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Everything posted by Aflower

  1. SC Addiction?

    Salaam. MashAllah this is a fantastic website with invaluable information. On a very lighthearted note, does anyone think that they are addicted to Shiachat? I'm not saying it's a bad think BTW because it's a very constructive use of one's time. But be honest... are you itching to use the site a few times/multiple times a day?
  2. Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.
  3. My close friend had a Nikah with someone when she was 18 and got divorced 6 months later. Since then she has been single as she chose not to remarry... or so I thought! This morning she told me that she was pregnant. Wow! I was in shock. This girl reads every obligatory and extra prayers that I have ever heard of. She is a walking talking Diniyat Encylocopedia who wears an Abba and a head scarf. Backstory - it turns out that she's had many mutahs. How? What? When? Where? These were just some of the questions that were spinning in my head. Cutting a long story short - she'd met all these shia guys either when she was travelling with a UK based group for Ziarah or on Islamic camps. The latest arrangement led to her falling pregnant and the guy said he wants nothing to do with her as his family would disown him and his fiance would leave him. I just want to warn all girls that although Mutahs are allowed - be very careful as the father of my friends child is now treating her like his dirty secret! Secondly, I just can't get my head around how a conversation between a guy and girl in an an Islamic environment transitions from discussing religion to asking someone to have a mutah with them!!! Are these guys preying on innocent and vulnerable girls under the guise of religion? Someone (or both) must be giving off some kind of signal or may be there is some flirting that goes on in the transition stage when they are communicating? It just beggars belief. I can outright tell you that if someone approached me for a mutah when I was single I would have given them a big tight slap. May be not physically, but I would have made sure that they wouldn't dare approach me again. How can anyone have the audacity to ask a complete stranger this? Is the practice of Mutahs now the norm? Is it just me that is living in Lala land? Views please.
  4. Ideal Looks of a Couple

    @Intellectual Resistance Do you seriously adhere to that routine? Impressive! Sorry I don't know if you are a guy or gal, but I've recently started the 14 step Korean skin care routine with Retinoid cream for added measure. Have you tried the before mentioned?
  5. SC Addiction?

    @hasanhh Good observation of the typo! Please do bear in mind that it's 3.27 am over here so I attribute the error to my lack of sleep.
  6. Stones

    JazakAllah khair @SIAR14 InshAllah I will watch this soon.
  7. Stones

    Salam Brothers and Sisters. Could anyone please share any information (with sources) that they have pertaining to what stones we should have in our rings and most importantly WHY. In other words, what the benefits are of those stones. My parents are going on Ziarat soon and I wanted them to get me a ring from there. Also, I have been told that the stone in the ring must touch your skin when you wear it for namaaz in order for it to have the required benefits. But, I have never come across a ring where this actually happens. Thank you very much in advance.
  8. Would you marry her?

    Reading about your opinions without judgement has taught me a lot and it has allowed me see things in a different light. It interesting to try to put yourself, and then walk, in someone else's shoes, and then to try to understand how they came to their conclusions. However, I do think it's important to form your own opinions based on research and reflection. I have "liked" everyone's comments because I am grateful that you all contributed frankly and without any inhibitions. Thank you all for your honesty. My aplologies to @Be Human First. I can not "like" your comment on the basis that you outright disbelieve in Muttah. Even if on general principles you feel uncomfortable with this concept, I think may be you should consider that there may be exceptional circumstances where this is necessary because I don't think that we should draw a hard line on a matter that Allah has allowed.
  9. How did that happen?

    As always, a rational and balanced response from the perspicacious and perceptive @Irfani313. Thank you for your advise.
  10. How did that happen?

