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Found 276 results

  1. Marriage in the Shariah is not a sacrament. Stripped of all the cultural accretions Muslims have added on, and minus the obviously crucial elements of love and companionship, marriage is nothing more than — literally — a contract between a man and a woman in which the man provides the woman with financial support in return for exclusive sexual access. It’s a contract that makes sex and reproduction legal in the eyes of God and legitimate in the eyes of society. -Jonathan AC Brown I would imagine many of you are uneasy with the idea that marriage in Islam is nothing more than a contract in which sex is exchanged for financial support. I am certainly uneasy with this idea, for it seems to belittle the institution of marriage on the one hand, and on the other, it is not how the Qur'an describes marriage. For instance, in Surah 30:21, Allah swt describes marriage as a union involving tranquility, love and mercy. In Surah 2:187 marriage is described in terms of reciprocity. To be fair to Jonathan Brown, he does refer to the 'crucial elements of love of companionship', however these seemingly aren't crucial enough to define what marriage is. According to the above quote, in reality marriage in Islam is nothing more than a contract. Additional elements including love and merely that - additional, non-essential elements. I don't agree with that. At least, I think it doesn't do justice to the Islamic conception of marriage. There are at least 3 approaches we can take to the Islamic definition marriage. 1. Legal definition vs Complete Islamic definition The first approach is to distinguish between 2 types of definition. The first is the Shar'i definition of marriage, and the second is the Complete/Qur'anic definition of marriage. Both of these are valid definitions, but they are different. The first is the legal definition, and the second is the true Islamic definition. So, on the legal definition, marriage is nothing more than a contract in which sex is traded for financial support. But on the true Islamic definition, marriage is more than this. Islamically, marriage is a contract which also involves tranquility, mercy, love, and reciprocity. This account makes the word 'marriage' equivocal, i.e. it means two different things depending on whether you are talking is a purely legal context, or giving the true Islamic definition. A culinary example would be the word 'jelly' which means two different things depending on whether you are in the UK or the US. Both definitions are valid, but you have to specify the context. Why would there be 2 types of definitions? Well the Sharia is concerned with practical matters. There is a societal benefit in giving a simple legal definition of marriage, so that some of most harmful sexual relationships can be readily identified, and healthy relationships can be encouraged. This practical concern requires a level of pragmatism, which is reflected in simplified definitions of important Islamic practices. 2. Essential vs Non-essential elements The second approach is to distinguish between essential and non-essential features of marriage. On this account, there is only 1 definition of marriage, and marriage is defined in terms of essential and non-essential (additional) elements. The essential element would be the contract. The additional elements would be love, compassion and so on. These additional elements are desirable, and they perfect marriage, but these aren't essential to make marriage what it is. The word 'marriage' on this account is univocal - it means only 1 thing, in contrast to the account above. An example would be the definition of cake. Essentially a cake is a sponge, but it can also have other additional elements that improve it, such as icing, decoration, other toppings and so on. 3. Inward vs Outward aspects The third approach is to distinguish between the inward and the outward aspect to marriage. Outwardly, marriage is nothing more than a contract. However it would be wrong to say that this is all there is to marriage. Inwardly, marriage involves such things as love, mercy and so on. On this account there is also only 1 definition of marriage, but it has 2 aspects. We deal with each other based on the outward aspect, and so describe a couple as married if they meet the outward aspect of marriage. However if there is no love or mercy or tranquility, then they are lacking the inward aspect of marriage, and so aren't truly married. *** To further understand the differences between these 3 accounts, I will answer two different questions. (i) What is marriage (ii) If there is an Aqd (contract) is there a marriage? Answers: 1 (i) Depends on whether you are asking for the legal or Qur'anic/complete definition. Legally marriage is a contract, but the Qur'anic conception of marriage is more than this, and involves elements such as love and mercy. (ii) Legally yes there is a marriage, but devoid of these other elements it isn't a Qur'anic or Complete Islamic marriage 2 (i) Marriage is a contract. (ii) Yes 3 (i) Marriage consists of a outward and inward elements. (ii) Outwardly there is marriage, but devoid of inward elements, in reality there is no marriage. *** You can apply a similar approach to other Islamic practices, e.g. prayer. Prayer can be defined in terms of the Arkan/pillars of prayer mentioned in books of fiqh. But is it really prayer if it doesnt forbid evil? (Surah 29:45). Legally prayer is the Arkan, but the Qur'anic/Complete Islamic definition includes the important elements of spirituality. You could view the Arkan as essential, and the other elements as non-essential. You could say prayer has an inward and outward, and without both there is no prayer.
