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Found 290 results

  1. I am a Dawoodi Bohra (Muslim) boy and my girlfirend is Hindu (Gujrati). Our parents have agreed upon us. Could anyone of such sort of experience help us out sharing theirs and how the convert the girls into Dawoodi Bohra? Share their experiences if any
  2. Hello guys, I'm an 18 year old Lebanese guy living in the USA. I'm probably the most religious and smartest one in the family. I'm not saying I wanna get married now but I would like to get married like 2 years before I finish college (around 21-22). My mom keeps saying no, I have to finish college first and start a career job. I think I can work a decent job while I finish my studies and get married. I feel like all Lebanese parents are like that. Anyone else deal with the same? Thoughts?
  3. I found an old thread similar in the Brothers forum and decided to create one for sisters. Those who aren't married: is it due to financial troubles, not finding someone you "click" with? Are you not interested in getting married? Why or why not?
  4. Asalamalekum, Can the negative and fearful thoughts about the Nikah not being recited properly, void and invalidate the marriage? Even though I know from bottom of my heart that my Nikah was performed correctly almost 2 years ago, My Nikah was performed almost 2 years back, the problem was that “the representative asked me twice if I accept my wife in marriage and I said yes each time. Later when I went home I started getting negative and unwanted thoughts about my nikah, that the scholars are supposed to ask me three times.” Therefore, I contacted a Mujtahid and he said my nikah is valid. But the thoughts would not stop and kept on bothering me, I don’t know if its shaytan, but the thoughts kept playing in my head all day wherever i was. The sending of the bride ceremony did not occur at the time of the Nikah, and I went abroad leaving my wife back home. So, I decided that these unwanted thoughts would remain with me forever unless I recite the nikah formula again. So, when I went back for our “sending of the bride ceremony” this January, I stayed at my in laws house for couple day. And me and my wife were together, and we got intimate and I think we might have done intercourse but I am not sure. Because I had received a fatwa from a Mujtahid that my nikah is valid and I don’t have to repeat the “segha” but it is also permissible and no problem even if I repeat it. Afterwards, "before the sending of the bride ceremony" I went to the scholar and he repeated the segha again. But now I am really confused about few things; 1) was my first nikah recitation valid? 2) the intimate relationship I had with my wife before the second recitation, was that halal? 3) And was the last recitation valid and can the negative and unwanted thoughts about nikah not being done correctly void my nikah? Many thanks for helping me!
  5. Salaam all, I have created this account because I love the helpful feedback and comments I've seen on this forum for months now, because I now am in need of help: To cut a long story short I keep wanting to leave my husband, he is very emotionless and my marriage feels one sided. I come from a Wahhabi and Sunni background, and he introduced me to the teaching of Shia Islam and I reverted within the week. I am young, and I did not have a wedding as my mum being from a Wahhabi background was unhappy with this choice, but my dad supported me, thank god, and we got our Nikah done. Since then, I have become increasingly isolated, I do not have any Muslim friends and I have never spoken to anyone about my marriage issues (besides my husbands- who does not seem to care). I have been pressured into wearing hijab by his family as they would forbid him marrying me, but he does not see any wrong in this and says that it was a good thing. All of these changes started to happen very fast, and I was 21 years old when I fell in love with him, I have been telling myself that things will get better, but nothing does and I am becoming increasingly depressed. I cannot speak to my parents regarding this because of everything we went through to be together, and I once spoke to my mum and she implied that I deserve this for my choice in husband. It has been a struggle and we have been together now for 4 years, he is a [occupation], which I realise is draining him and I am patient and try and be as good as I can, I cook for him his favourite meals, I am not [ethnicity] but have tried to learn some [language] and to learn all his favourite [ethnic] meals, and I try to give him space as best as I can too. All he wants to do is play computer/ video games when he comes home and very rarely spends time with me, I have brought this up many times, but nothing changes, and he seems not to care. Also, I have struggled with the hijab, as I live in a very racist town, but have persisted to wear it for God, the only thing that I hate is the hypocrisy that I'm starting to notice, such as, he pressured me to put it on, but when there is a semi naked lady on the telly he doesn't change the channel or look away? I don't understand, but we have had a few arguments regarding this. Today, I said to him I am very unhappy and am considering a divorce, he didn't seem to care and said go ahead... Problem is, I do actually love him, and don't want a divorce, especially as I know it will make things harder in many ways. Has anyone else gone through anything similar or has any advice or coping strategies please? I'm considering seeking professional help, but the town I live in rather racist and it would be hard to find a therapist that can empathise with a Muslim. Thanks for your time.
