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Afraid Of Committing?


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#26 3laweyaZainabiya

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:25 PM

No one wants to live alone, so you dont need to say stuff that havnt been said but thats what majority of muslim do including you say stuff that no one said and this is the second time you do this. So I take it its part of islam to twist and add words? Or culture?

We are born to be with eacherother but when we are physical and mentaily ready ,then we should enter a relationship. If your not ready and you enter it then you feel trapped. They can hold you back, say you wanted to go out to do something vitul but he says no and you walk out, then you have hurt him and god will not be happy with you and you would feel gulity but you felt the need to go. Then you have the contract that you have agreed to go by yet you cant or arint ready to do one of the things.

The person might not want you to do certain things that you been doing for years, then if your not ready to change some things its best if you dont enter it , you will hurt him and yourself...

Its a fear within us , some one else is with you and the action you do can affect them. Yor very narrow minded , so you wouldnt get what others mean.

You shouldnt really talk about acting or thinking like muslim because no one is perfect and no one is in a position to speak or shame others, look at your self 1st then tell others.

Theres no point explaining to you because your still in a box and you think that all people are influnced by culture and you eliment perference. When khadja ra ask for the had of the propht(pbup) was that culture or peference ? This idea is used more in the west does that mean she had a west mentality?

Seriously some of you need to stop with throwing all the ways people think on culture and move out of the cave your in, look at the bigger picture....

Majority of muslims fail to do this...........





I wasnt adding or taking anything out of context. I was merely trying to understand what getting married would hold you back from. Also, sister, we're on an Islamic site. I don't see the need to repeatedly attack me like that. 

Of course we're supposed yo get married when we are both physically and mentally ready and I didnt say anything that opposes this idea. 
It's all about when and to whom you get married to. I didn't say that you had to get married at a young age to some guy that you don't know. 
When someone chooses to get married, they should know who they're getting married to.

It doesn't matter WHEN you get married, there will always be something that one of the spouses will disagree on. For example, a woman wants to go on a cruise and her husband is against the idea. He's insistent on it. So does that mean she should walk out?? Just leave him because he wouldn't let her do this right? Everyone is going to have to learn how to sacrifice sooner or later and it would be very absurd for a person to hold back on marriage because he/she is too selfish. 
As I already said, one should be careful in choosing his/her spouse.


I apologize if you felt as if I was shaming others. I try my best everyday be the best Muslim I can be. No one is perfect but if everyone would try everyday I think we'd be a lot better off as a Muslim ummah. My comment was very vague and general. You're taking them personally. 


People are strongly influenced by culture. I see it everyday. 
And actually, here in America is it very traditional for a man to get down on his knee and propose.
This is a perfect example of culture influencing people to the point that they forget that it isn't haram! If a woman were to propose to a man nowadays, the woman would be frowned upon and even shamed! Akin to a woman who has commited a sin. Why is that kim? Khadijah, (as) one of the most chaste women in the world, proposed to the prophet, surely she didn't commit a sin...

Honestly, to me, anyone who has to forget Islam to make way for culture is the one in the cave. 



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#27 kim.tinkerbell

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:55 PM

Sister in no way shape or form was I trying to attack you lool you are my sister by the end of the day...

The thing is that when she leaves it doesnt actually mean that she has ended the relationship but its just something she had to do....

There alot of stuff that can be talked about but I know must people will think its culture thats related to the west...

I didnt take what you said personal and if I did I would of told you trust....

Men that degreed woman that ask for there hand and narrow mind. And some men are actually scared of woman that come on to stronge. This is diffenetly culture because it breaks the norm. Its easier to take a woman thats commited sins these days buts it hard to take a cleaner person. Some men like the easy way, what khadjia (ra) was amazing and out standing , she truly showed signs of independent woman thats stronge and outstanding. She a role model.....
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#28 Saintly_Jinn23

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 06:19 PM

Not that all woman trust men, so dont worry its two sided


I just hate women who, instead of learning to work and take care of themselves, latch on to a man and bleed him dry for everything he's worth, then blame him. Some of the more conservative men on here talk about how women should hole up in the house all day. I prefer a woman who is a useful partner, not a leech who sits around eating all my food all day and then wonders why I'm not spending any time with her when I'm having to carry extra weight to take care of her.
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#29 3laweyaZainabiya

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 06:44 PM

I just hate women who, instead of learning to work and take care of themselves, latch on to a man and bleed him dry for everything he's worth, then blame him. Some of the more conservative men on here talk about how women should hole up in the house all day. I prefer a woman who is a useful partner, not a leech who sits around eating all my food all day and then wonders why I'm not spending any time with her when I'm having to carry extra weight to take care of her.


