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Found 262 results

  1. A Thought: What is wrong Muslim Men? l was reading about a new marriage app or some such nonsense. When will Men realize they are going to be unhappy with whomever they talk themselves into marrying? For example, Men have to write a profile of themselves. l'd be honest about mine. Decrepit Dotard. What interest will a cute, rich girl want with that?
  2. Assalamaleikum So im actually dealing with two huge problems which is very difficult for me to solve! i need your advices guys! Bear with me it is not a short one! and please dont judge me:)! 1) : I (shia girl) have been dating this guy ( sunni muslim) for almost 1 and a half year (we met at our college). to start with i know it is haram and not really acceptable in islam to date but since i met him i felt like he is the one and we wanted to take our relation further. we talked about that he should come and ask for my hand. we were both agreeing in that one since we thought thats the best thing to do as we both are muslims and should do it in a halal way. Later when i got to know him much better, i felt like he is getting a bit overprotective and started to control me whenever i was out with my girl-friends or if i went to parties with my family and friends. He wouldn't really let me go out with my friends sometimes and if i were then suddenly he would show up! He sometimes checked my phone, checked my messages and Instagram snapchat etc!, and were telling me with whom i can talk to or with whom i can hang around with. And whenever i was at home replying his messages a bit late he would get angry or upset at me, and he knew that my family would b around thats why i couldn't reply to his calls and messages at time!. and then i told him that i want to study nursery and that was also a thing that was bothering him so he told me not to study it. And choose something else. But i disagreed cause thats my dream and thats what i want to do. Later on i tried to convince him which took me over a week ( he actually said if i choose nursery then he would leave me) and then he finally agreed that i could study nursery! after 6-7 months i didn't see any change in him. He kept doing all those things again and again i actually deleted some of my good friends because of him, which are small things i know. And when he told me to delete them etc it didn't bother me because i knew i loved him and i did what he told me to do. And sometimes when he didn't allow me to go out with friends or bday parties i would listen to him and just sit at home. all these things that i had to do for him and the pressure and controlling thing he did with me were beyond my limits, i felt like i was not happy and was forced to do things which i wasn't happy to do. I couldn't really be myself when i was with him, so sometimes i did hide things which i didn't want to tell or show him because i knew he wouldn't understand. and since i come from a family where i have my own freedom and limits/boundaries/rules that my parents had sat for me i was happy with that and my parents would never force me to do something i won't. And of course because they TRUST me no matter what. almost 9-10 months passed and i felt sad inside, upset, disappointed, weak, unhappy, guilty ( which he made me feel sometimes) i felt like i did a huge mistake by trusting in him and be with him behind my parents's back. I was thinking with myself is he really the one? can i be happy with him? will HE be happy with me? so i decided to talk to him tell him everything what i felt and my thoughts. SO I finally decided to break up with him cause i felt helpless, hopeless, tired and not happy and couldn't continue being with him! Then he started crying, came to my house every time with red roses tried to convince me to give him another chance. He was shedding tears every time he came to my door, So i started to feel so bad for him and for us! i said maybe im wrong i felt guilty somehow to see him crying and so helpless! so i gave him another chance i gave US another chance because i did still love him. He said then he will come to ask for my hand so that we could get engaged. And that was also a thing which made me feel like getting engaged with him will maybe solve our problems somehow! Before asking for my hand i told my dad about him told him everything the truth! no lies! my father looked at me and where really upset that why did i even date this guy such a long time and especially when he is a SUNNI MUSLIM! my dad were against it and told me to break our relation and not even think about it for a second! He said there a so many differences between a sunni and shia, and that our differences will come in our way some day when we get married it will