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At What Age Should A Girl Get Married? 9, 15 Or 25?


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#1 abd66

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 08:07 AM

(salam)

The Prophet said that a girl is like a fruit. When the fruit is ripe it should be plucked before it rots.

My advise to fathers is to get your daughter's married as soon as possible.

Have you noticed that our grandparents usually got married so young?

How many of those marriages ended up in divorce? Very few right?

Why?

As a girl gets older and older she is going to become more and more masculine. Every human has a feminine side and a masculine side be it a man or a woman.

A man should be more maculine then feminine, in general, and a woman should be more feminine than masculine.

If you wait until your daughter finished college before getting married you are exposing her to a lot of evils in society.

The Prophet said it is the responsibility of the father to get his daughter married as soon as possible to protect her from corruption.

What are some of those corruptions in society? I would like to hear what you have to say and the stories you know about. Please give me your feedback.

The problem is that if a girl gets married too young these days, if she gets a divorce she can not be adequately independent because she can not get a good job without a college education.

however if you wait until she finishes college, she will have been exposed to societies evils and have become masculinized.

A woman who is too masculine can not get along with a masculine husband.

On the contrary if you wait too long for her to get married the marriage is more likely to end in divorce and also she may have a hard time finding a spouse in the first place because men usually like younger women.

There are so many cases of women who now are past the age of 30 and they can't find a suitable spouse except a divorced man. This is a padora's box. Why did the man get divorced in the first place? Isn't this a sign that he will more likely divorce your daughter too?
Do you know any cases where this has actually happened? Yes or No? I guarantee that she will most likely get divorced.

If a woman is past the age of 29 and she didn't get married yet she is too independent to take a Vazier role in a marriage and relinquish

Kingship to her husband. She will want to be the King and Leader and the man will not want to be a the Vazier. This is a recipe for disaster and

you oh my dear loving father are at fault for this ugly mess. Don't you understand? Please ask me if you have any questions. I am here to

advise you as a good friend. We need to build a healthy believing ummah. The western way is the wrong way. Don't follow Kafirs. They will

take you to hell with them. Just saying you believe in words is not enough. You must follow the Sunnah of the Prophet and prove your faith in actions and not just in words and tears.

So what is the solution?

The solutions is to get your daughters married at age 15 at least but stipulate in the marriage contract

that the couple have no vaginal intercourse until the boy finishes college and gets a job.


Make sure that your daughter marries a boy who is dedicated to following the 12 Imams (as). Faith is more important than money.

It is better that your daughter marry a janitor and have a happy marriage then a doctor and have an unhappy marriage or divorce.

You will also be helping out a young believing brother because our muslim boys also have needs. Many of them are masterbating which is haraam and/or they are having girlfriends at school with or without mut'ah. This is dangerous. If a muslim boy gets a non-muslim girl pregnant you will have lost a potential candidate spouse for 1 believing sister.

This is one of the reasons why we have a surplus of women in our communities. it is because our men are marrying christian women which is

allowed for him, true but undesirable usually. however our women can not marry non-muslim men and most of our women are unfortunately

against polygyny. What happens as a result? Chaos upon chaos. Our daughters are having boyfriends at school without our knowledge. Whose

fault is it my friends. It is you, the parents fault.

Don't blame society. It is you who failed to protect your daughters from the evils of society. If you can't live in the West as proper followrs of

the Sunnah of our Prophet and Imams then please go back to your native lands. You are destroying the future of your children and offspring.

You will have to answer to Allah and the Imam of the time for your unjustified ignorance and stupidity.

Crying for Imam Husayn (as) is not enough. You must follow Imam Husayn (as) in deed and not just in words and tears.


When girls hit puberty you should be afraid. Girls in schools are having boyfriends even before they hit puberty. Many of them end up with

unexpected teen pregnancies. Do you know of any muslim girls in wester societies with boyfriends? Don't speak in the first person please.

Speak in the third person. We need to share our knowledge and experiences on this forum so we can learn from eachother.

Keep this thread alive so more people can benefit from it. Forward it to your family and friends. You will have done a good deed.

I promise you that if you take my advise your daughter's will have better marriages which will last with so much love and you will have protected

half of your daughter's faith and raised her rank by 3500% because a married person's 2 raka'aat are equal to an umarried person's 70 raka'aat.

You will have done your duty and the Prophet instructed. You will have protected your daughter from the many social evils prevalent in western

societies. You will have preserved the femininity of your daughter which is essential in a marriage.

Learn from your grandparents.

