Jump to content
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

I'm unsure if a topic especially for PJs exists, but I just went ahead and made one. Post your PJs here, if you will. I'll start :

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

New method of breaking up:

A boyfriend threw 6 cricket balls at his girlfriend.

GF: What was that?

BF: It's over baby!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:)

 

A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi driver through the gates, leaving the rabbi waiting.

 

This infuriates the rabbi, who says "How is it possible that he enters heaven before me, he is just a taxi driver, whilst I am a rabbi, a scholar of G-d's religion, I dedicated my life to Him!"

 

The angel replies "You gave boring sermons, when you preached, you turned people away from G-d, whereas he was an erratic and dangerous driver, when passengers were in his car, they feared for their lives and prayed and remembered G-d a lot"

Edited by Ali_Hussain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm unsure if a topic especially for PJs exists, but I just went ahead and made one. Post your PJs here, if you will. I'll start :

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

New method of breaking up:

 

A boyfriend threw 6 cricket balls at his girlfriend.

 

GF: What was that?

 

BF: It's over baby!

Inappropriate joke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Inquisitor:

 

 My guess as to what is allegedly "inappropriate" is that it is 'politically incorrect'. The girl throwing the cricket balls is the only 'acceptable' thing.

 

White males are politically and automatically guilty of everything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Inquisitor:

 

 My guess as to what is allegedly "inappropriate" is that it is 'politically incorrect'. The girl throwing the cricket balls is the only 'acceptable' thing.

 

White males are politically and automatically guilty of everything.

 

I don't get what is inappropriate. The joke is not about throwing balls at someone. The joke is actually more apt for people following cricket in that in a cricket match bowling 6 balls constitute 'an over'.

 

But heck, anyway the thread is ruined. It was supposed to be about poor jokes, which people should have let it be and not dig deep to read in between the lines.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So this Taliban tries to cross a river and begins to drown. His hand touches a fish below him so he grabs the fish and throws it out of water saying: "At least you don't have to drown as well and as for me, Allah will help me."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Told in the mosque by the imam:

 

 

A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

The water rose and a boat came by and offered a ride. The man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

 

The water rose over the tree and the man drowned. Allah (s.w.t.) appeared to the man and the man asked, "Why didn't you help me?" And Allah said, "What? I sent you a truck and a boat.!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man, recently killed in a car accident, found himself walking along a winding road. Up ahead, he could see what seemed to be Heaven.  When he reached the end of the road, there was an angel.  The angel was looking right at him and motioning for him to hurry up, saying that there were only three spots left.  The man was confused and unsure, but he approached the angel and asked what he meant. The angel explained that there were 3 rooms left and each had one spot – and asked the man to choose one of the doors to the rooms to be opened for him.  The man did not know which one to choose so he asked the angel what was behind the doors.  The angel replied that he didn’t usually do this, but seeing that it was the end of the day – he would show him what was behind each door and he could choose the one that he felt he would be most comfortable. The man agreed.

 

Each room had huge heavy doors.  The angel using all his might pushed open the first door. It creaked and strained but eventually opened wide.  And there, as far as the eye could see, were 1000’s of people, standing on their heads, on cement blocks.   The man was kind of taken back and upset but asked to see the next room.

 

The angel closed the doors to the first room and opened the next set of doors. Again with a loud groan – they opened. And there, as far as the eye could see, were 1000’s of people, standing on their heads, on mattresses.   To the man, this seemed slightly better than the room before, but definitely not great.  However, with slightly increasing hope for the next room, he asked to see it.

 

The angel closed the large doors to the second room and proceeded to the third and final room.  Again with a lot of effort and a little help from the man, the angel was able to push the massive doors open. There, as far as the eye could see, were 1000’s of people, standing ankle deep in “poop”, holding cups and saucers sipping coffee.   The man considers his three choices, graciously thanks the angel for letting him see them all, and ultimately decides to remain in the third and final room. The angel is surprised, but says, it is done– go join the rest.  The man takes a cup and gingerly steps into the ankle deep “poop”.  Then, just as the angel has closed the huge doors, a voice from a PA system booms across the huge room, “Alright folks, coffee break is over. Back on your heads!”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What part of the joke led you to believe the male in question was white?