  6. Assalamualaikum. Brothers and sisters I have a question that I'm curious about my father had found a girl for who is cousin and talked with her parents for our marriage which they have agreed to is it permissible for us to talk to each other on internet if we stay in limits? I'm alone now I have brothers but they don't know about her my mother passed away 15 years ago and my father passed away 2 months ago so is OK to get to know her well before marrying?
  7. Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem Salaam Alaykum dear brothers and sisters, Question: What is it like to live with either spouse's parents during the first 1-3 years of marriage? Let's say if you brought your spouse to live with your own parents, how does that affect the relationship in the short-term and long-term? I would appreciate any form of experience from any of you, as this is something I have been pondering over for a while. Wassalam.
  8. There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone. A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent. Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc. Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid: 1) Do Not Marry Potential: Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc. 2) Choose Character over Chemistry: While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait: · Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism. · Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger? · Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say. · Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain. 3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner: Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving. 4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans: In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together. · You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?” · The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with. · Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination. 5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity: · Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman. · Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them. · Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment. 6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection: There are four questions that you must answer YES to: · Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person? · Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say? · Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself? · Do I feel calm and at peace with this person? If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married! 7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety: Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things: · Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities. · Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married. Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner: Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it! 9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility: It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them. 10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster. Also important to consider are the following: · Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside. These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships. · Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you! Additional Points to Consider: 1. The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence. 2. Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc. We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?” 3. Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs. 4. Be flexible. Be open-minded! 5. Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them. 6. Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship. If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage. Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well. Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.
  9. TimeforM

    Marriage?

    Salam Alaykum My father and mother were discussing the marriage and recently my father told me about it, that I should get married. My mom already found one girl for me. I am maybe in the right age to get married, but there is one problem, maybe more that one. 2 years ago I was really willing and I was interested in getting married. That has changed. I am not more interested in marriage at all, I can't even listen about it. The reason for this big change is finding out who women really are. To make it short, I can't look at a woman without seeing evil, without seeing the satan. Their beauty gets instantly destroyed once I think about their soul. Now, my parents expect me to get married, but I simply can't marry the devil. The reason why people should get married really early is that when you are young you are stupid and you can do stupid things and marriage is one of them, because you don't know what you are doing. Anyways, if there is a way to overcome this I would appreciate your efforts and comments.
  10. DishaVaswani110

    Matrimonial Websites

    Salam Alaykum, I am a revert to Islam. Please suggest some good matrimonial websites.
  11. Hello everyone, I am writing this here because I am facing a very serious issue and I would appreciate some scholarly insight and advice on the matter. I am a chistian woman and have fallen in love with a Muslim man. He is Shia and suggested that I look on this forum for advice, and I believe that this is an appropriate place to ask this questions as neither of us have an answer. He parents do not believe that he can marry me because I am Christian and they say that Shia's are not allowed people of other faces. However, if I were to convert, I would lose support from my entire family. Is there any law that allows for interfaith marriages in Islam? Kindly advice me on this matter as it is very important and we would very much appreciate advice from scholars. Thank you.
