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Zulakha

What Would You Not Want To Marry?

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I don't disagree with the above, but would he communicate with someone for that long if he was not pleased with what you have suggested?

I agree with Al Hadi too, but I would also like to add one more thing: women can be shallow too, not just men. Both men and women consider looks and make choices based on them. Looks are deal breakers in most relationships or factor in someway.

That said, OP did not tell us if they met numerously face to face. If they did, its hard to tell if looks was the reason to have cut the relationship.

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Marriage is slavery. Being tied to a woman for the rest of your life, with-standing her yapyaps, her periods, her demands [and countless other problems a woman bring along her], is seriously too much of a luggage to be carried by a free spirit.

Almost EVERY men I know is unhappily married, and wants to experience the bachelor life-style once again.

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Salam,

Am i allowed to post in here?

Ok here goes, i recently was going to marry this guy, we spoke for so long then suddenly he changed his mind. Im so heartbroken and confused, why would a man just change his mind so I wanted to ask you all this question. What kind of women will you all not marry? What puts you off women, im so confused and heartbroken.

You can drive yourself crazy thinking reasons why he changed his mind. You can keep wasting your precious time contemplating why he suddenly decided to dump you like a stone in a river. Or you can accept it, learn from it, bear through the "heartbroken process" and become stronger from it. If he didn't give you any reasons to why he suddenly changed his mind, then know that he is not worthy of you. He does not respect you, if he doesn't give you any reasons as to why. He doesn't think you even deserve a reason. Men like him are cowards and I would steer clear from them. Don't think of his actions as being mysterious and demure. There are guys out there who like to play mind games with girls to see how far they can go with them. To see how much a girl can bend backwards for them. They do it to pass the time and to make their self-esteem grow , so they can feel better about themselves. They like the idea of someone wanting them this badly, because in their mind it means that they can get other girls like them too. Part of it is all a challenge to see how much women will fall for them. Then when they get what they want from the girl, they can throw her and wait until something better comes along. It might take them a while until they finally want to settle down. I don't know how old he is but most guys 18-20's like to play games, because they aren't ready to take on the full responsibility of marriage. Of course NOT all men are like this. The ones I'm describing don't even understand themselves yet. They are foolish. So don't feel bad sister. And you know, maybe he does have good reasons for not wanting marriage, but it still makes him a coward that he didnt tell you why. It's not good that he built up your hopes over a long period of time and suddenly changed his mind without consulting you first. Don't even bother asking him why. His reasons don't even matter. Just take the lesson you learned and move on.

"Give up your heart left broken

And let that mistake pass on

'Cause the love that you lost

Wasn't worth what it cost

And in time you'll be glad it's gone"

I

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Ok here goes, i recently was going to marry this guy, we spoke for so long then suddenly he changed his mind. Im so heartbroken and confused, why would a man just change his mind so I wanted to ask you all this question.

If he didn't tell you why he dumped you that's because he's a scumbag whose scared of commitment and lack common decency and compassion.

You shouldn't unnecessary make yourself depressed or unhappy. Move on with your life.

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If he didn't tell you why he dumped you that's because he's a scumbag whose scared of commitment and lack common decency and compassion.

w...t...f

Are you serious? Because I happen to know a guy who refuse to spell out his reason for breaking up with the girl he loved. He wasn't a scumbag, nor was he scared of commitment, nor did he lacked common decency and compassion. He just didn't want to put her into danger as the guy was stalked by bunch of psychopaths.

That is just an example [a true one]. The point being, just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's something negative.

Edited by The Exalted One

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None of your damn concern, bubba.

well I've heard of people cutting off contact without a word because of family pressure etc.......but not psycho stalkers hahahaha cool story though.

On a more serious note....it's possibly the best thing that ever happened to the OP (I said this earlier but it got deleted :dry: )

Edited by ImAli
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If he didn't tell you why he dumped you that's because he's a scumbag whose scared of commitment and lack common decency and compassion.

You shouldn't unnecessary make yourself depressed or unhappy. Move on with your life.

Damn right! This evil man must be a scumbag whose scared of commitment and lacks of anything good...Because obviously, thats what a man is.

On a serious note, just stop, please. Stop jumping to conclusions. You don't know what went through his mind. You don't know him, so please, just stop.

As I have said it before, he may have not wanted to hurt her feelings and therefore couldn't tell her. And there may very well be an another legimate reason that we may never know.

