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Khalas And Their Advice


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#1 AR2011

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 06:12 PM

Salam sisters, has anyone experienced well-meaning comments from family friends or extended family to the effect of.."all the girls ur age apply light make-up", "a bit of concealer would help mask that spot on ur forehead", "khala, ur X years old, u need to brighten ur face with make up or else u will never get married"?

If you've ever got comments like these before from the "khalas" (ie aunties in ur community), how did u react to them? And how did u stop repeated comments from actually getting to u - perhaps affecting ur confidence and/or making u doubt whether ur steadfastness will pay off?

#2 Naz_

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 06:36 PM

Imam Ali (as); 'Silence is the best reply to a fool.' ...smile and follow the laws of God, not society.
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#3 muslimah1

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 06:59 PM

Salam,
The only thing u can really do is just smile and ignore like what sister naz_ said, they will never stop they get really annoying but u just have to live with it, just stick to ur belief and don't listen to them when they say u can't get married without make-up don't let them play around with ur mind just let it go in one ear and out the other

#4 Allahuakbar

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 09:43 PM

Imam Ali (as); 'Silence is the best reply to a fool.' ...smile and follow the laws of God, not society.


May Allah bless you Naz. This is a perfect reply.

Tell them you prefer natural beauty :angel:
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#5 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:11 AM

Some can be very persistent.. "am i going to see u with some make-up on when i see you next week?".

and its difficult to answer with the truth b/c if their daughters or even they themselves apply make-up in public then it can feel like ur being judgmental or arrogant if u respond honestly.

instead, out of cowardice, u make general responses like "i dont think its suits me. im not comfortable wearing it". which opens a new can of worms with them trying to convince u otherwise.

Tell them you prefer natural beauty

the truth is that everyone looks more physically attractive with make-up on. i dont think steering the conversation towards inner beauty etc is going to stick.

#6 zeinab94

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:53 AM

Asalamu Alaikum,,

i dont only get told that,, i also get told that i wont get married because i wear shar3i,, (what real Hijab is)
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#7 Ismahan007

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:54 AM

Salam sisters, has anyone experienced well-meaning comments from family friends or extended family to the effect of.."all the girls ur age apply light make-up", "a bit of concealer would help mask that spot on ur forehead", "khala, ur X years old, u need to brighten ur face with make up or else u will never get married"?

If you've ever got comments like these before from the "khalas" (ie aunties in ur community), how did u react to them? And how did u stop repeated comments from actually getting to u - perhaps affecting ur confidence and/or making u doubt whether ur steadfastness will pay off?

on the contrary lool ive been told to never put any make up cos most 'practising' men dont like girls who put make up so no1 would want to marry me. i have some very religious relatives, some of them r even imams of mosques. i would just say to you, don't pay them any attention. you don't do what you do to attract ppl. if they like you or not thats their business who cares, just be urself and dont worry.

#8 Gypsy

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 12:09 PM

People who don't mind their own business (as in your example) are supper annoying.
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#9 Kamranistan

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:36 PM

Some can be very persistent.. "am i going to see u with some make-up on when i see you next week?".

and its difficult to answer with the truth b/c if their daughters or even they themselves apply make-up in public then it can feel like ur being judgmental or arrogant if u respond honestly.

instead, out of cowardice, u make general responses like "i dont think its suits me. im not comfortable wearing it". which opens a new can of worms with them trying to convince u otherwise.


the truth is that everyone looks more physically attractive with make-up on. i dont think steering the conversation towards inner beauty etc is going to stick.


Sorry but that's completely false.
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#10 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:41 PM

^could you expand on why u think its false?

#11 -Enlightened

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:43 PM

^could you expand on why u think its false?


I think that he meant that there are actually girls who are attractive without make up .

A girl don't necessarily Need to have make-up on to attract other guys.. besides, a girl like this will only attract the bad ones .
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#12 Kamranistan

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:46 PM

^could you expand on why u think its false?


First off being a guy let me just say that make-up isn't going to help one bit in finding a decent guy. If it does end up helping you it means the guy wasn't as pious as you thought.

Imo most guys don't like make-up and all guys hate excess make-up, in all honesty it looks like a cake. If a guy wants to marry a religous, pious lady then why would make-up increase the chances? Contradictory.

Personally I don't like it at all, not just because it's not allowed in Islam but because it's fake and you should be happy with what God has given you in terms of physical characteristics. This is cliche but beauty is on the inside. If Islam doesn't reside within the heart then it's not Islam.

Sorry if i offended any one, didn't meant to. Insha'Allah it helps somewhat.
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#13 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:48 PM

I think that he meant that there are actually girls who are attractive without make up .

oh of course. but with make up, she would look even more attractive.

A girl don't necessarily Need to have make-up on to attract other guys.. besides, a girl like this will only attract the bad ones .

im not saying its a pre-requisite. and to an extent ur right but not always. even religious men sometimes marry girls who wear light make up

#14 Kamranistan

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 01:49 PM

oh of course. but with make up, she would look even more attractive.


im not saying its a pre-requisite. and to an extent ur right but not always. even religious men sometimes marry girls who wear light make up


If you can't tell there's make-up then yeah of course, but guys generally like 'natural' look.
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#15 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:00 PM

First off being a guy let me just say that make-up isn't going to help one bit in finding a decent guy. If it does end up helping you it means the guy wasn't as pious as you thought.
Imo most guys don't like make-up and all guys hate excess make-up, in all honesty it looks like a cake. If a guy wants to marry a religous, pious lady then why would make-up increase the chances? Contradictory.

i agree that most men (at least moderately religious ones) do not like to see a girl wear heavy make-up and think most people find heavy make-up a put off. however, i put it to u that if a girl wears light make up, an undiscerning male will most likely not notice because they do not have a "control" to compare it to. however, if u were to put two pics side by side: one with no make up and the other with light make up, there will be an obvious difference because any skin colour imperfections (eg dark circles under the eyes), shinyness to the skin, spots will not be apparent.

