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Masturbation And How I Got Freed Of It


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#1 madzi

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 08:13 AM

BismiIIahi Rahmanir Rahim

S/a one and all,

I want to talk about a topic that plagues the Shia (and indeed all of humanity) and for which not a single piece of truly practical advice has ever been offered. I want to describe my own journey and realizations, and eventually, the end-point at which, alhamduIiIIah, I truly conquered the problem of masturbation so that hopefully others may benefit from my experience and find a way through it as well.

First and foremost, let me say that this post will NOT provide a magic pill that one can swallow. I suggest that the dear readers take the information as it comes. Also note that these are all my personal opinions. They work(ed) for me. Also, this is only me sharing my own experience. I don't instruct anyone to do anything. This is not advice, it is my own story. That is all. Do with it what you see fit. Lastly, this worked for me because I wanted to stop but couldn't find a practical way to stop and couldn't figure out why I couldn't seem to stop on my own. The most important thing is to want to stop and then apply a practical method. Therefore, if I had not wanted to stop, this would be useless.

Background: I had this problem for many years. The worst part of the problem was always the guilt and the loneliness aspect of the problem. I searched everywhere for a practical solution to stopping but all I found was rulings and commandments. Through it all, I constantly questioned the thing called "Choice" and why it was that, given a choice to do it or not do it, I would choose to do it. Why could I not just NOT do it?? What led to one inclining? I always wished that I could find a way of killing that choice, making it a defined thing so that I could only ever take the non-inclining option.

I thought about many things over the years. I began to investigate into the thing called "Addiction". I wanted to know what it was. Why it was. How it was. I came to many realizations about this phenomena. Let's look at the features of addictions:

1. There is a certain something that a person becomes addicted to (which I will refer to as the "thing") and this thing has an excitement factor to it. An common example of this thing may be cigarettes or drugs or other things.

2. When the person has that thing, the person enters a high state (of varied strength, depending on what it is).

3. When the person does not have that thing, they begin to experience withdrawal symptoms such as restlessness, sweating, body aches, inability to think etc, of varied strength depending on what it is.

4. The very first time, the thing provides a very good high but as the person continues its use, the high continues to decrease in strength and effectiveness until it stops giving any form of pleasure but only appeasement from withdrawal symptoms. As time goes by, an extreme feeling of emptiness begins to develop until it is so empty that it is depressing.

5. Discontinuing its use for long while and then resuming its use provides a very first high again and the cycle continues.

6. I also realized that the reason one would incline towards an addiction was the hope of achieving the feeling of the very first high. Picturing that feeling was a very strong attractive force.

Now looking at these things, I realized that it is not only drug-use that has these features. In actual fact, EVERY form of excitement has these features to a varied degree, for example, bungee jumping, video games, sight-seeing, going to the movies, shopping, eating, socializing, working at a job that one likes and, of course, our old enemy, masturbation.

I realized that I was experiencing ALL the same symptoms as listed above with masturbation. The very first time provided a high. This progressed into less and less of a high until it was completely empty and lonely and depressing and it was only providing an escape from the horrible feeling of the need. All the other features too. Also, it was the thought of imagining the (pleasurable) feelings that would draw me towards it.

Okay so then I came to an even bigger realization. I realized that addicts were addicts because they had a certain something that kept it going: a reason. A reason to continue doing whatever it was they were doing even though in many cases that thing was even fatally dangerous such as with some drugs. They wanted to continue doing it. That reason was always initially the pleasurable feeling of the high that they hoped to get and later on, the appeasement of the pain they were having in withdrawal symptoms. I also realized that the reason they kept going was because the reason FOR doing it was much greater than the reason(s) AGAINST doing it. So for example, in the mind of the addict, the pleasure of smoking is more valuable than the damage it does to the lungs. The pleasure is more important to the addict than the damage. Such is also the case with masturbation. The pleasure, in the mind of the addict, is more important than a seemingly passing anger of AIIah. I am NOT talking about right or wrong here, I'm talking about what goes through the mind of the sustaining addict.

So at this point I was convinced that, given a strong enough reason, one that out-weighs the pleasure and appeasement of the addiction, an addict would quit. The addict would want to quit and would stop wanting to go on. And without a reason to quit, no matter how many years the addict was put in rehab or locked away or restrained, the MOMENT they were set free they would do it again. No reason, no quit.

I noticed that addicts seemed to be waiting for something drastic and dramatic to happen such as getting a heart-attack, a family member dying as a result of their addiction, or something like this, in order to get a reason important enough to quit. For many extreme addicts even these reasons would not be enough. Point is: they are waiting for a really strong reason of some kind to come along to be reason enough for them to quit. While smokers and drug-abusers can rely on some drastic health issue to come up (God-forbid), masturbaters can't. No such reason will come about.

Having realized this, I remembered many-a-time absolutely wishing that Imam Zamaan (atfs) would come to me in a dream and expressly command me not to do it. This would be my reason. This was the dramatic and drastic event I was waiting for. It didn't happen. I continued.

Okay, so the most important thing required to quit an addiction of any sort is a strong enough reason to quit, one that outweighs the importance and value of the pleasure and appeasement of continuing the addiction.

Then I began thinking about exactly what took place whenever I slipped up. See, many times I tried to put up a fight against my soul and the devil (la) but would find myself slipping up at some point. A few times I observed very closely what was being said and what was happening. Here's what would happen:

1. I would reach the lowest of low points at which continuing the addiction was only providing an empty depressing lonely appeasement from withdrawal symptoms. I would feel so far away from AIIah, and self-hatred was consuming me. This would suddenly become a strong reason to quit. So I'd decide to quit.

2. So I had decided to quit and I was going without my fix and my desires would begin to stir up violently to coerce me to do it.

3. Then, listen VERY carefully, shaitan (la) would come and say two things in order. The first was: "WHY are you doing this?? What is the reason? Why SHOULD you have to suffer like this?" Basically he tries to break the reason that I had used to quit. He tries to show that the reason is irrational by saying things like "Look here, its fun! It feels good! What other way do you have? God is merciful, he understands, you're young and you have desires, just forget about this. Think about how good it feels" Now depending on the reason that one has selected, shaitain (la) will tailor-make his speech to break it down. Many times I would give in at this point. But once in a while the reason was strong enough that I would say "NO! NO! I'm not going to do this. I'm not going back to that lonely depressing God-removed state."

4. If I had gotten past his testing of my reason then he'd say something even more deadly, he'd say "Okay. Fine. HOW LONG are you going to put up with this pain??" He would then convince me that putting up with this pain would eventually kill me, drain me, hurt me beyond repair, finish me off. And many many times, from the fear of suffering I gave in at this point.

So let's recap: he comes and asks two very very specific questions:

1. Why (are you putting up a fight)?
2. How long (can you keep doing this)?

In fact, according to the Qur'an there are three methods (if I remember correctly) that shaitan (la) uses to coerce us to incline towards sinful acts:

1. Giving false hopes.
2. Threatening with poverty.
3. Beautifying an ugly act or making a serious act seem light.

I realized that those two questions were an exact embodiment of these three techniques. He would start by reminding one of the "beautiful" feelings one would get when inclining towards the act - beautifying the evil act. He would promise that it would lead to such happiness and bliss when doing it even though it would only lead to depression and loneliness - false hopes. And then, if one persevered against his challenging the reason, he would threaten an person about how sad and lonely and destroyed he would become if he were to put up with all that pain - threatening with emotional poverty.