  12. This is a series of videos having one Drama and based on the Drama a Questionnaire with Aalim and Doctor (Psychologist) . Its in Urdu language , but very good for families facing problems due to Marriages and other Social activites. Courtsey : Channel Win ( India's first Shia Islamic Channel ) 15 Videos :
  13. Mansur Bakhtiari

    Age of Marriage

    Assalamu Alaikom Brothers and Sisters I know most people regard puberty as the age of marriage, but I believe the Quran gives a different age. Quran 4:6 بسم الله وابتلوا اليتمي حتي اذا بلغوا النكاح بلتي Quran 17:34 بسم الله ولا تقربوا ملا اليتيم إلا هي أحسن حتي يبلغ أشده أشده means full strength or maturity, but since these verses speak of handling wealth it means capability to make important decisions. This verse applies to women and men. So if a man wanted to marry a girl of 10 years who has reached puberty but does not understand important decision making, would it not be haram? Yet in Iran this would be legal. So Iran should have psychologists to deteemine marriage age, no?
  14. Salam, Im a 20 year old sunni guy, currently speaking to this girl who I'm not sure if she's shia or not, Im assuming she is but not 100% sure. Anyway i really like her and i want to marry her, but i need to know if she is shia first, hence my question, how do i identify a shia, in terms of facial features, and please dont say the noor, on their face because thats not true.
  15. Assalam u Alaikum to all brothers and sisters. So I have a question which i consider is very serious. As we all know that Muttah marriage is declared permitted by all of our Ayatollahs and scholar. None of them i guess consider muttah haram. But how can they declare muttah permissible when it was declared haram by our Imams. There are just few narrations in which muttah is considered permissible, and it is not stated clearly from those narrations that it is really permissible. Here is the link where you can find dozens of narrations proving muttah haram(forbidden) : http://mullaandmutah.weebly.com/wikipedia.html Here are some most clear narrations declaring muttah forbidden: 1)Another hadith narrated from Imam Jafar Ul Sadaq[A.S] Narrated by A'maar: Abu Abdullah[Imam Jafar Sadaq]said to me and to Suliman Bin Khaled: "I made Mut'ah Haram on you".AL Kafi Pp 467.V5.Wiasal Shia Pp22.V21. Shiekh Saduq classified it as Saheeh[AUTHENTIC] in his Minhaj Saduq Pp304.V7. Sheikh Sadra Hassan[With Good Chain of Narration] in his Commentry on AL Kafi.Pp461.V4. 2) Narrator says that he heard ibn Abi Umair who narrated from Ali bin Yaqtin saying: 'I asked Aba al-Hassan (a.s) about the Mutah and He (a.s) replied: 'What do you have to do with this, when Allah has made this unnecessary for you.' I said: 'I just wanted to know about it'. He (a.s) replied: 'It is Prohibated. Al- Kafi, Volume 5 page 442. Al Astibasar Pp459,V12. Shiekh Amali and Shiekh Abu Hassan decleared it Saheeh in their Commentries on AL Kafi[pp35,V4 and Pp109.V10] and Hasan by AL Majlisi in his Maratul Uqool Pp59.V34. NOW HOW CAN ALL OF OUR MARJAS, AND SCHOLARS DECLARE IT PERMISSIBLE WHEN IT IS PROVED THAT IT IS PROHIBITED ACCORDING TO OUR IMAMS ??
  16. Hi, I had this dream a while ago about my cousin visting us from Lebanon. But in my dream he was younger than he actually is. And for some reason it wasn't a problem that he saw me without my hijab, it was completly normal for me. Then suddenly a Sayed knocked on my door. My cousin was standing right behind me. I told everyone around me not to open because I wasn't wearing my hijab. Then the Sayed opend the door and came in. I ran to me room but he followed me and opend my bedroom door and saw me without my hijab. And then he left. Does anyone know what this dream means?
