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Christianlady last won the day on April 2 2012

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About Christianlady

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  1. LOL!!! I love these Catholic jokes!!! A young priest was giving a lesson on the 23rd Psalm to the children in third grade. He noticed that little Jimmy seemed upset with the verse, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.” So the priest asked him, “What’s wrong, Jimmy?” Little Jimmy replied, “Well, I’m not too worried about the goodness and mercy part, but I’m not so sure that I would like Shirley following me around all the time.” ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A small parish suddenly stopped buying office supplies from it’s regular supplier. So, the dealer called the pastor to ask him why. “I’ll tell you why,” shouted the pastor. “Our church ordered some pencils from you that we used in the pews for the new visitors to fill out their registration forms.” “Well,” the dealer interrupted, “did you receive them on time?” “Oh, we received them all right,” answered the pastor. “You sent us 6 bundles of little pencils, and each one was stamped with the words: Play Golf Next Sunday.”
  2. Salam, So, many Christians have a sense of humor. While I don't know who made up most of Christian jokes, I assume that both Christians and NonChristians add to the Christian joke selection. Please feel free to contribute to the Christian joke pool. While I don't agree with every joke, many are hilarious!!! By the way, my ancestors include Methodists, and my grandparents and parents were Southern Baptists (NOT Westboro Baptists... I personally think Westboro Baptists are not true Christians or are disobedient and misguided Christians, and they're not funny one little bit. ) Ok, on to the jokes! Here are some of my favorites! A Sunday school teacher asked her children, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" A little girl replied, "Because so many people are sleeping!" A preacher noticed that a man had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly, so he interrupted his sermon to ask the man's wife to wake him up. She answered indignantly, "You're the one who put him to sleep, so you wake him up!" YOU MIGHT BE IN THE WRONG CHURCH IF ... Most of its members can't pass through a metal detector because they're packing heat. The charity budget just got cut for the sixth year in a row, but the evangelism and building programs are pushing ahead like gangbusters. The offering plate instructions include: "Please make all checks payable to the pastor." YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF ... You believe Jesus, the apostles and Hebrew prophets were conservatives, when they were actually bleeding-heart liberals. You oppose Obamacare, when Jesus dispensed free healthcare everywhere he went. You believe the Bible is "infallible" when Genesis says the earth existed before the stars, and that plants were created before the sun. You believe the apostles spoke King James English. You believe Jesus turned water into grape juice because that's what you drink at communion. You clapped your hands in church and felt guilty about it for a week. Why did the Baptist deliver a sermon at the local zoo? Because he was a literalist and his Bible told him to preach the gospel to every living creature! Why do Baptists object so strongly to pre-marital sex? They're afraid it might lead to drinking and dancing. "Welcome to heaven!" Saint Peter said. I give all newcomers a guided tour, so please follow me and be prepared to be amazed." Peter then led the new arrivals on a breathtaking tour of heaven, showing them everything from the streets of gold to the tree of life. Finally, he led them to a vast worship hall with numerous doors on either side. He opened one door to reveal people singing praises to God. "These are the Baptists." He then opened another door to reveal people praising God, lifting their hands and speaking in tongues. "These are the Pentecostals." Door by door, all earth's religions and sects were revealed. But approaching the last door, Peter made a shushing sign and whispered, "These souls are from the Churches of Christ; they think they’re the only ones here!" At Sunday School the teacher was explaining how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when she described how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as if he were ill, and she asked, "Johnny, what's the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife!" Religious Jokes.htm Peace and God bless you
  3. Salam LeftCoastMom, That's a good addition! Christian jokes are so funny!!! Baptists jokes are hilarious to me because they remind me of my childhood! I want to start a Christian joke thread. Peace and God bless you
  4. Salam Son of Placid, Have you heard/read this one? Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community- wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest troublemakers!" LOL!!! Peace and God bless you source:
  5. Salam Yama Nemati, I need to research this Nahjul Balagha, Why does he generalize women like that? God created women in a limited period of their lives to have menstrual periods. Menstrual periods do not negatively affect a woman's faith. Why did God create women to have periods? So women could have babies!!! Do Muslim women have to abstain from praying to God while on their period??? Wow. 100% disagree. Intelligence depends on individual abilities, not on one's gender. Wow. Women are diverse. There are many women who are wonderful ladies, and there are some women who "attract" to evils, same as men. There are many men who are wonderful men, and there are some men who "attract" to evils. Peace and God bless you