be a huge problem. I told my bf everything and he said it doesn't matter that won't stop him to come and talk with my father. So he actually came and talked with my father. Tried to convince him by saying that he loves me and we know each other for a long time now and he will keep me happy etc etc, but since his family doesn't live here in the same country he came alone to ask for my hand. My dad literally threw him out without even yelling or anything. He told him that we have been doing a huge sin for dating such a long time, and the second thing is that he is a sunni muslim. These two things stood in our way otherwise my dad would accept him no matter what. After that i tried to talk with my father about all this and told him these things aren't that much important for me because i see goodness in him ( even tho is a possessive and wants to control) and he is a really nice guy, he respects the elder, he has good manners and helps his family when they are in need ( money problem) and he does work, he studies.. and he loves me alot since he also came to talk with my father. Means that he is serious about us!? but when i couldn't convince my father i lost hopes and actually saw a point in his speech about the sunni-shia thing. So i told my bf that maybe its better if we just break up. My father he won't accept him and the other thing which i had on ma mind was the way he is being so possessive and overprotective can i really be happy with him? and what about our children in the future.. what will they follow my belief or his? Will i commit a huge sin if my children chooses to follow his path ? Still he didn't give up, but i already gave up everything. I was so damn confused and lost that i didn't want to go back to him. He was kinda suffering and got sick for a few months because i didn't talk to him and started to ignore him. But now i feel soo bad and guilty i never really wanted to hurt him, but i somehow had to give up i had no other choice. i really love him and i know he will be a good husband if he just changes a few bad habits and starts to behave manly and not childish. With the guiltiness i had felt and not happy for leaving him then i decided to give him another chance to see maybe it will work out between us and maybe my father will accept him even tho he is a sunni muslim. And try to look at what good qualities do he have instead of looking at him as a sunni muslim! I talked with my father few days ago i thought maybe i can convince him but he still has the same opinion and my bf still is a bit possessive about most of the things even now. Thought maybe he is changed but no.. So what should i do??? Forget my fathers decision and his advices etc and get married with him with hope that he will change his bad habits towards me and that he won't try to change my belief or force my childrens to follow his path in the future, or should i really listen to what my father says and leave my bf for the very last time? Please help... i need your advices/Suggestions JazakAllah
  3. So I hear this argument a lot as a guy searching for a practicing Shia spouse: "Oh don't be so strict on the hijab, she can always wear it after." or here's a better one: "What? You don't think you have enough faith to bring her closer to Islam." (paraphrasing) and of course my favorite: "Oh well just because this girl does Hijab now doesn't mean she'll do it forever. She might wear the hijab but wear tight jeans and do lots of make up." (I call this the hijabi fashionista argument which is valid to a point). So my question is: am I crazy to have something as simple, basic and WAJIB (key here) as hijab as one of my requirements for marriage? I mean if I'm looking for a practicing Muslim (isn't that by definition someone who does Hijab)? I feel if you have enough sense to wear Hijab you must have some sense about the basics of Islam. You may not be necessarily be religious but at least there is a visible potential there (and yes I know the whole "don't judge a book by a cover" but I think it applies here). I mean at the end of the day if Hijab doesn't matter, let me just go and find the most attractive looking girl and "charm her" into wearing hijab (sarcasm). I'm going insane.
  4. marriage

    aoa. i know marriage of a syeda with a non syed is allowed in islam. my question here is, that my parents are not agreeing on me marrying a non syed, even though he and his family is religious, decent and simple and much better than my family when it come to religiousness. but my parents are not agreeing and as i am 24 now they are looking for proposals a lot and asking me to go meet strangers and sit with them etc. what should i do? either just wait for Allahs miracle for us or to speak up to this and fight for my right?
