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lilibolt

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About lilibolt

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  • Birthday 08/08/1994

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  • Religion
    islam

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    Female

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  1. AssalamuAlaikum, I hope you are doing well. I have am question regarding a very sensitive issue. I was engaged 2 years ago (engaged meaning the parents of the guy and my parents met and agreed on Marriage later on) 2 years ago during all this I have expressed very clearly to my parents that I wanted to marry and delaying it is not a good option, at that time no one listened to me. I being the girl have been expressing this over and over again for the past two years. The boy have the same view and would like to get married but is afraid to discuss it openly with his parents as they are very cultural and would like him to finish his studies first. He also had an issue where for the past 2 years his mother was stuck in the Middle East due to some documentation problems, which became an excuse for his parents not to talk about marriage until his mother could come to Europe. We both are now 23, he lives in the UK and I in Belgium and have not seen each other since the formal meeting (2 years ago). He is also not financially stable at all, He just earns enough to feed himself, which became another reason for him to delay. Being born and brought up in a western world this long distance is effecting me a lot psychologically, I do know it is affecting him as well but he does not express it because of his parents. I have expressed the frustration to him and to my parents but no one is willing to do anything. I have now moved to another country alone for my masters and it has become harder. I have done everything in my power to eliminate the distance, even though expressing the willingness to marry like that for a girl is a little frowned upon. I have done so so far purely on Islamic grounds; wanting an early marriage, a small simple nikkah and very minimal Mehr. This would allow us to meet at least on school holidays or vacations and this was literally all I wanted. Should I terminate this engagement? Was I wrong to still ask for marriage even if the guy's mother was in the Middle East or because he does not have enough money? I now feel I should have not agreed to him 2 years ago. All this has created a small grudge. Even if I genuinely and honestly try to forgive or try not to blame him, for the psychological distress it is causing and has caused for the past 2 years, I can’t. I am worried that eventually if we marry this will affect our marriage life. A guy that could not take a strong Islamic stand on such a vital issue, what if after marriage another problem comes up where the choice is cultural parents or Islam? Please advice. Wassalam
  2. Islamic center in Rotterdam

    AOA, I recently moved to Rotterdam for my Master year and will therefore be doing Muharram here. Does anyone know of an Islamic center here where lectures are held in English? Much appreciated WS
  3. Yes i have tried all of these but unfortunately I am no Good in any of those
  4. AOA everyone I hope everyone is doing well, From the past year or so I have this feeling of uselessness, I know that everyone has a purpose in life etc but it seems like I cannot find mine. I try to read books, I wish I could get myself to spend more time reading, but because I have dyslexia I tend to loose focus very fast and continue reading without understanding the text. I want to do something positive, I thought of starting a blog but I don't know about what. I am a really shy introvert, I dont have friends and rarely go out. I want to volunteer and do charitable work but the amount of interaction it requires makes me very uncomfortable...I just cannot find anything suitable for me, it seems like I have no talent. anyone who is/was in the same boat as me WS
  5. Hobbies

    AOA, I was just wondering what people on SC do in their free time? I really want to develop a nice hobby or something but I cannot find anything that interests me or something that I am talented in... I want to polish a skill and be really good at it but I honestly don't know what... before I use to do long distance running and really enjoyed it i was getting better at it and setting new goals but after I started wearing the hijab running is such a challenge, its just too suffocating..I have tried but it just doesn't work, and there is no women only gym near my home.. I usually now find myself scrolling through Instagram feeds and watching YouTube videos in my free time which is a total waste of time...I have tried Reading books but I realized its really not my thing.. I wish it was though I really admire people who read alot.. What are some productive/ educational pass time you guys have? WS
  6. AOA, I hope everyone is doing well. My elder sister is going through a phase in her life that she can’t seem to overcome. A few years ago she suffered from an eating disorder called 'binge eating' this went on for about year, then slowly she stopped binged eating but went onto the other extreme and was diagnosed with anorexia 2 years later. Along with all this she slowly went into severe depression and developed anxiety disorder. It’s been over a year since she is fighting anorexia, depression and anxiety. She has seen nutritionists, psychiatrists, psychologists but none seem to work and finally they prescribed to her medicine for depression, which us as a family would not like her to take because of its immense side effects.... It’s true that life in general has been hard for her, she failed 2 times in university because she made the wrong degree choice in order to save money and live with family but eventually had to change her degree. This is what we think have mainly lead to her severe depression, being a A* student all her life and suddenly having a failing grade in all her exams, seeing her friends succeed, becoming doctors, younger sisters being ahead of her, her not being able to achieve her dreams etc. My father is spending A LOT of money on her now so she can complete the degree she wants, sending her a lot of money to spend on herself etc. He is doing anything he can, but nothing seems to work, from time to time she cries her eyes out, she says she can’t stand looking at the mirror. She also has this hate towards marriage, saying she would never marry and cannot imagine anyone approaching her that way. Also its been over 7 months she hasn’t have her Menstrual cycle. Me and my family don’t know what to do…I see her cry, I see my mother cry because of all this. She has tried listening to lectures, reciting duas, she prays regularly...nothing seems to work.. I remember her mentioning that if a religious scholar talks to her through hadith, help her by talking to her and mentioning relevant saying of the Quran and Ahlulbayt, basically doing the job of a psychologist but through a religious point of view it might help her…but we don’t know anyone who can do that L Does anyone have any suggestions, any advice? Anything? Any Sheikh you might know that is willing to help? Any of you who is experienced in this? Please help we are really worried… Wassalam
  7. AOA, I have done some research on it but have failed to find a satisfactory answer. A lot of products these days contain alcohol, it is either written in code form like E number or explicitly. Can someone please post a fatwa on the permissibility of alcohol in food? does a chemical reaction occur, does it not, what if we dont know? also what if we dont know the percentage of it? for example I was looking to buy fermented hot pepper past and the ingredients are as follow: Corn syrup, water, wheat flour, red pepper powder, wheat grain, salt, ethyl alcohol, garlic, onion, rice powder, seed malt Would it be considered as halal? Thank you for your help Best Regards Wasslam
  8. salam;