Follow the Sunnah.

At what age did Fatimah al Zahra get married (as)? As what age did Zaynab (as) get married.

Do you really think that Prophet Muhammad Õáì Çááå Úáíå æÂáå and Imam 'Ali (as) made a mistake? Did they practice what they didn't preach?

Why don't you follow your role models if you are true believers?

If you think you have a better solution than what I have proposed bring your arguments and validate it with evidence.

abdullah

Edited by abd66, 08 February 2008 - 08:08 AM.

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#2 SyedMohsin

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 08:19 AM

Salam

Good Post

#3 Shay

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 09:32 AM

I'd agree only on the condition that the girl is mature enough. I think the society we live in now sorta encourages people to think immaturely. So if you're got your average 15 year old girl, i wouldnt recommend her to get married (side note, from what i've seen its the ones that marry young these days that end up divorced).

So I think the whole 'our grandparents got married young and rarely got divorced' argument is more a result of their maturity rather than their age.
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#4 mansab.jafri

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 09:44 AM

I disagree. The couple should be able to have sex as soon as they are married.

- Mansab
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#5 zaighamhussein

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Posted 08 February 2008 - 10:45 AM

yea the couple should have sex as soon they are married for the desires.

But its a good topic for parents who have daughters.

#6 Zeynab-europe

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 07:38 AM

A girl growing up becomes masculine???? Where on earth do you get that from????

Please define masculinity and give some source.

You raise the issue of girls needing education in order to manage in case of divorce or calamity, but you don't elaborate on this further. You just speak of "the boy finishing college and getting a job". Please give your views on married girls pursuing university education and a career.

#7 Haji 2003

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 07:50 AM

A girl growing up becomes masculine???? Where on earth do you get that from????


I think you have missed The Theory of Masculine/Feminine Balance in Marriage © abd66

This states (see his previous posts) that 50/50 male/female power in a marriage leads to chaos, it should be 51/49, and if you have 49/51 that's when the woman of the house 'wears the trousers' to coin an English phrase.

In conjunction with the latest propositions from the theory which suggest that women's femininity falls as they age, it would suggest as he does that younger is better.

One obvious problem with the theory is that as couples age they should be divorcing more and more, as women become more masculine.

Perhaps marriage stops the degeneration process?

#8 Zeynab-europe

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 08:16 AM

:D Thanks! This paraphrasis still lacks a definition of masculinity/femininty though. I'm curious about the OP's elaboration.

#9 Sarah23

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 10:42 AM

assalam alikum, it a interessting post but im a women myshelf and i just cant see myshelf been married at 15! I wasnt mature enoufe to handle a hubsand and a house, and school. Generally peoples are more ready of the responsability aurond 18-20 years old. If the girl or boy is not ready to handly the responsability of marriage the marraige wont be good, i seen many end up in divorce also or are miserable...like the mens cheat on his wife with other womens etc. And about the grand parents argument, they didnt end up in divorce since they couldnt anyways! Well here where i live,,,and they were more mature and they finish they schooling, the mens had allready a good job.

Actually the parents just have to listen to their childrens (daugther and sons) when they are ready to be marry, they will tell them and accept it! Start searching for a religious hubsand/wife. I seen many of sisters who told their fathers that they are ready to get married and they refused! I hear the same thing about the boys. The parents said "Ur not finish ur schooling yet" or "not before 25 years old" or "u dont have a good job yet"(that is mostly for boys). When the kid said he ready for marriage the parents should accept it and help him search for a good religious wife and the same thing for the girls or they will find a boyfriend/girlfriend and do it behind their parents back.

wa alikum assalam

P.S also i dont believe that women loose their feminity as they get older! I will allway be a women at age 15 or at age 50!

#10 Maryaam

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 10:57 AM

(salam)

As a girl gets older and older she is going to become more and more masculine. Every human has a feminine side and a masculine side be it a man or a woman.

ws - Does a girl eventually become a man then? I have never heard of this idea.


I was not ready for marriage at 9 or 15. It would have been a disaster for both of us.

Edited by Maryaam, 09 February 2008 - 10:58 AM.

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#11 Guest_Dialectician_*

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 11:44 AM

ws - Does a girl eventually become a man then? I have never heard of this idea.


I was not ready for marriage at 9 or 15. It would have been a disaster for both of us.


androgynous? hermaphordite?

#12 Miqdad Zaidi

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 12:19 PM

Does a girl eventually become a man then?


i dont believe that women loose their feminity as they get older! I will allway be a women at age 15 or at age 50!

