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Found 288 results

  1. Sharing expenses

    Assalaamu aleykom! This is just something that I have been thinking, so this following case is just example. I'll straight to the bisness: There is a muslim woman and man, they are married and live together. Husband works and is financially stable. Couple is living in european country ,where the wife (since not working) , is receiving social benefit money that is notably smaller than husbands salary. They dont have children. They are living in rental apartment. Husband has a good salary from work. Husband has started to ask wife to pay from her social money half of rent. What do you think? Is it fair from husband to ask this? In my opinion it isnt since husband is obligated to provide and wife already might be buying from her own money some food and her own clothing. It would be nice to receive both men and women opinions here. Jazakallah khair
  2. As-salamu alaikum to all, To keep this brief. I am in a permissible relationship (mutah) with a female (I am a male) who at the beginning I envisaged as being the perfect wife/potential wife for me. My outlook was based on her character, qualities and behavior which I am satisfied with. However the missing piece was her religious outlook/lack of, which plays a huge role for me and in my personal opinion overrides the prior qualities. I therefore decided to give this relationship an opportunity based on her character and what her religious outlook ideally could be in the future if it is worked on. She is new to the religion and has been for a handful of months. We discussed the religious outlook such as prayer, fasting and other such issues such as khums and inheritance. She is willing to learn and try this out, however I feel the outlook she has is a bit stubborn/not so optimistic. To illustrate my point, for example in regards to prayer, she is willing to learn how to pray and do so with myself/when she has the time, however she doesn't regard it as important to do so while she is at work, she even expressed that she will not be waking up in the morning at all as she just doesn't want to. She also said that it can be worked on whether it takes her 5 years, or even 20 years down the line. At the end of the day it is her choice and whatever she does or doesn't is between her and Allah. She wants to get married, settle down and have kids. Which I want as well however I wouldn't until I can see some results and can be satisfied that she has taken her obligations on board. I am possibly extreme in my view and thinking. Most would say that small steps are good and it will take time, better one step forward, than no steps at all. I agree and applaud that, however on the other hand given such an outlook of hers to have to begin with specifically in regards to prayer, when she doesn't take her relationship with Allah seriously, I feel like I can't take our relationship seriously either (maybe someone can address this thinking of mine). I myself may miss the morning prayer, due to forgetting to put an alarm on or something, although I wouldn't intentionally plan not to wake up. If I couldn't pray due to my work, I would rather find lower paid work whilst being able to pray than not. At this stage I don't feel ready at all, it would feel as a gamble marrying her, and there is something within me that keeps sort of telling me to call it all off. I am not sure how to differentiate this between some sort of guidance or wiswas. To sum it up I feel as if my love towards whoever it may be, especially on an intimate level such as marriage is conditional on their love/obedience to Allah. I look forward to your replies. Thanks.
  3. Salam aleikum! This will be my first post here, so apologies if I post this in wrong place or something. Im still learning how to use this amazing forum So I have a question. I am non-sayed woman and I am married to sayed man alhamdulillah. According to what I have understood is that sayeds cannot receive sadaqa but poor and needy sayeds can have their share from khums (sahme sadat). As for me, sayed's non-sayed wife, can I also for example eat from that money if there would me time that my husband needed part from khums? Also I have more questions. In my situation, as i am non-syed woman married to Syed man, do I need to pay khums? If I do need to pay it, can I pay it direct to my husband (if he would be poor and needy)? Since my husband as syed cant receive sadaqa, can I still receive sadaqa (for example if there was time when we would be poor and needy)? Or am I also now prohibited to receive sadaqa since my husband in this case would receive sahme sadat? JazakAllah khair for your answers