But guess what? A few times I did something very very amazing: even though it seemed like I was confirmed to doom by putting up with the pain after his second question, I decided "NO! I'm not going back!" Now it was interesting that the suffering seemed to increase a little bit after that for a few hours but two amazing things happened:

1. The pain SUDDENLY subsided and I felt peace after a period (in my case quite short). It went away. What he had told me was a complete lie. Not only did I not die, I reached peace.

2. I came to a huge realization that I was far far more powerful than I thought I was (in my power of choice) and that if I, in an instant, made a righteous decision (for the sake of the pleasure of AIIah) and PERsEVERED, I would reach peace and NOT death as shaitan was showing me.

Then I came across a verse in the Qur'an al-Karim saying: [46:13] "Those who say our Lord is AIIah and then they PERSEVERE, then no fear shall be on them and never shall they grieve" and this was an absolute confirmation of what I had experienced. If one makes a decision for the sake his Rabb, then his Rabb protects him from the seeming death and unhappiness that will come upon him as long as he PERSEVERES until peace comes. It is a strangeness, one of those absolute perceptional contradictions in life where it looks like you are stepping into flames of death but having done that it turns to "coolness and safety for Ibrahim" and in fact gives us true peace.

So to recap from this: the TWO things that are required to truly quit any addiction are:

1. A truly strong enough reason to quit. This reason would make one want to quit and remain away.
2. Perseverance with the pain for the period until one reaches the state of peace promised in the Qur'an.

At this point I began to think about the fast of the month of Ramadhan. It all made absolute sense to me. For ONE WHOLE MONTH, we muslims would keep away from the most basic things that keep us alive. There never are any chains to bind us from walking over to the fridge and eating, no one watching, and in all truth, if we did walk over to the fridge and eat something, nothing noticeable would really happen. No thunder bolt would seize us dead. AND YET... we never eat. We never drink. And why? Because we choose it that way. We make a decision and its done. And it suddenly made sense to me: once a year, by force, AIIah forces us to realize that we CAN choose to do something (or NOT do somewthing), anything at all, if we choose to do so. He forces us to see that our power of choice is much more powerful and in control than we think, than we realize. Shaitain (la) constantly bombards us with thoughts of "I CAN'T". I Can't not masturbate, I can't not listen to music, I can't not look at non-mahram's, I can't, I can't, I can't... "It's too tempting. I can't not give in. I can't seem to take control". Once a year, we are forced to realize that this is a blatant lie. We can.

So I set out trying to prove to myself a bunch of "I cans". I stopped listening to the halaal music (according to my marja') that I listened to just to prove to myself I can. And like any addiction, I felt HUGE withdrawal symptoms for two weeks including sweating and body aches and pains. But I can. And I did. And eventually I reached a state of mental peace in which music was not buzzing in my head anymore. But then, since it was halaal and I had proved to myself that I can and the qur'an instructs us not to make that which is halaal haraam for ourselves, I resumed it. I began sitting up completely straight in tashahud after a life time of slumping. It might seem small to some, it was a big deal for me. To this day I sit up straight and after only a few days of struggle, it became natural and easy, as is promised in the qur'an. I did many other thing just to prove that I can.

I'm not saying I can DO whatever I put my mind to, I'm saying I can CHOOSE to do whatever I put my mind to. AIIah decides what actually happens.

Ok, so I've said all this, but hold on a second: my journey was not done with. Having realized all this, I was still faced with a major problem: I still did not have a truly major reason to be able to stop masturbating once and for all. Yes, the loneliness and perceived separation from the creator was a good enough reason for a while, but then when the desires really kicked in full house, it seemed to go back to "Look here, its fun! It feels good! What other way do you have? God is merciful, he understands, you're young and you have desires, just forget about this. Think about how good it feels" and there it would go.

I couldn't understand it. One the one hand, for one month in Ramadhan, I would so fear AIIah that eating or drinking was not even a temptation. It was not an option. One the other hand, it didn't seem to be a strong enough reason when it came to masturbation! Why not??! I couldn't understand!

I began thinking deeply about exactly what it was about eating and drinking in ramadhan that made it so unfavourable as to make it not even an option. I realized that the main thing that scared the living daylights out of me was the fear of having to pay back SIXTY fasts for every one fast I broke and being accountable for all those fasts on the day of judgement! I perceived this as a serious sin whereas, in my mind, masturbation on its own was perceived as minor sin, hence the lack of fear. Paying back SIXTY fasts was so undoable and so out of proportion that it was terrifying. I realized that I saw breaking my fast as a sure way into jahannam and so it was not even an option. It was a strong enough reason to break the addiction to food far greater than the pleasure or appeasement of eating on those days.

At this point, I so wished that there would be some way that masturbating could carry similar grave consquences. I had read hadith that Imam Ali (a.s) had punished a man for doing it by beating his hands till it went red. This was not nearly threatening enough and so had been the years of continued inclincation towards the addiction.

I was reading the resaIIa one night and came across the section on Oaths and saw that if one makes an oath and breaks it, they would have to pay back 3 consecutive fasts. This was quite good. I was onto something. I would go ahead and make an oath that I would never masturbate again. But then I came across the section on Covenants and saw that this was far far more serious. Making a convenant with AIIah is a truly serious affair and breaking it would be attoned with SIXTY consecutive fasts. I would make a convenant with AIIah that I would never masturbate, never stimulate, never nothing like that ever again for the rest of my life. I decided there and then to say "MY lord is AIIah" as the qur'an said and wait for the promise of "not having fear on me and never grieving" and making the convenant and taking the leap of faith.

Let me say, this was quite a scary thing to do. Questions arise in one's mind at that moment, the source of which is mostly the desires and shaitan (la) and which are always in the form of the two questions I mentioned before, that is, 1. "Why (would you ever want to do such a crazy thing)?" and 2. "How long (do you think you'll survive without this)?" It is scary. The actual questions may sound something like this: "Are you CRAZY?? Do you know what you're about to do??! Think of the pleasure you get from it! Think of those lovely feelings you get! Why would you want to put that aside? Doing this is your only source of excitement! It's not as big a sin as you think as you think! You're putting an unreasonable constraint on yourself! Don't do this! You CAN'T" and then "How long will you survive?? How will you go without it?? You're not married, you have no way to do mut'a, how do you think you'll feel just 2 weeks down the line? Look at how you're feeling NOW!!"

My dear siblings in Islam and Shiaism, I can tell you firmly here and now from personal experience that I never regreted making that convenant. Yes, I found it really tough for the first week or two and also occasionally when the shaitan (la)-infested media force feeds something sexually exciting as well. But every time I implored AIIah and the ahlul-bait for help and they did help. But within those one or two weeks, the feelings begin to subside until... I now feel just like I do in ramadhan, masturbation's not an option. It's not a choice. It's just a feeling that comes and then subsides after I leave it for a while. And in a few days, the soul realizes that it's not an option anymore. It stops asking for it. The feeling for me now, is just like standing in the really hot sun. It feels uncomfortable and I must bear with it until I find some shade and it subsides and goes away then.

After the convenant, I have made a final realization which is huge. The reason the desire for masturbating was so strong all the time was because it was an option. It was something that I could choose to do or choose not to do. After the convenant, after it has ceased to be something that is an option, the desire to do it has almost completely subsided. As I said, it feels like standing in the hot sun. It's just uncomfortable and then subsides when I put my mind to something else like watching something. It did NOT kill me as shaitain (la) would have liked me to believe.