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Why are the boys getting all so defensive?

Are you guys dumping a lot of girls without telling them why? If so, then please don't do that. It's cruel and heartless.

Think of poor Zulakha the next you are thinking of disappearing from the life of a girl who probably care a whole lot about you than you could ever imagine.

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Why are the boys getting all so defensive?

Are you guys dumping a lot of girls without telling them why? If so, then please don't do that. It's cruel and heartless.

Think of poor Zulakha the next you are thinking of disappearing from the life of a girl who probably care a whole lot about you than you could ever imagine.

I am defensive 'cause I see far too many women belittling men/boys. You did just that, you assumed the negative and jumped to conclusions.

Too many women dump men in a heartless and cruel manner. Its a two way street, but for some reason you chose not to see that. Its life, its tough, learn to get over it.

I will ignore your last sentence because it does not apply to me.

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My oh my. I do not understand why people take things soooooooooo personally, referring to above, isn't it obvious to you that OP is upset and she needs our help. A little moral support would not hurt.

@Gypsy I agree with you sister.

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My oh my. I do not understand why people take things soooooooooo personally, referring to above, isn't it obvious to you that OP is upset and she needs our help. A little moral support would not hurt.

@Gypsy I agree with you sister.

Yes she is upset and needs help, but does that mean we help her by degrading a man who we know nothing off? Is it correct to make her feel better at the expense of his character?

I have no problem with anyone supporting her. I just disagree with the assumed negativity towards that man.

Edited by Aghachan
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Yes she is upset and needs help, but does that mean we help her by degrading a man who we know nothing off? Is it correct to make her feel better at the expense of his character?

I have no problem with anyone supporting her. I just disagree with the assumed negativity towards that man.

What do you suggest we do Einstein?

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well I've heard of people cutting off contact without a word because of family pressure etc.......but not psycho stalkers hahahaha cool story though.

Were you living under a rock or something? It's more common than you think.

Why are the boys getting all so defensive?

Nobody is gettin' defensive. It's just unfair to attack someone's honor without knowing the truth. That's all Aghachan and I are pointing out.

Are you guys dumping a lot of girls without telling them why?

Yep.

If so, then please don't do that. It's cruel and heartless.

And full of lulz.

What do you suggest we do Einstein?

He already DID suggested giving her a helping hand, consoling her. Way to go!

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Why are the boys getting all so defensive?

Are you guys dumping a lot of girls without telling them why? If so, then please don't do that. It's cruel and heartless.

Think of poor Zulakha the next you are thinking of disappearing from the life of a girl who probably care a whole lot about you than you could ever imagine.

I've never had anyone pat me on the head and say to me poooooor MOOOOOOSEY POOOO those cruel heartless womenz.

Thing is, we don't know the whole story. Before we level accusations, we have to know the whole story just as in any historiography or court process.

As for Ms. Zulakha, she should move on, theres always a better man out there. Plus, she should be more confident in her abilities in every category including faith.

If its looks, then no one is worth your time. You have to find out yourself through him or other channels. Honestly, I understand how you feel but more often than not, women can deal better with this kind of stuff because of emotional control within and without by help of other sisters.

Edited by moooose

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He already DID suggested giving her a helping hand, consoling her. Way to go!

And who are you? His unpaid lawyer?

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What do you suggest we do Einstein?

First of all, thankyou for clearing up that you don't give a damn if a potentially innocent man is humiliated. :)

I will listen to moooose and not follow this up anymore. It is pointless, the lack of empathy is apparent.

Zulakha, I am sorry that this has happened to you, but this is how life is. Please try your best to move on. Keeping busy helps to forget about these things, and over time its going to become irrelevant to you. And hopefully, one day you will find someone who is a great, so cheer up and face the future!

Edited by Aghachan

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@Zulakha:

Relax, calm down, take it easy. Don't allow your heart to rule your mind and your world. I haven't met a soul who didn't have his/her heart broken. Some hearts are ripped and torn so bad, that they no longer feel like a human to begin with, just walkin' talkin' bitterness. I'll leave you the legendary words of good ol' Rocky Balboa --- "It's not over until the bell rings, and I heard no bell."

Learn from the experience.

Baka, WhiteSkies, moooose and 1 other like this

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I am sorry if I have offended anyone in the process of showing empathy to the OP. I seek forgiveness if I have hurt anyone even a tinsy winsy bit. We are all brothers & sisters here. Peace.