  4. I am a Muslim convert to the doctrine of Ahl al-Bayt. I got married several years ago and I have two children. I met my wife through Facebook. I was impressed because I was looking for A wife that follows Ahl al-Bayt. And when I knew that she and her Family converted to the doctrine of Ahl al-Bayt I loved her and wanted to marry her. Indeed, the marriage took place despite strong opposition from my family. Because my wife is not beautiful and from a family unknown to us. After marriage I discovered that my wife was hiding many things from me, including that many young people spoke online before marriage in love and so on. And discovered that her Family are very bad people. My wife is lying too much. And many other bad things. My wife was not beautiful and when I saw her I was shocked. But I married her because I thought she was a religion and not to hurt her feelings. Now I regret deeply Specially i can marry any woman I need. her family are too bad and I can't look at them My wife does not help me to obey God, my soul is always bad and I do not love her What's the solution what should I do Have I fired it? Do I marry another woman? My life is bad please Help me . please Advice me
  5. Salam Alaykum brothers/sisters,   I am a single father in my late 30's, indo/pak background, hindi/urdu speaking, and i m trying to get remarried and looking for single mothers similar to me in Canada/USA. I live myself with my kids in Canada. I have two questions if anyone have ever been through this before me:  1- Would you recommend getting married outside north america and sponsor your spouse from India, Pakistan.... UAE or other countries in the world? My concern are .... cultural difference with America...close mindedness, long waiting time and application to sponsor, .. mainly compatibility with my upbringing I am very open-minded Canadian and raised here but same time balanced with my desi culture and religion.. i m not sure if i will be able to share my life and relate to a person from another part of the world rather than USA/Canada.. what been your experience? I ma getting sometimes proposal from UAE or UK...but too long to call them here...Second, the education...the degrees done in other parts of the world such as indo-pak are not recognized here...and my spouse will struggle and i need someone to support me as a team and not someone who wouldnt be able to work professionally like me here...meaning if degree not equivalent it means basically she has no degree here....and she has to work odd jobs.. and financially supporting as two people in decent jobs is a must here especially in blended family.. 2- How do i find someone like me? my mosque doesnt have a good matrimonial service especially for divorced single mothers... it seems there arent as many.. which i doubt..plus.. i have tried all matrimonial website, shia site, muslims, phone apps, and have contacted randomly people in usa and canada.. i feel ashamed doing this like a desperate job seeker.!! I dont get time to go to social like when i was young life is busy i am older and have kids responsibilities everyday...people knowing each other may help each other but i dont have lot of friends...and my family is useless in this matter very ignorant and not skilled....Anybody knows how they have managed to get married a second time and find single shia mothers ? I am tired of all this.. now...too complicated..and wont find someone compatible.. and we have lot of muslims in our countries.. i may as well as end up marrying a decent good sunni.. I really dont know how to find a spouse in usa and canada and spouse of indian/pak citizenship worry me due to all the sponsorship and distance.. and cultural unknown to me...back home vs my mindset and culture here...
  6. Dear marriage age sisters (and brothers) - A 2017 study shows the number of newlyweds decline among the educated white men and a dramatic rise among those who do chose to marry, marrying non-whites. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/05/18/1-trends-and-patterns-in-intermarriage/ If you are a college age Muslim girl out there, do not, I repeat do not give in to those cultural ethos of western feminism. Whatever they are teaching you in the MSM, in sitcoms and in the talk shows etc., is designed to destroy you in the longer run just like they destroyed family values among Christian cultures. Instead spend time with your mother, grandmother, aunts or other traditional womenfolks of your family and learn how to be a 'traditional' good daughter, a good wife, and a good mother. I see 'women induced' divorce rates among the Muslims in the West and I shudder. Did feminists already get us before we knew it???? Thoughts!
  7. Salam. I have afew questions regarding marriage since I'm in that age where parents start pressurising you to get married but I get so uncomfortable thinking about it. Firstly, is it obligatory for a female to get married? Is there any chance of going solo but still following all other necessary rulings and wajibats. If I'm correct it is highly recommended for men but idk anything about females. Second if marriage was to happen and I have red alot about listening to your husband, letting them take the lead in the relationship and all that but what if your husband's priority is not the pleasure and obedience of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى? I don't see anything good from this. In this case if they start to become a distraction or someone who takes you away from god (almost like a friend who encourages unlikable actions in islam) is it permissible to ignore him and carry out religious duties as you wish. Third, I think (not sure) but is it true that rights of divorce is with the husband only? what if the husband is unnecessarily abusing his wife (for example ) does she have any power to end the marriage in this circumstance?