  17. I am 17 right now, and when I am in college, or after college, I want to marry a sister in the community who is 2 years older than me....she is in her 2nd year of college right now....my problem though is, i want to get a 4 year degree, so i wont be making much money for another 4-5 years, and by that time she'll have already found herself a husband older than me.....perhaps even older than her......also, she sees me as a little brother.....and I know that in Islam men are supposed to be the providers for women.....and my parents are unlikely to support me and her if we ever get married, as are her parents......that's how it is in the gulen movement community, couples are expected to provide for themselves if they want to get married.....what should i do? get an associate's degree so ill be making money faster? get a scholarship for college, and work 40 hours a week at a job, and 20 hours a week at school? anything else?
  18. SALAAMAULAYKUM EVERYONE Alhamdolilah My "Disability" is a blessing in disguise. This is one of the most noblest gift I have ever received from Allah, as it helps me to eliminate superficial people around me and has helped me in many other ways like my faith is much more strong than it was before. I have this question in my mind and needed a specific platform and this is the one . I request all my brothers and sisters explain this thing to me--- why people , generally and as well in our Muslim community are superficial when it comes to marrying a disabled person ? I am a mono limb below knee amputee, I use a prosthetic (one of the best in the world and made in germany) and it's hardly discernible while walking in my gait. I live in US, go out on hill trekking, can do skydiving all by myself . I had a strong relationship long ago but she and her parents walked away, though initially the girl was willing to, but you can imagine a situation like when you are offered an iphone 7s then why would you go for a Nokia phone (I apologize for explaining a situation with a slightly blunt example ). There is a famous incident about "Julaybib", one of the companions of our Prophet (Peace be upon him)..People should learn from this incident. And I came to know it's haram in islam to have a boyfriend or girlfriend kind of relationships. But for people like us going for an arrange marraige { you can imagine the situation}. It's like similar to a chimera . Lol, it's not about becoming a fanatic lover and moving on. My disability has evolved me a lot and fostered my faith in a positive way...HOW??...Look Initially when I was with her I used to sing and play guitar and after she left. I left singing and playing guitar and started reading Quran that too with translation, moved towards a state of apotheosis. Look it was good thing for me, not to worry about that. What I am going to ask is completely different . I mean people are like to disabled person saying "Oh, you are a motivation and inspiration for us all " and they often ask " how come you are able keep that smile on your face instead of all these tribulations you are facing in your life ". I feel like saying to them " These things which you are stating as tribulations, trials or ordeals are not something that we should be sad about it all day instead, they are blessing from our God ". {Allah doesn't burden a soul that it can bear - Quran 2:286 }. I mean look how Allah consider an individual person and test him or her with disability. I mean like he considered us to be so strong that he has put us to test throughout our life and still people look down at us when it comes to marriage. Please don't look down towards someone with disability when it comes to marriage. What's the choas all about and why people in our muslim community are like this in this specific situation, when they know everything that people with disabilities are very close to Allah ? Thanks and salamaulaykum once again
  19. SALAAMAULAYKUM EVERYONE Alhamdolilah My "Disability" is a blessing in disguise. This is one of the most noblest gift I have ever received from Allah, as it helps me to eliminate superficial people around me and has helped me in many other ways like my faith is much more strong than it was before. I have this question in my mind and needed a specific platform and this is the one . I request all my brothers and sisters explain this thing to me--- why people , generally and as well in our Muslim community are superficial when it comes to marrying a disabled person ? I am a mono limb below knee amputee, I use a prosthetic (one of the best in the world and made in germany) and it's hardly discernible while walking in my gait. I live in US, go out on hill trekking, can do skydiving all by myself . I had a strong relationship long ago but she and her parents walked away, though