  2. Asalamalakum Brothers and Sister, I was married to a Sunni man in my very early 20's however we did separate two years after due to a variety of issues. I am happy to say i have spent a number of years happily single raising my two children. I have had offers for marriage but i was not interested therefore declined all of them. However I did meet someone by chance and we are engaged and i am very much in love and very excited to spend our lives together. This being my second marriage I want to make my own conditions for the Nikah contract, my previous contract was done via my father and it took me 2 years in court to actually be able to Divorce because the way the contract was drawn up and i received no Mahr at all and still receive no financial help for my two children because I am raising them Shia and he does not approve or support this. Mahr for me isn't very important, this is a real love thing, but i do want to be smart about the conditions, My future husband is from Qatif, Saudi Arabia. He has never been married before, and he does plan to eventually move us all from Canada (where i was born and raised) to Saudi Arabia to live and manage businesses. I want to make sure i am protected and am still able to attend university again if i wish or work. I do not accept a second wife so i want to include that as well, and i want to make sure i am still able to travel freely with my two children and any children he and i have with out having to receive his "permission" (as far as i know i would require that) in order to fly from Saudi Arabia. I am asking you all to help me make conditions you might think are important or beneficial for my Nikah contract. Thanks
  3. This has been really on my mind lately, is marriage really fate. What about all the ladies who want to get married, do they just sit around and wait for someone to propose. What if they aren't getting any proposals. I'm not and probably many wouldn't go up and talk to someone because I have social anxiety and also it isn't really accepted in our culture. What if the mother doesn't have friends who could know you have a daughter of this age, who would not mind getting to know someone (with marriage in mind obviously). I just don't know if marriage is qisma as most mothers with sons are looking for the typical physical appearance for their son rather than looking at the girls deen and ikhlaq. It might be hard to accept this but the uglier you are in this society the harder it is to get married nowadays. It's different for the guys in this case as it is there mother who goes and asks for them. Also, how do you deal with a mother who doesn't want you to get married because you do a lot of the chores at home and looking after younger siblings especially when she is not well.
  4. I’ve been married for coming up to 3 years. I live with my MIL & FIL and most the time my SIL & her daughter live here too. I cook dinner every day, sometimes even cook afternoon food too. I’m from a different culture, my in laws are Indian and they eat curry everyday for lunch. I’ve learnt how to cook lots of Indian food! I help out around the house, I do majority of the cleaning every other day eg hoover, keep kitchen clean & the 2 bathrooms once a week. I wash everyone’s clothes every Saturday morning, normally do 3 loads. My SILs daughter is very close to me she always wants me and wants to go everywhere with me that ppl think she’s my daughter. If me and my husband go shopping ( just me and him ) it’s an issue with my MIL, she will call my other SIL and start moaning about it, being all upset and angry. MIL doesn’t like us going anywhere without her basically. MIL always back bites about me saying I don’t do anything around the house, I don’t cook or clean. I just sit all day doing nothing and tells my SIL to tell my husband about this. Her attitude; it’s really starting to make me resent her. She’s all nice and smiles to my face but to my SIL she complains about me too much. she expects me to not go out with my friends, and when I do she complains asking why I even go and I go out too much. I go out once a week if that? Seriously. And complaining about me not cleaning and cooking when I do it everyday? . I go to my mums house every Friday and MIL doesn’t like it, and when I come back she always gives me dirty looks. Even when me and hubby want to go upstairs and just watch a movie together and chill, just have our own space together, it’s an issue we have to take SILs daughter upstairs with us! All of this makes me feel so annoyed. I’ve spoken to my husband about this before but he is adamant to stay living with his mum and dad. We were so close to breaking up before about this exact same issue, we had such a big bust up. He will NOT live separate, he would rather divorce me. I’m not happy living here anymore because of the way my MIL is. Really don’t know what to do. I’m trying to conceive as-well but I’m thinking twice about that now due to the way things are and I think they’ll get even worse if I had a baby whilst living here! Which makes me feel really sad as I desperately would love to have a child..