  5. Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful Prayers and Peace be upon Prophet Muhammad and His Holy and Immaculate Household. There have been a group of us on Shiachat who have been watching over the years how many brothers and sisters fall into problems and despair because of a lack of opportunities to find a suitable spouse. There are opportunities, both on and off line, but these opportunities are not feasible to do for some brothers and sisters who 'fall between the cracks' as it were. In order to help them, and in the spirit of Amr Bil Maroof wa Nahiya Al Munkhar (Enjoining good and forbidding evil), a group of us have decided to invest some of our time fe sibilillah (in the way of Allah) in order to help our brother and sisters find a suitable spouse who may otherwise find it difficult to do. In Introducing the project, there are a few points that need to be clear 1) This project is not officially part of or affiliated with Shiachat, although it has support from a number of influential members here. 2) This project is a marriage opportunities network, just like the name says. It is an introduction service, it is not a marriage or match making service. 3) The project managers and participants will strive to abide by all clear and agreed upon Islamic requirements for a marriage related project The Project, In Brief The managers of the project have committed to holding sessions once a month via Skype in order to introduce brothers and sisters to each other in a halal, confidential, and secure environment. Based on the session, potential spouses are free to 'self select' (it is a self selection process, the organizers don't match up the participants) and if there is a match, the project manager acts as an agent in order to exchange contact and other information with the interested parties only. Only those looking for a spouse plus one session moderator per session are able to participate. There may be multiple session held simultaneously in order to provide convenient times for brothers and sisters living in different parts of the world. The sessions will be held in the English language only (for now). There is a registration process (links will be given below). The Project - Participation In order to participate, each person must complete the registration process. The first session will be limited to a maximum of 5 brothers and 5 sisters. This is per session. If there are multiple sessions, it will be 5 and 5 per session. In case there is more demand than can be accommodated, priority will be given to brothers and sisters who fully fill out the references sections and their references are well known in the community and can be easily verified and those who have filled out the optional questionaire. There is no cost to the participants for participating in the session, other than their time. The Project - The session The first Session will be held via Skype. The target date for the first session is July 28th at 9 pm Eastern Standard (New York) time. There may be additional sessions for brothers and sisters in the UK (we will be announcing if there is). The session will be approximately 1 hour. It will start with a 5 minute introduction to the project and instructions for participants. The rest of the session will be 5 minute segments given to each brother and sister to introduce themselves to the group. Participants can participate in any way they feel comfortable, voice / video chat, just voice, or just text (chat). In case they decide to participate via video, Islamic regulations regarding dress must be observed. There will be approx 10 minutes given at the end of the session should brothers and sisters have questions for each other or the moderator. Participants will contact the moderator via email in case they are interested in one of the other participants. If they one they are interested is also interested in them, moderator will send their information to each other. After that point, MON Project is out of the picture and it is up the the individual brothers and sisters to pursue or not pursue the relationship in a responsible and safe manner keeping in mind the guidelines of Islam, wisdom, and common sense. If anyone has question, please post on this thread or contact the project at monproject17@gmail.com Link to Registration https://drive.google.com/open?id=1EgT3KBzw7BhlHoztN6r_0uSR1vLHelj_xLqNhwfnLUM Link to Optional Questionaire (we encourage brothers and sister to fill this in addition to the registration) https://drive.google.com/open?id=1mNMLTK0rjw1Z-rlOyGfUvbQCWgbnMCIsHz4rgqoog5w All information sent or exchanged with monproject17 is strictly confidential and will only be shared with third parties with the explicit consent of the participant. Salam Alekum.
  6. i want to get married

    Disclaimer: ranting I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome ) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately.
  7. Assalam o Alaikum, I am deeply in love with a guy I met exactly one year ago. After a few months of talking to him we decided we wanted to get married. He sent his mother over to my house, it went well. His mother then said that she is just waiting for his dad (he lives abroad) to come back and she will then take the talk further. When his dad came they invited us over to their place. My parents were very reluctant as they somehow didn’t like his family. So they thought doing an istakhara would be the right thing to do. They did it through a Molana sahab. And it came out negative. What should I do now? I am deeply in love with him and getting over it seems impossible. My parents have told me to move on as it is Allah’s verdict. What should I do? The guy’s parents are still willing to marry us.
  8. Salam Alaikum everyone, I am in a very difficult situation, and I have no idea which direction I should go in so I am seeking advice (even if it's a harsh truth!) I will try to keep this short. I married my husband 7 years ago, we have one child. Three years ago I came to find out that he married another woman temporarily for a term of 8 years (they still have 5 years in their term). It shattered my whole world. I never thought he would do this to me, he lied originally about it to try to delay my feelings. When I first found out, I asked him ti leave her and he agreed. I thiught that was that and we moved on. A year after I found out that he had lied to me again, that he was still seeing her. I gave him another chance and actually accepted him being married to her on the condition that their relationship is strictly over the phone. He agrerd but I never fully trusted him, but thought it was what was best for our son at the time. I've recently come to realize that he is in fact seeing her in person still (surprise!) and broke down. I've cried nearly every day, and feel that my love to him is gone. He's promised to change and says he will only talk to her on the phone, but my heart can't trust him again. It's been very difficult not only on us but our son as well. It's come to the point that I have asked him for divorce, but he will not divorce me. My questions are, is anything he doing considered haram? Knowing that I will leave, is he obliged to divorce this other woman in order to save his permanent marriage? How can I go about getting a divorce from him? My biggest fear is that of losing my son (he is 3), what are the rules regarding him - who has primary custody? Thank you all for your time