  8. So i just made the account because i dont think ill find the same support and love im seeing here from the questions and answers provided...loving this site so far. Im just so lost in my love life so far. Im a beautiful 22yo woman from an arab background and since i was 13 it was kinda my dream to get married and have someone by my side to love and support. I was just always one of those people who thought my life would better that way. My sisters got married and i hate how their lives are bc of how their husbands and families etc are so my mum decided its best for me to continue my studies which im totally ok with i mean thats the only good thing going on in my life anyway; uni life. Its just, ive always been one to talk about what kinda man i want what kinda life I wanna lead with him but my friends never really cared about that part...now im 22 and my friends are either married,engaged or pregnant. Except for me. And i was the person who would always dream of having a man by my side during my studies and during my everything. I know everything happens slowly but i just hate how my life is still because of basic female needs. Like i need a man for alot of reasons and im so depressed that i think having a passionate intimate morning with a man would help me function throughout my day...but i dont understand why i have to wait this long for the right man to come knocking on my dads door. All the woman with good sons have proposed to woman around me surrounded by me all the time and i never once struck out to anyone. Men aproach me sure but i dont want the haraam love. I need dat halal love. I know some of you will be saying you have to wait maybe your nseeb will be better then those you’ve seen like ok i know this...but everyday goes by and im here sitting like wth...its been too long. I look at men i never lower my gaze its too hard to stare away from men and i like the attention but i never act on it...i just want someone to tell me itll be ok. Idk.
  9. The Birmingham Khoja Shia Ithnaasheri Matchmaking Committee announces a Matchmaking Event on 28th April (2018) in Birmingham, UK. (Not in the US!) There are only 100 spaces and its over half full. More brothers need to sign up and it is now open to Shias only of all ethnicities. Participants must be either UK/EU citizens, have a valid work permit visa or have an indefinite visa. At the event you must bring your passport with you (as an ID check) in order to enter the venue. More details about registering are at the link: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/shia-matchmaking-event-tickets-44284316583
  10. Fascinating video about the statistics of attraction between the two sexes, with some rather interesting conclusions. He does, however, not consider the impact factors not relating to attraction have on divorce, relegating the phenomenon entirely to each sex's perception of the other's attractiveness. He also assumes that women's perception of their own attractiveness is the same as men's perception of it (which is the source of the data) when commenting on women 'settling'. Either way, quite an amusing watch!
  11. Marriage for my son

    Salam My son soon turning 18 in few months, studying engineering in college at the moment, he hasexpressedinterest in engagement for now and then marriage in one to two years. If anybody knows families or friends 16 or 17 years girl, with parents interested in initiating contact then please send me message. also, any other web sites other than shiamatch recommended will be great. We are based in London but open to Uk or other countries as well. thanks and Jazakallah khair
  12. Salam to all, I wanted to get a few opinions and advice preferably from someone who has or knows someone who has been in a similar situation. Background: I met this girl who was a non-Muslim and didn't ascribe to any religion she had an interest in me and brought forth her interest in Islam. So we spoke about the possibility of getting married as there was mutual attraction, characteristic wise and physically etc. Of course as a Muslim you cannot marry a non-Muslim so I told her at the beginning that it would only work out if she was to become a Muslim, however I made it clear that there is no pressure and that if she doesn't connect with Islam or find any truth in it then it isn't the end of the world (I know how this may sound however I didn't want to give false hopes/mislead however making a condition like that by and of itself is pressuring). She then briefly researched at her own pace and didn't want my help as she wanted to do it for herself and not because of me. After a while she decided to convert and done so herself. To cut the story short, we then got temporarily married and are now living together for a while. This part felt a bit rushed however this is not an issue. We discussed important expectations of each other as we would such as hijab, children etc. Islamically speaking I have expectations and have expressed them such as hijab and prayer etc. Again I havent said you need to do this as I don't want to force anything upon anyone it should be their own choice. My concerns: Now that we have been together for a while, she hasn't really progressed from the Islamic sense, she hasnt expressed an interest in prayer, said she doesnt think fasting is safe etc. it seems as though now that we are together that is all that matters and the job is done now. I practice daily with her being in the room when I pray etc. She is very supportive of what I do, and she has great characteristics and potential to be a great mother no doubt. Although at times cant be as supportive as I would like to given some situations such as some of her old friends being in the wrong circles and only socially meeting when alcohol is present etc. So when she asks how I would feel if she went to meet them in that environment, given she wouldnt drink, that is not something I can support. This brings a lot of doubt and uncertainty with me in terms of what is the best way to proceed foward. I don't want to be wasting my and her time, getting emotionally caged and thereby living a life that we didn't envisage. I understand that someone who is a new Muslim it takes time, and I am willing to spare that time, as I myself wasnt practicing until later in life so its not foreign to me. She has had a very rough childhood emotionally and has expressed ideas of self harm in her teens. A lot of people have let her down. She says I am the best thing in her life and I truly believe she means this. Just to conclude, her as a person, I am fine with that. However as I take my religion as Nr.1 priority and she it seems takes me as Nr.1 priority it seems a bit conflicting to me. Given at later stage when having children, she has a few Western ideas of the upbringing of children which I don't fully agree with as well. 1. However at what point does one decide this isn't going anywhere? As my main concerns are compatibility and the future of our children. Thank you.