    @Guest Account Ali Probably for the first time ever, I must accept that I agree with you on most of the points that you have raised. Especially your last sentence. But I must say that in all the years I've known her, I've never seen her even vaguely flirting with anyone and she definitely didn't want the baby.
  11. Dr Jordan Peterson thread *Change your life*

    What would we do without Amazon Prime?
  12. Judgmental Shias

    I'm so glad that this is being discussed because this is something that really irks me. "I'm too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener" or the "grass is greener where I water it" are two of my favourite idioms. If only everyone focused on their own lives (and that of their nearest and dearest ones). At the end of the day; both in this world and in the hereafter that is all that is going to matter. In today's day and age where people can google information and fancy words in an instant; everyone wants to claim intellectual superiority in every aspect and wish to be recognised as an expert in all matters. Truth is that ignorant comments can be spotted from a mile off by those that are more well read/versed in a particular matter. I would personally rather stay silent (and educate myself later), than speak mindlessly (and subsequently come across as being a complete nincompoop), if I wasn't knowledgeable about a certain subject. As the saying goes, it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt! I've noted that many wish to argue/debate for the sake of arguing/debating; irrespective of whether what they are saying is value adding or not. Furthermore, some people are more interested in "having the final say" even if it has no merit. The more discerning individual (be it in real life or the net) must learn to simply walk away politely from such individuals because there is no grace in this mindless banter that some people engage in/try to entrap you in, and one only serves to lose their own dignity by responding to people like this. When dealing with such folk there is actually more class in not rising to the bait; and simply smiling and wishing them the best before making a quick exit. Else one runs the risk of lowering oneself to the standard of the ignorant/hypocrite.
  13. Dr Jordan Peterson thread *Change your life*

    @Intellectual Resistance WOWZA... and to think that I've been "incriminated", so to speak, of micromanaging and over planning things all my life! Now this guy is the real deal and puts me completely to shame. I've only just watched the first 2 mins of the video and I'm on a complete high already (his energy and enthusiasm is magnetic and contagious); so I just had to comment that so far it's mind blowing. I can't wait to watch the rest of the videos in due course. Thanks you for sharing. I think I may just annoy the life out of a certain member of my family (who is rather laid back in life to put in nicely and tries to delegate everything to me), by spamming her with these links. HAHA. P.S. Thank you for responding to my other post so lucidly and sagaciously. I will respond properly when I sign in next IA.
  14. Salam. Ok, so this may sound like we are very "backwards" but we are not... well at least I don't think we are. I reside in the UK and my parents are considering getting my sister married. Years ago when my parents went through this process for me, the parents of the boys side would phone my parents and if my parents thought that the family seemed compatible, my parents would invite them to our home. Both families would meet at our home. Later, both families would talk on the phone, and frankly and politely discuss if the families thought the boy and girl (i.e. me) are compatible. Sometimes there would be further visits and I would meet/talk to the boy in question for a short period of time in the presence of both families. In the end my parents finally approved of a guy, the guy and his family liked me too, and hey presto we got married. Many years on it appears everything has changed. Boys parents are ringing my parents and saying that their sons want to exchange photographs first and then they want to meet my sister in person. The boys parents are proposing that If the boy and girl (my sister) like each other; only then the families will meet. Now my sister is refusing to do so. She wants things to be arranged the way they were for me but apparently the whole status quo has changed. My sister doesn't wear hijab but she reads her namaz 5 times a day and I would say that she is very religious, but still has a good balance of eastern/western values. Many Auntys from the community have told my sister that times have changed and that shia syed guys no longer believe in arranged marriages anymore and she should move with the times. However, my sister is absolutely adamant that she will not meet a potential rishta boy unless the meeting is arranged at our house and our families are present. My sister is educated beyond degree level (post grad qualifications) and has a high flying job. But, she is still somewhat traditional. I don't think my parents approve of this process either but my sister feels more strongly about this than them. Could some one please advise what is the norm in the UK now with regards to the rishta process. Thanks.
  15. What advice would you give your younger self