As a woman ages, the estrogen (female sex hormone) in her body declines and she starts developing masculine features. For example, very old women can have long beards.

Edited by Miqdad Zaidi, 09 February 2008 - 12:20 PM.


#13 Zeynab-europe

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 12:34 PM

^that's what happens after menopause, nobody here is advocating that women shouldn't marry before 50 lol...

I work with the very elderly quite a lot. And Miqdad, I have never seen a long beard on any of them. They do have some thick beard-like hairs, but those never grow beyond some 8 mms and are standing singly dispersed around the mouth and on the chin, it's nothing like a beard. In nursing homes they are usually removed every now and then with a single-use razorblade, but any beautician can take care of them in more feminine ways. It's not like they have to shave every day! And they're not developing much other male features either: it's not like their adrenals make testosterone like a testicle would. They don't get a lower voice or chest hair, or a change in the shape of their sexual organs(if you ever see that happen, they probably have a hormone-producing tumor). It's just the chin hairs, the infertility, osteoporosis, sometimes a little tendency towards male balding patterns and some other features I won't discuss here.

#14 Puzzle pieces

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Posted 09 February 2008 - 03:01 PM

Ummmm all girls dont mature at the same time. And if someone marries a 9 yr old who is a third grader, he better register with the Sex-offender list, that way he cant be within 50 feet of a child or school :lol:
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#15 Guest_fatima2003_*

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Posted 10 February 2008 - 10:50 PM

I disagree. The couple should be able to have sex as soon as they are married.

- Mansab


i concur mansab

#16 askar_r

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Posted 10 February 2008 - 10:54 PM

I think 15 is a bit young, I think a good age is from 18 and up, ideally 19

I disagree. The couple should be able to have sex as soon as they are married.

- Mansab


I agree, why deprive them of what Allah has given them the freedom to do?

#17 Iman

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Posted 10 February 2008 - 11:53 PM

The Prophet said that a girl is like a fruit. When the fruit is ripe it should be plucked before it rots.


I'm trying to work out where I fit :cry: Shay... wilayah.. cary.. Ikhlaas?!?

Posted Image

On a side note.. if fruit is kept in tupperware they keep really really well ^_^ :P

#18 abd66

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 01:25 PM

(wasalam)

see http://www.shiachat....=...t&p=1585875

lol

you guys still don't get it? masculine vs femine her is non-sexual.

a woman who wants more than 50% control in a marriage is a manly woman.

a man who accepts less than 50% control in a marriage is a womanly man.

all i am saying is for a marriage to work naturally and islamically the man should have 51% control and the woman 49%.


the easiest way for a man to remain manly, manly man is to marry 2 women consentually at the same time so they get 25% 25% and the man 50%.

the shuhada of karbala were manly men. the traitors who abandoned Muslim bin 'Aqueel were womanly men.

They left Muslim because their women came and said son, daddy, husband...come home pretty please and they obeyed!

The shuhadaaa said no way my sweet ladies. I must be manly man and do as the Imam commands me, nafsi lahul fidaa.

#19 Maryaam

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 01:42 PM

Posted Image

On a side note.. if fruit is kept in tupperware they keep really really well ^_^ :P


Absoooolutely!!! :lol: Especially those containers with the "special built-in grid lifts" that keep the "fruit", away from damaging "condensation". Virtually any blossoming or fresh-picked woman will last longer and taste better if stored correctly.

http://order.tupperw...er=P10056908000

Edited by Maryaam, 16 February 2008 - 01:47 PM.


#20 BabyBeaverIsAKit

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 02:43 PM

I don't think it's really nice to say that older girls are rotten. What about the beauty on the inside? That beauty never rots, and that's the important type of beauty. If we say that older girls are rotten, we can say the same about guys.
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#21 alimohamad40

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 03:24 PM

(wasalam)
^^^^
do you think the prophet was saying old women are rotten????

he is saying " anti islamic women who self impose celibacy until they are old are rotten"

there is a big difference

and we know that you dont think its nice to say,,, do you agree with any thing that islam says ?

