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Being A Good Muslim Wife


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#1 kdawn1103

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 01:07 AM

I don't know how many read of my ordeal with my husband on "Urgent, Please help looking for my husband" that I began on May 22. He had left me to go to Dearborn because I was a Christian at that time, but I reverted while he was gone. Allah reunited us on July 20. But it seems he has changed. He doesn't seem interested in getting a job & our bills are piling up. With only me working, it still isn't enough to cover our basic bills & food expenses. Everytime I try to talk to him, he tells me that he knows he needs to get a job, but when he goes to "look" for one, he maybe goes to 2-3 places, then spends the rest of the day doing who knows what! We only have one vehicle, so I have him take me to work & then he goes into town to "look" for work. On the days he stays home, he doesn't do much around the house & seems to always have excuses for not doing anything. I love him very much & I'm very happy that Allah reunited us, but I don't know exactly what to do. He goes into town on Fridays to go to Friday prayers at a Sunni mosque, (located in a conference room in a hotel). He talks to them some, & talks to a couple of men from Dearborn, but I don't think he is telling them the whole truth. I reminded him that the Quran states he is supposed to take care of his family, (he & I, we have no children at home), but it didn't seem to make a difference. He plays on the Xbox 360 his video games or watches tv during the day. I come in from work to dirty dishes & house. I ask him to do specific things, but he seems to "forget". He tells me to "relax, everything will be ok & not to get so stressed", but how can I not when the house insurance was cancelled for non-payment, we are 2 payments behind on our vehicle, a payment behind on the house & taxes on the house are delinquent. I am applying for another job that pays more money than the prison I work for, but that's no guarantee. He went to 3 places to apply for jobs today, then "got a headache", spent the rest of the day at the park & who knows where. I told him tonight after we got home that we couldn't go another month without a job. He just keeps telling me that no house or vehicle is worth me worrying myself sick over & if we lose them it will be ok. How can being homeless or without transportation to work ok? We live in a small town & I have to drive 72 miles round trip 5 days a week to work. I own my house & the payments on it are less than we could move to the nearest city & pay rent. I need help & prayers to know what to do about my husband. I divorced a man that was physically & emotionally abusive & didn't want to work. My husband now is a wonderfully compassionate man & has good qualities, but he seems to be unwilling to work. I talked with his mom & told her I was frustrated at him & why & her response was that he gets like that sometimes. I don't think this is what Allah is wanting for either of us. Please help........

#2 SlaveOfAllah14

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 01:48 AM

There's nothing I can do but to a dua. Surely Allah will listen to a dua when one unknown person does dua for another. May Allah increase his sustenance on both of you and bring joy and ease in your life! For Allah has power over all things.
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#3 Ali Huzaifa

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 02:12 AM

one more lazy paki/indian, who went for studies and spelled a american or british and now enjoying her money :lol:

sorry for being harsh but u was just stupid to marry him.

#4 :Sami

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 02:18 AM

are you a Taurus by any chance ?

#5 Alizee Sukeyna

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 02:39 AM

^ And is he a Pisces?

He has a very relaxed attitude toward life, which is good in a sense...but he's letting his responsibilities go and he knows it. It sincerely seems like he just doesn't care. This has nothing to do with you being a "bad wife": you are doing EVERYTHING you can to keep your life together. I've been keeping up with your posts, starting from when he first left and it just seems like that his MO in life. If things get tough, meh, it will work out somehow. He's completely neglecting the fact that you need to do whatever you can and Allah will do the rest, not the other way around.
I can see you love him but my advice is to give him an ultimatum and stick by it. Either he starts pulling his own weight and doing what needs to be done or you leave. There is really no simpler answer than that. Things are going to keep going down this path if nothing changes and I think you know that this will destroy you if you don't act. You're reaching out for help from us, you're at your wits end. You know something needs to change and this is my opinion.
Act. You are strong, you've shown that.
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#6 Peace!

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 02:45 AM

are you a Taurus by any chance ?


LOL! What if she is!

#7 Marbles

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 02:53 AM

LOL! What if she is!


He's gonna pull out another mystery conspiracy theory from planet Uranus.
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#8 Peace!

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 02:55 AM

one more lazy paki/indian, who went for studies and spelled a american or british and now enjoying her money :lol:

sorry for being harsh but u was just stupid to marry him.


I am afraid you've got it all wrong!

#9 Hot hot

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 03:12 AM

Put a stone on your heart and kick him out of the home until he gets the job
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#10 Ali Huzaifa

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 03:39 AM

she must be cancer....( we cancerians are quite emotional fools :()

Posted Image

according to ur description, he sounds like a fat boy who just wants to play his xbox and cry for milk from his mummy (you) :D

Edited by Ali Huzaifa, 19 September 2012 - 03:39 AM.


#11 Sapphire

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 04:23 AM

Dear Sister,

I am highly against divorce and separation. But in this case your husband is taking advantage of you. You need to sit down and think about this. Do you really need him in your life? He is making you miserable. He is a man and he should start acting like one. If he is somehow unable to do that, you will have to kick him out for a while and let him get a taste of the real world. I mean come on. Xbox 360 all day long??? :realangery:

You really need to do something about it.
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#12 :Sami

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 04:47 AM

He's gonna pull out another mystery conspiracy theory from planet Uranus.

you seem to have a fascination for Uranus

LOL! What if she is!

well she fits the description one of a taurus wife , and he is probably a cancer , they don't mix .

Edited by :Sami, 19 September 2012 - 05:16 AM.