  9. Can atheism be forgiven?

    A few months a go, I started dating with a man of my dreams. He impressed me and won my heart and we started planning the future together. The only thing I didn't like is that his parents didn't raise him like a muslim. He has the name but not the knowledge. He decided to let go of islam and become an atheist and he knows that is breaking my heart. Yesterday we had a fight and I asked him does he plan to stay an atheist forever and he said yes. I left him because I have a fear of my future children becomming atheists. Now my heart is broken and I only want to see him, but Im afraid of my wishes too. Please tell me, if a person doesnt know anything about islam, if he chose to be an atheist because he had no knowledge about his faith but still he is a good person with a good heart, can Allah forgive him? May he somehow go to Jannet? And can Allah forgive me for if I was married to him? I honestly always had a hope that he will start to love islam one day.
  10. Marriage advice

    Salam everyone I need some advice from both men and women. Especially those who are married. Let me just start by saying my husband is a very good muslim and he trys to follow all islamic laws. And he does treat me really well. Ok so I got married about 5 months ago and before we got married we went through alot of ups and downs. So before we got married there was this girl that my husband was talking to. Initially he was talking to her to help her out and give her advice. But then the girl got attatched to him. (Which i warned him will happen). So many times he told me he would cut contact with her and he didnt do it. So finally when it came down to getting married i left America and went to Europeto get married. And we had an agreement that he would cut complete contact with this girl before i came to marry him. So long story short, on our honeymoon he was texting and on his phone alot and i got very suspicious. And when i tried to see who he was texting he got upset. So finally when we went back home, while he was sleeping i went through his phone and sure thing it was her he was talking to, BUT it was worse then i thought. They were telling each other they love each other all kinds of things, like how they wish they can be with each other. Imangine you are a new bride, and you open ur husbands phone and u see this kind of conversation with another girl. The whole time he was telling me that he was just giving her advice for thawab. His explanation for that was that she was attached to him and everytime he tries to end it with her she says she will hurt herself. So he talks to her in this way because she is sick and he doesnt want her to hurt her self.. so after that he ended it with her but i continued to feel paranoid as this wasnt the first time he told me it was over.. so we continuted fighting about this. Because of her our marriage is falling apart and we are on the verge of divorce. So anyways after some time it was time for me to go visit my family in america i was gone for about 1.5 months. And while i was there i found out he was talking to her again. And his excuse was he didnt get the chance to say bye to her the right way. So we fought and fought. The thing that bothers me the most the more we fight about it the more he makes me seem like im the crazy one and what he is doing is perfectly ok. So finally we came to one last agreement that he should end contact with her before i came back to him. So i came back and i asked if it was over and he said no. And now he refuses to end it with her, he says he will end it on his own time when he feels it is right. I just dont know what to do anymore i tried everything, he doesnt understand how woman are, he wants me to be ok with this and trust him. He is a good muslim and i know that but this is too hard for me to handle, ive been married for 5 months and all we do is fight about this. I dont think its fair, every girl deserves the chance to feel like a bride. Pls help i dont know what todo anymore..
  11. Salam guys, Can someone enlighten me on the caste system? I'm a Syed, Shia girl and want to marry a non syed Shia whos practicing his faith. Unfortunatly I come from the Indo/Pak region and my family is highly respected! If I marry this guy, I will bring shame to the family, and they'll probably kill me for the sake of family honour. I have had this conversation with my father, and he says that, Imam Ali(a.s) was a Syed but his kids from his other wives(aka Hazrat Abbas a.s) were not Syed. So I cant say that Imam Ali a.s got his other daughters married to non syeds. Is their any hadiths and any verses of the Qur'an that clearly state, this is halal?