I have quit for good by the grace of AIIah.

I hope this helps and share your knowledge and experiences as well please. And if this helps, please make a dua for me and for my forgiveness.

Madzi

Edited by madzi, 15 June 2011 - 08:20 AM.

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#2 businessmindedfreak

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:01 AM

jazakallah for sharring your view....from how long u have given up masturbation?

#3 slowly707

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 03:04 PM

I was told that you cannot do a covenant regarding something that is already haram...please ask ur marja.

#4 madzi

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 05:38 PM

I was told that you cannot do a covenant regarding something that is already haram...please ask ur marja.


No brother. As I said in my post, I read up on convenants in the resaIIa along with all their rules. What you are referring to is the following ruling which I have taken from Ayatollah Sistani's resaIIa:

2680. The conditions for validity of an oath (or covenant) are:

2. An oath (or covenant) taken for the performance of an act which is haraam or makrooh, is not valid. Similarly, an oath (or covenant) for renouncing an act which is obligatory or Mustahab is also void...

In other words, you can't make a convenant that you WILL masturbate. Neither can you make a covenant that you WON'T pray your namaaz.

But there is absolutely no objection to making a covenant that you won't do something that is haraam. There is no ruling against this.

Madzi

#5 alik

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:41 PM

Salam,
baraka Allah(Swt) fik brother.

Very good story and may God(SWT) make sure that you never break your covenant, Inshallah.

There are a few important notes i would like to share:

1- I too, with the help of the Almighty, got rid of this plague and i totally agree with what you said. It just becomes "not an option" anymore.
2- I think that a very important thing to do is to do some SERIOUS AND LONG tawba(As in LOTS OF PRAYERS AND DUAS) whenever one does fall and masturbates. This really helps.Of course it’s tawba, which is crucial so that we attain God’s ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì forgiveness. Also, feeling very bad after it also helps because it kind of conditions you against it. (in my modest opinion at least)
3-Making a covenant is a risky matter and i would not advise anyone to do it unless it is a bulletproof solution. You don't joke with covenants with the Almighty ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì.But, Inshallah you won't be having any trouble in that regard.
4-I loved what you said about choices and i totally agree. The bulk of our freedom is in our head, our thinking, that is where we make choices and God(swt) controls what actually happens. I think that most of the time he allows what we want and what we are seeking to happen. I pray that he only allows what is best for us to happen.
5-One of the devil's (la) most powerful weapons is to make us think we cannot. But, as you so gracefully put it, "WE CAN." Also, you think that it felt good but if you find a way(like your screensaver for example) to keep yourself reminded of God(swt) and of how bad it felt afterwards you'd realize you're going to feel miserable if you do it. That too helps.

There are two points that i kind of disagree/disapprove of:

1- You really shouldn't be making haram what God has made halal. I don't think we should be doing things "just to proove we can." And if we need to, let them be good things. But even then, our motive should not be "proving we can" but rather drawing closer to God(swt) and abiding by his command.
2-This might seem lame, but just to note, there is no such thing as Shiism. Shia is Islam, not an inch different. We are all muslims, One GodÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, One prohet, One Book, One prayer...

May God bless you brother and may you always remain on the right path.

God speed,
wassalam.

#6 businessmindedfreak

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 11:57 PM

from how long u have given up masturbation?

#7 madzi

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 03:48 AM

S/A brothers,

from how long u have given up masturbation?


I have lost count, but it is countable in months. 9.. 10? Somewhere there maybe.

3-Making a covenant is a risky matter and i would not advise anyone to do it unless it is a bulletproof solution. You don't joke with covenants with the Almighty ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì.But, Inshallah you won't be having any trouble in that regard.


Shukran brother for sharing your views. I agree with your points. I disagree however, that this should only be used as a last resort solution. Personally, this was the only solution for me. Nothing else worked. It was the only way masturbation could become a complete non-option. As long as it remains an option, the addict will slip up. In fact, I was reluctant to answer the question about how long I had quit for for this very same reason. Because asking how long implies that I am counting... what? Counting the time until I slip up?? No such counting is necessary because it is not an option anymore. It is an impossibility. It is like counting seconds until the moon turns into cheese. It will never happen and therefore counting towards it is meaningless. And the only way I achieved this state was by making this act into a very serious issue (as opposed to being a simple detestable act) by making a covenant. In my personal experience, no amount of guilt or regret was ever enough to stop me inclining when the desires really kicked in full house.

1- You really shouldn't be making haram what God has made halal. I don't think we should be doing things "just to proove we can." And if we need to, let them be good things. But even then, our motive should not be "proving we can" but rather drawing closer to God(swt) and abiding by his command.


There is no contradiction between this and what I said. I did not make haram those things which were halal. I just chose to keep away from them for a while in order to strengthen my confidence in my own free will so that I could fight a great evil: masturbation. I also mentioned that I later resumed listening to music for this very reason. But I agree with you, its better to aim at things which are bad already such as not looking at non-mahrams etc..

May God bless you brother and may you always remain on the right path.

God speed,
wassalam.


Shukran brother. May AIIah bless you and all the other brothers, forgive you and me our sins, and keep you on the right path.

Madzi

#8 alik

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 05:58 AM

Absolutley, i am not saying that you did. I just felt that it should be pointed out. I'm kinda picky when it comes to things like that :P

God speed,
wassalam.

#9 Ali144

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 09:01 PM

Thank you brother!
Thank you so much. I am currently fighting this problem. for about 5 years, Ive been plotting a way to destroy this deadly sin. Subhannallah...While reading your post, I quickly remembered my struggle and my research. Brother Madzi, I truly want to thank you for your story and advice. Insahllah this will motivate me to completely eliminate this sin. I just need to ask for one thing...And that is, Dua. Please Brother...Allah will accept your Dua, you have struggled and attained happiness and closeness with Allah. Please stay in contact with me, I would love to have someone that could help me through this deadly sin. PM me.
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#10 madzi

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Posted 23 June 2011 - 04:30 PM

Thank you brother!
Thank you so much. I am currently fighting this problem. for about 5 years, Ive been plotting a way to destroy this deadly sin. Subhannallah...While reading your post, I quickly remembered my struggle and my research. Brother Madzi, I truly want to thank you for your story and advice. Insahllah this will motivate me to completely eliminate this sin. I just need to ask for one thing...And that is, Dua. Please Brother...Allah will accept your Dua, you have struggled and attained happiness and closeness with Allah. Please stay in contact with me, I would love to have someone that could help me through this deadly sin. PM me.


I am so glad that it helped you brother. I can vouch that the method I laid out in my post WORKS. InshaIIah it will also help you. Unfortunately, I can't PM yet since I don't have enough posts yet. But I would be more than willing to help out in any way I can.

AIIah is with you my friend inshaIIah.

Madzi

#11 Fiasco

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 09:20 PM

I'd also recommend people to take up a physical activity. Basketball, football, whatever is common in your area. And go to the gym a few times a week.

If you're home all the time, you'll inevitably have to struggle with lustful thoughts. Keep yourself occupied.
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#12 Yasoob Al Deen

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 12:03 PM

Congratulations on breaking free from this haraam habit.