  13. Salam Let me first start by saying that I am not against marriage In fact I highly encourage it however I just personally dont want to do it, which I will explain later. I don't want to get married but I also want to avoid zina but I know that I cannot have both choices. If I avoid marriage that means sooner or later I will commit zina either with myself or another individual (most likely the former). Its basically me saying "I dont want to eat anymore" because no matter how much I try sexual desires are a part of a humans need which needs to be satisfied somehow (Just like hunger). If I do get married then that means I get to avoid zina, but the problem is I enjoy being by myself and if I have a spouse that means I cant be alone. I also cant/dont get attached to people for various reasons. But if I just have a wife for the sake of getting laid thats just... wrong in my view, I cant just force myself or pretend to love them when I dont. These are not all the reasons but the most important ones in my opinion. Other things worth mentioning: I am 18, male. Haven't been able to ask for help from our scholars because they are uneducated/scarce where I live. Dont want to do mutah for same reasons stated above. Unironically considering to castrate myself at this point
  14. Marriage in the Shariah is not a sacrament. Stripped of all the cultural accretions Muslims have added on, and minus the obviously crucial elements of love and companionship, marriage is nothing more than — literally — a contract between a man and a woman in which the man provides the woman with financial support in return for exclusive sexual access. It’s a contract that makes sex and reproduction legal in the eyes of God and legitimate in the eyes of society. -Jonathan AC Brown I would imagine many of you are uneasy with the idea that marriage in Islam is nothing more than a contract in which sex is exchanged for financial support. I am certainly uneasy with this idea, for it seems to belittle the institution of marriage on the one hand, and on the other, it is not how the Qur'an describes marriage. For instance, in Surah 30:21, Allah swt describes marriage as a union involving tranquility, love and mercy. In Surah 2:187 marriage is described in terms of reciprocity. To be fair to Jonathan Brown, he does refer to the 'crucial elements of love of companionship', however these seemingly aren't crucial enough to define what marriage is. According to the above quote, in reality marriage in Islam is nothing more than a contract. Additional elements including love and merely that - additional, non-essential elements. I don't agree with that. At least, I think it doesn't do justice to the Islamic conception of marriage. There are at least 3 approaches we can take to the Islamic definition marriage. 1. Legal definition vs Complete Islamic definition The first approach is to distinguish between 2 types of definition. The first is the Shar'i definition of marriage, and the second is the Complete/Qur'anic definition of marriage. Both of these are valid definitions, but they are different. The first is the legal definition, and the second is the true Islamic definition. So, on the legal definition, marriage is nothing more than a contract in which sex is traded for financial support. But on the true Islamic definition, marriage is more than this. Islamically, marriage is a contract which also involves tranquility, mercy, love, and reciprocity. This account makes the word 'marriage' equivocal, i.e. it means two different things depending on whether you are talking is a purely legal context, or giving the true Islamic definition. A culinary example would be the word 'jelly' which means two different things depending on whether you are in the UK or the US. Both definitions are valid, but you have to specify the context. Why would there be 2 types of definitions? Well the Sharia is concerned with practical matters. There is a societal benefit in giving a simple legal definition of marriage, so that some of most harmful sexual relationships can be readily identified, and healthy relationships can be encouraged. This practical concern requires a level of pragmatism, which is reflected in simplified definitions of important Islamic practices. 2. Essential vs Non-essential elements The second approach is to distinguish between essential and non-essential features of marriage. On this account, there is only 1 definition of marriage, and marriage is defined in terms of essential and non-essential (additional) elements. The essential element would be the contract. The additional elements would be love, compassion and so on. These additional elements are desirable, and they perfect marriage, but these aren't essential to make marriage what it is. The word 'marriage' on this account is univocal - it means only 1 thing, in contrast to the account above. An example would be the definition of cake. Essentially a cake is a sponge, but it can also have other additional elements that improve it, such as icing, decoration, other toppings and so on. 3. Inward vs Outward aspects The third approach is to distinguish between the inward and the outward aspect to marriage. Outwardly, marriage is nothing more than a contract. However it would be wrong to say that this is all there is to marriage. Inwardly, marriage involves such things as love, mercy and so on. On this account there is also only 1 definition of marriage, but it has 2 aspects. We deal with each other based on the outward aspect, and so describe a couple as married if they meet the outward aspect of marriage. However if there is no love or mercy or tranquility, then they are lacking the inward aspect of marriage, and so aren't truly married. *** To further understand the differences between these 3 accounts, I will answer two different questions. (i) What is marriage (ii) If there is an Aqd (contract) is there a marriage? Answers: 1 (i) Depends on whether you are asking for the legal or Qur'anic/complete definition. Legally marriage is a contract, but the Qur'anic conception of marriage is more than this, and involves elements such as love and mercy. (ii) Legally yes there is a marriage, but devoid of these other elements it isn't a Qur'anic or Complete Islamic marriage 2 (i) Marriage is a contract. (ii) Yes 3 (i) Marriage consists of a outward and inward elements. (ii) Outwardly there is marriage, but devoid of inward elements, in reality there is no marriage. *** You can apply a similar approach to other Islamic practices, e.g. prayer. Prayer can be defined in terms of the Arkan/pillars of prayer mentioned in books of fiqh. But is it really prayer if it doesnt forbid evil? (Surah 29:45). Legally prayer is the Arkan, but the Qur'anic/Complete Islamic definition includes the important elements of spirituality. You could view the Arkan as essential, and the other elements as non-essential. You could say prayer has an inward and outward, and without both there is no prayer.