  5. Asalaam Alaykum dear SC members, I suffer from social anxiety. I am engaged and sometimes I find it very hard to communicate with my fiancee because of my fears, doubts and anxeties. There are moments I get shut down and want to be alone. With Allah's will I am going to get married Inshallah. Everything in this relationship is so new to me. I am very insecure how to act towards him. I fear that if I share my insecurities all the time woth him that he might stop loving me and leave me. I know I think irrational, but these thoughts keep popping into head and doesn't leave me at rest. I suffer alot sometimes. I don't what to do. Is there any of you with mental health issues ( be it social anxiety or anything else) married? If yes how do you and your spouse cope woth this? Thank you, Sara
  6. In Shia Islam we have this significant practice known as Muta which is to keep us away from sins like fornication, pornography, and masturbation. However the intricate laws of Muta (chosen by Maraja in non-western Islamic countries) and the societal circumstances are absolutely opposed to practicing this act. Within a Shia community, a man or woman cannot do muta with each other because they will be looked at in a negative way in the community. Shia Men cannot do Muta with Christian and Jewish Woman because let’s be honest: Western women will freak out when you mention marriage and then you try to make them repeat some Arabic verses. I’m a Shia Man who wants to do Muta but I’ve come to realize that it’s almost impossible due to the impractical rulings which cannot be applied in a Western country.
  7. Salam Alaykum, Please i hope as many sisters as possible read this and give me their opinion... your help is much appreciated ! I am a revert shia muslim sister and I am 25 years old. I have been married for less than one year to my husband and when i agreed to marry him I accepted to live with his family : his mother who is a housewife and she is divorced, his 16 yo sister, his two brothers of which one is mentally disable. One of his brother is married and was meant to move out soon but he didn't yet so atm I wear my hijab every day when he is at home. Even if I get along very well with his mum and family, I find it now too hard to live with this arrangement. as i feel i don't have much personal space and sometimes enough privacy or enough quiet ; can't always do my own things, cooking or cleaning expecially their mum is housewife so she is the one who mostly looks after them and manages the house . Also, i am not used to live with a disable person (down syndrome) and sometimes it gets difficult..and on top of that the fact that I still have to wear hijab around the house every day.. they also sometimes invite male friends and it makes me feel ubcomfortable and of course i cant mix so i have to stay the whole time in my room I get very frustrated and I am often sad . Sometimes I feel like I need a break but I can't even go anywhere as I am pretty much alone in this country and if i want to go stay at my parents I need to take a plane. What makes me feel much worse is the fact that my husband don't understand me ...instead he says i am always exagerating, making it much bigger than it is, blaming me for everything for my negativity for my feeling sad... He also constantly tells me that i m the lucky and privileged one to be with him and his family and that there are many girls who would live like me . I honestly don't believe any born muslim girl would have accepted to marry someone and live like I do ... we didn't even have a wedding...my mahr was low .. i married him purely because i wanted to be with him.. I tried to accept it, but now this has become too much and the fact that he doesnt understand me just makes it impossible for me to go on like this Please sisters tell me honestly ?Would you ever accept to be living like i do?
  8. Salaam alaikum, I wanted some opinions on a method of approaching a girl for marriage. A little bit of background: I am a revert and not so much embedded into a Muslim community. I am looking to get married but finding it difficult to find someone. I am largely resorting to online Muslim matrimonial sites but not finding any luck on there either. I have slowly started making friends with a lot of great brothers who have welcomed me. So I add them on social media and so on. Those who are on Facebook know about the 'people you may know' feature that displays a list people to add. A few girls have come up on this - they are friends with the brothers I know so I know they are likely to belong to the local community. My question for the ladies in this forum is what are your thoughts on being approached and receiving a marriage proposal by some via social media? ***At this point I just want to say that I have no intention to go around messaging loads of girls with proposals because I think that is a bit silly and immoral and breaches social hijab*** I have been a Muslim for 3 and a half years and I remember a girl whom I approached via social media. I sent her a message asking her if she is in a position where she is looking to get married and if so, is she interested in getting to know me and if so I wanted a contact detail of her parent or legal guardian to request their permission to get to know her. She rejected but was very polite and nice about it. Did not show any annoyance or offence by what I said. I was just wondering how a lady would feel, if approached on social media from a male with respect and good etiquette with a proposal along similar lines to how I approached the lady. Given my circumstances, I am just trying to think outside the box (but staying within the box of Islam of course ) Thoughts appreciated Thanks