As Fiasco said, keeping yourself busy means you will never have time to be tempted. Keeping yourself in company also keeps you from the possibility.

Never let your mind be a slave to anything, whether it is alcohol, food, drugs, or masturbation.

As Mill said:
"It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied"

(http://www.najaf.org...h/book/8/10.htm): There is a similar interpretation about jihad. It is said that a mujahid (one who engages in religious and spiritual struggle in the way of God) is one who combats the self and fights against his or her carnal desires.Ali, peace be upon him, says, "The bravest person is he who conquers his own desires." One day the Holy Prophet was passing through a street in Medina. He saw a number of youths who were engaged in a contents of lifting a heavy stone. The Prophet asked if they would like him to act as a judge of the contest. They eagerly agreed. Then the Prophet said, "There is no need to lift the stone to see which of you is the strongest. I can say that the strongest person is he who in his desire for a sin is able to control that desire. Such a person is truly a brave warrior."


Edited by Yasoob Al Deen, 25 June 2011 - 12:31 PM.


#13 madzi

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Posted 22 July 2011 - 07:24 AM

S/A

Very glad to hear that brother. May Allah grant you the strength and patience and give you peace. As you read, I know exactly how you feel. I will make dua for you and please, you make some for me.

The rules of Vows and Covenants according to Ayatollah Sistani:

2649. Vow means making it obligatory upon oneself to do some good act, or to refrain from doing an act which it is better not to do, for the sake of, or for the pleasure of Allah.

2650. While making a vow, a formula declaration has to be pronounced, though is not necessary that it should be in Arabic. If a person says: "When the patient recovers from his ailment, it will be obligatory upon me to pay $10 to a poor man, for the sake of Allah," his vow will be in order.

2651. It is necessary that the person making a vow is baligh and sane, and makes the vow with free will and intention. If he has been coerced to make a vow, or if he makes it owing to excitement, without any intention or choice, his vow is not in order.

2652. If a person who is feeble-minded, (i.e. one who squanders his property for useless purposes) makes a vow, for example, to give something to poor, his vow is not in order. Similarly, if a bankrupt person makes a vow to pay from the wealth over which he has no right of disposal or discretion, the vow will not be valid.

2653. If a husband disallows his wife to make a vow, her vow will not be valid, if that vow in any way violates the rights of the husband. Similarly, a wife making a vow to pay from her wealth, without her husband's permission, commits an act which is not free from Ishkal, except when the vow is for Hajj, Zakat, Sadaqa or for doing a good turn to her parents, or her blood relations.

2654. If a woman makes a vow with the permission of her husband, he cannot abrogate her vow, or restrain her from fulfiling her vow.

2655. If a child (son or daughter) makes a vow, with or without the permission of his/her father, he/she should fulfil his/her vow. However, if his/her father or mother disallows him/her to fulfil the vow, his/her vow is void, provided that the fulfilment of the vow does not have any priority.

2656. A person can make a vow only for an act which is possible for him to fulfil. If, for example, a person is not capable of travelling up to Karbala on foot, and he makes a vow that he will go there on foot, his vow will not be in order.

2657. If a person makes a vow that he will perform a haraam or makrooh act, or that he would refrain from a wajib or mustahab act, his vow is not valid.

2658. If a person makes a vow that he will perform or abandon a normal act, the performing or abandoning of which has equal merits, his vow is not in order. But if performing it is better in some respect, and a person makes a vow keeping that merit in view, for example, if he makes a vow that he will eat a certain food so as to gain strength for worshipping Allah, his vow will be in order.
Also, if its renouncing is better in some respect, and the vow to renounce it is made with that intention, for example, if he finds smoking is harmful and makes a vow not to smoke, his vow is in order. However, at any time when he feels that smoking is not harmful for him, the vow will cancel by itself.

2659. If a person makes a vow, that he will offer his obligatory prayers at a place where offering does not inherently carry higher spiritual merits, for example, he makes a vow to offer his prayers in a certain room, his vow will be valid, only if, offering prayers there has some merit, like, being able to concentrate better due to solitude.

2660. If a person makes a vow to perform an act, he should perform it in strict accordance with his vow. If he makes a vow to give Sadaqa, or to fast on the first day of every month, or to offer prayers of the first of the month, if he performs these acts before that day or after, it will not suffice. Also, if he makes a vow that he will give Sadaqa when a patient recovers, but gives away before the recovery of the patient, it will not suffice.

2661. If a person makes a vow that he will fast, without specifying the time and the number of fasts, it will be sufficient if he observes one fast. And if he makes a vow that he will offer prayers, but does not specify its number and particulars, it will be sufficient if he offers a two rak'at prayers.
And if he makes a vow that he will give Sadaqa, not specifying its nature or quantity, and he gives something which can be deemed as Sadaqa, his vow will be fulfilled. And if he simply makes a vow that he will act to please Almighty Allah, his vow will be fulfilled if he offers one prayers, or observes one fast, or gives away something by way of Sadaqa.

2662. If a person makes a vow that he will observe fast on a particular day, he should observe fast on that very day; and if he does not observe fast on that day intentionally, he should, besides observing the qadha for that fast, also give Kaffarah for it. And the Kaffarah applicable in this case is the one prescribed for violation of the Oaths, as will be mentioned later. However, travelling for him on that day is permissible, and he will not fast.
Also, it is not obligatory upon him to make a niyyat for ten days so as to be able to fast. If a person who made the vow could not fast on the particular day because of being on a journey, illness, or in the case of a woman, being in the state of Haidh, or for any good excuse, then he will give only qadha of that fast, and there will be no Kaffarah.

2663. If a person, of his own choice and volition, violates his vow, he should give Kaffarah for it.

2664. If a person makes a vow to renounce an act for some specified time, he will be free to perform that act after that time has passed. But if he performs it before that time, due to forgetfulness, or helplessness, there is no liability on him. Even then, it will be necessary for him to refrain from that act for the remaining time, and if he repeats that act before it without any excuse, he must give Kaffarah for it.

2665. If a person makes a vow to renounce an act, without setting any time limit, and then performs that act because of forgetfulness, helplessness or carelessness, it is not obligatory for him to give a Kaffarah, but, after the first instance, if he repeats the act again at any time, voluntarily, he must give Kaffarah for it.

2666. If a person makes a vow that he/she will observe fast every week on a particular day, for example, on Friday, and if Eid ul Fitr or Eid ul Azha falls on one of the Fridays or an excuse like journey (or menses in the case of women) springs up for him/her, he/she should not observe fast on that day, but give its qadha.

2667. If a person makes a vow that he will give a specific amount as Sadaqa, and dies before having given it away, it is not necessary that that amount be deducted from his estate. It is better that the baligh heirs of the deceased give that amount as Sadaqa on his behalf, out of their own shares.

2668. If a person makes a vow that he will give Sadaqa to a particular poor, he cannot give it to another poor, and if that poor person dies, he should on the basis of recommended precaution, give the Sadaqa to his heirs.

2669. If a person makes a vow that he will perform the Ziyarat of a particular holy Imam, for example of Abu Abdillah Imam Husayn (A.S.) his going for the Ziyarat of another Imam will not be sufficient, and if he cannot perform the Ziyarat of that particular Imam because of any good excuse, nothing is obligatory on him.

2670. If a person has made a vow that he will go for Ziyarat, but has not included in his vow that he will do Ghusl or pray after the Ziyarat, it is not necessary for him to perform those acts.