Lol! Im very curious but I don't know whether I would wanna know what kind of women you live around! Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you think. In fact, insha'Allah when I get married, I would like to help out as much as I could in whatever area that may be.
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#30 Saintly_Jinn23

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 10:11 PM

Lol! Im very curious but I don't know whether I would wanna know what kind of women you live around! Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you think. In fact, insha'Allah when I get married, I would like to help out as much as I could in whatever area that may be.


All my experiences with women have been disastrous either because I became too attached or I was manipulated and lied to. I greatly believe that men must learn to live without women before they can expect to live with them without being bullied or taken advantage of. So my attitude towards women is a tad contemptible. However, I admire strength and honor, and any woman who displays these two qualities at least has my respect as I don't necessarily feel that strength and honor are qualities bound by gender or sex.

Edited by Saintly_Jinn23, 24 January 2012 - 10:12 PM.


#31 3laweyaZainabiya

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Posted 25 January 2012 - 04:22 PM

All my experiences with women have been disastrous either because I became too attached or I was manipulated and lied to. I greatly believe that men must learn to live without women before they can expect to live with them without being bullied or taken advantage of. So my attitude towards women is a tad contemptible. However, I admire strength and honor, and any woman who displays these two qualities at least has my respect as I don't necessarily feel that strength and honor are qualities bound by gender or sex.



I think you're looking for women in the wrong places... Any true Muslim woman wouldn't do any of the above. I mean i know exactly what you're talking about because I know women like that in my community and theyre like the scum of this community but then there are those girls that are just plain amazing.
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#32 -Enlightened

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Posted 25 January 2012 - 04:52 PM

i don't know if you'll understand me , but ''afraid of committing'' is like saying '' I don't wanna live because I will die anyway ''

In other words, don't be afraid of trying .. you're gonna learn from it .
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#33 kim.tinkerbell

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Posted 26 January 2012 - 05:23 PM

All my experiences with women have been disastrous either because I became too attached or I was manipulated and lied to. I greatly believe that men must learn to live without women before they can expect to live with them without being bullied or taken advantage of. So my attitude towards women is a tad contemptible. However, I admire strength and honor, and any woman who displays these two qualities at least has my respect as I don't necessarily feel that strength and honor are qualities bound by gender or sex.


You just fall for the same type lool. You give them space to take advantage of you. So you never ever lied..... Hmmm lool
Even if he or she lived without them , they can still reapet the same mistake. Same can be said about men that use islamic rules to bully woman to do certain things ... It works both ways ...

#34 Gotham

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Posted 05 February 2012 - 10:44 PM

Of course it is frightening

Turn to your room for a goods night sleep... shes there
Switch sides on your bed to get to the cold side... shes there
Jump on the couch to watch Monday night football... shes there
Want to take a lone vacation to the bahamas,.. shes there
Pick up your phone expecting the winning lottery numbers.. its her
Want to finish up that left over pie from last night... its gone
Got plans for a Sunday out with the homeboys... no chance

She is here, there and gotta take her everywhere for the rest of your life and you cant get away, damn rights its scary, especially if she has an annoying voice and likes to nag and yell.


lol, you make us sound like chuckie dolls or something.
though marriage just sounds scary. imagine having to slave away at home for some dude, and maybe even his family .__. no thanks. i'll try to stay away for as long as i can.

#35 md. ammar ali

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 07:39 AM

yo

#36 ~Zee Zee~

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 05:43 PM

me too ....commitment is scary because u have to live with that person :SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS .....and if u get too involved with kids and stuff it will be tough to get out..................take ur sweet time

#37 ShiaBen

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 07:33 PM

The only thing that truly sucks is women can live without men, but men can't live without women.

Remember in a health class reading once about women (I think they used widows as examples) who lived decades as loners and men that lived decades as loners, and it was unanimous that the men that lived without a partner had a lot more health problems than women that lived without a partner.

#38 Awaiting_for_the12th

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 08:02 PM

^ i really dont believe in that brother. What is the source of this claim? Was any study done and what was the sample size. The problem with us is that we look at one study and push that as a fact but most important part of study is to see who funded it, what was sample size, was any bias involved. Stuff like that is really important because we can easily argue both sides using two different studies (we did that and was amazed how much bs is present in scientific studies).

#39 shiaaliibrahim

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 10:22 PM

Brother, if you are Muslim put your energy into finding the perfect wife for you. Once you have that done let the games begin. Trust me, life will be more fun with her than without her, unless you commit zina with lots of ladies, but then you'll pay for that later. So do the right things and put fear aside and find that sister.



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