  9. Good Evening brothers and sisters, I have gone through a hard year of decision making when it comes to a woman in whom i was going to marry. I have been a devote follower of Ahlul Bayt (AS) for all my life. I currently live in Kuwait. 3 years ago, I met a special woman while studying at university. When I first saw her I was overwhelmed with emotions; she was a respected sister in Islam. We used to talk on campus and became great friends in university. I wasn't ready financially to contact her father, and dint feel like he would accept me, being just a student. I decided to wait till graduation and prayed to God that he hastens that day and to instill me patience; was graduating in a year. However, love got the best of the both of us, and we decided to do something I personally didn't want to do; we exchanged numbers. During that time, we talked and texted a lot, which sadly also caused many expectations (Good mornings, asking how we are, etc...) and hence, drama started to happen. Although we had our ups and downs, we were still committed and determined to marry one another. Earlier this year (2017), almost 3 years into our relationship, I graduated and started to work and save up dowry (mahr) money. I contacted the father and he refused me, along with her mother. The main reason was nationality, for she was a Kuwaiti citizen and I was a Canadian (originally half Egyptian half Kuwaiti). The father stated that he worried about his daughter's future stability as marrying a Kuwaiti man would have lots of benefits (Housing, etc...). Nevertheless, I continued my prayers, du3as, and constant night prayers (salaat allayl). I came back and called the father during spring and he completely rejected me and told me to never call again, he also went to the daughter and changed her number, told her that he doesn't want anything to do with me, and if he figures out anything, she would be in trouble. To make matters worse, he even decided to find a man for her, and he was quick about it. She rejected the men he told her about, and during this time we didn't talk (almost 2 months). Finally, he called me and told me suddenly that he is sorry and that he had to tell me something. I went to see the father at a coffee shop, in where he told me that he was so sorry for his mistreatment. At this point I thought my prayers have been answered, and was really emotional while being around him. It wasn't until he told me something that has had me in deep depression since. The father told me that he was forcing his daughter into arranged marriage so that I wouldn't interfere in her life, and that they argued a lot at home and she even ran away to her cousin's house and slept there for a few days. She told him also that if you don't let me marry the man i want (me), I wont accept another man. He then threatened her and told her that I will put this man (Me) in jail for talking to you, and that she should better move on and become more "Wise". She told him "Ok". He then told me that she came home recently crying, crying her soul and was screaming in agony. When her parents asked her what happened she kept saying that its their fault, its their fault. Apparently, due to her parents rejecting me and forcing her into arranged marriage, and literally telling her that she will not marry me, the girl decided to chill around the wrong crowd at university, in where she met a man, or lets just say a "Wolf", who was Kuwaiti, and he told her that he is interested in her and all these lies. The girl being in depression, in denial, and angry, (Still not an excuse) decided to go out with this man to a nearby coffee shop, in where he locked the doors, drove off, parked somewhere, and tried to physically abuse her. Apparently, he almost went all the way, while beating her down till she was almost unconscious. Only thing we knew was he almost took her virginity, but he pretty much did everything else. He kicked her out of the car and drove off. She called her dad and went right to the police station, and it turns out that the man was not in university but only visiting. The cops are still under investigation. At this moment, I was speechless, hurt, and seriously pouring tears without saying a single word. The father was also tearing. He told me to please come and see his daughter. I went over and I just remember arguing with her, angry: Why did you do that? Where is your faith? Where is your fear of God? What happened? How could you even get into a car with a man you meet a week ago? WHY?!! The father calmed me down but I ignored what had happened to her or being there for her, as I was furious and sad. It is unlike her to do anything like this. She admitted her fault but also tried to blame the environment she was in lately, but that isn't a proper reason, no matter the situation. I decided to tell the father that I will need time to decide if I want to marry or not. Less than a month later, in Ramadhan 2017, I took a journey to Karbala, followed by Mecca and Madina. I was in deep prayers about the situation and it seriously affected me while I was on the journey. I felt intense feeling of betrayal, hate, rage, and ground bottom depression.I had 2 voices in my head, one telling me to be strong and forgive, while the other telling me to move on and that the relationship was cursed due to your haram actions of talking to her for years prior to meeting the father. When I got back, the father kept calling me and informing me that the girl has been in full repentance and prayers, her face has become lightened, and she changed completely; not only has she gone back to her good ways, but she has become way stronger in faith. He even mentions that he doesnt recognize his daughter anymore, that she has become to what he explained as the light of his house. I believed him because I know the feeling of a sinner when they truly repent. Allah is ever merciful, ever forgiving, and compassionate to all of us. She got back to university in September and all I heard from certain male friends that I know is that she is constantly at the prayer room between classes, while only goes to class and back home. Since September I haven't heard anything about her and I felt that I moved on, although when remembering the