2671. If a person makes a vow that he would spend some amount of money on the shrine of one of the Imams, or the descendants of the Imams, without having any particular project in mind, he should spend it on the repairs, lighting, carpeting etc. of the shrine.

2672. If a person makes a vow to use something in the name of Holy Imam himself, and has an intention to put it to a specific use, he should spend it for that very purpose.
And if he has not made an intention to put it to any specific use, it is better that he should use it for a purpose which has some relationship with that Imam, for example, he should spend it on poor Zawwar of that Imam, or on the shrine of the Imam, like its repairs etc. or for such purposes which would glorify the memory of that Imam. The same rule applies in the case of the descendants of the Imams.

2673. If someone makes a vow that he would give a sheep as Sadaqa, or in the name of a Holy Imam, and if it gives milk, or gives birth to a young one, before it is put to use in accordance with the vow, the milk or the lamb will be the property of the person who made the vow, unless he had included them in his vow. And the growth of fat on the animal will be considered part of the vow.

2674. If a person makes a vow for an act, if a patient recovers or a traveller returns home, and if it transpires later that the patient had already recovered or the traveller had already returned before he had made the vow, it will not be necessary for him to fulfil his vow.

2675. If a father or a mother makes a vow that he/she will marry their daughter to a Sayyid, the option rests with the girl when she attains the age of puberty, and the vow made by the parents has no significance.

2676. When a person makes a covenant with Allah, that if his particular lawful need is fulfilled, he will perform a good act, it is necessary for him to fulfil the covenant. Similarly, if he makes a covenant without having any wish, that he will perform a good act, the performing of that act becomes obligatory upon him.

2677. As in the case of vow, a formal declaration should be pronounced in the case of covenant ('Ahd) as well. And it is commonly held that the covenant that one makes should be related to either acts of worship, like, obligatory or Mustahab prayers, or to acts whose performance is better than its renunciation. But this is not so. In fact, all covenants which fall within the category specified in rule no. 2680 related to oaths, are valid and ought to be fulfilled.

2678. If a person does not act according to the covenant made by him, he should give a Kaffarah for it, i.e. he should either feed sixty poor persons, or fast consecutively for two months, or set free a slave.

2679. If a person takes an oath that he will perform an act (e.g. that he will fast) or will refrain from doing an act (e.g. that he will not smoke), but does not intentionally act according to his oath, he should give Kaffarah for it, which means he should set a slave free, or should fully feed ten indigent persons, or should provide them with clothes. And if he is not able to perform these acts, he should fast for three consecutive days.

2680. The conditions for validity of an oath are:

1. A person who takes an oath should be Baligh and sane, and should do so with free will and clear intention. Hence, an oath by a minor, an insane person, an intoxicated person, or by a person who has been coerced to take an oath, will not be in order. Similarly, if he takes an oath involuntarily, or unintentionally, in a state of excitement, the oath will be void.
2. An oath taken for the performance of an act which is haraam or makrooh, is not valid. Similarly, an oath for renouncing an act which is obligatory or Mustahab is also void. And if he takes an oath to perform a normal or usual act, it will be valid, if that act has any preference in the estimation of sensible people.
Similarly, if he takes an oath for renouncing a usually permissible act, it will be valid if it is deemed more preferable than its performance, by the sensible people. In fact, in each case, his own judgement about the preferences will be enough to grant validity to the oath, even if other sensible people may not concur.
3. The oath must be sworn by one of those names of the Almighty Allah which are exclusively used for Him, (e.g. 'Allah'). And even if he swears by a name which is used for other beings also, but is used so extensively for Him, that when any person utters that name one is reminded of Him Alone, for example, if he swears by the name Khaliq (the Creator) and Raziq (the Bestower), the oath will be in order.
In fact, if he uses other names or attributes of Allah, which do not remind of Him, but give that connotation when used during an oath, like Samee' (All Hearing) or Baseer (All Seeing), even then the oath will be valid.
4. The oath should be uttered in words, but a dumb person can take an oath by making a sign. Similarly, if a person is unable to utter the words, he may write down the oath, repeating in his mind the intention for it, that will be a valid oath, though as a precaution, he may confirm the oath in other ways as well.
5. It should be possible for him to act upon his oath. And if he was able to act upon the oath when he took it, but became incapable of acting upon it later, the oath becomes nullified from the time he became incapable of acting upon it, provided that he did not incapacitate himself purposely. And the same rule applies if acting upon one's vow, oath, or covenant, involves unbearable hardship.

2681. If the father forbids his son to take an oath, or the husband forbids his wife to take an oath, their oath is not valid.

2682. If a son takes an oath without the permission of his father, or a wife takes an oath without the permission of her husband, the father or the husband can nullify the oath.

2683. If a person does not act upon his oath because of forgetfulness, helplessness or heedlessness, he is not liable for Kaffarah. And the same rule applies, if he is forced not to act upon his oath. And if an obsessed person takes an oath like, if he says: "By Allah, I am going to offer prayers now at once," and then does not offer prayers owing to the whims haunting him, which renders him incapable of acting according to the oath it is not necessary for him to give Kaffarah.

2684. If a person swears to confirm that he is telling the truth, and if that is actually the truth, his taking of the oath is Makrooh; and if it is a lie, his taking of the oath is haraam. In fact, to make a false oath in the cases of dispute is a major sin. However, if a person takes a false oath in order to save himself, or another Muslim from the torture of an oppressor, there is no objection in it, in fact, at times it becomes obligatory.
However, if a person can resort to 'Tauriyat' (dissimulation), that is, if at the time of taking an oath, he makes a vague, feigned utterance with no intention of resorting to falsehood, then it is better for him to do so. For example, if an oppressor or a tyrant who wants to harm someone asks him whether he has seen that person, and he had seen him an hour earlier, he would say that he has not seen him, meaning in his mind that he has not seen him during the last few minutes.


Edited by madzi, 22 July 2011 - 07:32 AM.


#14 Guest_adilrizvi_*

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Posted 28 July 2011 - 11:27 AM

... interesting.. can someone cite where the quran says that Satan threatens us with poverty to lead us astray?

#15 madzi

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Posted 13 September 2011 - 08:01 AM

Threatening with poverty:

Al-Baqarah [2:268]:


الشَّيْطَانُ يَعِدُكُمُ الْفَقْرَ وَيَأْمُرُكُمْ بِالْفَحْشَاءِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَعِدُكُمْ مَغْفِرَةً مِنْهُ وَفَضْلًا ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيم

The devil threatens you with poverty and enjoins on you lewdness. But Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. Allah is All-Embracing, All-knowing.


Making ugly acts seem beautiful or serious acts seem light:

Al-Nahl [16:63]:

تَاللَّهِ لَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا إِلَىٰ أُمَمٍ مِنْ قَبْلِكَ فَزَيَّنَ لَهُمُ الشَّيْطَانُ أَعْمَالَهُمْ فَهُوَ وَلِيُّهُمُ الْيَوْمَ وَلَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ {

By Allah, We verily sent messengers unto the nations before thee, but the devil made their deeds fairseeming unto them. So he is their patron this day, and theirs will be a painful doom.

