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forte

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forte last won the day on April 23

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About forte

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  1. Not allowed to eat

    You are most welcome! My apologies, perhaps I was not very clear as I wrote that very fast while working. The strategies outlined in the book are to deal with symptoms of BPD or other disorders or issues that demonstrate similar presentations. That would include a number of disorders including, as you mentioned, PTSD, as well as destructive mood disorder swings, etc. They are kind, caring, and easy to implement. These strategies are taught to family members who live with those who have mental health challenges. They address the behaviours that significantly impact family members. When one person in a family is afflicted, everyone is adversely affected. Relationships suffer, communication can be non existent and abusive, controlling behaviours emerge out of desperation. The Walking on Eggshells book explains the individual behaviours and how to address them in clear easy to read terms. In Canada, this is one publication that is frequently recommended to family members by community mental health teams because it is easy to implement. The information given helps to establish a healthier dynamic in the family, one from which the OP could greatly benefit.
  2. Not allowed to eat

    OP's living situation: "Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel as though you are constantly trying to avoid confrontation?" The quote on the first line above is some of what it is like to live with someone who demonstrates Borderline Personalty attributes (there are a few different 'flavours'). The more you give in, the more challenging their behaviour gets as you are emotionally bled dry and your own basic functioning becomes a sought after dream. That is, their behaviours become increasingly controlling to the point where you doubt your own sanity and often develop your own acquired disorders. The person with BPD just spirals out of control and the person living with them who tries to "calm" them just gets sucked into their vortex. Not helpful for either party. Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B004DNXGFQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 An oldie but a goodie. This is an easy to read, very straight forward lay person's book to and will really help with people who have to live with people who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and those who haven't been diagnosed but definitely could pass the smell test (talking about mom here) or partially share some of the symptoms. It gives you guidance as to what to do. That is, how to view your situation, how to react to it and sometimes even what scripts to say if needed. And it works. It gives you the confidence and emotional "permission" to react to these controlling and attention seeking behaviours in a way that is most healthy for yourself and for your loved one. You can flip through the book and find the situation you are experiencing and it gives step by step guidance. And no, I am not getting royalties!
  3. Toronto Van Attack

    The driver was Alek Minassian from Richmond Hill. https://everipedia.org/wiki/alek-minassian/
  4. Not allowed to eat

    The mom could possibly be upset that the girl is leaving as she is her stress release. Who knows why she is upset and behaving in a way that sounds like a kind of BPD but it is not for someone who is struggling so much internally to have to deal with. Making nice does not usually improve the situation. The girl needs to gain control of her life and her reactions to life and relinquishing control to an unstable person is not the way to go. She has to gain some strength and be able to separate herself from someone else's crazy making. You are assuming the mom is just a little out of sorts. Starving her child and potentially causing her harm is way out of that ballpark. My immediate thought was that the mom is going to manipulate her into staying. The girl needs to take control of her life, and she needs to do it now. She needs to recognize her mothers behaviour for what it is, understand that she is NOT responsible for it and view things in a much healthier environment. When she is with her mother she has to create that environment for herself. i think I echo a few posters in that we tend to minimize oft heard phrases that are passed around for fun. However, OCD is a serious disorder.
  5. Not allowed to eat

    Really disagree here. This is not about mom. Walking on eggshells around someone like that (Mom) to try and curb their behaviours toward you is not usually effective; in fact, it often encourages the very behaviour you want extinguished. And, it is a big enough job to try to develop individual strategies to cope with OCD. At this time, Mom is a clear bonafide part of these OCD cycles, given, at the very least, her reaction to the OP and then the OP's consequent reaction to her mom. To encourage (which is what "make her life easier" does) Mom's dysfunctional part of the OCD cycle can self defeat the OP's efforts to reduce the impact of this disorder on her own life. Also, Mom threatening and refusing food is pathologically controlling. Absolutely no need to soft peddle that. Keep it real. It is best for the OP to recognize and acknowledge Mom's behaviour for what it is as it relates to her (the OP), and then compartmentalize it. The OP then needs to try and separate from Mom's behaviours (not engage them) and take care of her own symptoms (without this toxic punitive baggage) into the future.
  6. Your Own Captured Photos