  15. Asalamalakum Brothers and Sister, I was married to a Sunni man in my very early 20's however we did separate two years after due to a variety of issues. I am happy to say i have spent a number of years happily single raising my two children. I have had offers for marriage but i was not interested therefore declined all of them. However I did meet someone by chance and we are engaged and i am very much in love and very excited to spend our lives together. This being my second marriage I want to make my own conditions for the Nikah contract, my previous contract was done via my father and it took me 2 years in court to actually be able to Divorce because the way the contract was drawn up and i received no Mahr at all and still receive no financial help for my two children because I am raising them Shia and he does not approve or support this. Mahr for me isn't very important, this is a real love thing, but i do want to be smart about the conditions, My future husband is from Qatif, Saudi Arabia. He has never been married before, and he does plan to eventually move us all from Canada (where i was born and raised) to Saudi Arabia to live and manage businesses. I want to make sure i am protected and am still able to attend university again if i wish or work. I do not accept a second wife so i want to include that as well, and i want to make sure i am still able to travel freely with my two children and any children he and i have with out having to receive his "permission" (as far as i know i would require that) in order to fly from Saudi Arabia. I am asking you all to help me make conditions you might think are important or beneficial for my Nikah contract. Thanks
  16. This has been really on my mind lately, is marriage really fate. What about all the ladies who want to get married, do they just sit around and wait for someone to propose. What if they aren't getting any proposals. I'm not and probably many wouldn't go up and talk to someone because I have social anxiety and also it isn't really accepted in our culture. What if the mother doesn't have friends who could know you have a daughter of this age, who would not mind getting to know someone (with marriage in mind obviously). I just don't know if marriage is qisma as most mothers with sons are looking for the typical physical appearance for their son rather than looking at the girls deen and ikhlaq. It might be hard to accept this but the uglier you are in this society the harder it is to get married nowadays. It's different for the guys in this case as it is there mother who goes and asks for them. Also, how do you deal with a mother who doesn't want you to get married because you do a lot of the chores at home and looking after younger siblings especially when she is not well.
  17. I’ve been married for coming up to 3 years. I live with my MIL & FIL and most the time my SIL & her daughter live here too. I cook dinner every day, sometimes even cook afternoon food too. I’m from a different culture, my in laws are Indian and they eat curry everyday for lunch. I’ve learnt how to cook lots of Indian food! I help out around the house, I do majority of the cleaning every other day eg hoover, keep kitchen clean & the 2 bathrooms once a week. I wash everyone’s clothes every Saturday morning, normally do 3 loads. My SILs daughter is very close to me she always wants me and wants to go everywhere with me that ppl think she’s my daughter. If me and my husband go shopping ( just me and him ) it’s an issue with my MIL, she will call my other SIL and start moaning about it, being all upset and angry. MIL doesn’t like us going anywhere without her basically. MIL always back bites about me saying I don’t do anything around the house, I don’t cook or clean. I just sit all day doing nothing and tells my SIL to tell my husband about this. Her attitude; it’s really starting to make me resent her. She’s all nice and smiles to my face but to my SIL she complains about me too much. she expects me to not go out with my friends, and when I do she complains asking why I even go and I go out too much. I go out once a week if that? Seriously. And complaining about me not cleaning and cooking when I do it everyday? . I go to my mums house every Friday and MIL doesn’t like it, and when I come back she always gives me dirty looks. Even when me and hubby want to go upstairs and just watch a movie together and chill, just have our own space together, it’s an issue we have to take SILs daughter upstairs with us! All of this makes me feel so annoyed. I’ve spoken to my husband about this before but he is adamant to stay living with his mum and dad. We were so close to breaking up before about this exact same issue, we had such a big bust up. He will NOT live separate, he would rather divorce me. I’m not happy living here anymore because of the way my MIL is. Really don’t know what to do. I’m trying to conceive as-well but I’m thinking twice about that now due to the way things are and I think they’ll get even worse if I had a baby whilst living here! Which makes me feel really sad as I desperately would love to have a child..
