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rkazmi33

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About rkazmi33

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    Shia Islam

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  1. Picture worth a few Words

    ^ English or Urdu? I give up
  2. Picture worth a few Words

    Darya main rah kar magar mach say bair. This one is easy, I couldn't guess the previous ones until I read @starlight's answers.
  3. Housewives may be shamed by other women but if they are good at cooking and cleaning, they are very much appreciated by men. And in the male dominated culture, anyone who is popular among men holds the power, so it doesn't matter much even if they are not very popular among other women. When I say eastern men want to tame women, I don't mean making them more modest. Modesty is never their concern. It's only about cooking and cleaning skills. They want to teach all women how to cook and clean properly. My close friend was successful professionally, she was earning a lot of money but she was also hot-tempered. Then she got married, now she is a house-wife, she washes clothes with hands (in America) and she cooks roti at home (in America) and still she is daily compared with other women who are better at cooking and cleaning, she doesn't protest or say a word. This is what I mean by "taming" of a western woman, and many eastern men want to do this taming, I don't understand why don't they just get a submissive woman who is already good at cooking and cleaning. People keep telling me that you are generalizing based on your personal experience. I have observed hundreds of people in my extended family and also in my community. If all of the men act like that, am I wrong in making an assumption that all men are like this? I will agree with you that desi community is like this and unfortunately my only close interaction is with desi community. I have interacted with non-muslim men only in professional settings but I don't have any non-muslim friends, so I don't really know what goes on inside their houses. But Yes, all the desi people I have dealt with are like this. Women can be modest even if they are successful professionally and house wives can have affairs while sitting at home. House-wives don't remain in a segregated environment. Eastern people are very social, men and women visit each other's houses frequently and interact with each other all the time. Many eastern people live in joint family systems and I don't see how living in a joint family system is different than working with men.
  4. I believe that most women in eastern cultures are abused by their husbands, and most of them don't take it quietly. They abuse their kids, maids, or other women. There are very few women who are at the bottom of the food chain, who take all the abuse and don't take revenge from others. Men remain sheltered from all this, so they don't realize their actions have consequences. Of course I like the western culture more and I think it's closer to religion because there's more justice in this culture. I just don't understand what do men want? Women are always told "you are responsible for your own happiness" and you cannot expect someone else to make you happy. Why don't we say the same thing to men? If your wife is raising your kids, that's a lot of work and you should be happy for that. You need to realize that there are problems in both cultures. People in east are not all perfect Muslims and all of them are not going to heaven. Also, if men think that eastern women are so perfect, then why don't they get married to eastern women? Why do they have this desire to marry a western woman and tame her into an obedient wife? There are millions of eastern women who are not getting married and they would make perfect wives. Why do men want to be "everything" and center of universe for their wives? Isn't that egoistical? When I got married, I liked cooking and I can also clean. But whatever I did, it was never good enough for men and I was always compared with other women who are better at cooking and cleaning. When I go to work, I get money and even appreciation for much less effort. This is why I became interested only in my career and I lost all my interest in housework. I am sure I can be a good mother, but If I have to raise kids, while dealing with an abusive husband and in-laws, I am 100% sure I will end up committing suicide or harming my kids.
  5. Desire for a huge family