    do you mean that you want to go there with a Muslim on order not to be alone going to a restaurant or other places?!

     

    1. lilibolt

      lilibolt

      Wassalm

      I am already in Seoul..I dont mean going to drinking places with another Muslim, but just sightseeing, halal retaurants or vegetarian Korean authentic dishes..etc. Just travel around without any haram stuff..;

    2. TAJODDIN

      TAJODDIN

      ohh yes, I've got it. sorry I am not in South Korea. i'm Iran. have a nice time. keep me inn your prayer.

      God be with you

  9. AOA everyone, I hope you all are doing well Its been less then a week since I arrived in Seoul South Korea. Seoul is a great city with lots of amazing things to do and I love it so far. However it is extremely difficult if not impossible to avoid alcohol on the table when being with friends, its part of their culture and alcohol being so cheap other foreigners do the same. I have completely avoided gatherings or even having lunch with friends or other girls i am sharing the place with, but being a Muslim Hijabi with no understanding of the language its not easy to go sightseeing alone, going to restaurants alone etc. I really want to enjoy my time here in a halal way, but I want to be able to do it with a friend or at least have a small social circle... I highly doubt it, but is there anyone from seoul on SC? or knows Muslim students in seoul so that we can travel together etc? Anyone else been to South Korea? Thank you for your help Wassalam
  10. Asalamu Alaikum, . I hope you all are doing Well I have been in a conversation with an atheist and would like your input on it, if possible. The person based his argument on the philosophy of Albert Camus. "The essential paradox arising in Camus's philosophy concerns his central notion of absurdity. Accepting the Aristotelian idea that philosophy begins in wonder, Camus argues that human beings cannot escape asking the question, “What is the meaning of existence?” Camus, however, denies that there is an answer to this question, and rejects every scientific, teleological, metaphysical, or human-created end that would provide an adequate answer. Thus, while accepting that human beings inevitably seek to understand life's purpose, Camus takes the sceptical position that the natural world, the universe, and the human enterprise remain silent about any such purpose. Since existence itself has no meaning, we must learn to bear an irresolvable emptiness. This paradoxical situation, then, between our impulse to ask ultimate questions and the impossibility of achieving any adequate answer, is what Camus calls the absurd" This is exactly what the person has to say "It is the belief that the absolute meaningless of life should not be depressing. It is not a negative thing that humans happen to evolve or that we all have this intellectual capability and the need to find meaning, it is not something to feel destitute about. He uses the myth of Sisyphus to describe it, a man in Greek Philosophy who was punished by the Gods they tasked him with pushing a boulder to the top of the mountains but of course when he pushed it to the top it would roll down and he would have start again but Sisyphus pushes this boulder up and up for entirety, so Albert Camus looks at Sisyphus performing this meaningless task and says that we must imagine he is happy he doesn’t refuse to push it or try to find a way to make it stay on top or start to worship the boulder. This absurdity comes from us humans having a tendency to search for truth or some kind of meaning, we set systems to try and understand it like religion or philosophy itself, but the way the world works is not governed at all by these systems, they did not line up with the truth that the religion suggest or philosophy dictates. If the world was not completely absurd then the bad would get punished and the good would be rewarded, but we live in an absurd world and these things do happen. The world makes no sense but there is no need to feel defeated by this in fact we use it to live in the truest way possible. I reached a point where there was a loophole of logic in everything I did, or wanted, or aspired to. Why do I want to be successful? Why is being happy better than being sad? What's the point of going through the day to day only to realise that there really is no point in anything? So that's a pretty horrific thing to think about. I think this realisation may be the reason a lot (not most, I don't know) of people commit suicide. It’s a confession that one doesn’t understand the world. Because we are conscious of the absurdity of our existence, and it proves too much. That existence is too much. That it isn’t worth the trouble. But we’re stronger than this. We have the most amazing brain in the entire universe. Our consciousness has spawned art, literature, philosophy, music, food, culture. We are the universe attempting to figure itself out. But