#22 p@i@m

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 08:06 PM

(salam)

You are all missing the point, this brother although I do not agree to everything he has written has a very good point.
Most of you keep pointing out that you do not think a girl is usually prepared/matured enough to marry when she is at the age of 15, brother abd has asked us at what age bibi fatimah (as) was married or hadhrat Zainab (as).
Surely you do not think that the holy Prophet (saww) would in anyway be ignorant to those issues, probably the most of you will say that well that time is different from this time, well i say, the times is what we make it to be, we are muslims and muslimas in Europe and America so most of us are so to speak "modernized" or rather westernized muslims and muslimas, this brother has been positive on us to come with our arguements if we do not agree with him but he is asking us to provide evidence from the life of Prophet (saww) or the beloved ahl-ul-bayt (as) or the righteous sahabas (r.a) of the holy Prophet (saww) and the ahl-ul-bayt (as).
So, please do not think with your westernized minds and say that she is not mature enough when she is 15.
If the parents teach their daughter and their son the chorse of a wife and a husband then they will be mature enough at the stated ages, I do not agree with him about polygamy, I say that here in Sweden for example we are 51% men and 49% women, so in this country where we do not have economical problems there is really no need for polygamy, however there is a need indeed for polygamy in bigger countries like Iran or America, in Iran 70% of the people are young and 70% of the young are female and in America statistics show that for every 8 woman that is born a man is born.
statistics also show that among the black community in USA 1/3 of the women get pregnant with 2-3 children within the age of 21 unmarried while 1/3 of the men die/go to jail for long time/get heavily addicted to narcotics before the age of 21.
A sister earlier asked brother abd what he thinks regarding the education and career of a woman;
here we must look upon what the duties are for men and what they are for women,
A man has a duty to provide for his family while a woman has a duty to take care of her family from inside the house, this only qur'anic, so there is no prohibition for sister to get education and career, of course not, but the womans duty is to be able to take care of her children while the man has as duty to provide for his woman and children.
The man must pay for their living and the woman must organize the living,
About the polygamy many iranian women usually say that "if you do want to marry more it is Islamic but marry the God-fearing, fundamentally religious women that have reached an age where not too many men want them as their spouses or the women that are really God-fearing while men normally do not get attracted to their looks", subhanallah ta'ala, I agree with this very much.

wassalamu 'aleikum

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 08:36 PM

a woman who wants more than 50% control in a marriage is a manly woman.

a man who accepts less than 50% control in a marriage is a womanly man.


Your subconcious fear of career women speaks for itself. (meant to be a joke)

Edited by Dialectician, 16 February 2008 - 08:37 PM.


#24 alimohamad40

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Posted 17 February 2008 - 03:03 AM

(salam)

payam:

for example we are 51% men and 49% women, so in this country where we do not have economical problems there is really no need for polygamy, however there is a need indeed for polygamy in bigger countries like Iran or America, in Iran 70% of the people are young and 70% of the young are female and in America statistics show that for every 8 woman that is born a man is born.


when islam made polygyny mustahab and made it a sunnah of the prophets and the infalibles didnt Allah know that sweden will have 49% females and 51% males????

Did Allah say " polygyny is only mustahab in iran and not in sweden" ???

are you joking ???

when you calculate ratios you have to be careful,,,, you dont calculate the total but you claculate the people capable of marriage

for example little kids below puberty are not capable

if you count all the females above 10 years old and all the males above 15 years old you will definatly have millions extra females , not only because females mature earlier but because they die later and have a higher life expectency

there are many other complicated factors like homosexuality which is practised by males double of the females

other factors like prisoners is also a contributing factor in increasing the female population because most prison inmates are males and in some countries like the usa they represent almoist 6% of the total male population


all this and we dont have accurate stats and all stats are contradictory
for example let me give you example

iraq has lost millions of males and the CIA statistics is still saying that the male population below 65 years is more !!!!!!
the iraqi TV channels said that they currently have one million widows only from this last war ,,,,,,

so ina country of 6 million adult males how could killing two or three million withing few years not skew the population ????

thats why i dont trust the CIA fact book statistics

iraq's population has been stagnant for so many years and most of the deaths are on young males so how could the males still be more ??

just doesnt make sense ,,, go there and you will see how much females are there and how many of them live and ie without marriage because of the evil false monogomy that has been imposed
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Posted 17 February 2008 - 03:25 AM

786
----
(salam)



(wasalam)

a woman who wants more than 50% control in a marriage is a manly woman. = Signs of aggression

a man who accepts less than 50% control in a marriage is a womanly man. = Signs of passiveness


a woman whose testosterone levels go higher then her estrogen level becomes manly

a man whose testosterone level drops equal to or below his estrogen level becomes feminine

That is not to say the develop physical features of the opposite sex but in the woman's case she becomes more aggressive and in the man's case, he becomes more passive.


See 'testosterone' and 'estrogen'.





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