Giving false hopes:

An-Nisa [4:119-120]


وَلَأُضِلَّنَّهُمْ وَلَأُمَنِّيَنَّهُمْ وَلَآمُرَنَّهُمْ فَلَيُبَتِّكُنَّ آذَانَ الْأَنْعَامِ وَلَآمُرَنَّهُمْ فَلَيُغَيِّرُنَّ خَلْقَ اللَّهِ ۚ وَمَنْ يَتَّخِذِ الشَّيْطَانَ وَلِيًّا مِنْ دُونِ اللَّهِ فَقَدْ خَسِرَ خُسْرَانًا مُبِينًا 119}{يَعِدُهُمْ وَيُمَنِّيهِمْ ۖ وَمَا يَعِدُهُمُ الشَّيْطَانُ إِلَّا غُرُورًا {120}
119. And surely I will lead them astray, and surely I will arouse desires in them, and surely I will command them and they will cut the cattle' ears, and surely I will command them and they will change Allah's creation. Whoso chooseth Satan for a patron instead of Allah is verily a loser and his loss is manifest. 120. He promises them and compels them to entertain farfetched (false) hopes, and Satan promiseth them only to beguile.

#16 repenter

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Posted 23 September 2011 - 06:23 AM

Christians and Jews have AAT(Alcohol Addiction Treatment) courses and center.

Muslims need MAT(Masturbation Addiction Treatment)
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#17 OneOfTheSyyeds

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Posted 23 September 2011 - 05:00 PM

Its not just Muslims, To christians and jews they all masterbait reguraly, alhamdullah i quit this sin. Why do we masterbait? because we are so eager to have sex with girls because especially in the west skin tight jeans, bra straps skin showing all sparks an erection etc, Astaghfirallah. Now do you see why hijab is beautiful on the sisters? ;) with hijjab only your husband gets you, Islam has so much loyality when it comes to husbands, and wives.

Stay strong! Allah knows where you are, what your looking at, and what your planning and how your feeling tempted, stay strong that which Allah forbids, always has a reason example Pigs, gave swine flu? and we muslims do not eat pork and dont even get near them, Allah most high always tells the truth
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#18 madzi

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Posted 19 February 2012 - 05:10 PM

Brother AbdAlThaleel

Howzit goin? I'm really glad all this helped (if it did). Sorry for the veeeeeeery late reply. Been away

#19 Waiting for HIM

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Posted 20 February 2012 - 12:17 AM

OP's is one of the best post I've read on SC.

Allah bless you, I have used your "making covenant to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì " method on a lot of other things, either for stopping one from an undesirable thing, or encouraging one to do something better consistently.

Works like a charm every time.
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#20 Ineedhelpplease

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Posted 06 March 2012 - 02:51 PM

Salaam Alaykum,

I also have a masturbating problem, it started a while ago. I was peer-pressured almost into watching porn. I shouldn't of done it, it was just that my friends or people i hanged out with at the time constantly spoke about it and whenever i said i didn't watch it, they told me to do so. So eventually, I did. And from there It just went downhill, Watching these things, increased my curiosity and probably desires. I then moved on to masturbation. It didn't feel good, the first couple times i tried it. (this wasn't my first time, but before this i had only masturbated once or twice a dew years ago).

Then I believe, that is where Shaytan came in, he tempted me to keep trying, keep trying to look for that initial pleasure that i once got. So i continued and it became a habit, specially after i began to get pleasure from it, But each time i would feel guilty and so I would repent. But then I came to a point where I had repented so many times and had offered Ghusl so many times only to break it that I was and still am tired. Of sinning and then repenting and then sinning again.

I also like you too, also began to research into it, only mine wasn't so thorough like yours, it was more from what i had been taught by elders and what I noticed my self. These thoughts included, where i Would masturbate, I wouldn't masturbate when I was around people, nor when i was pre-occupied with revising for exams.

So I then started to seek help, and for a while it worked. But then, I did it again. I then came across the covenant you could make, and so without really understanding it. i thought it was easy and made one. The only thing was I broke it... And now looking back I know it seems like the most terrible thing I could do. I now think why couldn't I have made a covenant to just stay away for a week or two weeks, just to test myself. But instead I made it for either the whole year or for life. After that I made my second mistake. I made another Covenant and no doubt eventually broke that too. This cycled continued only after i began to realise the severity in what i was doing. I was making Promises to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì and then breaking them. I am not sure how many times i did this, maybe 4,5, even possibly 6!

So I stopped making covenants. I also came to the point where I stopped feeling guilty. This was much after experiencing guilt and darkness,numbness and depression. After this I realised my heart had become Numb, I had stopped caring if it was sinful; I had forgotten. After realising I again tried to stop. After a series of different happenings, to this date as I am typing this am still struggling with this problem.

BUT I want to stop, there is still a part in me, that is truly bewildered in awe to Beauty of Islam, the Greatness of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì the personalities of the righteous infallibles. Who CHOSE not to commit sins. I wish to be like them. As when I was younger I really tried to be religious and it was an amazing feeling, But that was a long time ago. So I am really posting this, for some advice, How can I stop masturbating, how can i change my life and regain my spirituality.

Please someone help me.

#21 netwiz87

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Posted 26 June 2012 - 12:53 AM

BismiIIahi Rahmanir Rahim

S/a one and all,

I want to talk about a topic that plagues the Shia (and indeed all of humanity) and for which not a single piece of truly practical advice has ever been offered. I want to describe my own journey and realizations, and eventually, the end-point at which, alhamduIiIIah, I truly conquered the problem of masturbation so that hopefully others may benefit from my experience and find a way through it as well.

First and foremost, let me say that this post will NOT provide a magic pill that one can swallow. I suggest that the dear readers take the information as it comes. Also note that these are all my personal opinions. They work(ed) for me. Also, this is only me sharing my own experience. I don't instruct anyone to do anything. This is not advice, it is my own story. That is all. Do with it what you see fit. Lastly, this worked for me because I wanted to stop but couldn't find a practical way to stop and couldn't figure out why I couldn't seem to stop on my own. The most important thing is to want to stop and then apply a practical method. Therefore, if I had not wanted to stop, this would be useless.

Background: I had this problem for many years. The worst part of the problem was always the guilt and the loneliness aspect of the problem. I searched everywhere for a practical solution to stopping but all I found was rulings and commandments. Through it all, I constantly questioned the thing called "Choice" and why it was that, given a choice to do it or not do it, I would choose to do it. Why could I not just NOT do it?? What led to one inclining? I always wished that I could find a way of killing that choice, making it a defined thing so that I could only ever take the non-inclining option.

I thought about many things over the years. I began to investigate into the thing called "Addiction". I wanted to know what it was. Why it was. How it was. I came to many realizations about this phenomena. Let's look at the features of addictions:

1. There is a certain something that a person becomes addicted to (which I will refer to as the "thing") and this thing has an excitement factor to it. An common example of this thing may be cigarettes or drugs or other things.

2. When the person has that thing, the person enters a high state (of varied strength, depending on what it is).

3. When the person does not have that thing, they begin to experience withdrawal symptoms such as restlessness, sweating, body aches, inability to think etc, of varied strength depending on what it is.

4. The very first time, the thing provides a very good high but as the person continues its use, the high continues to decrease in strength and effectiveness until it stops giving any form of pleasure but only appeasement from withdrawal symptoms. As time goes by, an extreme feeling of emptiness begins to develop until it is so empty that it is depressing.

5. Discontinuing its use for long while and then resuming its use provides a very first high again and the cycle continues.