Because he did something inappropriate or bad or was at fault for something. If the man was anything but white, there would be less accusations and more excuses ("he is a product of his environment", "he is a product of institutionalized racism", "his ills were caused by the white man", etc.)

In today's society the white heterosexual male is looked upon as the greatest evil based only on his race and sexuality. You have to be brown, gay, or a woman to get anywhere in this world these days. (Bonus points if you're a brown gay woman like one of my coworkers.)

Edited by Agora

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man's wife known for her temper by the neighbors falls unconscious one day. People take her for dead so they give her a bath and shroud then put her on that wooden stretcher and the proceed to the cemetery. The husband is all quiet with a stoic look on his face as he walks along with them. On the way they hit a electricity pole and because of the jolt the woman regains her consciousness and groans, and people realize that she wasn't dead so things go back to normal. After some years the woman dies for real and people gather and proceed to the cemetery. When they near that old electricity pole the husband mutters: "Careful boys, careful now, keep away from that pole." :p

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Told in the mosque by the imam:

 

 

A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

The water rose and a boat came by and offered a ride. The man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

 

The water rose over the tree and the man drowned. Allah (s.w.t.) appeared to the man and the man asked, "Why didn't you help me?" And Allah said, "What? I sent you a truck and a boat.!"

 

This is shirk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

There was an emergency meeting held by Wahhabis discussing what if their heads get worshipped, should they be chopped off?

Abu Simzim, a known Wahhabi area man, has chopped off his own right hand. His friends tried in vain to prevent him for sanity reasons, but Abu Simzim felt that Tawheed would be better served by his right hand removed.

“As soon as a homeless beggar kissed his hand he knew that it had to go,” says Omar Lili, Abu Simzim’s best friend. “We tried to tell him that it’s okay, but he insisted that only God is to be revered not his right hand.”

Citing the Wahhabi demolitions of tombs, historic sites, and holy structures, Abu Simzim concluded that his right hand must be chopped off because it was being worshiped.

“No, he is wrong,” says Sheikh Al Nibaani, his mentor, “Abu Simzim is wrong, we only demolish mosques, houses of Sahaba, erase Prophet’s memories, and chopping other people’s hands, that’s our job not chopping our own hands.”

Abu Simzim is recovering but is worried about his head being worshipped because the Sheikh kissed his head. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chemistry PJ:

 

You should not drink water while studying.

 

Why?

.

.

.

.

Because concentration decreases with addition of water.

two sodium atoms walking down a street

 

atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron

atome 2: are you sure?

atom 1: i am positive.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would like to know what is inappropriate in that joke. And apologize for any offense caused.

You mentioned how a "girlfriend" talks to her "boyfriend" in a relationship. This is not a romance site. This is an Islamic site. These stuff shouldn't be mentioned.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Heisenberg was going 100 mph on a 60 mph road. He got pulled over by a policeman " Do you know how fast you are going?".

Heisenberg replied "no.... I only know where I'm"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recent Posts on ShiaChat!