    I think it's important to give a gap between kids. I read somewhere that first two years are very important. Kids, who are abused or are neglected during first two years of life are less intelligent. These days we read so many news of mothers killing their own kids. I don't think they are criminals or murderers, I think they are just pressured into having kids and they don't receive any help, so they get stressed out or frustrated. It's hard for me to function if I don't get enough sleep for a day or two. Not getting enough sleep for months or years can drive you crazy. You are more likely to do a better job if you are able to spend more time on each kid. I am not saying this about OP. I have seen a lot of people who are so loving towards kids but they are cruel with adults. It's crazy because if you are being mean to a kid's mother, it will have some effect on that kid, so you are hurting the kid. But some people become so kind when they are dealing with kids but they don't forgive the slightest weakness in the mother. At the end of the day, that kid will go home with the mother and she may take her frustration out on the kid intentionally or unintentionally.
  6. What do you mean by this? Housewives are good women and all other women are bad?
  7. Don't get married to any guy without your parent's permission ever. It's a good thing you are already having doubts. My close friend married a non-syed guy, and she was syed. For the first few years of marriage, her family boycotted her and her husband. Now her family is punishing HER for marriage while her husband has become like their son. He is punishing HER along with her family. At the time of marriage, he was giving lectures about how he could make her happy, now he keeps giving lectures about rights of parents. It's so disgusting, he is not receiving any punishment. Most men hate their wives and after few years of marriage, they become worst enemies of their wives. You will need all the support you can get when you have to deal with your husband's abuse. Don't pay attention to his crying or getting sick: crocodile tears. I am telling you, all the love is only before marriage, after marriage women only get hate from their husbands.
  8. Yes! I think some women have the options of working less hours or working from home. But I don't think men are helping much. I have seen many surveys which show that women still do majority of house work and take care of kids even if they work full time. I just don't understand the reason for so many kids. Even in my parents generation who lived in Pakistan, most people had two or three kids.
  9. I am not talking about the last 30 years. I have seen this change since 2012. No! I am not talking about just the immigrants. I am talking about western people. I see many educated couples having 4 or more children while in the previous generations, most wealthy and educated couples had 2 or 3 kids. Also, the pressure women feel from society to have kids was not present five/ six years ago. All the celebrities are having kids and common people try to imitate celebrities.
  10. Inna Lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un,
  11. I also live in west and I am worried because I feel like west is turning into east. The biggest change I have seen is that women are turning into baby-making machines, meaning people are choosing to have more kids. This is a major life-style change which will cause many other changes. It will be harder for women to balance kids and work, so they will disappear from work force gradually. This may also lead to less education for women and earlier marriages. Around 30% of female and 50% of male millennials live with their parents which means they will adopt joint family systems. They inequality is increasing between rich and poor and injustice is also spreading very quickly. These are all eastern values which we see now in west, and still eastern people keep complaining about their culture. What more do they want?
  12. Depression

    If your spouse or anyone in your family treats you like this: get a divorce immediately and get away from that family member. All the people who hate overweight people are psychos and they have the potential to become killers.
  13. Depression

    I read somewhere that before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you are not surrounded by mean and toxic people. @starlight @Laayla @Chaotic Muslem You mentioned all the methods but you didn't mention the most important thing depressed people need to do: get rid of the people who are the real cause of depression: but Islam doesn't allow you to do that because it's qata rehmi and those dear relatives don't allow you to get divorce from a toxic person.
  14. My list is going to be long. 1. Bullies: people who just cannot spend a day without torturing someone. Even if they give gifts, or they have a lot of skills and they do favors for the people they torture, other people forgive them but it's very hard for me to forgive. 2. Men who have affairs in front of their wives, especially if the affair is with someone from wife's family and the whole family is okay with this. I see this happening a lot and it boils my blood. Especially the shy and reserved men who don't have the courage, so they use their wives to play cupid for them. 3. Men who are in love, I think they try to imitate the movies too much. They expect everyone to be in love with the girl they love which is ridiculous. Everyone has to follow their beloved and the religious men are always worried about other women feeling jealous of their favorite girl. They are always giving lectures on jealousy and sending lanat on all the jealous women. 4. Narcissists: they use and manipulate people and they have so much power. Most people are mesmerized them and they don't realize they are being used, so they keep giving more power to narcissists. 5. Cruel and promiscuous people, mostly these two characteristics are found in same people. I mean people who are promiscuous are also oppressive tyrants.
  15. Couples in the heavens?

    Forced marriages in Heaven? Doesn't sound very different from this world.
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