6. I also realized that the reason one would incline towards an addiction was the hope of achieving the feeling of the very first high. Picturing that feeling was a very strong attractive force.

Now looking at these things, I realized that it is not only drug-use that has these features. In actual fact, EVERY form of excitement has these features to a varied degree, for example, bungee jumping, video games, sight-seeing, going to the movies, shopping, eating, socializing, working at a job that one likes and, of course, our old enemy, masturbation.

I realized that I was experiencing ALL the same symptoms as listed above with masturbation. The very first time provided a high. This progressed into less and less of a high until it was completely empty and lonely and depressing and it was only providing an escape from the horrible feeling of the need. All the other features too. Also, it was the thought of imagining the (pleasurable) feelings that would draw me towards it.

Okay so then I came to an even bigger realization. I realized that addicts were addicts because they had a certain something that kept it going: a reason. A reason to continue doing whatever it was they were doing even though in many cases that thing was even fatally dangerous such as with some drugs. They wanted to continue doing it. That reason was always initially the pleasurable feeling of the high that they hoped to get and later on, the appeasement of the pain they were having in withdrawal symptoms. I also realized that the reason they kept going was because the reason FOR doing it was much greater than the reason(s) AGAINST doing it. So for example, in the mind of the addict, the pleasure of smoking is more valuable than the damage it does to the lungs. The pleasure is more important to the addict than the damage. Such is also the case with masturbation. The pleasure, in the mind of the addict, is more important than a seemingly passing anger of AIIah. I am NOT talking about right or wrong here, I'm talking about what goes through the mind of the sustaining addict.

So at this point I was convinced that, given a strong enough reason, one that out-weighs the pleasure and appeasement of the addiction, an addict would quit. The addict would want to quit and would stop wanting to go on. And without a reason to quit, no matter how many years the addict was put in rehab or locked away or restrained, the MOMENT they were set free they would do it again. No reason, no quit.

I noticed that addicts seemed to be waiting for something drastic and dramatic to happen such as getting a heart-attack, a family member dying as a result of their addiction, or something like this, in order to get a reason important enough to quit. For many extreme addicts even these reasons would not be enough. Point is: they are waiting for a really strong reason of some kind to come along to be reason enough for them to quit. While smokers and drug-abusers can rely on some drastic health issue to come up (God-forbid), masturbaters can't. No such reason will come about.

Having realized this, I remembered many-a-time absolutely wishing that Imam Zamaan (atfs) would come to me in a dream and expressly command me not to do it. This would be my reason. This was the dramatic and drastic event I was waiting for. It didn't happen. I continued.

Okay, so the most important thing required to quit an addiction of any sort is a strong enough reason to quit, one that outweighs the importance and value of the pleasure and appeasement of continuing the addiction.

Then I began thinking about exactly what took place whenever I slipped up. See, many times I tried to put up a fight against my soul and the devil (la) but would find myself slipping up at some point. A few times I observed very closely what was being said and what was happening. Here's what would happen:

1. I would reach the lowest of low points at which continuing the addiction was only providing an empty depressing lonely appeasement from withdrawal symptoms. I would feel so far away from AIIah, and self-hatred was consuming me. This would suddenly become a strong reason to quit. So I'd decide to quit.

2. So I had decided to quit and I was going without my fix and my desires would begin to stir up violently to coerce me to do it.

3. Then, listen VERY carefully, shaitan (la) would come and say two things in order. The first was: "WHY are you doing this?? What is the reason? Why SHOULD you have to suffer like this?" Basically he tries to break the reason that I had used to quit. He tries to show that the reason is irrational by saying things like "Look here, its fun! It feels good! What other way do you have? God is merciful, he understands, you're young and you have desires, just forget about this. Think about how good it feels" Now depending on the reason that one has selected, shaitain (la) will tailor-make his speech to break it down. Many times I would give in at this point. But once in a while the reason was strong enough that I would say "NO! NO! I'm not going to do this. I'm not going back to that lonely depressing God-removed state."

4. If I had gotten past his testing of my reason then he'd say something even more deadly, he'd say "Okay. Fine. HOW LONG are you going to put up with this pain??" He would then convince me that putting up with this pain would eventually kill me, drain me, hurt me beyond repair, finish me off. And many many times, from the fear of suffering I gave in at this point.

So let's recap: he comes and asks two very very specific questions:

1. Why (are you putting up a fight)?
2. How long (can you keep doing this)?

In fact, according to the Qur'an there are three methods (if I remember correctly) that shaitan (la) uses to coerce us to incline towards sinful acts:

1. Giving false hopes.
2. Threatening with poverty.
3. Beautifying an ugly act or making a serious act seem light.

I realized that those two questions were an exact embodiment of these three techniques. He would start by reminding one of the "beautiful" feelings one would get when inclining towards the act - beautifying the evil act. He would promise that it would lead to such happiness and bliss when doing it even though it would only lead to depression and loneliness - false hopes. And then, if one persevered against his challenging the reason, he would threaten an person about how sad and lonely and destroyed he would become if he were to put up with all that pain - threatening with emotional poverty.

But guess what? A few times I did something very very amazing: even though it seemed like I was confirmed to doom by putting up with the pain after his second question, I decided "NO! I'm not going back!" Now it was interesting that the suffering seemed to increase a little bit after that for a few hours but two amazing things happened:

1. The pain SUDDENLY subsided and I felt peace after a period (in my case quite short). It went away. What he had told me was a complete lie. Not only did I not die, I reached peace.

2. I came to a huge realization that I was far far more powerful than I thought I was (in my power of choice) and that if I, in an instant, made a righteous decision (for the sake of the pleasure of AIIah) and PERsEVERED, I would reach peace and NOT death as shaitan was showing me.

Then I came across a verse in the Qur'an al-Karim saying: [46:13] "Those who say our Lord is AIIah and then they PERSEVERE, then no fear shall be on them and never shall they grieve" and this was an absolute confirmation of what I had experienced. If one makes a decision for the sake his Rabb, then his Rabb protects him from the seeming death and unhappiness that will come upon him as long as he PERSEVERES until peace comes. It is a strangeness, one of those absolute perceptional contradictions in life where it looks like you are stepping into flames of death but having done that it turns to "coolness and safety for Ibrahim" and in fact gives us true peace.

So to recap from this: the TWO things that are required to truly quit any addiction are:

1. A truly strong enough reason to quit. This reason would make one want to quit and remain away.
2. Perseverance with the pain for the period until one reaches the state of peace promised in the Qur'an.

At this point I began to think about the fast of the month of Ramadhan. It all made absolute sense to me. For ONE WHOLE MONTH, we muslims would keep away from the most basic things that keep us alive. There never are any chains to bind us from walking over to the fridge and eating, no one watching, and in all truth, if we did walk over to the fridge and eat something, nothing noticeable would really happen. No thunder bolt would seize us dead. AND YET... we never eat. We never drink. And why? Because we choose it that way. We make a decision and its done. And it suddenly made sense to me: once a year, by force, AIIah forces us to realize that we CAN choose to do something (or NOT do somewthing), anything at all, if we choose to do so. He forces us to see that our power of choice is much more powerful and in control than we think, than we realize. Shaitain (la) constantly bombards us with thoughts of "I CAN'T". I Can't not masturbate, I can't not listen to music, I can't not look at non-mahram's, I can't, I can't, I can't... "It's too tempting. I can't not give in. I can't seem to take control". Once a year, we are forced to realize that this is a blatant lie. We can.