  12. Conversion and marriage

    Hello / salam alaikum. I know that Islam is somewhat strict on marriages where husband is not a muslim (since children of such couple could potentially be raised as non-muslims and other issues).But is there any ruling on those who used to follow another religion but than converted to Islam? I am not talking about converting just for the sake of marrying a muslim but those who genuinely believe. Are they anyhow special in this case (e.g. that muslim women should still avoid them)? Another question is if such marriage between a born-muslim girl and a guy who converted during his adulthood (e.g. is from the west) can exist in real life? I am not asking for myself, I recently had a conversation about that matter with someone, but since both of us are not muslims we lack any knowledge on the subject. Thanks.
  13. Ok I know that this has been asked like 100 times but I can't find anything like my situation. Also I live in America, this may help with understanding culture as well. And I'm a revert. I have no family! Not just no Islamic parents, but I literally mean no family. So it's like if some Muslim man liked me at school and asked my friend "hey, I like her, can you get her father's number for me" and she may say "no, but this is her father's address 777 heaven St." And he would feel sorry and then not have a way to court me. Ok so why would I ask this, why not just date like regular American girls? Because this already got me into to much trouble even almost killed. So I have someone I trust who even advised that I take her council. Then it hit me, no I don't just want her council I want her to act as my father would and weed out the psyhco paths. But is this halal? If in that example the school mate said "no but here is her sole guardians number, ask her guardian" is this halal? Also this person I trust is not Muslim. But she told me while I was upset that "only a Muslim man would want you. If that's what you want go for it" so she puts her feelings aside if it is what I want and does look out for my interests" I just need to know if it's halal and if it would work that way. Thank you.
  14. Salaam Alaykum all, may this message find you well. I am a Shia female that belongs to a very respectful family alhamdullilah. However during my journey at University I came across a Sunni male. We want to get married. We are aware of the challenges this may pose and have in fact spoken about it before because we do not want any problems to arise after marriage especially with our kids. It will take a lot of compromises though but most aspects of Shiaism are not a problem for him. As you have figured from the title, I have already approached my parents and all I have received is a no. I was expecting this, however I do think persistence may pay off. Do not get me wrong, I do not want to engage in anything haram nor do I want to compromise with my Aqidah. I have discussed with the man I wish to marry that I strongly believe Ali should have come first and I have immense love for the ahlulbayt. my parents do not see it that way and are afraid of what the community will think and think my faith will fade and I will divert to the wrong path. I do not want to make my parents unhappy or do the wrong thing but I am willing to learn about both sides for my own sake so that my faith is not merely inherited. Although from what I do know I am convinced I am on the right path but I do acknowledge that we are all muslims at the end of the day and the ummah really needs to unite at this point in time. Also, when my father refused I asked for him to do an Istikhara for my own reassurance and he refused because as my wali he does not accept the person I wish to marry. Is it true that the wali is the one that should take an istikhara or can I do it myself? Also, do you think I should? Finally, I am an Agha Sistani follower who says that if there's a chance of being misled, marrying a Sunni is not permissible. However as I mentioned earlier most things we can agree to and I will continuously be practising my Shia faith. In conclusion I would like some advice on how to approach my parents and get the to agree. Also if you are aware of the ways and ruling on istikhara. Please let me know. Thank you Jazakallah
  15. Sunni and Shia marriage