    Young Pre-Marriage self Even though I've always had very strong instincts, and I was perfectly in tune with my mind and heart, I always put my parent's happiness/wishes/desires before mine and I've always followed all the advise they gave me (even if it conflicted with my views). With hindsight I realise that I'm the one whose had to live with the consequences of those decisions (such as pursuing a career that I find boring just because it was my father's dream). My parents always say that I'm the most perfect daughter that they could wish for so my sacrifices haven't been in vain; but I do wish I'd put my own happiness/wishes/desires first (at least occasionally) and pursued my own dreams too. Post-Marriage self (at the beginning of the journey) I consumed myself in trying to be the perfect wife, daughter-in-law and mother. I know that everyone gives me a lot of credit for being a great multi-tasker who brings light, happiness, organisation, purpose and direction to their lives - so my efforts haven't been wasted. My mum is so proud of me when people from the mosque/community tell her in awe that my children are exemplary both in deen, etiquette, academics and sports. My children are balanced individuals who adore me. My husband tells me that I am like gravity that keeps everything in it's place and without me they'd all fall - so, in that regards - yes I've got my dues. Yes, I've accomplished what I'd aimed to and got full credit for it too. But with hindsight I wish that I'd made more time for myself. Whenever anyone falls, I'm like their safety net - already prepared to catch them. Be it family or friends. Everyone knows I'll be there unconditionally. Sometimes I want to fall, and I want someone to catch me too. But everyone assumes that I'll help myself up because I know how to - so I suspect that no-one will ever think that they NEED to run to catch me (metaphorically speaking). This is the problem with being self sufficient and the rock in everyone's life! With reflection I wish that I hadn't filled all the voids and that I'd left space for a rock of my own. Religion I wish I'd mastered arabic sooner. Sorry - for the long message. I feel like I'm in therapy. Note to self - must do this more often!
  16. When the women is jealous

    @Guest Account Ali You stated: "And what theory do you disagree with? That men don't spontaneously cheat on their wives for the sake of it? That most men seek another wife since the current one is not meeting all of his expectations? Seriously, you disagree with this? I am a man, and I can assure you that we are not Hollywood villains that like to cheat on our wives for the thrill of it, or because we like emotionally torturing our wives. And I agree that most Muslim men and women seem to lack even basic knowledge of how to communicate with their spouses. And the whole spiel after that I also agree with". I know it happens in theory! That is exactly my point - it shouldn't happen and I don't agree with the practice of the above. Do you even read what you write? You yourself wrote: "And what theory do you disagree with? That men don't spontaneously cheat on their wives for the sake of it? You then go on to state: "Also, seeking another wife is not "cheating". You yourself described this as cheating. May be it was a Freudian slip because you yourself subconsciously do consider this to be cheating? This is a speculative observation - I'm not accusing you of this. You later said: "Also when I said "not doing enough", I meant in general behavior. I have no idea why such a statement of mine would remind you anything remotely sexual." Where, when and how did I say/indicate/suggest that your comment had "sexual" connotations? I did NOT. May be this is another Freudian Slip? Again simply speculative! You further state: "...be prepared to be insulted back. How very manly and noble of you... NOT! I'm sure that it is against SC rules to insult other members and if you dare to do so I will report you to the moderators. Please debate politely and fairly... and as the saying goes: if you have nothing good to say.. say nothing at all. I'm sure you've heard the idiom: If you can't take the heat then get out of the kitchen. Au revoir!
  17. When the women is jealous

    @Guest Account Ali. Ermmm.... I think you missed some steps in between... and even then I don't agree with this preposterous theory of yours! How about the husband asks the wife WHY she is not "showing enough love and care". It is highly likely that by communicating the husband will discover a legitimate reason... may be she is unwell/stressed/pre-occupied with some other concern/matter. You can't just go window shopping for another wife the minute your existing wife is not showing you "enough love and care". "CHEATING" is not permitted under any circumstances in Islam. How sad that men in our society have such depraved opinions and that a wife is considered to be such a disposable commodity! It is men with views like yours that make a mockery of our religion and destroy the happiness and future of loyal, committed and pious wives. I am too sad to comment on your other ludicrous and ignorant statements! @lola20 I apologise to you on this brothers behalf (even though I don't know him). No-one has a right to make such comments!
  18. When the women is jealous