  6. Salam The Stone of Najaf, He is already damaging his first marriage by spending so much time away from his wife and their children. Would you like it if he treated you how he is treating his first wife? Would you like it if he treated your children how he's treating his children with the first wife? Peace and God bless you Yep. What qualities! (sarcasm) Yep. It's interesting that this happens a lot when people have affairs. Many women who have an affair with a married man eventually find themselves being cheated on as well. True. Peace and God bless you
  7. Salam King, True. There are plenty of Christian men sad to say who take advantage of women. I learned long time ago to quote Bible verses to Christian men who were interested in me. It's amazing how so many disappeared lol. However, it was a test in a way to "weed out" the ones who just wanted a temporary sexual relationship. (My hubby passed the test.) Agreed. Personally, I think he should be happy that she wants to marry him permanently. Great point. Peace and God bless you
  8. Salam Nur1507, Sadly, there are men in every belief who take advantage of women who are desperate for love. If he truly loves you, he would want to marry you and rejoice in your happiness. As my hubby says, "Happy wife, happy life." There is NOTHING unreasonable about you wanting to marry him in a permanent marriage. This actually shows that you care about God's plan for marriage. If he truly loves you, he would be honored to marry you. This comment that "we had many arguments about this and he is getting really tired and sick of it" shows me that he doesn't truly care about how you feel. I'm sorry. I personally think that you need to be strong in your convictions. If you no longer want a mutah but rather want a permanent marriage, be strong!!! It boggles my mind how some of my friends for example start dating and sleeping with guys, then get upset when those guys don't want to marry. Of course they don't want to marry. They are getting what they want without taking responsibility or committing. God's ideal for sex and marriage is not on their priority list, so why expect them to marry??? You are uncomfortable because God's plan for marriage is permanent in this life, not temporary sex. Have you thought about canceling the mutah and taking time to pray about this guy? Personally, I believe this guy needs to stop using you. Again, this reminds me of girls who date and have sex and then are upset when the guy doesn't marry her. That's one reason why waiting to have sex until marriage is good, because so many girls become emotionally connected during sex and are heart-broken when the guy doesn't want to marry her. And yes, I understand that some Muslims think mutah is temporary marriage but it's incredibly similar to dating and having sex, since it's a temporary "contract" which includes sex. I think it would be a good test to see if he truly loves you. A man who truly loves you will wait for you, even if that means dating or a mutah relationship with no sex until y'all get permanently married. My husband waited to have sex with me till we got married. However, my husband's love for me is not dependent on sex, but rather on all of me, including my feelings. Please don't sell yourself short. No matter your past, you are worth being truly loved by a man willing to permanently commit to you, who truly cares about your feelings. Peace and God bless you
  9. Salam LeftCoastMom, LOL!!! That reminds me of the lightbulb jokes lol. Here are some of my favorites: Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today. Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one. Q:How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb? A1:Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30? Q:How many members of the Church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb? A:5. One to change the bulb, 4 to serve refreshments. Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? A:Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls! Q. How many Quakers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light. Q. How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!! Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, since his hands are in the air anyway. Q: How many evangelicals does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Evangelicals do not change lightbulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the lightbulb will decide to change itself. Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Change????? Q: How many independent Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Only one, any more than that would be considered ecumenical. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad. Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish: What's a light bulb? Southern Baptists: A: One hundred and nine. Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the twelve on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the fifteen on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the eighteen-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the twenty-seven Member church Board, who appoint another twelve-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the twenty-three-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more lightbulb has burned out. LOL!!! Peace and God bless you
  10. Salam Yaaqov Ben Yisrael, Thanks for explaining this. Peace and God bless you