    Salam W Alaykum I am in a very confusing situation right now.. I have been stressing too much about it. I am originally a Shia Lebanese and live abroad with my family and have been doing it ever since I was kid. I always had in mind that I would marry a Lebanese girl since Lebanese suffer of extreme nationalism. For the past 3 months I have been dating an Iraqi girl who I adore and admire. I enjoy every second with her. When we first started talking she told me that her father is Sunni and her mother is Shia but she has very little knowledge of both, so she told me doesn't count herself as either. When we would go out, we would kiss (I know, haram) but I kissed her and then told her that what we are doing is wrong and we should do Mut'a (she was married before and I asked a Sheikh about it and he told me it is permissible). She was reacted in a negative way and didn't like the idea because in her point of view, kissing and such are not haram because we live in a different era etc. But I explained to her that that is not the way I see it and so on. After about 1.5 month I managed to convince her to do Mut'a and we are both happy. My goal with this girl is to marry her but right now she tells me she is more into Sunni because of her father (he is not even living with her) and her view on Shia is bit weird because she has only a couple of friends of Shia and they were bad people and her mother didn't teach her a lot. Right now, we are in a critical situation where I told her that if I want to marry her, I am expecting her to pray, eat halal food only and fast and I would prefer if she would be Shia and I told her that I could prove to her why Shia is wrong using Sunni and Shia hadith. But she is very upset and I know her point of view on religion is a little bit European since she grew up here. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot to change her mind and we are almost on the edge of breakup because of this. Please what are your views on this ? I am really stressing about this and in my opinion, if she is Sunni but loves Ahlul Bayt I would not have a lot of problems with it but I would still worry about my children since I prefer them to be Shia.. Please, ANY ADVICE/OPINIONS WOULD BE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. AC
  16. It is narrated that the Holy Prophet once said: ما بني بناء في الإسلام أحب إلى اللَّه عزّ وجلّ من التزويج The Holy prophet says: "Indeed, there is no institution in Islam that has been built that is more beloved and dear to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى than the institution of marriage". But a successful marriage does not come merely from finding the right partner, but through being the right partner. There are three areas that we men need to focus on to become virtuous husbands. Marriage counsellors and psychologists identify these three elements as the 3 A's of a healthy relationship. 1. Affection 2. Appreciation 3. Attention The virtuous husband is affectionate. Husbands often assume that their wives know that they love them. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) reminds us that this love has to be verbally affirmed on a regular basis. Rasoolallah (SAW) says: قَوْلُ الرَّجُلِ لِلْمَرْأَةِ إِنِّي أُحِبُّكِ لَا يَذْهَبُ مِنْ قَلْبِهَا أَبَداً When a husband says to his wive that I love you, indeed those words will never leave her heart. And for God's sake. Be romantic every once in a while. There is a hadith that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) would encourage to be romantic with their spouses. Rasoolallah says: ان الرجل ليوجر في رفع اللقمة الئ في امراته The Holy Prophet (PBUH) says: Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى rewards a man for placing food in the mouth of his wife. Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى even rewards the man for this romantic gesture with his spouse. The virtuous husband is also appreciative. Husbands often take their spouses for granted. It is narrated that the late 'Allamah Tabataba'i, the author of the famous Tafseer ul-Mizaan, deeply appreciated the support system he found in his wife. He once said: "It was this woman who allowed me to reach this position. She has been my partner, and whatever books I have written, half of the credit belongs to her." And finally, the virtuous husband is attentive. In order to give attention to someone, you have to spend time with them. Time is the most valueable gift you can offer your wife. In a tradition from Rasoolallah (SAW), the Holy Prophet exhorted men to spend quality time with their spouses. Rasoolallah (SAW) says: جلوس المرء عند عياله أحب إلى اللَّه تعالى من اعتكاف في مسجدي هذا The Holy Prophet says: "A man sitting with his family is more beloved in the sight of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى than spending the night in worship in this mosque of mine". We ask Allah (AWJ) to give us towfeeq to be virtuous husbands, wa sallallahu ala Muhammad wa ala tahirin.