situation I still felt angry and sad, I kept my head high and focused on my work life. It wasn't until recently. Last Tuesday, while at work, I had one of my students tell me that she has a sister named the same name as my ex. This random saying suddenly happened to bring about an intense feeling and a flash of memories, even she the girl has been seriously off my mind. I started to notice that I suddenly became tired and sat down. Although I was constantly asking God to pardon my thoughts, forgive, and heal me at the moment, the emotions came more intense, and this time it wasn't rage, it was remembering what I loved about the woman. I was trying to convince myself that I am done with her, while claiming that these thoughts are from my waswas or a devil, I wasn't able to win. I realized I still cared for her, and felt like I had finally forgiven her for what she did. I didn't know if this was a sign that I could move on in peace, or a sign to call her dad and make the marriage happen. Still, I was shocked at my own feelings for being this way, and so suddenly at this moment while working. Surprisingly, her father called me, and informed me that his daughter has been constantly asking Allah for me to forgive her, and to find it in my heart to accept her, that she is a changed woman, a better woman than ever, and to at least remove the bad image I had of her. This call shocked me because what I felt earlier wasn't normal at all. Could her prayers been answered? Now my problem is this: I don't know if I should continue with her in marriage or not. Do i have feelings? Yes, I do. They aren't as strong as they were, but its still there, and although I am fully over what happened, its still judging my decision. I know if I get back with her, it would be beautiful for her relationship with Allah, and will definitely strengthen it; for she has been in repentance and is praying that Allah forgives her and changes my heart. What are some hadiths on this issue? About cheating, forgiving someone? What would you believe is best in Allah's eyes for me to do? At the end, I want to please Allah over anything. I did an estekhara about whether I should marry her or not, while at Karbala when I was there, and it turned out to be "Jayed" or "Sadeqa". My heart is neutral about this, its not against her and not with her, I really just want to please my creator after these sins. This issue has been a chaotic and emotional roller coaster. What would you do?
  10. Assalam-O-Alaikum My Shia Brothers in Islam. I am not good in English, I hope you understand my words. My question is, Is Widow Remarriage Encouraged in Islam or is it just Merely Permissible? Because Quran says that those who are not married should get married (Both Men & Women, Virgins, Widows/ers, Divorced). It's just literal interpretation. Don't know what Islam says about this. What if The Widow Woman don't want to get married in the first place because she have some love feelings for her dead husband? Same for the Widower? Does Not Marrying and Remarrying Again would be punished by Allah?? Jazaak-Allah-Khair!!
  11. I am a shia girl and I have been very close to a sunni man for about 4 years now. We share an amazing bond together. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a husband. But I’m an Indian and he’s a pakistani and also he’s sunni and I’m shia which is the biggest issue here when it comes to our marriage. His family has agreed for this proposal and in my family everybody agrees but we are too afraid to inform my father as he disaproves marriages of such kind. If anyone can please help me out to give me a dua that can melt My father’s heart for this proposal. I’ll be very thankful to you and will always remember you in prayers. thank you
  12. I'm afraid to get married

    اسلام علیکم brothers and sisters how are you all? Ok, so straight to the point, I'm really afraid to get married because i think i might not be able to raise my children well because my job is not at one place I'm moving all over the world all the time so i think i might not give enough time to my children and i might not raise them well and this thing is stopping me from getting married and I'm really worried about it. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks.
  13. Salam Alaykum. I recently approached a family in order to get to know one of the sisters of the family for marriage. Although the girl was keen to get to know me. I was rejected because of my cultural difference. They wanted marriage right away whereas we needed more time to get to know the family. They told me that without islamic marriage i could sit with the girl for 2 15 minute sessions then marriage. This is where they started to say that it is haram to sit with the girl more because its haram to develop feelings and thoughts. They also rejected on the grounds that they did not know me. What they knew of me was i was a servent at an islamic centre and a recitor. Thats all they knew. When we went over we were disrespected by the father as he did not want me to go closer to his daughter. Since we went over they did not contact my dad even though the sister was adament she wants to get to know me. Its been three months. And i still wamt this. I need help to build a case to present a case to the family to show them that what they are doing is unislamic. I have had numerous discussions with the brother but it has not worked. I need help
  14. Looking for testimonials of being married to someone with different level of practicing Islam (Shia Islam specifically). Moderate woman to not so moderate man. Scenerio: Individually both have compatibility. Looking at them their are no apparent differences. They are happy. Neither drink. But only one eats halal. One comes from a moderate practicing family and one from a family that has little distinction from western lifestyle and some of the family members drink but live elsewhere. Both individuals have older kids. Can it be a succesful second marriage?
