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Aflower

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About Aflower

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    Muslim Shia

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    Female

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825 profile views
  1. Asalam alaikum. Have you noticed how many parents appear to have a favourite child? One could argue that this is only natural. But what I personally consider to be outright wrong is when a parent shows a complete bias towards their golden child, to the extent where they are so blinded by their loyalty towards this child, that they will often completely disregard their other children. What are your views on this? Has anyone personally experienced or witnessed this? Is this kind of impartiality towards one child at the expense of others permitted in Islam?
  2. Aflower

    Thoughts 2018

    @IbnSina Sorry for your loss. May Allah give your wife and your family strength at this difficult time. It's probably a bit late, but I found this thread on SC:
  3. Aflower

    Thoughts 2018

    Ina lilah wa ina ilahi raji'oon Ali Naqvi I had been reading this deceased brothers post about Imam Ali's children and thought that it was very useful. I decided to read his other posts too and that's when I learnt that he'd sadly passed away. Even though I wasn't on ShiaChat at the same time as him, I felt deeply saddened to learn this. Life is so fickle and unpredictable. I was pondering over how much I had benefited so much from this deceased brothers posts. That's when it dawned on me that we leave a permanent footprint behind on SC that people read, follow and potentially benefit from even when we are no longer here. May Ali Naqvi's soul rest in peace InshAllah.
  4. Aflower

    Question in Grave

    I'm really sorry if this sounds like a stupid question - but it is genuine. I actually regularly practice the answers to these questions even though I do know them as I am petrified that I'll forget them when my time comes. My question is, if Arabic is not your native language, should the translation be recited too? I ask this because I guess the whole purpose of this exercise is that it is intended to act as a reminder to the deceased of what to answer. If it is not said in their native language, how will it serve it's purpose?
  5. Aflower

    US-UK-France Launch Attacks on Syria

    Thank you everyone for posting your views, opinions, articles, links etc. It has been extremely enlightening for me because I often don't know what to believe is strictly true when looking at the information that's out there on this topic. Jazak Allah Khair.
  6. @hasanhh Are you serious? Does your wife know this? Gosh!
  7. Aflower

    Thoughts 2018

    @IbnSina I couldn't agree more. It's all about the delivery. It's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. I actually went on a really useful 'NLP and Communication Delivery' course with this very title. Or rather and even better, as I say to my children after they've been rambling on for what seems like eternity: "Speech is silver, but silence is golden". Wishful thinking.
  8. Aflower

    starting from scratch

    @Wholehearted Shi'a Wow brother! MashAllah. I didn't know that you had converted. I always respected you but now my regard has increased for you ten fold.
  9. Aflower

    Thoughts 2018

    @ali_fatheroforphans Salam, So how did it go Bro? You were in my prayers.
  10. Aflower

    Thoughts 2018

    @rkazmi33 I second that. I know that in Islam you are supposed to lend money to your family, friends and community but I can tell you from my personal experience that it is the quickest way to turn friend to foe. My husband is a good man and on the whole, he always sees the good in other people too. I have to admit, when I first married him I was super credulous and believed in sugary idioms like "you can kill with kindness" etc. etc. So, we have both grown in terms of seeing the world for what it really is, and sadly it's not a very nice place. We personally have had many bitter experiences of lending money to family and people in the community. On the whole, at first they come to you with a story about how they've hit pit bottom but they promise that they have a way of recouping their money. They inevitably bring God and religion into it. We first lent a very good friend from mosque some money. We had a maulana as a witness and we drew up an agreement about how much money we were lending him together with the dates on which, and the amounts, that he would return. This man gave my husband a complete run around, stopped coming to mosque and stopped answering our phone calls. Some people in the community said that if they were in my husbands place they would have broken his house's front door down and beaten him up. But, my husband is no thug. This was quite a substantial amount of money so we ended up going to court. We won the case and this guy is still not repaying the money even though the court has ordered him to. Which means our only option is to go to court again to get it actioned. On other occasions where we've lent money to people we felt like we've had to chase the person no end to get the money returned and even then, they act like they are doing you a massive favour by returning it! My husband and I have realised and concluded that there are other ways to gain sawab than lending people money so we now just politely say NO. Though I have to admit that my husband's relative asked to borrow £2000 recently. We said we'd get back to him. This person has always been very good to us and we were struggling on how to come to a decision. Finally I said to my husband that we just have to accept that if we give this money to him, effectively we have to accept that we are writing it off and that it will never get returned. Mentally, we have to process that it is a 'gift' for the pleasure of Allah and if it does get returned to us then we should consider it to be an added bonus. Moral of the story - don't lend what you can't do without if it's not returned. But, please don't allow my experiences to put you off from lending family and friends money - I'm just saying that ultimately be prepared that it may never (READ AS MOST PROBABLY WON'T) ever be returned . Also, no matter how close or reliable you may think that person is, always draw up a contract clearly citing how much money is being lent and how/when/in what installments it will be returned. Ensure you have independent witnesses too. I have to tell you though that I think that Allah has blessed us in other ways in return. Alhumdulillah I have two healthy, bright, well spoken children who are excelling in academics and sports. They have a keen interest in Islam too which makes me immensely proud. All the money in the world couldn't have got me more wonderful children ShukarAllah and I am eternally grateful to Allah for this return gift.
  11. Aflower