  17. Asalaam Alaykum everyone, I have previously posted on this forum about a guy who has recently proposen to me. After that post, my father invited him for a second meeting. We took a walk and chatted about our lives, personalities, goals etc. Again, he did not ask many questions about me. After our second meeting I talked to him on the phone and I asked again why he did not ask me many questions. He told me after meeting twice he is fine with me and accepts me as how I am. He seems a decent, nice guy; my parents, some of my sibblings like him and the istikhara outcome for him was 'very good'. I have been battling self low-esteem, social anxiety and depression for years. Alhamdullelah I feel very very much better and made a lot of progress. Because of my social anxiety and depression I have missed many opportunities in life. Now that I have gained a lot of confidence and feel energized, I like to work hard towards my goals which one of those is getting into university Inshallah. I love to travel, meet new people, experience new adventures and broaden my knowledge and skills. It just happened now that this guy has proposen to me and I am not sure what to do. I do like to get married but I have this feeling I want to spent some time alone without any partner to develop my independency and most importantly my personality and identity. I dont know whether I should tell these to my suitor. If he could wait for me that would be great. Because he is a stranger I am not sure how he will take this. Its hard for me to trust people even telling them minor details of my life. I then fear he would not understand me or judge me. I am very open-minded but unfortunately not many people in muslim communities are like this. Things like mental health disorders are a taboo. Any good advice from those married or have/had similar experience(s) are welcome. Singles can reply too. By the way I am 25.... Thank you. Sara
  18. @SeekingEnlightment [Mod Note: Your topic was approved.] Personally, I find the the concept of mutah very very hard to consume. For one, it is a choice. Secondly, I cannot even imagine my daughter's virginity being taken by some temporary contract like this. The best thing about Islam for me is how much it protects and values the purity of its women. How much it emphasis for not just men but women too to lower their gazes and keep good intentions about everything. Then there is this Mutah. How.. I mean how is this even acceptable? It sounds so wrong. Maybe i dont know much about all this but I cant seem to grasp this concept of this being right at all. A temporary marriage? Isnt marriage supposed to last forever between soulmates? A lasting bond? Are you not gonna be with your husband in heaven? Arent couples made in heaven? Women's virginity is such a sacred thing. Her Iman and every single thing. I like how its a choice for the woman too but this type of marriage contract. Nah uh? Never gonna happen. Also there is that fact that it is not acceptable in every type of Islam. In all honesty it sounds like 'loaning a women' fine yeah i get that that woman will have all the rights of a wife and will be respected and all but still for a time? its like loaning or hiring to be cruder despite the fact that woman gets a choice in it. What bothers me is how its acceptable. If someone could explain why its significance and its rulings that would be great. Still however no matter what I strongly think that not many will agree to this kind of proposition ever if they are pious. I mean a man taking responsibility for a woman in a marriage.. its such a sacred thing. A bond its everlasting. How would a woman feel if say oh i will be 'not married' when im like 40 or something how does that sound? Sounds weird to me. Besides that, most of the proofs that I have read from Shias claiming that Mutah is right are unclear and are vastly disagreed upon. Even using common sense being a third party, when I see a religion so conservative and pure like Islam I will never believe that their Lord will allow women to just be married for a term. For their virginity to be taken like this and then after a time that matrimonial bond with that person vanishes.
  19. Forcly Married by Parents.

    Assalam o alekum Mera masla buhat hi critical hai. Umeed karta hoon k meri baat ko theek se samjheinge aur uska proper answer deinge. Mere ghar waalon ne meri zabardasti Shaadi karwayee, shaadi karwaane se pahle mein bilkul saaf inkaar karta raha , ek ek ko clear bataaya, us larki ko clear kaha k mein tumse shaadi nahi karna chahta, baad mein mujhse kuch demand nahi karna, ghar waalon ko kaha k mein phir is baat kaa zimaidar nahi hoonga. Mere ghar waalon ne wahan pe meri 2 sisters ki shaadi ki thi , 1 ki hogyee thi 1 ki karni thi, bahrhaal Sirf engagement huwee thi magar mein saaf mana karta huwa aayaa. At the and huwa yeh k unhon ne mujhe zabardasti shaadi karwayee magar mene sabko clear kiya thaa to meri wife k sath nahi bani. Naa mein us se baat karta hoon naa milta hoon magar usko divorce nahi diyaa, divorce doonga to meri sisters ki life kharaab hogi magar phir bhi apko bataaoon k mein ne sabko saaf mana kiyaa thaa. zabardasti Shaadi to karwaadi attachment nahi karwa sakta koe ese. Mein doosri shaadi karna chahta hoon magar mene clear kaha hai k agar mujhe shaadi karne ki ijaazat deinge to phir mn usko apne haq dene ki koshish karoonga. Mujhe bataaein isme mera koe agar qusoor hai agar nahi hai to phir mujhe kiyaa karnaa chahye. Apke mashiwire kaa intezaar rahega.