  11. Salam Shahjee12145, Ah, you understand this thread. I am not blaming Islam for honor killings, same as I don't blame Christianity for honor killings done by disobedient Christians. Sadly, some Christians in Egypt for example do honor killings too, but that is not a part of Christianity. For example: Sarah is a 23-year-old university graduate from Aswan. She is Christian. But the story she told earlier this year at a Cairo flat is one that is becoming more and more common across Egypt’s rural areas. Honor killings affect all women, she says, her passable English a sign of her education.... Her cousin, 22, had been murdered by her own brother after rumors surfaced in the area that she was having illicit relations with her boyfriend, a Muslim. Sarah said that she was remains sad and angry. “I will not go back to my family. It is very scary for young women in this country because even rumors can get us killed,” she added. The brother and the sister he murdered (Sarah's cousins) were both Christians. In Pakistan, a Christian brother murdered his Christian sister too: A teenage Christian girl in Pakistan was reportedly killed by her own brother this week, who reportedly smashed her head in with a log as she slept, in a so-called “honor killing” over her plans to marry. Each year hundreds of women are killed in Pakistan by family members in the name of defending family honor. Since both Muslims and Christians commit honor killings in Egypt and Pakistan, this shows that it is a cultural problem. However, both Christians and Muslims in cultural regions that allow honor killings need to work to reform cultures that allow honor killings. What do you think can be done to help stop cultures from honor killings? Thanks. Peace and God bless you
  12. Are you blaming honor killings in Muslim countries on the West? Interestingly, that does remind me of how many of the victims of honor killings in Muslim countries have to do with the victim becoming allegedly too "Westernized" - such with the death of this Iraqi lady by her Dad: Prosecutor Laura Reckart played a recording in which Boughey and another detective confronted Almaleki with their suspicions that he ran over Noor Almaleki because she had become too westernized and brought disrespect to the family. The 20-year-old was walking with her boyfriend's mother, Amal Khalaf, in Oct. 2009, when they both were struck; the older woman survived and was expected to testify Thursday. "My main goal in this was to find out what happened including the honor and disrespect issue," Boughey said of the questioning. The testimony came in the second week of Almaleki's trial on charges of first-degree murder, attempted murder, aggravated assault and leaving the scene of an accident. Almaleki has pleaded not guilty. His lawyer said during her opening statement that the truck driver from southern Iraq was angry at the older woman and was trying to drive by her to spit on her when the woman jumped in front of his van. He swerved but could not avoid hitting her and running over his daughter. He panicked and fled after the accident, making his way to Mexico and then to London, where he was detained by customs officials and returned to the U.S. The detectives met him at the airport in Atlanta and questioned him there. Reckart repeatedly asked Boughey on Wednesday if Almaleki asked about his daughter's condition during questioning, during the flight from Atlanta to Phoenix or while being booked. No, the detective said, never. Prosecutors contend Almaleki was increasingly incensed at his daughter's failure to obey him and believed she had dishonored the family by becoming too westernized. When he saw her by chance while visiting a state Department of Economic Security office in Peoria on Oct. 20, 2009, his rage overflowed, they say. Noor Almaleki lived for 13 more days, dying shortly after her father was returned to Phoenix. Even during war, men can protect their families, not hurt them. There is no good excuse for honor killings or any other form of violence against women - none. War is not a good excuse either. Peace and God bless you
  13. Salam Qa'im, You stated, However, the data you provided does not take into consideration non-lethal violence (such as physical abuse) nor does it contain data from every country of the world. It only evaluates female deaths per 100,000 women. Definitely, the USA sadly has more violence against women than El Salvador sadly does. Why? The USA is much larger than El Salvador. El Salvador is basically the size of the tiny state of Massachusetts: If you look at the map given on this website, you will see that some of the Middle Eastern and African countries supplied no data: (The areas on the map with the grayish-green color contain no data and thus are not part of the study. Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Iran are included in the no data area.) Nope, because the study you provided does not include data from several Muslim countries, including Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Iraq, as well as some African Muslim countries - such as Sudan and Somalia. I am curious now why the Muslim countries who did not provide data did not provide data for this study? Peace and God bless you
  14. Definitely it is important to nonviolently fight against violence against women around the world!!! The Modern Western mentality does not classify killing a woman to be due to dishonoring the family. Dowry killings have to do with greed, not family honor. This thread is about family honor killings, not about greed or dowry killings. I have to go now. Peace and God bless you
  15. Out of curiosity, could you please give me a link that provides evidence of this claim? I've been to El Salvador several times, and have several awesome friends from El Salvador. I've never heard this claim before. I've also never experienced violence against me, or seen violence against women there. (However, my friends from El Salvador are awesome people!!!) Personally, I don't believe it's possible for humans to know which country has the most violence against women. One reason is because many women do not report violence against them, out of fear.