  18. Asalaam Alaykum dear SC members, I suffer from social anxiety. I am engaged and sometimes I find it very hard to communicate with my fiancee because of my fears, doubts and anxeties. There are moments I get shut down and want to be alone. With Allah's will I am going to get married Inshallah. Everything in this relationship is so new to me. I am very insecure how to act towards him. I fear that if I share my insecurities all the time woth him that he might stop loving me and leave me. I know I think irrational, but these thoughts keep popping into head and doesn't leave me at rest. I suffer alot sometimes. I don't what to do. Is there any of you with mental health issues ( be it social anxiety or anything else) married? If yes how do you and your spouse cope woth this? Thank you, Sara
  19. In Shia Islam we have this significant practice known as Muta which is to keep us away from sins like fornication, pornography, and masturbation. However the intricate laws of Muta (chosen by Maraja in non-western Islamic countries) and the societal circumstances are absolutely opposed to practicing this act. Within a Shia community, a man or woman cannot do muta with each other because they will be looked at in a negative way in the community. Shia Men cannot do Muta with Christian and Jewish Woman because let’s be honest: Western women will freak out when you mention marriage and then you try to make them repeat some Arabic verses. I’m a Shia Man who wants to do Muta but I’ve come to realize that it’s almost impossible due to the impractical rulings which cannot be applied in a Western country.
  20. Salam Alaykum, Please i hope as many sisters as possible read this and give me their opinion... your help is much appreciated ! I am a revert shia muslim sister and I am 25 years old. I have been married for less than one year to my husband and when i agreed to marry him I accepted to live with his family : his mother who is a housewife and she is divorced, his 16 yo sister, his two brothers of which one is mentally disable. One of his brother is married and was meant to move out soon but he didn't yet so atm I wear my hijab every day when he is at home. Even if I get along very well with his mum and family, I find it now too hard to live with this arrangement. as i feel i don't have much personal space and sometimes enough privacy or enough quiet ; can't always do my own things, cooking or cleaning expecially their mum is housewife so she is the one who mostly looks after them and manages the house . Also, i am not used to live with a disable person (down syndrome) and sometimes it gets difficult..and on top of that the fact that I still have to wear hijab around the house every day.. they also sometimes invite male friends and it makes me feel ubcomfortable and of course i cant mix so i have to stay the whole time in my room I get very frustrated and I am often sad . Sometimes I feel like I need a break but I can't even go anywhere as I am pretty much alone in this country and if i want to go stay at my parents I need to take a plane. What makes me feel much worse is the fact that my husband don't understand me ...instead he says i am always exagerating, making it much bigger than it is, blaming me for everything for my negativity for my feeling sad... He also constantly tells me that i m the lucky and privileged one to be with him and his family and that there are many girls who would live like me . I honestly don't believe any born muslim girl would have accepted to marry someone and live like I do ... we didn't even have a wedding...my mahr was low .. i married him purely because i wanted to be with him.. I tried to accept it, but now this has become too much and the fact that he doesnt understand me just makes it impossible for me to go on like this Please sisters tell me honestly ?Would you ever accept to be living like i do?