  15. Assalamaleikum So im actually dealing with two huge problems which is very difficult for me to solve! i need your advices guys! Bear with me it is not a short one! and please dont judge me:)! 1) : I (shia girl) have been dating this guy ( sunni muslim) for almost 1 and a half year (we met at our college). to start with i know it is haram and not really acceptable in islam to date but since i met him i felt like he is the one and we wanted to take our relation further. we talked about that he should come and ask for my hand. we were both agreeing in that one since we thought thats the best thing to do as we both are muslims and should do it in a halal way. Later when i got to know him much better, i felt like he is getting a bit overprotective and started to control me whenever i was out with my girl-friends or if i went to parties with my family and friends. He wouldn't really let me go out with my friends sometimes and if i were then suddenly he would show up! He sometimes checked my phone, checked my messages and Instagram snapchat etc!, and were telling me with whom i can talk to or with whom i can hang around with. And whenever i was at home replying his messages a bit late he would get angry or upset at me, and he knew that my family would b around thats why i couldn't reply to his calls and messages at time!. and then i told him that i want to study nursery and that was also a thing that was bothering him so he told me not to study it. And choose something else. But i disagreed cause thats my dream and thats what i want to do. Later on i tried to convince him which took me over a week ( he actually said if i choose nursery then he would leave me) and then he finally agreed that i could study nursery! after 6-7 months i didn't see any change in him. He kept doing all those things again and again i actually deleted some of my good friends because of him, which are small things i know. And when he told me to delete them etc it didn't bother me because i knew i loved him and i did what he told me to do. And sometimes when he didn't allow me to go out with friends or bday parties i would listen to him and just sit at home. all these things that i had to do for him and the pressure and controlling thing he did with me were beyond my limits, i felt like i was not happy and was forced to do things which i wasn't happy to do. I couldn't really be myself when i was with him, so sometimes i did hide things which i didn't want to tell or show him because i knew he wouldn't understand. and since i come from a family where i have my own freedom and limits/boundaries/rules that my parents had sat for me i was happy with that and my parents would never force me to do something i won't. And of course because they TRUST me no matter what. almost 9-10 months passed and i felt sad inside, upset, disappointed, weak, unhappy, guilty ( which he made me feel sometimes) i felt like i did a huge mistake by trusting in him and be with him behind my parents's back. I was thinking with myself is he really the one? can i be happy with him? will HE be happy with me? so i decided to talk to him tell him everything what i felt and my thoughts. SO I finally decided to break up with him cause i felt helpless, hopeless, tired and not happy and couldn't continue being with him! Then he started crying, came to my house every time with red roses tried to convince me to give him another chance. He was shedding tears every time he came to my door, So i started to feel so bad for him and for us! i said maybe im wrong i felt guilty somehow to see him crying and so helpless! so i gave him another chance i gave US another chance because i did still love him. He said then he will come to ask for my hand so that we could get engaged. And that was also a thing which made me feel like getting engaged with him will maybe solve our problems somehow! Before asking for my hand i told my dad about him told him everything the truth! no lies! my father looked at me and where really upset that why did i even date this guy such a long time and especially when he is a SUNNI MUSLIM! my dad were against it and told me to break our relation and not even think about it for a second! He said there a so many differences between a sunni and shia, and that our differences will come in our way some day when we get married it will be a huge problem. I told my bf everything and he said it doesn't matter that won't stop him to come and talk with my father. So he actually came and talked with my father. Tried to convince him by saying that he loves me and we know each other for a long time now and he will keep me happy etc etc, but since his family doesn't live here in the same country he came alone to ask for my hand. My dad literally threw him out without even yelling or anything. He told him that we have been doing a huge sin for dating such a long time, and the second thing is that he is a sunni muslim. These two things stood in our way otherwise my dad would accept him no matter what. After that i tried to talk with my father about all this and told him these things aren't that much important for me because i see goodness in him ( even tho is a possessive and wants to control) and he is a really nice guy, he respects the elder, he has good manners and helps his family when they are in need ( money problem) and he does work, he studies.. and he loves me alot since he also came to talk with my father. Means that he is serious about us!? but when i couldn't convince my father i lost hopes and actually saw a point in his speech about the sunni-shia thing. So i told my bf that maybe its better if we just break up. My father he won't accept him and the other thing which i had on ma mind was the way he is being so possessive and overprotective can i really be happy with him? and what about our children in the future.. what will they follow my belief or his? Will i commit a huge sin if my children chooses to follow his path ? Still he didn't give up, but i already gave up everything. I was so damn confused and lost that i didn't want to go back to him. He was kinda suffering and got sick for a few months because i didn't talk to him and started to ignore him. But now i feel soo bad and guilty i never really wanted to hurt him, but i somehow had to give up i had no other choice. i really love him and i know he will be a good husband if he just changes a few bad habits and starts to behave manly and not childish. With the guiltiness i had felt and not happy for leaving him then i decided to give him another chance to see maybe it will work out between us and maybe my father will accept him even tho he is a sunni muslim. And try to look at what good qualities do he have instead of looking at him as a sunni muslim! I talked with my father few days ago i thought maybe i can convince him but he still has the same opinion and my bf still is a bit possessive about most of the things even now. Thought maybe he is changed but no.. So what should i do??? Forget my fathers decision and his advices etc and get married with him with hope that he will change his bad habits towards me and that he won't try to change my belief or force my childrens to follow his path in the future, or should i really listen to what my father says and leave my bf for the very last time? Please help... i need your advices/Suggestions JazakAllah
  16. marriage

    aoa. i know marriage of a syeda with a non syed is allowed in islam. my question here is, that my parents are not agreeing on me marrying a non syed, even though he and his family is religious, decent and simple and much better than my family when it come to religiousness. but my parents are not agreeing and as i am 24 now they are looking for proposals a lot and asking me to go meet strangers and sit with them etc. what should i do? either just wait for Allahs miracle for us or to speak up to this and fight for my right?