So I set out trying to prove to myself a bunch of "I cans". I stopped listening to the halaal music (according to my marja') that I listened to just to prove to myself I can. And like any addiction, I felt HUGE withdrawal symptoms for two weeks including sweating and body aches and pains. But I can. And I did. And eventually I reached a state of mental peace in which music was not buzzing in my head anymore. But then, since it was halaal and I had proved to myself that I can and the qur'an instructs us not to make that which is halaal haraam for ourselves, I resumed it. I began sitting up completely straight in tashahud after a life time of slumping. It might seem small to some, it was a big deal for me. To this day I sit up straight and after only a few days of struggle, it became natural and easy, as is promised in the qur'an. I did many other thing just to prove that I can.

I'm not saying I can DO whatever I put my mind to, I'm saying I can CHOOSE to do whatever I put my mind to. AIIah decides what actually happens.

Ok, so I've said all this, but hold on a second: my journey was not done with. Having realized all this, I was still faced with a major problem: I still did not have a truly major reason to be able to stop masturbating once and for all. Yes, the loneliness and perceived separation from the creator was a good enough reason for a while, but then when the desires really kicked in full house, it seemed to go back to "Look here, its fun! It feels good! What other way do you have? God is merciful, he understands, you're young and you have desires, just forget about this. Think about how good it feels" and there it would go.

I couldn't understand it. One the one hand, for one month in Ramadhan, I would so fear AIIah that eating or drinking was not even a temptation. It was not an option. One the other hand, it didn't seem to be a strong enough reason when it came to masturbation! Why not??! I couldn't understand!

I began thinking deeply about exactly what it was about eating and drinking in ramadhan that made it so unfavourable as to make it not even an option. I realized that the main thing that scared the living daylights out of me was the fear of having to pay back SIXTY fasts for every one fast I broke and being accountable for all those fasts on the day of judgement! I perceived this as a serious sin whereas, in my mind, masturbation on its own was perceived as minor sin, hence the lack of fear. Paying back SIXTY fasts was so undoable and so out of proportion that it was terrifying. I realized that I saw breaking my fast as a sure way into jahannam and so it was not even an option. It was a strong enough reason to break the addiction to food far greater than the pleasure or appeasement of eating on those days.

At this point, I so wished that there would be some way that masturbating could carry similar grave consquences. I had read hadith that Imam Ali (a.s) had punished a man for doing it by beating his hands till it went red. This was not nearly threatening enough and so had been the years of continued inclincation towards the addiction.

I was reading the resaIIa one night and came across the section on Oaths and saw that if one makes an oath and breaks it, they would have to pay back 3 consecutive fasts. This was quite good. I was onto something. I would go ahead and make an oath that I would never masturbate again. But then I came across the section on Covenants and saw that this was far far more serious. Making a convenant with AIIah is a truly serious affair and breaking it would be attoned with SIXTY consecutive fasts. I would make a convenant with AIIah that I would never masturbate, never stimulate, never nothing like that ever again for the rest of my life. I decided there and then to say "MY lord is AIIah" as the qur'an said and wait for the promise of "not having fear on me and never grieving" and making the convenant and taking the leap of faith.

Let me say, this was quite a scary thing to do. Questions arise in one's mind at that moment, the source of which is mostly the desires and shaitan (la) and which are always in the form of the two questions I mentioned before, that is, 1. "Why (would you ever want to do such a crazy thing)?" and 2. "How long (do you think you'll survive without this)?" It is scary. The actual questions may sound something like this: "Are you CRAZY?? Do you know what you're about to do??! Think of the pleasure you get from it! Think of those lovely feelings you get! Why would you want to put that aside? Doing this is your only source of excitement! It's not as big a sin as you think as you think! You're putting an unreasonable constraint on yourself! Don't do this! You CAN'T" and then "How long will you survive?? How will you go without it?? You're not married, you have no way to do mut'a, how do you think you'll feel just 2 weeks down the line? Look at how you're feeling NOW!!"

My dear siblings in Islam and Shiaism, I can tell you firmly here and now from personal experience that I never regreted making that convenant. Yes, I found it really tough for the first week or two and also occasionally when the shaitan (la)-infested media force feeds something sexually exciting as well. But every time I implored AIIah and the ahlul-bait for help and they did help. But within those one or two weeks, the feelings begin to subside until... I now feel just like I do in ramadhan, masturbation's not an option. It's not a choice. It's just a feeling that comes and then subsides after I leave it for a while. And in a few days, the soul realizes that it's not an option anymore. It stops asking for it. The feeling for me now, is just like standing in the really hot sun. It feels uncomfortable and I must bear with it until I find some shade and it subsides and goes away then.

After the convenant, I have made a final realization which is huge. The reason the desire for masturbating was so strong all the time was because it was an option. It was something that I could choose to do or choose not to do. After the convenant, after it has ceased to be something that is an option, the desire to do it has almost completely subsided. As I said, it feels like standing in the hot sun. It's just uncomfortable and then subsides when I put my mind to something else like watching something. It did NOT kill me as shaitain (la) would have liked me to believe.

I have quit for good by the grace of AIIah.

I hope this helps and share your knowledge and experiences as well please. And if this helps, please make a dua for me and for my forgiveness.

Madzi



Brother are you sure about this 60 days fast thing???? I think i will have to fast for 60 days if thisis backed by some marja's opininion

#22 Darth Vader

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Posted 26 June 2012 - 04:33 AM

This thread should be pinned. For the same reason the other masturbation thread is pinned.

#23 salman1

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Posted 27 June 2012 - 10:52 PM

As-salam-alaykum,

Some very great points made especially by the author of the thread. I would highly encourage to all you brothers to consider getting married to someone from the East. The reason I say East is because the families in the West have standards that are sometimes too hard too attain-meanwhile the problem of mastubation can't wait till you have that well earning job or that degree. Families from the East, generally tend to look for a reasonable pious guy-which i am sure you all are or strive to be. Don't be misled by any of the typical excuses such as your mentally warperd to be married ie you have the mind of a pervert. That's not true, you just have been indoctinated in a society that socially promotes and accepts masturbation and pornography. Do not assume the western inferiority complex- she won't understand how life in the West is and she will be too cultural. Wrong. We live in a global village now. For the believers, taqwa can make up for all lot of short comings. Inshallah I pray that every single one of you inshallah gets married soon.
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#24 madzi

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Posted 04 July 2012 - 02:53 PM

@netwiz87: According to Ayat. Sistani, yes. I posted all of his rulings on convenants in one of the posts way above. Read the rulings carefully because you'll see that for a convenant to really apply, you have to utter it in a specific way, otherwise it doesn't apply (and I hope this is true for you brother).

I hope, pray, but also feel that this has helped a lot of brothers out of a truly terrible situation. Alhamdullila for that.

Allah bless us all.

Madzi
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#25 Mr_Flower_92

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Posted 20 August 2012 - 10:37 AM

Salam mualaikum wa'rahmatullahi wa'barakatu
I'm going to make a covenant soon. I pray that Allah will have Mercy upon all of us that have suffered from such experiences and I pray to Allah that he will ever more guide us to the right path and strengthen us in our faith, INSHALLAH! Thank you brother Madzi for sharing your experience and for the wonderful advices. Thanks to all the brothers for the advices.
Salam mualaikum



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