    I have not read beyond the first few messages. But here's my take on this. I do not believe that any man (other than the Prophets and Infallibles) would be able to treat all his wives equally. I have witnessed men who have promised this but it is a complete fallacy! It is human nature that the husband will be drawn towards one wife more than the other(s). Then his attention; love, money and time will be unfairly allocated more to his "favourite". Like it or not, this is how it pans out in reality! So many religious folk would say that even if the man is unjust (READ AS NOT FOLLOWING THE RULES OF THIS MULTI MARRIAGE ARRANGEMENT AND THEREFORE SINNING), the woman should just be patient! Why? One rule for the man and another for the woman! Just because our religion allows us do something it doesn't mean it has to be practiced. In today's day and age, except under exceptional circumstances, I do not see why a man needs to have multiple wives anyway. Just have some control over your gaze and stay loyal to your wife. If it's not working out; if despite all your efforts your marriage is irrevocably over - then please set your wife free so she can have a monogamous marriage with a man who will give her undivided love and attention. If you don't love/like your husband, then this multiple wife arrangement may come as a welcome solution because you still have financial security without having to tend to his "other" needs so much. There may be other circumstances in which a wife doesn't mind her husband taking more wives. But, if a woman deeply loves a man, the idea of him sharing his love (and marital bed) with someone else would destroy her. Personally, if I truly loved a man, I would not take a step out of the house if he requested me not to (hypothetically speaking), but share him? Never! This is not jealousy but simply pure and unadulterated love for your spouse.
  19. Salam. I am prepared for the fact that my post may appear some what controversial to some and hence I will most probably get a lot of brickbat for it. Please let me start by clarifying that I fully believe that wearing the veil/hijab/pardah/scarf is compulsory in Islam and anyone who doesn't wear one CORRECTLY is sinning. For the record, I am not questioning this. The topic I wanted to discuss is HOW the hijab is being worn in today's day and age. I feel it would be useful if we all mentioned which part of the world we live in when commenting because obviously there are huge cultural variances in different countries and this will add more context to what is being discussed. I reside in the UK. I have noted that a lot of the younger and older sisters wear their head scarves like a fashion statement. Yes, they are 'supposedly' wearing a headscarf, but most of their hair is INTENTIONALLY styled to come out from the side of their scarf; they have strands of hair (that has sometimes been curled with a hot tong) on display, they have a heavy fringe emerging or their scarf is pinned half way down their head. The other day I got lectured by a friend from mosque whom I bumped into (outside of mosque) for wearing western clothes and for not wearing a head scarf; especially given that I am Syed. I accept that I am sinning by not wearing a headscarf hence I didn't challenge her. I simply asked her to pray that I develop the strength in Iman to wear the Islamic veil properly one day InshAllah. Now this young lady in question was herself wearing a headscarf the size of a handkerchief, and I couldn't help but note that 3/4 of her light blonde bleached hair that was heavily embellished with extremely blingy hair pins, was hanging out from her loosely tied "scarf". Furthermore, she was wearing a tight fitting lycra Abbaya and from her silhouette I could clearly identify each and every lump, bump and curve on her body. Literally there was nothing left to the imagination. What I find the worst about these so called "Islamic clothes" is that the women do not cover their modesty with a veil when they are wearing such tight fitting "Islamic garments"! More so, her neck and a hint of her cleavage was clearly on show because the Abbaya had a deep neckline.To make matters worse, she was wearing extremely garish and stand out makeup with 'snow white' foundation (God knows why our Pakistani sisters are obsessed with painting their faces 10 shades lighter than their OBVIOUS natural skin tone). In contrast I was wearing a pair of jeans, a loosely fitted poncho and no make up. Frankly speaking, I have a feeling she stood out like a sore thumb whilst I blended in with the normal crowd of people. My mother wears a head scarf properly with not even a strand of hair, or any skin on her neck, chest or arms are on display. She always covers her cleavage area with a duppatta/chaddar. In my view 80% of the people I see wearing a head scarf are not wearing it properly. Also, I think many girls are being forced to wear a head scarf by their families against their free will; hence you find that these girls leave the house wearing a scarf properly; but by the time they are 2 minutes away from their house their scarf begins to "casually" slip down their head. OOPS (sarcasm intended). What are your views on this? How do you wear a hijab? Do you believe that there is any sawab in wearing these fashion/token scarves?
  20. Rishta protocol