  17. A Thought: What is wrong Muslim Men? l was reading about a new marriage app or some such nonsense. When will Men realize they are going to be unhappy with whomever they talk themselves into marrying? For example, Men have to write a profile of themselves. l'd be honest about mine. Decrepit Dotard. What interest will a cute, rich girl want with that?
  18. So I hear this argument a lot as a guy searching for a practicing Shia spouse: "Oh don't be so strict on the hijab, she can always wear it after." or here's a better one: "What? You don't think you have enough faith to bring her closer to Islam." (paraphrasing) and of course my favorite: "Oh well just because this girl does Hijab now doesn't mean she'll do it forever. She might wear the hijab but wear tight jeans and do lots of make up." (I call this the hijabi fashionista argument which is valid to a point). So my question is: am I crazy to have something as simple, basic and WAJIB (key here) as hijab as one of my requirements for marriage? I mean if I'm looking for a practicing Muslim (isn't that by definition someone who does Hijab)? I feel if you have enough sense to wear Hijab you must have some sense about the basics of Islam. You may not be necessarily be religious but at least there is a visible potential there (and yes I know the whole "don't judge a book by a cover" but I think it applies here). I mean at the end of the day if Hijab doesn't matter, let me just go and find the most attractive looking girl and "charm her" into wearing hijab (sarcasm). I'm going insane.
  19. i want to get married

    Disclaimer: ranting I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome ) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately.
  20. Assalam o Alaikum, I am deeply in love with a guy I met exactly one year ago. After a few months of talking to him we decided we wanted to get married. He sent his mother over to my house, it went well. His mother then said that she is just waiting for his dad (he lives abroad) to come back and she will then take the talk further. When his dad came they invited us over to their place. My parents were very reluctant as they somehow didn’t like his family. So they thought doing an istakhara would be the right thing to do. They did it through a Molana sahab. And it came out negative. What should I do now? I am deeply in love with him and getting over it seems impossible. My parents have told me to move on as it is Allah’s verdict. What should I do? The guy’s parents are still willing to marry us.
  21. Salam Alaikum everyone, I am in a very difficult situation, and I have no idea which direction I should go in so I am seeking advice (even if it's a harsh truth!) I will try to keep this short. I married my husband 7 years ago, we have one child. Three years ago I came to find out that he married another woman temporarily for a term of 8 years (they still have 5 years in their term). It shattered my whole world. I never thought he would do this to me, he lied originally about it to try to delay my feelings. When I first found out, I asked him ti leave her and he agreed. I thiught that was that and we moved on. A year after I found out that he had lied to me again, that he was still seeing her. I gave him another chance and actually accepted him being married to her on the condition that their relationship is strictly over the phone. He agrerd but I never fully trusted him, but thought it was what was best for our son at the time. I've recently come to realize that he is in fact seeing her in person still (surprise!) and broke down. I've cried nearly every day, and feel that my love to him is gone. He's promised to change and says he will only talk to her on the phone, but my heart can't trust him again. It's been very difficult not only on us but our son as well. It's come to the point that I have asked him for divorce, but he will not divorce me. My questions are, is anything he doing considered haram? Knowing that I will leave, is he obliged to divorce this other woman in order to save his permanent marriage? How can I go about getting a divorce from him? My biggest fear is that of losing my son (he is 3), what are the rules regarding him - who has primary custody? Thank you all for your time