  21. Salaam alaikum, I wanted some opinions on a method of approaching a girl for marriage. A little bit of background: I am a revert and not so much embedded into a Muslim community. I am looking to get married but finding it difficult to find someone. I am largely resorting to online Muslim matrimonial sites but not finding any luck on there either. I have slowly started making friends with a lot of great brothers who have welcomed me. So I add them on social media and so on. Those who are on Facebook know about the 'people you may know' feature that displays a list people to add. A few girls have come up on this - they are friends with the brothers I know so I know they are likely to belong to the local community. My question for the ladies in this forum is what are your thoughts on being approached and receiving a marriage proposal by some via social media? ***At this point I just want to say that I have no intention to go around messaging loads of girls with proposals because I think that is a bit silly and immoral and breaches social hijab*** I have been a Muslim for 3 and a half years and I remember a girl whom I approached via social media. I sent her a message asking her if she is in a position where she is looking to get married and if so, is she interested in getting to know me and if so I wanted a contact detail of her parent or legal guardian to request their permission to get to know her. She rejected but was very polite and nice about it. Did not show any annoyance or offence by what I said. I was just wondering how a lady would feel, if approached on social media from a male with respect and good etiquette with a proposal along similar lines to how I approached the lady. Given my circumstances, I am just trying to think outside the box (but staying within the box of Islam of course ) Thoughts appreciated Thanks
  22. Good Evening brothers and sisters, I have gone through a hard year of decision making when it comes to a woman in whom i was going to marry. I have been a devote follower of Ahlul Bayt (AS) for all my life. I currently live in Kuwait. 3 years ago, I met a special woman while studying at university. When I first saw her I was overwhelmed with emotions; she was a respected sister in Islam. We used to talk on campus and became great friends in university. I wasn't ready financially to contact her father, and dint feel like he would accept me, being just a student. I decided to wait till graduation and prayed to God that he hastens that day and to instill me patience; was graduating in a year. However, love got the best of the both of us, and we decided to do something I personally didn't want to do; we exchanged numbers. During that time, we talked and texted a lot, which sadly also caused many expectations (Good mornings, asking how we are, etc...) and hence, drama started to happen. Although we had our ups and downs, we were still committed and determined to marry one another. Earlier this year (2017), almost 3 years into our relationship, I graduated and started to work and save up dowry (mahr) money. I contacted the father and he refused me, along with her mother. The main reason was nationality, for she was a Kuwaiti citizen and I was a Canadian (originally half Egyptian half Kuwaiti). The father stated that he worried about his daughter's future stability as marrying a Kuwaiti man would have lots of benefits (Housing, etc...). Nevertheless, I continued my prayers, du3as, and constant night prayers (salaat allayl). I came back and called the father during spring and he completely rejected me and told me to never call again, he also went to the daughter and changed her number, told her that he doesn't want anything to do with me, and if he figures out anything, she would be in trouble. To make matters worse, he even decided to find a man for her, and he was quick about it. She rejected the men he told her about, and during this time we didn't talk (almost 2 months). Finally, he called me and told me suddenly that he is sorry and that he had to tell me something. I went to see the father at a coffee shop, in where he told me that he was so sorry for his mistreatment. At this point I thought my prayers have been answered, and was really emotional while being around him. It wasn't until he told me something that has had me in deep depression since. The father told me that he was forcing his daughter into arranged marriage so that I wouldn't interfere in her life, and that they argued a lot at home and she even ran away to her cousin's house and slept there for a few days. She told him also that if you don't let me marry the man i want (me), I wont accept another man. He then threatened her and told her that I will put this man (Me) in jail for talking to you, and that she should better move on and become more "Wise". She told him "Ok". He then told me that she came home recently crying, crying her soul and was screaming in agony. When her parents asked her what happened she kept saying that its their fault, its their fault. Apparently, due to her parents rejecting me and forcing her into arranged marriage, and literally telling her that she will not marry me, the girl decided to chill around the wrong crowd at university, in where she met a man, or lets just say a "Wolf", who was Kuwaiti, and he told her that he is interested in her and all these lies. The girl being in depression, in denial, and angry, (Still not an excuse) decided to go out with this man to a nearby coffee shop, in where he locked the doors, drove off, parked somewhere, and tried to physically abuse her. Apparently, he almost went all the way, while beating her down till she was almost unconscious. Only thing we knew was he almost took her virginity, but he pretty much did everything else. He kicked her out of the car and drove off. She called her dad and went right to the police station, and it turns out that the man was not in university but only visiting. The cops are still under investigation. At this moment, I was speechless, hurt, and seriously pouring tears without saying a single word. The father was also tearing. He told me to please come and see his daughter. I went over and I just remember arguing