#13 Hot hot

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 05:00 AM

Dear Sister,

I am highly against divorce and separation. But in this case your husband is taking advantage of you. You need to sit down and think about this. Do you really need him in your life? He is making you miserable. He is a man and he should start acting like one. If he is somehow unable to do that, you will have to kick him out for a while and let him get a taste of the real world. I mean come on. Xbox 360 all day long??? :realangery:

You really need to do something about it.

May Allah have mercy on your future hubby

#14 :Sami

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 05:17 AM

May Allah have mercy on your future hubby

amen
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#15 Gepetto_Zapata

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 05:23 AM

Kick him out, you don't need to take care of someone who doesn't care/strive to take care of you in return as well...

Start with hiding the Xbox and stop giving him an allowance for starters... Then take a harsher step at a time if things still don't change...

May Allah have mercy on your future hubby


She's right in what she said.
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#16 :Ruffles

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 05:54 AM

I don't know how many read of my ordeal with my husband on "Urgent, Please help looking for my husband" that I began on May 22. He had left me to go to Dearborn because I was a Christian at that time, but I reverted while he was gone. Allah reunited us on July 20. But it seems he has changed. He doesn't seem interested in getting a job & our bills are piling up. With only me working, it still isn't enough to cover our basic bills & food expenses. Everytime I try to talk to him, he tells me that he knows he needs to get a job, but when he goes to "look" for one, he maybe goes to 2-3 places, then spends the rest of the day doing who knows what! We only have one vehicle, so I have him take me to work & then he goes into town to "look" for work. On the days he stays home, he doesn't do much around the house & seems to always have excuses for not doing anything. I love him very much & I'm very happy that Allah reunited us, but I don't know exactly what to do. He goes into town on Fridays to go to Friday prayers at a Sunni mosque, (located in a conference room in a hotel). He talks to them some, & talks to a couple of men from Dearborn, but I don't think he is telling them the whole truth. I reminded him that the Quran states he is supposed to take care of his family, (he & I, we have no children at home), but it didn't seem to make a difference. He plays on the Xbox 360 his video games or watches tv during the day. I come in from work to dirty dishes & house. I ask him to do specific things, but he seems to "forget". He tells me to "relax, everything will be ok & not to get so stressed", but how can I not when the house insurance was cancelled for non-payment, we are 2 payments behind on our vehicle, a payment behind on the house & taxes on the house are delinquent. I am applying for another job that pays more money than the prison I work for, but that's no guarantee. He went to 3 places to apply for jobs today, then "got a headache", spent the rest of the day at the park & who knows where. I told him tonight after we got home that we couldn't go another month without a job. He just keeps telling me that no house or vehicle is worth me worrying myself sick over & if we lose them it will be ok. How can being homeless or without transportation to work ok? We live in a small town & I have to drive 72 miles round trip 5 days a week to work. I own my house & the payments on it are less than we could move to the nearest city & pay rent. I need help & prayers to know what to do about my husband. I divorced a man that was physically & emotionally abusive & didn't want to work. My husband now is a wonderfully compassionate man & has good qualities, but he seems to be unwilling to work. I talked with his mom & told her I was frustrated at him & why & her response was that he gets like that sometimes. I don't think this is what Allah is wanting for either of us. Please help........


Watch these lectures with him, they cover a bit of the rights of a husband and the rights of the wife

Here is sheikh Jehad's:

http://www.youtube.c...2EC8A6BD549B4EF

It's lectures 12,13, and 14

If u cannot get him to fulfill your rights, talk to a shiekh and probably seek divorce... he is being unjust to you!

#17 ImAli

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 06:32 AM

one more lazy paki/indian, who went for studies and spelled a american or british and now enjoying her money :lol:

sorry for being harsh but u was just stupid to marry him.


Her husband is an american revert......don't get too full of yourselves thinking paki/indians are irresistible womanizing studs
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#18 Peace!

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 06:47 AM

well she fits the description one of a taurus wife , and he is probably a cancer ,
they don't mix .


Well, from the little I know about astrological signs, Earth and Water are supposed to be highly compatible and such matches are recommended by those who have faith in such things.

#19 Ali Huzaifa

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 06:59 AM

Her husband is an american revert......don't get too full of yourselves thinking paki/indians are irresistible womanizing studs


cant help sis, this is the way I am, FULL OF MY SELF( I have my own reasons for that) lol

Edited by Ali Huzaifa, 19 September 2012 - 07:00 AM.


#20 ImAli

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 07:26 AM

:sick:
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#21 Ali Huzaifa

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 07:32 AM

:sick:


:lol:

#22 Sapphire

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 07:55 AM

May Allah have mercy on your future hubby


Allah(SWT) will keep us both happy. INSHALLAH. You don't worry about it brother.
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#23 :Sami

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 12:36 PM

Well, from the little I know about astrological signs, Earth and Water are supposed to be highly compatible and such matches are recommended by those who have faith in such things.

well , I have no idea what you're talking about .
I'm just going on my life's experience on couples that were taurus and cancers , they never worked out .
Which one is Earth and which one water ?

#24 Alizee Sukeyna

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 12:40 PM

Taurus is a bull (earth) and Cancer is a crab (water). I also asked if he was Pisces (water) because in my experience Pisces/Taurus are really incompatable signs...that is, if the people actually act like how their sign states. Not everyone does.
EDIT: Also, I'm a pisces so I can see some of my own "meh, it'll work out" qualities in him although he takes it to a whole new extreme.

Edited by Alizee Sukeyna, 19 September 2012 - 12:41 PM.


#25 :Sami

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 12:48 PM

I think a taurus woman will be more compatible with a monkey , as monkeys seem to have outgoing traits and can handle the stubbornness of taurus , and they are both perfectionist .



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