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Zulakha

What Would You Not Want To Marry?

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Salam,

Am i allowed to post in here?

Ok here goes, i recently was going to marry this guy, we spoke for so long then suddenly he changed his mind. Im so heartbroken and confused, why would a man just change his mind so I wanted to ask you all this question. What kind of women will you all not marry? What puts you off women, im so confused and heartbroken.

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There could have been hundreds of things that led to him changing his mind; it may have not been anything on your end. For me personally, if there were something that led me to believe that the girl would not be a suitable wife or mother of my children, I would let go of her. This could be caused by anything - religious practice, personality, looks, family.

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Salam, when we know someone we know almost everything about them.

I think if you pounder deep within yourself you will be able to find out what happened.....no two persons are alike in this world and you would get 6 billion differnt reasons and even then none of those may not be the reason applicable to your case....so look inwards rather than outwards.....

If you want to know what people think in general then please put forward a generalized question not a specific one dealing with your situation only......

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when we know someone we know almost everything about them.

This is not true,as much as you think you know their still things you dont know about a person. There are people in your life that you think you know well but then they will do something and you would think that their not the same person you know.

You willl never know everything only god does.

Op you should just allow him, it doesnt mean your not wifey material if rejected you. Remmber you dont always need a reason sometimes your heart says no or feel uncomfortable. Dont worry theirs a man for ever girl out their.

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A vast majority of mature guys serious about and looking forward to get married look for homemakers. What puts them off is any symptoms that may indicate otherwise. Immaturity, "barbie-ism", misguided feminism, irrational thinking or objectives, commanding nature, over obedience of parents that may undermine the relationship, lack of interest to raise a family or ignorance to the institution of marriage or lack of motivation thereof, extravagance, different mind sets or brought up / incompatibility, and so on may be among the indications.

While some guys are flirts and womanizers. Nothing to explain about this one.

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I don't think that us answering this question will help you. We could all give our answers but none of them may apply to you. Rather than asking what type of person we would not marry, ask what would make us change our mind after such a long time.

If you want the truth, then your best option could be to ask someone who knows him and speaks to him about these issues. He would be more truthful to them.

There is good possibility that he had doubts in mind for a long time but was hanging on until he finally decided to take the leap.

I think that we should all remember you in our prayers.

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Guest {Ya_Qamar_Bani_Hashim}

(bismillah)

(salam)

Inshallah khair sister, Allah(swt) is All knowing :)

tc

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Salam Sister,

It would be difficult for us to give you an answer without you providing more details of your situation. At the same time, I don't think that would be helpful to you. It is better just to move on. There will be more proposals, InShahAllah. Just have sabr and trust in Allah(s.w.a).

I can tell you the most common reasons, I have seen, just for your information. Not all of these, especially the first one have anything to do with Islam, but this is the reality

1) He wasn't happy with your look / physical beauty. This is the most common one. Sorry to say. It may not apply to you though. If that was the case, most likely he will never tell you.

2) He is not happy with your aklaq (behaviour). This has to do with sisters being rude, aggressive, sarcastic, too comfortable around non mahram or demanding too much in terms of maher, house, lifestyle, etc.

3) He does not get along with your family. If this is it, he will probably never tell you.

4) He found out something from your past that made him uncomfortable.

Those are the top 4. I don't know if any apply to you specifically, and also he may not be thinking correctly or might 'blow things out of proportion'. Like I said, it is impossible for us to know. Maybe Allah(s.w.a) is keeping a better guy for you down the road a little. Allah Alim.

Edited by Abu Hadi

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1) He wasn't happy with your look / physical beauty. This is the most common one. Sorry to say. It may not apply to you though. If that was the case, most likely he will never tell you.

2) He is not happy with your aklaq (behaviour). This has to do with sisters being rude, aggressive, sarcastic, too comfortable around non mahram or demanding too much in terms of maher, house, lifestyle, etc.

3) He does not get along with your family. If this is it, he will probably never tell you.

4) He found out something from your past that made him uncomfortable.

Those are the top 4. I don't know if any apply to you specifically, and also he may not be thinking correctly or might 'blow things out of proportion'.

The top possible reasons should include more that is against him; otherwise we may be inadvertently giving the impression that the fault lies with her, even though we don't know much about the situation. Other reasons could include family pressure.

It is better just to move on.

The mind does not like uncertainty and a lack of understanding. It likes to understand things. Not knowing the reasons may pester her mind for quite some time. It would be better for her to find out the reason. If the reason is a flaw on his part then she may even find it easier to move on because she would have some reason to be pleased with not marrying him. If there is a fault on her part, then she can learn from the mistake.

Edited by Muhammed Ali

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he's an idiot for getting ur hopes up. just forget him,, talking to a man back and forth who rejected u will only make u feel worse. Cut contacts don't even bother ask him what if he says something REALLY mean about u that u can't change? what if he say it was ur smile? or the way you talk? whatever he says it will be painful,, the bottom line is he left. Plus the issue could be with him.

In the time being invest time in bettering urself the way U want (not based on any man's opinion). In the next relationship, make sure what the man's intentions are before he wastes ur time.

good luck

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he's an idiot for getting ur hopes up. just forget him,

Maybe he had his hopes curshed by finding something out about her that put him off. And maybe,before that had happen, he was genuinely intrested in her.

Edited by Aghachan

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Maybe he had his hopes curshed by finding something out about her that put him off. And maybe,before that had happen, he was genuinely intrested in her.

Honestly there isnt much to work off of. Thus far we can only speculate and we dont want to impact the OPs feelings or judgments by pointing. Someone suggested that she ask him personally. Thats the best option. =|

I dont like rejection.

It hurts worse than being molested by a hive of mutated japanese hornets!

Edited by moooose

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Honestly there isnt much to work off of. Thus far we can only speculate and we dont want to impact the OPs feelings or judgments by pointing. Someone suggested that she ask him personally. Thats the best option. =|

I dont like rejection.

It hurts worse than being molested by a hive of mutated japanese hornets!

I was only responding to what I quoted. In particular, the "idiot" part.

However, I agree with you, there isn't much. Though I don't know if she should ask him personally. Perhaps he will still not be honest about it. Maybe because he wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Rejection" is something I don't recall ever feeling. But I suppose, no matter how much it hurts, you got to move on. Time makes you forget, if you can just hold on long enough.

Ps. Have you ever actually been 'molested by a hive of mutated japanese hornets'?

Made me chuckle a lil'.

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I was only responding to what I quoted. In particular, the "idiot" part.

However, I agree with you, there isn't much. Though I don't know if she should ask him personally. Perhaps he will still not be honest about it. Maybe because he wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Rejection" is something I don't recall ever feeling. But I suppose, no matter how much it hurts, you got to move on. Time makes you forget, if you can just hold on long enough.

Ps. Have you ever actually been 'molested by a hive of mutated japanese hornets'?

Made me chuckle a lil'.

No, but I was ravaged by a couple yellow jacket wasps. One was in my shirt the other curled around my pinky toe. I still remember sputtering like a thirsty camel after being stung. Havent been stung since.

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