    I was not trying to call you racist as I said the commentary was stereotypical. You referred to race not culture. I was trying to help you understand. There are definitely countries that you should be careful in travelling. It is usually based in politics though or the color of your passport not the color of your skin.
  7. Your Own Captured Photos

    You make an unnecessary negative stereotype of a race. I tried to show you how it was negative (racist) by giving a different racial stereotype. Hence the dark skinned people being associated with crime etc. It was an example of a negative racial stereotype to help you understand. You actually just repeated in this post the same stereotypical assumption that if you are dark, the pale people will not warm and welcome you because they are pale which is an assumption and negative stereotype. Negative stereotypes based on race are racist.
  8. Your Own Captured Photos

    It is akin to saying "For darker skinned people though, it is a very safe and crime free country." A negative generalization about a race is racism.
  9. Your Own Captured Photos

    Why be racist?
  10. Hijabi sister attacked in Dearborn

    She is planning on suing the hospital and I think she has a very good case. The man had just been discharged (he was known to the hospital) and had been harassing and accosting other patients and people in the hallways (demonstrated mental state) and security had called the police (so security was aware). He should not have been around other people, but kept isolated with security until they came. Everyone was put at risk. Don't think the ethnic attack route would go very far as he was harassing anyone around him. The hospital liability route is pretty clear cut - it definitely appears that the hospital was negligent.
  11. [MATURE] Husband Issues

    Good reminder. OP - I agree with the above underlined statement. It is important to find out who would be there for you if needed. Of people you know, find out who are trustworthy and who will actually be there for you. If you don't have anyone, look around in your work place or casual relationships to develop potential friendships. This is always a good idea, but if you do not have family nearby, this is a must.
  12. [MATURE] Husband Issues

    This is currently not a good marriage and it does not seem to be headed for a bright future. Focusing on whether he has other wives or is allowed to have wives, etc, is not addressing what is really going on here. It is just a distraction. You are not being treated as a wife. You are being disrespected and hurt and told that your unhappiness is not worthy of addressing (biggest red flag). You are emotionally and verbally abused, his parents don't like you and it seems your husband doesn't either. Your husband does not appear to be concerned about the deterioration of your marriage. He is actively avoiding addressing these issues. Marriages are not one sided. Apparently, as he has a life that meets his needs outside of his marriage to you, he is fine and has no incentive to change things. However, it is his responsibility to care for your well being, and he is not. What are the positives in your marriage? Are your needs being met in any way? Can you focus on the strengths of your marriage to help you through this situation? You say you are working. Keep and save your salary. It is your right and he cannot deny you this. Could you be self supporting if needed? Is your family supportive? Do they know of the situation? It is important to recognize that you have options. It lessens the fear of assertively addressing the issues with him. Let him know that you will not be ignored.
  13. Stephen Hawking died

    Most of us. His fortitude and perseverance alone are beyond admiration. He found optimism and humour where others would have found hopelessness and despair. He told his kids to "remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet". There are more than a few feet gazers among us!
  14. Stephen Hawking died

    I disagree. Aside from the obvious: Stephen Hawking developed a mathematical proof for black holes. He proved Einstein's theory of general relativity, redefined the Big Bang Theory, and he also proved the universe has no boundaries. He won many awards and honours such as Pius XI gold medal for science, the Albert Einstein medal, the Order of the British Empire, and the Presidential Medal of Freedom from then President Barack Obama. He also was a guest in four episodes of the Simpsons!
  15. Stephen Hawking died

    No kidding. Lets just remember this guy for his contributions to science and humanity without condemnation or rush to judgement.
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