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^^ sister in faith, i don't think you can say things which are offensive. I always find your comments very tolerant and insightful, you are one of the rare people who learn from others, and don't just say things to force your ideas on others.

Sister Zulaikha, a few reasons why this guy did what he did, and i can't tell which is more accurate because i know nothing about your situation

1) he was talking to many girls at the same time, and he eventually found someone more appealing to him than you, and didn't even have to human decency to tell you this was the case

2) He found something about you that didn't make want to pursue marriage. two things to dissect here: first, is it worth talking to him again to find out exactly what his reasons were? and second, will you be strong enough to be ready to hear whatever he has to say. Personally, i always like to know the reasons. Maybe there's a chance he heard something wrong, and by correcting it, he will still be interested and everything will work out. If he found out something he doesn't like about it, it could either be something false, or unworthy to dislike you for it (like your level of religiousness, not listening to music for example), or maybe what he disliked was something you can indeed improve on, like maybe you are listening to music and he'd rather you didn't. please just take this as an example and not something i am accusing you of, as i don't know you. I know i myself am riddled with flaws, and i am grateful for everyone who points them out to me, so i may repent and be a better man

At the end of the day, remember Allah (SWT) is closer to you than your jugular vein in your neck. Having a good spouse can get you closer to Allah faster, but as long as you stay firm in your love for Allah, no doubt He will give you the best spouse possible, if not in this world, certainly in the next

And Allah (SWT) knows best

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I am sorry if I have offended anyone in the process of showing empathy to the OP. I seek forgiveness if I have hurt anyone even a tinsy winsy bit. We are all brothers & sisters here. Peace.

Kinda' missed this. Well, if I'm included in the list, it's cool. No need for apologies. Actually, my apologies to you [and a lot of members here]. I'm one feisty psycho. But if I'm NOT INCLUDED IN THE LIST ... no problem still lol he-he

I should really take control of my temper, really. I've become quite a loose canon. Regardless, on topic:

Here's one cool lesson you can derive out of this ordeal, Zulakha --- People are fickle. They change their views, feelings with times. Don't attach too much hope to them. People change, they deceive, or they simply. well, die. Attach your hope to something that stay with you, and never abandon you in your most dire need. Attach your importance to God, Prophet Muhammad and his teachings [and the teachings of his descendents]. Unlike us, God is Ever-lasting. Love for him won't leave you disappointed. Love for people. wealth, world etc will, sooner or later, will leave you with disappointment.

Edited by The Exalted One
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If a girl or her family has Tribal affiliations, I will run far away, far far away, into the horizon.

disagree how is that the girls fault why should she be judged for something she had no control over?

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disagree how is that the girls fault why should she be judged for something she had no control over?

I know what you mean but more often than not she is part of the same pool and harbours the same sort of ideas towards tribal and extended family affiliations. Even if she doesn't, marrying such a girl would mean you inevitably get sucked into the tribal affiliations of her family because they surely wouldn't leave you be.

I talk from close experience.

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I know what you mean but more often than not she is part of the same pool and harbours the same sort of ideas towards tribal and extended family affiliations. Even if she doesn't, marrying such a girl would mean you inevitably get sucked into the tribal affiliations of her family because they surely wouldn't leave you be.

I talk from close experience.

Prophet(s) married into tribes the following is just one example of many:

" Lady Safiyyah bint Huyaiy ibn Akhtab. She

was the daughter of the chief of Banu Nadhir, a

Jewish tribe of Khaybar. She became a widow

when her husband was killed in the Battle of

Khaybar. She was taken as a captive by the

Muslim forces. The Prophet married her in the

7th year AH to maintain her noble status and

also to establish marriage ties with her Jewish

tribe."

www.al-islam.org/polygamy-marriages-prophet/7.htm

If the Prophet(s) did it who am I to say no.

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disagree how is that the girls fault why should she be judged for something she had no control over?

I did not mean extended family's affiliations, since we all are, I meant tribal affiliations.

From my home country, tribal affiliations largely either exist in up North, among the isolated communities of Pakhtunkhwa, or they exist in rural Baluchistan.

And trust me, you no want want a father-in-law from those tribes, nor you would want a bride from those people.

Not discriminating, but it is just that our views will be extremely different.

If you are from my country, you will understand what I mean.

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