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Everything posted by M666

  1. Inshallah there is justice hereafter. That is the only thing that is keeping me a little sane. I wish there was a switch which I could switch off and I would forget about what he has done but there isn't and I am sure time will heal. I know I am repeating myself but I am raging aswell as crying over the idea that he played with my emotions for 10 years. 10 years of my precious life in which he claimed to love me. And then after wasting those just walking out without any accountability and be able to switch off all that "love" and "care". It's unbelievable. Inshallah I will overcome this but the way things are around me right now hinder things for me. I live in a small town, I have finished university, the Muslims here are either too out of hands (drinking and indulging in haram things) or too extreme. I am considering going away for a masters degree to get out of this place. Being in the same place is really achieving nothing for me. He kept me in a bubble by promising me me marriage. He made sure I believed that he will fulfil his promise of marrying me no matter what so I planned my life accordingly. But as he abruptly left me, here I am not only hurt but completely clueless about life and what I want to do. I do talk to my mother and my father but over the years they have seen me cry a lot. Since the age of 22 when he spoke to his parents I have cried and shouted a lot. 3 times he told me he is sorting this marriage out, and then it didn't happen, I cried a lot to the point I was breathless. He disappointed me a lot and made me beg him and the finally 2 years ago his parents made the promise to my parents that's when I stopped crying. And when this whole istikhara thing came I cried too and I shouted to the point that my parents got too worried. I can't keep on doing this, my parents are getting older, my mother has a heart condition and my father is diabetic I don't want them to see me cry and make their health even worse. The person I truely want to talk to are his parents but they won't talk, they won't answer my calls and they have just decided to walk away without any accountability. I am the one left oppressed with no voice. The only one who can hear this pain is you all and ofcourse Allah. He is watching all this. That guy has blocked me and is moving on with his life now. He posts on a gaming website and is trying to apply for jobs and here I am trying to move on but it's getting difficult. I agree, the situation you have described above is true care. Unfortunately mine isn't care. It was just use and abuse, then dispose off the individual. I thought his parents would atleast show some level of care but I think they are the ones to mainly blame for this all. I just imagine if I married him they would have done a lot worse so maybe I am glad Allah has saved me in a way. Thank you for your support, your kind words really comfort me in this awful time. It could have been a lot worse I appreciate that. But this is really hard. If it wasn't for Shia chat I don't know where I would be right now. Thank you
  2. Salam brothers and sisters, I have been with this Shia guy for the last 10 years, we used to talk on the phone and 2 years ago he brought my marriage proposal. His parents were hesitant at first but after a while they agreed through a lot of persuasion. They put a condition that once he has a job they will marry us. After 2 years the time of marriage finally came and only month before the marriage when everything was decided between his and my parents (date, mehr amount etc) he said that Istikhara is mandatory and without Istikhara he won’t be able to marry me. I have no problem with istakhara but after such a long time of being with me all these promises to me and my parents he says he will do Istikhara. I tried to contact his parents but they dont talk to me or even answer my calls as we live in different countries. He says that only a maulvi will do istakhara and you can’t do it. If instikhara says yes, he will marry me and if it says no he won’t marry me. I need your help. I feel like it is just an excuse because I never heard of the concept that Istikhara is mandatory. It is highly recommended but he is saying he will cancel the marriage only based on an Istikhara which he wants to do one month before marriage when everything has been decided and when he has promised me and my parents on this marriage. Please help me out because I can’t stop crying and I am really distressed.thank you
  3. and when I say human interaction I mean it in a sense to let these feelings and emotions out. Clearly he couldn't even call me because the Internet connection in Pakistan according to him is really bad. And that his dad broke the internet router when he got angry seeing him talking to me. My family have heard about all this enough I don't want to make my parents sad anymore. My brother doesn't live with us anymore since he has got his own house and my younger sister is at uni. I have no one to actually talk about all this apart from you all. I wanted to talk to his parents but they never answered and even if they did I doubt they would have any sympathy for me
  4. @Intellectual Resistance Thank you so much for this compilation and going out of your way to help me out. May Allah bless you and give you everything that you desire in this life and after. I am just watching the video now.. I have to be patient because Allah works in amazing ways. it is very hard to be patient right now but I am trying my best. All thanks to your help
  5. Exactly! Real care is when you love someone enough to commit to them islamically and not show "love" and "care" when it suits them. He kept saying I tried for 10 years to get married to you and when the istikhara came out bad it's not my fault. What kind of joke is that! Using 10 years of my life and then putting everything down to an istikhara. Since when did istikhara become a condition for marriage and if it was that important than why not do it earlier. When I asked him that he said I didn't know. That I didn't know answer would not bring back my time and the emotional investment I put in this whole thing. I remember the amount of times I tried to convince his parents. It was a joke. I am so hurt that words can't even explain. When I blocked him the next day after that he blocked me aswell and my family. Clearly he doesn't feel responsible. I am sad that he will get to enjoy his life, be able to get married but I will be left with nothing in the end. I am so lonely right now. I know I have Allah with me but I also need human interaction which I don't have anymore. How can someone leave another person like this. This is cruelty. He was very immature in the way he handled everything in life. From his career to me. i feel used and when the "istikhara" came bad he threw me away like o am worth nothing. Today has to be the worst day. I feel sick and I am really angry. I do agree that it could have been a lot worse but I just want Allah to serve justice for all the pain he has given me. If there was a court in this earth I would take him there and make sure he faced consequences for his actions but there isn't because he kept me in a haram relationship for such a long time by promising me marriage everyday and there I was being stupid and believing his lies. He manipulated me and took advantage of my good nature and my trust.
  6. yesterday I cried a lot because one thing about him was that he was loyal to me and he was always there when I was upset and now I have no one. I never thought that out of everyone he would deceive me like this and give me the biggest pain in my life. What hurts me the most is that he took 10 years of my life trying to convince his parents. I just wish I didn't allow him to do that. He changed a lot in the end and it felt like he didn't want this marriage or someone was pressurising him on this istikhara. This whole situation was abusive and it was done to silence me. i invested too much time to be left like this. Today I had another dream about him and when I woke I checked my phone and saw a missed call from his father? I am really confused why is his dad calling me? Maybe he called me by mistake or something but I was a bit shocked to see a missed call from his dad. That call made me even more upset and I am wondering why he is ringing me now? I am trying to move on but it is really tough. You are right.. Maybe if I stay strong like this, Allah will give me something better. I literally had to beg him to sort this marriage out. He never took care of my needs. Everytime I would mention that his mother doesn't talk to me he would make me feel it was my mistake in wanting to talk to her and as if I was making a stupid demand.. When all I wanted was a bit of love. They never valued me, nor did he value me. They never realised my worth. I am not arrogant or anything but Allah has blessed me with a lot of qualities but they would never value them. They just hated me because I was not their choice. It would be nice to find someone like the way you are describing. Someone who would value me, someone who won't make me beg for things to happen. Maybe I am just being a little impatient but I want it to happen soon. I am so tired of this. Everytime I see someone else getting married I get so upset and think when will my time come. I never thought marriage would become such a hurdle in my life.
  7. M666