  20. Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters. I need some advice on a situation I'm currently. To give some background, I am a Sunni muslim and the girl I want to marry is a Shia Syed. Her parents are very traditional and want her to marry Shia man. We're both in love with each other, but she believes her family will never allow us to be together. I've told her I will become Shia and learn everything I need to. I'm not going to lie, I'm not the most religious person right now and I have a lot to learn before making a decision like this, but I am willing to dedicate myself and follow the faith accordingly. Even after telling her this, she is still doubtful that her parents will agree. I want to believe that doing that for her, and reasoning with her father how much I will love her and care for will be enough. But at the same time we both dont want to give each other false hope. I please ask brothers and sisters to give your advice and perspectives. I'm willing do everything to make it right for this girl and show her family I am the man for her. I know no one will love her like I do and I want to approach this the best way.
  21. Hi friends, I asked a scholar working for Ayatullah Sistani the following question via email: If a Jewish man converts to Islam and is married to a Jewish woman, would the marriage stand? I received the very straightforward answer that because the wife is Jewish, the marriage would be in order. It is a great and very humane response, but I asked the question because based upon what I've read Ayatullah Sistani doesn't allow permanent marriage between Muslim men and Ahlul-Kitab. Moreover, that seems to be the rule, rather than the exception. Any ideas on why this can be allowed as a leniency for converts and not as a general choice? Would it extend to a once non-practicing Muslim man married to a Christian woman who later returns to the practice of his faith? Any help understanding the legal reasoning which goes into this would be appreciated.
  22. So as many of you are aware, it is unheard of today to have a wedding without music and dancing even with relatively conservative muslim families, so how does the groom play around this when both his 'conservative' family and his fiancee's 'liberal' family strongly want a wedding (segregated) with music & dance? Is there any form of permissibility?
  23. I need to know where can I get English cum Urdu nikah naama in New Delhi. Is it available in market anywhere. Is is available online.whwre can I buy Shia English cum Urdu nikah naama ? It is urgent Thsnks Syed Awsiya Hassan
  24. need some advice on ahmadiyya

    Salaam. I am a Syed Shia girl. I have met a very pious Syed man, but he is from the Ahmadiyya community. He does not agree with all their views and he accepts, understands and is leaning towards Shiism. However he is officially ahmadi and takes part in all their activities. When I explain about Shiism to him, he respects it and even wishes to take part in Majalis, Azadari etc. He is a very kind person, and respects me very much and is exactly what I'd want in a future partner and I'm afraid I won't find it again. I believe he would convert if it was not for family pressure and fear of hurting his parents. I understand that their views are completely against ours, but what would your religious opinion be on this. And what if he converts to Shiism? Would it be wrong as it may seem he chose it for me and not for the right path? Please advise. Kind regards.
  25. Istikhara in love marriage

    We knew each other since long time and find it compatible for each other, Few months back I told this to my parents and they did a background check and found it alright. We perform Istikhara after this which came "Bad" and we have decided to close the discussion. I have also read that Istikhara is taken in certain condition and many Ullema ask to use it very carefully. One view from ayatullah-khomeini on Istikhara on this available in below link: https://www.al-islam.org/istikhara-seeking-the-best-from-Allah-muhammad-baqir-haideri/section-8-views-maraja-taqlid-and "Or; Who answers the distressed one when he calls upon Him and removes the evil?1However, there are examples that people who are against Istikhara mention, such as the incident in which there was a girl who liked a young boy and in all ways, were compatible with each other, but after talking with one another, the Istikhara was performed and it came out 'bad' and the discussion ended there. Another example is about a person who wanted to purchase a house. Everything was fine and in all ways, the house was ideal ‑ he performed an Istikhara and it came out bad, so he decided not to purchase the house.It is clear that the reply to them and thousands of people like these regarding the Istikhara (and the proper use of it), is that in instances such as these, only one who has no intelligence, who is defiant, and who does not have a correct understanding of the Istikhara would perform it in these instances. " Looking for your kind guidance/Masferah if this is the right decision. Thank you.
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