initially the girl was willing to, but you can imagine a situation like when you are offered an iphone 7s then why would you go for a Nokia phone (I apologize for explaining a situation with a slightly blunt example ). There is a famous incident about "Julaybib", one of the companions of our Prophet (Peace be upon him)..People should learn from this incident. And I came to know it's haram in islam to have a boyfriend or girlfriend kind of relationships. But for people like us going for an arrange marraige { you can imagine the situation}. It's like similar to a chimera . Lol, it's not about becoming a fanatic lover and moving on. My disability has evolved me a lot and fostered my faith in a positive way...HOW??...Look Initially when I was with her I used to sing and play guitar and after she left. I left singing and playing guitar and started reading Quran that too with translation, moved towards a state of apotheosis. Look it was good thing for me, not to worry about that. What I am going to ask is completely different . I mean people are like to disabled person saying "Oh, you are a motivation and inspiration for us all " and they often ask " how come you are able keep that smile on your face instead of all these tribulations you are facing in your life ". I feel like saying to them " These things which you are stating as tribulations, trials or ordeals are not something that we should be sad about it all day instead, they are blessing from our God ". {Allah doesn't burden a soul that it can bear - Quran 2:286 }. I mean look how Allah consider an individual person and test him or her with disability. I mean like he considered us to be so strong that he has put us to test throughout our life and still people look down at us when it comes to marriage. Please don't look down towards someone with disability when it comes to marriage. What's the choas all about and why people in our muslim community are like this in this specific situation, when they know everything that people with disabilities are very close to Allah ? Thanks and salamaulaykum once again
  20. Salam, Mut'ah marriages (Islamic "pleasure" marriages) are wajib (obligatory) for most Shia Muslim youth who attend undergraduate college in the West. This is because most Muslim youth in such situations will be sexually frustrated unless they relieve themselves in three ways: masturbation, permanent marriage, or mut'ah. The first way is haram, the second way is highly impractical and unfeasible for most such youth in their freshman/sophomore/junior years of college (of course it shouldn't be this way, but unfortunately this is the way things often are and we should now see what a youth should do if permanent marriage in these years is indeed not possible for him - while we should also try to change the way society is, but that takes time, so what should youth do right now?), and therefore the third way is the only way a youth must take nowadays. Considering that most Muslim youth have normal youthful human libidos, most of them cannot survive years of time without sexual release. It would be seriously delusional to think otherwise. Most normal, healthy, normal-libido-possessing youth cannot go for years without neither masturbation nor sex. Heck, I don't think even an adult can go that long. Of course there will be the rare and exceptional cases where a youth either has no libido or possesses extreme self-control (which may be superhuman or even unhealthy), but for the most part, youth generally cannot go for years with absolutely no form of sexual release. And that is why for most youth, mut'ah will not only be mustahab - it will be wajib. If I found a Shia Muslim youth who was in his junior year of college, and he wasn't permanently married, and he hadn't ever done mut'ah in his life either, I think I can be reasonable in my assumption that this guy has been masturbating (committing haram). Of course, Islamically, I shouldn't assume negative things about a fellow Muslim brother, but from a secular/realistic/statistic perspective, such an assumption would not be irrational. It's time that more Shia college boys are encouraged to get girlfriends in college by doing mut'ah. Whoever encourages another Shia Muslim brother to get a girlfriend using mut'ah will have done a very good deed by preventing him from committing haram (masturbation). P.S. I follow Ayatollah Khamenei, and according to him it is obligatory precaution to seek the father's permission when doing mut'ah. But my next-in-line scholar is Ayatollah Mahdi Hadavi Tehrani, and according to him, such permission isn't necessary. So mut'ah is very feasible for me and others who follow these two scholars. There are plenty of Christian and Jewish females in college whom us youth could take as partners.
