 

She said at the restaurant, "I meant for you to by me a suit in Michigan" (There a lot of Islamic stores there.)

 

But I do not think she meant another doll's suit.

Edited by hasanhh

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An American tourist boards a cab in Moscow and asks the cabbie to take her to the airport asap, the driver assures her that he is a Master and  will get to the airport very soon. So he drives like a maniac and crosses red light after red light with no worry. All of a sudden he brings his car to a screeching halt at a green light. The passenger cant help but wonder why the guy stopped at a green light. To which the cabbie replies 'maybe another Master in a hurry is passing by.'

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OK, Marbles, that was a good joke. Now for a REAL story.

 

My wife's birthday was this week. For a couple of months, she kept saying she wanted ME TO BUY her a suit.

 

So the afternoon of her birthday, I went out and bought her a suit. A doll's suit.

 

She finds it hanging on the door...all birthday like.

 

She kinda glares at me and I said, "You wanted a suit, so I got you a suit".

 

She still looking at me. I said, "You didn't say what size."

 

She still looking at me, and I  said, "Be glad you didn't ask for a bikini."

 

 

Then we changed clothes and went out to eat at a nice restaurant. (I had to pay.) (My car and gas, too.)

 

She said at the restaurant, "I meant for you to by me a suit in Michigan" (There a lot of Islamic stores there.)

 

But I do not think she meant another doll's suit.

 

Ah, I was listening to Beyonce's "Who Runs the World" song, and I came up with a poor joke of my own.

 

Q) Who runs the world?

A) Men

 

Q) Who runs men's brains?

A) Women.

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