    @rkazmi33 The thing about the girls in our household is that we don't fit into any conventional box. We are strong, confident, educated women with independent minds, but we are still quite traditional, and dare I say it, conservative in a lot of matters. Dichotomy is the word that springs to mind. My sister is most definitely not shy or weak, but the value system that our parents have embedded in us will not allow her to feel comfortable in meeting a guy on a 1-2-1 basis outside of our home environment.
  21. Rishta protocol

    @Ron_Burgundy Thanks for your response. It's actually regarding my sister not me - I'm married. See, each to it's own. Personally when I went through this process I point blank refused to meet any guy outside of my parents home. That was my decision and I had a number of reasons for it at the time. I think times have changed now and I have suggested to my sister that if she wished she could go to meet a guy with a chaperone from the family but she refuses to. She holds the same views as I did. One must respect her viewpoint. With regards to Syed; again it's her prerogative and her first choice would be to marry a practicing Shia Syed. But, if it came to choosing between a practicing Shia (non Syed) who was pious and sincere, and a non practicing Shia (but Syed), I know with full confidence that she'd choose the former.
  22. Why or why?

    Why did God even create us? A cynic would say it is a vanity project. I get that we should be grateful to God and he deserves to be worshiped - I'm not disputing that - but we didn't ask to be created; we didn't sign up for this. What is the point of this big test? And what happens after the day of Judgement - we just reside in heaven or hell 4 eternity? Then what? Won't God need another project? I sound like a child asking these questions - but why oh why is my question? Why do Maulanas despise this question? What difference would it have made to God if he hadn't have create us at all? None right! So why even bother? I for one don't fancy being crushed in my grave and given the choice I'd probably have preferred not to exist altogether from the beginning of time then to go through the trials and tribulations of life and then the hereafter too. We simply have to cope with the cards we are dealt with. I'm not ungrateful - I have an awful lot to be grateful for - but I don't get the purpose of this journey. I can't believe that many people would willingly sign up for this challenge called life with all the complex rules and regulations set by religion.
  23. Why or why?

    Thank you all for your input/advise/comments. I found a lot of peace and comfort in reading it all.
  24. Why or why?

    @lola20 I love your response. Thank you. It really inspired me more than you can imagine. I've read some of your comments in other posts too. I can see that you've been through a lot in life and that you hold a lot of conflicting opinions and views. (The mental tug of war we all face at some point in time - some more than others - about the fairness of life and the questioning of religion because of it). Stay strong girl. Believe me when I say that we've all been there. I can see that many have judged you because you dared to question the norms of society/religion/culture/the accepted thought process. Never feel shy to ask as many or whatever questions you need to. InshAllah one day; no matter how long it takes, you will come to see that our Shia faith is in fact the only correct one. You may not feel that now because you blame religion for everything negative/bad in society/your life/the world etc. I too at times felt despair; deep pain, hopelessness and anguish. What I have come to realise after many years of mentally battling this through in my own mind is that the problem does not lie with our religion - which is perfect in every way - but the problem lies with how people use it; abuse it and distort it for their own advantage and personal agenda. Do not judge Shia Islam based on how so called Muslims have interpreted it; but judge it on it's own merit and judge it for how Allah INTENDED for it to be adhered to. I hope you find peace soon my sister... but do not give up. Question and challenge but do not give up on our faith. InshAllah one day all the fragmented pieces of the jigsaw puzzle will come together and it will all make sense.
  25. Blood in egg yolk - haram egg?

    @ShiaChat Mod Thank you for confirming this for me. @ss99 My madressah teacher followed Ayatullah Sistani and she informed our entire class (many years ago) of this ruling. We were informed that if the egg is haram then it must be thrown away (i.e. it can not be consumed). I buy Organic Eggs and almost every egg in every box has blood in the egg yolk that is embedded deep down. For years now I've been throwing away literally boxes of eggs due to this ruling. The other day I wanted to bake a cake and I had to dispose of over 2 dozen eggs before I found 6 that were halal. That's why I thought I'd reconfirm if this ruling still stands and it does!