    Huge lie to my parents

    Salam @Sara1996 I get you. I really do. I get how sometimes we just want our own space so we can organise our room, our time and our life in general on our terms. I also understand that with some parents, no matter how logical, coherent, rational and straight forward you are with them, if they are stuck in their ways, they won't pay heed irrespective of whatever/ however many sensible points you put forward. Despite this, I would never suggest you lie to them. May be you should consider speaking to another member of your family/community/family friends who have more influence over your parents/or whom your parents would be more willing to listen to. Sometimes, if a number of different people say the same thing to a person, then the penny eventually drops. Imagine how your parents would feel if they ever found out that you'd lied to them? I really can't imagine that something like this could remain hidden forever. They would never trust you again and it would irreversibly damage your relationship with them. Moreover, lying to them may sound like a good idea now but believe me, you would forever be burdened with guilt. If you do leave, please leave with your parents permission and blessings. I know it's easier said then done sister, but inshAllah you will find a way. Good luck.
  12. Salam, Just wanted to share this link with anyone who is interested in Nazr and Koonday ki Niaz. Happy reading. http://www.ezsoftech.com/islamic/nazr.asp
  13. Aflower

    I'm failing

    Salam Sister, @rxdbx I hope you are well IA. I really feel for you sister. Sorry that I can't write a proper response right now as I am in the middle of doing something but I hope that you find these two links useful. Stay strong. I know it's easier said than done. Please do read up on burnout. Sometimes it's better to just accept that your mind is over saturated as it needs a break than to keep pushing yourself. Almost everyone suffers from burnout at some point in their life and it is nothing to be ashamed about. I know it's sometimes hard for our folks to understand this. May be you should consider speaking to a doctor. If they give you a doctors note your college/school may be able to positively adjust your marks taking into consideration any medical conditions your doctor may site. It will also enable your parents to understand that you are not just lazy but it is down to extenuating circumstances. Finally, please consider if you simply dislike the subjects that you are studying. If you don't truly have your heart in your subjects then it is very hard to motivate yourself to study them. Have you considered changing subjects? I'm from the UK and I have studied beyond post grad so I know how challenging it can be to try to multi task everything we need to do in our day to day life and to study simultaneously. You won't be the first, or the last to be feeling what you're feeling. Please remember that the first step towards making progress is being honest with yourself about the reality of your situation. So, you are already on your way up. I have a gazillion books on how to study more effectively, motivation, etc. etc. If you need more info then message me. In the meantime - try to rearrange and organise your study area as a cluttered house (or study room in your case) leads to a cluttered mind. Also, a healthy body leads to a healthy mind.Try to eat at least 8 portions of organic fruit and veg a day and drink lots of water. Go for long walks and let the breeze flow through your hair (edit - obviously if you wear a headscarf then let the breeze flow on your face). Take care of your skin (may be treat yourself to a girlie get together and pamper yourself with homemade face masks). Be in the company of positive and like minded people and laugh out loud. Wear nice parfume - it can be so uplifting. Fill your room with nice smelling candles etc.too. My house always smells delicious/calming/fresh/invigorating - I use different aromatherapy oils depending on what mood I'm trying to create and I assure you it always works. Be happy. If you feel like a million bucks on the inside it will definitely have a positive effect on your overall well being. As others have already mentioned above, praying can be particularly spiritually elevating at times like this. You are in my prayers. Best wishes.x https://eduadvisor.my/articles/tired-studying-read-motivational-quotes-get-fired-study-now/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/burnout
  14. Aflower

    Forced Positivity

    W/Salam Brother, "Words have the power to heal, to hurt, to open minds and hearts and to change the world. Never forget the responsibility you have over the words you speak and write." I recall having read this quote in a book. Sorry, but I don't recall which one so I can't quote the source.
  15. Aflower

    Islamic books for a 10 year old

    @Ashvazdanghe Further to my previous message to you, I have just come to realise that if you scroll further down the page on the link that you kindly attached, there are some excellent books on this site that would be perfect for a child my sons age; and even better - I've not come across some of these books before.This is exactly what I was looking for. The books that I think would make interesting reading for my son are: Monotheism for Young Adults Islamic Doctrines Simplified Pearls of Wisdom Stories and Sayings Of Infallibles I can't wait to proof read them and then forward on the links of the e-books to my son. Thank you so very much brother. I can't tell you in words how happy I am. You've literally made my day. I would highly recommend this link to everyone as it covers an array of material for children and young adults.
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