with her, angry: Why did you do that? Where is your faith? Where is your fear of God? What happened? How could you even get into a car with a man you meet a week ago? WHY?!! The father calmed me down but I ignored what had happened to her or being there for her, as I was furious and sad. It is unlike her to do anything like this. She admitted her fault but also tried to blame the environment she was in lately, but that isn't a proper reason, no matter the situation. I decided to tell the father that I will need time to decide if I want to marry or not. Less than a month later, in Ramadhan 2017, I took a journey to Karbala, followed by Mecca and Madina. I was in deep prayers about the situation and it seriously affected me while I was on the journey. I felt intense feeling of betrayal, hate, rage, and ground bottom depression.I had 2 voices in my head, one telling me to be strong and forgive, while the other telling me to move on and that the relationship was cursed due to your haram actions of talking to her for years prior to meeting the father. When I got back, the father kept calling me and informing me that the girl has been in full repentance and prayers, her face has become lightened, and she changed completely; not only has she gone back to her good ways, but she has become way stronger in faith. He even mentions that he doesnt recognize his daughter anymore, that she has become to what he explained as the light of his house. I believed him because I know the feeling of a sinner when they truly repent. Allah is ever merciful, ever forgiving, and compassionate to all of us. She got back to university in September and all I heard from certain male friends that I know is that she is constantly at the prayer room between classes, while only goes to class and back home. Since September I haven't heard anything about her and I felt that I moved on, although when remembering the situation I still felt angry and sad, I kept my head high and focused on my work life. It wasn't until recently. Last Tuesday, while at work, I had one of my students tell me that she has a sister named the same name as my ex. This random saying suddenly happened to bring about an intense feeling and a flash of memories, even she the girl has been seriously off my mind. I started to notice that I suddenly became tired and sat down. Although I was constantly asking God to pardon my thoughts, forgive, and heal me at the moment, the emotions came more intense, and this time it wasn't rage, it was remembering what I loved about the woman. I was trying to convince myself that I am done with her, while claiming that these thoughts are from my waswas or a devil, I wasn't able to win. I realized I still cared for her, and felt like I had finally forgiven her for what she did. I didn't know if this was a sign that I could move on in peace, or a sign to call her dad and make the marriage happen. Still, I was shocked at my own feelings for being this way, and so suddenly at this moment while working. Surprisingly, her father called me, and informed me that his daughter has been constantly asking Allah for me to forgive her, and to find it in my heart to accept her, that she is a changed woman, a better woman than ever, and to at least remove the bad image I had of her. This call shocked me because what I felt earlier wasn't normal at all. Could her prayers been answered? Now my problem is this: I don't know if I should continue with her in marriage or not. Do i have feelings? Yes, I do. They aren't as strong as they were, but its still there, and although I am fully over what happened, its still judging my decision. I know if I get back with her, it would be beautiful for her relationship with Allah, and will definitely strengthen it; for she has been in repentance and is praying that Allah forgives her and changes my heart. What are some hadiths on this issue? About cheating, forgiving someone? What would you believe is best in Allah's eyes for me to do? At the end, I want to please Allah over anything. I did an estekhara about whether I should marry her or not, while at Karbala when I was there, and it turned out to be "Jayed" or "Sadeqa". My heart is neutral about this, its not against her and not with her, I really just want to please my creator after these sins. This issue has been a chaotic and emotional roller coaster. What would you do?
  23. Assalam-O-Alaikum My Shia Brothers in Islam. I am not good in English, I hope you understand my words. My question is, Is Widow Remarriage Encouraged in Islam or is it just Merely Permissible? Because Quran says that those who are not married should get married (Both Men & Women, Virgins, Widows/ers, Divorced). It's just literal interpretation. Don't know what Islam says about this. What if The Widow Woman don't want to get married in the first place because she have some love feelings for her dead husband? Same for the Widower? Does Not Marrying and Remarrying Again would be punished by Allah?? Jazaak-Allah-Khair!!
  24. I am a shia girl and I have been very close to a sunni man for about 4 years now. We share an amazing bond together. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a husband. But I’m an Indian and he’s a pakistani and also he’s sunni and I’m shia which is the biggest issue here when it comes to our marriage. His family has agreed for this proposal and in my family everybody agrees but we are too afraid to inform my father as he disaproves marriages of such kind. If anyone can please help me out to give me a dua that can melt My father’s heart for this proposal. I’ll be very thankful to you and will always remember you in prayers. thank you
  25. اسلام علیکم brothers and sisters how are you all? Ok, so straight to the point, I'm really afraid to get married because i think i might not be able to raise my children well because my job is not at one place I'm moving all over the world all the time so i think i might not give enough time to my children and i might not raise them well and this thing is stopping me from getting married and I'm really worried about it. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks.
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