  22. Can atheism be forgiven?

    A few months a go, I started dating with a man of my dreams. He impressed me and won my heart and we started planning the future together. The only thing I didn't like is that his parents didn't raise him like a muslim. He has the name but not the knowledge. He decided to let go of islam and become an atheist and he knows that is breaking my heart. Yesterday we had a fight and I asked him does he plan to stay an atheist forever and he said yes. I left him because I have a fear of my future children becomming atheists. Now my heart is broken and I only want to see him, but Im afraid of my wishes too. Please tell me, if a person doesnt know anything about islam, if he chose to be an atheist because he had no knowledge about his faith but still he is a good person with a good heart, can Allah forgive him? May he somehow go to Jannet? And can Allah forgive me for if I was married to him? I honestly always had a hope that he will start to love islam one day.
  23. Marriage advice

    Salam everyone I need some advice from both men and women. Especially those who are married. Let me just start by saying my husband is a very good muslim and he trys to follow all islamic laws. And he does treat me really well. Ok so I got married about 5 months ago and before we got married we went through alot of ups and downs. So before we got married there was this girl that my husband was talking to. Initially he was talking to her to help her out and give her advice. But then the girl got attatched to him. (Which i warned him will happen). So many times he told me he would cut contact with her and he didnt do it. So finally when it came down to getting married i left America and went to Europeto get married. And we had an agreement that he would cut complete contact with this girl before i came to marry him. So long story short, on our honeymoon he was texting and on his phone alot and i got very suspicious. And when i tried to see who he was texting he got upset. So finally when we went back home, while he was sleeping i went through his phone and sure thing it was her he was talking to, BUT it was worse then i thought. They were telling each other they love each other all kinds of things, like how they wish they can be with each other. Imangine you are a new bride, and you open ur husbands phone and u see this kind of conversation with another girl. The whole time he was telling me that he was just giving her advice for thawab. His explanation for that was that she was attached to him and everytime he tries to end it with her she says she will hurt herself. So he talks to her in this way because she is sick and he doesnt want her to hurt her self.. so after that he ended it with her but i continued to feel paranoid as this wasnt the first time he told me it was over.. so we continuted fighting about this. Because of her our marriage is falling apart and we are on the verge of divorce. So anyways after some time it was time for me to go visit my family in america i was gone for about 1.5 months. And while i was there i found out he was talking to her again. And his excuse was he didnt get the chance to say bye to her the right way. So we fought and fought. The thing that bothers me the most the more we fight about it the more he makes me seem like im the crazy one and what he is doing is perfectly ok. So finally we came to one last agreement that he should end contact with her before i came back to him. So i came back and i asked if it was over and he said no. And now he refuses to end it with her, he says he will end it on his own time when he feels it is right. I just dont know what to do anymore i tried everything, he doesnt understand how woman are, he wants me to be ok with this and trust him. He is a good muslim and i know that but this is too hard for me to handle, ive been married for 5 months and all we do is fight about this. I dont think its fair, every girl deserves the chance to feel like a bride. Pls help i dont know what todo anymore..
  24. Salam guys, Can someone enlighten me on the caste system? I'm a Syed, Shia girl and want to marry a non syed Shia whos practicing his faith. Unfortunatly I come from the Indo/Pak region and my family is highly respected! If I marry this guy, I will bring shame to the family, and they'll probably kill me for the sake of family honour. I have had this conversation with my father, and he says that, Imam Ali(a.s) was a Syed but his kids from his other wives(aka Hazrat Abbas a.s) were not Syed. So I cant say that Imam Ali a.s got his other daughters married to non syeds. Is their any hadiths and any verses of the Qur'an that clearly state, this is halal?
  25. Conversion and marriage

    Hello / salam alaikum. I know that Islam is somewhat strict on marriages where husband is not a muslim (since children of such couple could potentially be raised as non-muslims and other issues).But is there any ruling on those who used to follow another religion but than converted to Islam? I am not talking about converting just for the sake of marrying a muslim but those who genuinely believe. Are they anyhow special in this case (e.g. that muslim women should still avoid them)? Another question is if such marriage between a born-muslim girl and a guy who converted during his adulthood (e.g. is from the west) can exist in real life? I am not asking for myself, I recently had a conversation about that matter with someone, but since both of us are not muslims we lack any knowledge on the subject. Thanks.
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