    • NO, IT IS HARAM. SENDING GIFT TO HER AND CONGRATULATING HER FOR HER FALLACIOUS MARRIAGE IS ALSO HARAM.
    • Imam Ali ibn Abu Talib(as)   I have avoided the discussion of “The God” and aspects and working, so we do not get distracted and dwell in the realm( of Evil, Mercy, Love, help, present/absent, why does he not act, or why he/ she is silent, why allow all this, that is going on ) that is out of our domain for this discussion at this point in time. If there is a need, I(Layman opinion) will say, The one who  created me, doesn't own me anything, beyond guidance. If anything exists it's the lack of follow through or rejection of the guidance. I.e. If the humans allow conditions to develop, and there is oppression. Where is God is not the question. Question, is Humanity has been guided at two levels ( inner and outer), rejection of both is the issue not why God does not take away this evil person that we elected or tolerated until he/she turned on us(we were fine up untill it was happening to others). We human need to do our job, instead of having entitlement mentality, and deflect it to it's your fault God., where are you and why you do not help. We have been helped. Intellect/Guidance( brief understanding, as a layman). Maybe not the best example but it will suffice, We would not expect the Mars rover to dwell in the realm of our working, instead it should be concerned with its prime directive, and we are to provide it guidance to accomplish its work. There are may misunderstanding, in  definition, version, understanding due to linguistic, terminology(old/new), cultural (East/West) and lack of Conceptual discussion at the basic fundamental level instead of technicalities and mechanic(which is subconsciously embedded in the way we have been groomed in schools and universities). A charged and contentious environment does not help in getting to any resolution. It's usually tit for tat, and pride get in the way in different threads a that were responding to targeted and side issue out of context. No one to the best of my knowledge and understanding denies we are limited creations in all  aspects. Your creation and Your surrounding creation(s) , are proof of something that  can not be denied. So, there is a Cause, the unlimited, infinitely powerful, Unknown/Unseen Source of all this. What you(non Muslims) call that source is not relevant - you can call it a system,  I call it God. So, there are no Atheists or Agnostic here. What an Atheist/ Agnostic may be, saying is that they do not believe in the God of Islam as “presented “or as understood or as described. That is a very different issue. But this issue, gets mixed up with other issues dealing with the mechanics in other threads which are on specific topics. Getting back to the Topic. We turn now to Stephen Hawking. He proposes M-theory, a variant of string theory, to explain the origins of the universe. The conclusion of his last book, The Grand Design, states:
      Stephen Hawking is a SME ( Subject Matter Expert) in his field of Study. If he gave his scientific theory and left it at that. I would not care nor it should be my concern, as there are many SMEs and have their theories in the Scientific world about may things.  His connecting it to and concluding that there is no need for god( his understanding of what god is to him). Is the issue, I am highlighting it not only because of what he said, because he or people like him are followed and the laypeople use these ideas to formulate their ideology. This is something, prevalent, using  fiction which they call ‘Science” as a tool to attack Divine Religion. This is where this talk and connection / implication that this is the god and of you can’t pray to or ask for help form gravity, or physical laws are not empathetic, and are cold  and have no concern for the humans ….This connection makes no sense. Comparing apples and oranges and mixing stuff that is confusing. This mentally is delusional and it stems out of misunderstanding of the concepts of pray, or help, mercy, etc..or implications that ignorant people believe in miracles and angels. Or we can’t carbon date the text, or evidence of such and such event. In short ignorant conclusions by apparently learned people in their field of study Trickle down effect, and the lay Atheists/Agnostics take these talking point and formulate an opinion and argument with it. Objectivity is also an issue, here. Double standards. Scientific theories are not subject to the same rigorous, and shredding mentality.   Its 5000, 2000, 1400 old stuff, we are Technically advanced. We forget that this advancement is in Technology,(only). The basic alphabet  in terms of Social behavior, is as old as the cave people.  Moving beyond, Mechanics, working, Techinacilities and this attitude of the best generation to exist, every preceding generation had the same attitude. and we will be looked at and our theories considers as old and outdated by the new generations.  Its a Point is time assessment.  What are the benefits of the revealed information- i.e Revealed to us through our struggle and study through discovery of us and whats around us.? Do we follow the Laws, derived from this new knowledge?  If not what are we rally arguing about. If a person can't even at least in Theory acknowledge the laws of Nature for our(Humanity)  Benefit. If you were to do that, you may rethink you position, because you may realize that you have been arguing against something that Natural laws actually prove.  This is what concerns me, at this point. Why can't the objective, learned and "technically" advanced people  see that and make this connection?  
    • The nature of the Existence is to exist. Thats all.
    • If the father doesn't approve of it, and didn't leave the door open for further contact, then that's it. They are not being disrespectful. Saying "no" should not forcibly come with an explanation, thus you can't demand it nor force them to listen to you. It is called freedom, and that is more sacred than anything you can tell them.
×