Personally I don't like it at all, not just because it's not allowed in Islam but because it's fake and you should be happy with what God has given you in terms of physical characteristics. This is cliche but beauty is on the inside. If Islam doesn't reside within the heart then it's not Islam.

i dont think theres anything wrong with acknowledging our physical flaws - we all have them. and i think generally speaking, females are more sensitive about their own flaws than males. i dont think that applying make up means that u are denying Allah swt's gift of ur appearance. by that same logic, men would not put gel in their hair or get their beard trimmed in a certain way. its all comes down to knowing the right time and place. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a female applying make up in the presence of other females or mahrams.

#16 Kamranistan

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:00 PM

i agree that most men (at least moderately religious ones) do not like to see a girl wear heavy make-up and think most people find heavy make-up a put off. however, i put it to u that if a girl wears light make up, an undiscerning male will most likely not notice because they do not have a "control" to compare it to. however, if u were to put two pics side by side: one with no make up and the other with light make up, there will be an obvious difference because any skin colour imperfections (eg dark circles under the eyes), shinyness to the skin, spots will not be apparent.


i dont think theres anything wrong with acknowledging our physical flaws - we all have them. and i think generally speaking, females are more sensitive about their own flaws than males. i dont think that applying make up means that u are denying Allah swt's gift of ur appearance. by that same logic, men would not put gel in their hair or get their beard trimmed in a certain way. its all comes down to knowing the right time and place. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a female applying make up in the presence of other females or mahrams.


Yeah I agree with pretty much everything you said. Yeah in front of non-mahrams it's haram, not mahrams.

I guess it's just me then who doesn't think it necessary for my wife to wear make-up at all.

#17 Allahuakbar

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:12 PM

Some can be very persistent.. "am i going to see u with some make-up on when i see you next week?".

and its difficult to answer with the truth b/c if their daughters or even they themselves apply make-up in public then it can feel like ur being judgmental or arrogant if u respond honestly.

instead, out of cowardice, u make general responses like "i dont think its suits me. im not comfortable wearing it". which opens a new can of worms with them trying to convince u otherwise.


the truth is that everyone looks more physically attractive with make-up on. i dont think steering the conversation towards inner beauty etc is going to stick.


Just as they are persistent in spreading unIslamic principles, you need to be persistent in abiding by Islamic law.

I really wasn't alluding to inner beauty. I meant natural physical beauty. Women don't need to use chemicals and harmful compounds to beautify themselves, Allah created us beautiful as we are.
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#18 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:41 PM

I really wasn't alluding to inner beauty. I meant natural physical beauty. Women don't need to use chemicals and harmful compounds to beautify themselves, Allah created us beautiful as we are.

with my utmost respect to u because i value ur thoughts, i think this is naive thinking. Allah swt created each of us with inner beauty and perfection of soul but no one can deny that some were endowed with more physical beauty than others.

#19 Alejandro Sosa

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 04:35 PM

every girl looks better with makeup

the thing is here: if i'm a practising Muslim looking for a good wife, i wouldn't mind if she wore light make up. if she wore very heavy, flamboyant makeup, then yeah it would be a problem. light makeup isnt an issue tho

#20 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 04:39 PM

light make up is an issue from a fiqh and religious perspective.

so there is a dichotomy between what a good proportion of religious males prefer/find attractive and the standard that a religious female should adhere to.

#21 Alejandro Sosa

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 04:41 PM

is light make up to cover blemishes and enhance certain features without being too attention grabbing really a problem?

#22 AR2011

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 04:50 PM

Sistani's view:

Question :

It is normal these days for a woman to put on mascara and make-up, wear rings, necklaces and bracelets for beauty and then go out in front of people in the markets and streets.
Answer :

This is not permissible for her except for mascara and rings provided that she is safe from falling into forbidden activities and does not intend by it to excite non-mahram men.
http://www.sistani.o...=616687&id=1265#
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#23 Allahuakbar

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:11 PM

with my utmost respect to u because i value ur thoughts, i think this is naive thinking. Allah swt created each of us with inner beauty and perfection of soul but no one can deny that some were endowed with more physical beauty than others.


Thanks, I value your opinion as well :) I certainly was not trying to say that Allah created us without inner beauty or anything of that nature. My opinion may be naive but it brings me peace of mind and I appreciate everything and everyone's beauty because Allah swt created it all. Allah created everyone in the right proportions, I think if we became comfortable with this idea there would not be any self-confidence issues. I also believe that one's actions (sins vs. good deeds) can have an effect on their physical apparence.
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#24 AR2011

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 06:05 AM

its good that it brings you peace of mind.

i dont think that theres a correlation between beauty and religiousity in the way u describe. some of the most physically attractive people in this world are devoid of any religion. however, i do think that there is something that can draw u towards someone who may not be of "conventional" beauty but their eman and akhlaq shine through.

#25 Allahuakbar

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:56 AM

its good that it brings you peace of mind.

i dont think that theres a correlation between beauty and religiousity in the way u describe. some of the most physically attractive people in this world are devoid of any religion. however, i do think that there is something that can draw u towards someone who may not be of "conventional" beauty but their eman and akhlaq shine through.


Yeah, that's kind of what I'm describing. SubhanAllah, sometimes when a person goes to Hajj or ziyarat arbaeen, they come back and there is noor but it's not just spiritual, it's physical (at least for me). I believe I've heard the same thing about salat layl and salat fajr and their benefits.
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