we are undeniably a victim of this. It’s given us a question without an answer. But we shouldn’t despair because we don’t know the answer to that, or got confused. We shouldn’t deem this quest not worth the trouble just because there seems to be no answer in sight, or no answer at all. But then you think about what this lack of meaning does to someone who realises it. How can that not upset someone so deeply? Well Camus says that “in the depth of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.” It’s a great quote and I think it means that there is in everyone a power to choose to be satisfied. Life will be lived all the better if it has no meaning. Religion gives us a lie about what will make us happy. Consumerism gives us a lie about what will make us happy. And in following these lies we arrive at a point where we are either delusional or horrified. We should, in choosing to be satisfied with meaninglessness, revolt against the absurdity. Scorn it, and never deny its existence. We have to accept it scornfully. And that’s where Sisyphus comes into it. So he was punished for being an jerk. He’s given a task of absolute futility. But Sisyphus is in a good position. He knows his actions in life now are meaningless, and he is stuck there. He’s conscious of his condition. So he doesn’t hope that things get better. He’s smart. He doesn’t develop a deity that gives meaning to his suffering. He doesn’t jump off the top of the mountain to end his suffering. Instead he chooses to enjoy it. He is in the moment embracing the absurdity of his condition. And by enjoying it he revolts against it. He feels each dimple on the stone, each rough handhold of the boulder, the shards of slate that litter the mountain as they slide beneath his feet, their tapping and trilling as they roll down the mountain with each stomp of his foot. The weight of the thing, the struggle itself towards the top of the mountain. He chooses to let these experiences fill his heart to bursting with enjoyment. You must imagine that Sisyphus is happy. So why do we despair that life is meaningless? Just live goddammit, live! We’re all a part of this and we all suffer, and whether there is a better or worse condition of suffering is not worth thinking about. The fact that we all suffer should be a greater reason to have compassion for others and to scorn this world of absurdity. And in this weird wasteland of meaninglessness, we will continue to push the boulder of life. Not because we might reach the top and be done, but because in this suffering we might experience the sweetest, the most fulfilling, the most genuine and the most beautiful of life that our human mind can offer." How would you come about explaining the essence and the meaning of religion who believes in such a philosophy? Waiting for a reply really soon, Thank you, Duas
  11. AOA, Me and my sister are starting an online store with fashion clothes. We are targeting a global audience therefore not only muslim girls but also non hijabi marcket. My question is, are we allowed to use a non hijabi model to model our clothes for our website to reach the global marcket in a buiseness point of view? Since there is a high probabability that having a hijabi model will put off a huge part of the audience we are trying to reach. Thank you! Wassalam
  12. Cannot find a job :(

    Thank you for your suggestions. I have tried most of it but nothing seems to work
  13. AOA, Being the only prominent Muslim i have been asked by a professor to come and speak to a group of engineer bachlor student about Islam and Muslims. Seeing this as an opportunity to change any negative thoughts people might have i agrees. But I am freaking out lol...I want this talk to be as good as it possibly can be but i dont know how to begin how to end etc the topic sent by the professor it "Islam as a lived religion, that is: that they get an idea of what it means to be a Muslim, to live as a Muslim. You can talk about core beliefs and practices, but also focus on what being a Muslim means to you. Why is it important for you, what a difference does it make in your personal life and in your professional life." if you have ideas/ points/videos for this talk it would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance Kind Regards, WS
  14. Cannot find a job :(

    AOA, I live in Brussels and am I full time student, I am desperately in need for a student job but cannot find one when I find one its either take off your hijab or either in stores that sell alcohol. Does anyone have some tips or anyone from Belgium who may be able to help. Kind Regards, WS
  15. AOA, I hope you are all doing well I would like to know if anyone on Shiachat have been or have heard about Al mehdi institute in Birmingham? how is it? how is the teaching like? anything one should know before enrolling into the courses? Thank you for you help King regards, WS
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