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alexandra

Husband Refuses To Work

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Assalam aleykum wa rahmatulah wa barakatu,

I have a huge problem with my husband. We have been in a temporary marriage for 3 years and have been married for 7 months. Since we have moved in he has lost almost 4 jobs. The reason is because every time he gets a job he becomes lazy and doesnt want to go to work. He would rather stay home and play videogames all day or just waste his time at home. I was working before but i was so sick of maintaining the household that i quit my job just so he can go back to work. He went to work for maybe 1 month and now its been 1 month he is back at home doing nothing. We have no money to pay bills, to pay rent, we have no money for food, its getting to a point were im crying all day but he just doesnt seem to care. He keep making promises that he will go work tommorow, but when tommorow comes he always finds a lame excuse. I don't know what to do anymore, i don't want to divorce but im so fed up i really need advice from someone who knows what i could do or who has already experienced it. I keep praying to Allah but he doesnt seem to be answering my prayers :(

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Have you got anyone you can go and stay with? it is clear you cannot rely on this person, so you have to let yourself go into survival mode and do what you have to do to take care of yourself. He is already effectively opting out of your relationship, so please dont feel guilty or like you owe him anything, he is not going to put you 1st so you will have to in order to end this situation.

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Kick him out infront of everyone or insult him a bit make him realize his responsibility.

This is not Islamic. Her husband has a problem and should seek professional help. If he can get a life coach to get him on the right path then he can fight off the "laziness".

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saalam Alaikom

Remember Asia when she married Pharoah .

She went through struggles ..

stay strong ,patient and peaceful just like Asia .

Meanwhile, you can speak to his parents, his parents.

Make a list of advantages and disadvantages for a divorce ..It's not haram to have a divorce ,Who knows ? Allah has probably someone else for you in life..

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saalam Alaikom

Remember Asia when she married Pharoah .

She went through struggles ..

stay strong ,patient and peaceful just like Asia .

Meanwhile, you can speak to his parents, his parents.

Make a list of advantages and disadvantages for a divorce ..It's not haram to have a divorce ,Who knows ? Allah has probably someone else for you in life..

why she should speak to his parents ? 0.o

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to get advice lol.

the parents are usually the first teachers to the kids.. maybe the way they educated their kids had a sort of psychological impact.

my psychology prof tought us this : In marital afafirs, parents are the ambulance, they should be called only for emergencies lol

for example : your sone is having a surgery

your sone killed someone

your son is jailed

your son divorced me

your son will starve for 2 weeks till i give birth , so please take over the kitchen duty

those are emergencies where parents should be called for, else you would only waste your time, waiting in the emergency room, unneeded exams, unneeded tests , you will be put under observation for 6 hours then discharged with anti headach pills

If his laziness is new then something psychologically is wrong with him

if his laziness was always his way , then something psychologically wrong with the woman to be with a lazy man all this time and dont realize that the situation is not sustainable

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(salam)

He does sound very young (mature-wise). I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk. A real very serious talk. Because both of you, or HE especially needs to have a life plan. You can't go on living aimlessly. Also, taking care of his wife is a big duty. Shooting the manure and playing video games are just not important and time-wasters. This sounds like a situation that needs a sense of ugrency -by your husband. So what's the life plan? what are the goals? any ambitions? if he's got nothing, in the very least he's gotta take care of the wife and house, family etc.

You should tell him that you are very hurt and under distress, and that both of you are in trouble. He may also be depressed, because "not caring" and playing video games seems like an 'escape' from reality and life. So he may be coping with his depression by wasting time and playing video games. So tell him that you'll work together to make things better again, sort of like a you got his back thing. But that he needs to step up. If he really cares about you he would do his utmost to get a job -keep it, and work towards providing for his family.

But think about that life plan, goals etc. ... working odd jobs and playing video games. It sounds too disarray. Both of you should have them.

ws

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A husband who makes no effort to support his wife is considered to be outside the sharia, according to all marjaa' that I know of.

So tell him either, A) you make serious efforts to look for a job (define what 'serious effort' is and that will depend on your situation)

or B ) You're going to go to a sheik and ask for a divorce. That should wake him up. Also, be prepared to follow thru in case he doesn't make the effort.

Edited by Abu Hadi

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that's really sad, but it's an uprising issue these days I know 2 girls with husbands like that, and they HATE it,, Allah helps them,, some men aren't brought up well these days. U deserve better,, think about it; people who don't want to change, DON'T.. good luck

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I posted this earlier in another thread. It generally shows the entitlement, cave-woman complex, and complaints that women make about men and never really try to find common ground or even make concessions or attempt to be equal with their men:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat-race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you don't you're sexist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If she stays home and do the housework, you're oppressive.

If you work too hard there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has boring repetitive job
with low pay, its called "exploitation".

If YOU have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....

you should get off your *** and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive [Edited Out].

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're pervert.

If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.

If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it Too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

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give him a ultamatium if nothing changes do the following

divorce him(i dont like to encourage ending a marriage but hes a tumor/cancer that needs to be removed), ive seen this happen before, if you try to make this work out some way your will live a misirable life, for the sake of Allah please reconsider. hes useless and not worth your time sister

Edited by A_Ali

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Go to Shark Tank and try to get an investment, your husband will make a great video game tester hence providing the income to supply the family.

If they wont invest and rather want to buy him out, sell him don't hesitate even if the deal doesn't include a royalty.

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Your husband is in denial about the marriage, hes having some of a life crisis, he is obviously not happy being a married man and is acting like a child instead of being responsible. men who run away from responsibility are hiding feelings about what they truely want and dont want. you need to go to a counselor with him and speak to him in a caring manner, i know its difficult as u just want to punch him in the face, but he is going through some type of crisis and this is his way of showing it. can be depression/stress related.

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Without more detailed information, no one can give a definitive solution

My two-cents:

Video games are an escape for him

Sounds like he may be depressed

Allah WILL help you find a way - patience is vital

Wish I could help you

I posted this earlier in another thread. It generally shows the entitlement, cave-woman complex, and complaints that women make about men and never really try to find common ground or even make concessions or attempt to be equal with their men:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat-race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you don't you're sexist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If she stays home and do the housework, you're oppressive.

If you work too hard there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has boring repetitive job with low pay, its called "exploitation".

If YOU have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....

you should get off your *** and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive [Edited Out].

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're pervert.

If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.

If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it Too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

You just can't win

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saalam Alaikom

Remember Asia when she married Pharoah .

She went through struggles ..

stay strong ,patient and peaceful just like Asia .

Meanwhile, you can speak to his parents, his parents.

Make a list of advantages and disadvantages for a divorce ..It's not haram to have a divorce ,Who knows ? Allah has probably someone else for you in life..

What about when she has kids? I highly doubt her husband will take care of kids, so what will she do? How is it possible to fullfill responsibilities of both mother and father for 1 person?

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