  21. Salam alaykum, If you're married, how long did it take you to get an answer to marry from your/the girl's wali ulamr? Did the families already know each other or were you strangers to each other? If/when a girl gets a marriage proposal, how long would it, or would you expect it to, take for the father to think about it? If the situation is complicated in terms of conditions etc, how long would it take for the father to contemplate about them? Are there any Islamic rulings or guidelines about this? References and advice from experience would be highly appreciated! Salam
  22. Salaamaulaykum, brothers and sisters i am a below knee amputee , lost my leg six years ago in a road accident. I am completely independent, do daily tasks just like normal person. Just completed by undergrad and now I am going to United States for my masters . It's been a year, since I broke up with the love of my life, whom I loved from the most deepest region of my heart, towards whom while looking, no matter how many chaotic situations I was circumscribed by ,when I looked at her, was always at ease. During our relationship, I never touched her, you know what I mean to say...no physical or haram contact...just respected and loved her just the way she admired and followed Islam. I thought , she was the one, but all of a sudden everything just changed, her mother came to know about my scenario, that I was a handicap, although I use one of the best artificial limb, imported from germany, I can run too and it's hard for anyone to recognize that I use an artificial limb. Her mother started looking for marriage proposals for her..and I remember it was my birthday she texted me "Good luck for everything" and that was the worst day of my life. I asked her why, and their was just a pin drop silence on the other side..believe me the pain of losing the limb was nothing in front of this one, what I felt at that very instant..The reason her silence indicated that "I was a handicap or disabled person"...I just retracted myself because the reason was like..Her mother could have said something else like any other reason but she just remained silent and believe me ,if the reason was other than "being disabled" .. I could have said to her mother that "Ok give me some time, I'll be the man , whom you would like to offer your daughter to " . But In my scenario even if I had the extra time , It was impossible for me to get the thing back , I lost long ago. Every morning I woke up, the very first thought is this one only and tears come off my eyes. I used to play guitar, sing . Now I have just given up on singing and guitar. I read Quran translation nowdays, but whenever I think of falling in love with someone or marrying someone, my soul gets dilapidated and all I have found is just peace in the recitation of quran and offering salah,previously I was a gregarious person and now I have transformed myself into a brutally conserved one. And I dream of a place now, where people like me are not considered as something as an ostracized element of the society. And when I think of falling in love or marrying someone , thinking about ""the story of Julaybib, one of the contemporaries of the Prophet, is another vivid example of inclusion. In addition to being poor, Julaybib had an unpleasant physical appearance and nobody wished to let their daughter marry him. Upon the Prophet’s request, a noble family gave him their daughter in marriage."" I say to myself that only prophet can reduce the pain i am going through... I told you my story, Now I was to ask, that ""people like me are not considered for marriage"" you can assume the reason according to my past encounters... I know it's haram to go in a relationship before marriage in islam....Is it permissible for peple like me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage.. you know the reason..when people will hear about my disability they would just say "NO" ..hence the question ".Is it permissible for me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage "?????
  23. Salaam alaykum. (I am actually not a new member, but I haven't been on in a long time and forgot my login info). Question for you all: if you were approached for marriage by a pious mo'min who is an excellent match for you BUT wants you to leave your country (US, or any other first world country) to permanently live in his country (3rd world middle eastern country that oppresses women and minorities), would you accept? Why or why not? Curious to see what others think. (side note: obviously istikhara is a good solution if one is really torn, but I'm curious to know your initial reactions. As you know, part of istikhara is seeking the opinions and thoughts of others). JazakAllah khayr.
  24. Allah says: “وَلَن يَجْعَلَ اللَّـهُ لِلْكَافِرِينَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ سَبِيلًا…” …never will Allah give the disbelievers over the believers a way [to overcome them].[the Quran 4:141] The above mentioned verse denotes a rule which is expressed in Islamic jurisprudence. This rule is called قاعدة نفی السبیل (the rule of negation of way). Therefore, according to this rule, muslim man cannot marry a non-Muslim woman and a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man in permanent or temporary marriage. When it comes to temporary marriage, a Muslim man can marry a Christian (or Jewish) woman but a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man. For more info visit: http://www.islamportal.net/question/can-muslim-marry-christian http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2062/
  25. I want to get married to this girl, and I am 17, and I want to get a PhD in economics, but while I am in grad school I won't be making much money........the stipend is barely enough to survive off of.....and the girl I want to marry is the same age as me, and so I'm worried if I wait until after I get my PhD she'll have gotten married to someone else by then.....what should I do?
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