    Are Nandos and Oportos really halal?

    Not all nandos (in the UK) are halal. The ones that are halal are advertised as halal when you go into the resteraunt or on their website.
  8. Wasalam, i can't stop crying today. The fact that he has ruined my life chances and wasted 10 years of my life is killing me. I could have been married to someone else, had a family by now but I spent all that time waiting for him to convince his parents and in the end leave me empty handed. I keep seeing him in my dreams and when I wake up I feel more upset. I want to forget it all but I can't forget or forgive what he has done to me. My precious time that has been wasted will never come back. The opportunities I missed or the proposals I got won't come back. I declined everyone for him blindly and all that for him to stab me in the end like this. I am angry at myself for allowing someone to do this to me. The last conversation I had with him, he was disrespecting me and saying to me that I am scared and not trusting Allah and I have no faith in him because I was not happy with him doing the istikhara. That has left an even bitter taste in my mouth and I don't want to talk to him but today I am really upset. Also I have not been doing anything today apart from being at home maybe that's why I am feeling like this. I really have no friends left who I can talk to or feel comfortable talking about this situation. thank you @Intellectual Resistance for your constant effort trying to help me out. I won't be contacting him. I was very close to unblocking him and writing my feelings on Watsapp but I am gonna leave it. Thank you for keeping me in your duas. Really means a lot in this tough time in my life. He was my only friend and now I have no one but you all here to talk to about this.
  9. Salam everyone, hope you are all well. Guys today I feel really broken, I think my strength is wearing out now. I do not miss him but I feel so betrayed and mistreated. I feel like unblocking him today and telling him how he has mistreated me and asking him, why did you do all this? After I gave him 10 years of life because he promised me marriage no matter what. When I showed him that istikhara was not mandatory but still he manipulated it in a way that he could use it as an excuse to leave me. After all these years when I thought finally, I can breath in peace at the very last moment he blew everything apart for me. All these dreams I had and he left me empty handed and not feel responsible for it.. I want to ask him why he followed me when I left him at the age of 22 when his mother was not agreeing to this marriage. He called me 100 times a day to get back with him because he would marry me immediately. His parents asked for my proposal but do not even feel accountable from the promise they broke? He promised me marriage and doesn't feel accountable for anything. I know contacting him will not achieve anything. But I want him to know that he should feel responsible for all this. He should not be allowed to move on and live his life happily when he has wasted so much of my time. I am so lonely now. I have no friends left. Praying is not helping me either
  10. M666

    At what age did you get married?

    Thank you! Definitely not old but you know what, I imagined myself to be married by 25 but someone wasted 10 years of my life by leading me on. I am just annoyed that what I had planned for myself, which was to be married in mid 20s didn't happen. Also, I live in the UK, there are hardly any decent people here that I would consider getting married to. That is the only reason why I am getting worried. I live in a small town here. Also, my friends just got recently married so I feel left behind. Please keep me in your duas, I am sure everything will be okay in the end.
  11. M666

    At what age did you get married?

    That's true! The best thing to do is to wait for the right person.. at the moment I need to work on myself. You are right, better be alone than to be with wrong person. Life is too short to live in tears.
  12. M666

    Urgent Help!

    I am speaking from personal experience, if his parents don't agree right now, they won't agree later on and will create problems for you. I went through the same thing as you, the guy wanted to convince his parents so he took 10 years of my life and in the end his parents still a manged to break everything. I strongly advise you to not waste time and distance yourself before you get too attached.
  13. M666

    At what age did you get married?

    I am 28 right now, was meant to get married this year but the guy played a big game by bringing it down to an istikhara at the very last moment after promising me marriage for 10 year. Worried now because I feel like I am too old to find a decent man now. Hopefully want to get married before the age of 30
  14. Salam, Thank you brother for your support and wise words. I came on this forum just to ask one question, thinking it would help me and him out because he was making it out to be that istikhara was mandatory and he didn't wanted to do it but he had no choice. But you all helped me not only by answering my question, but by providing me emotional support along with ways to get out of this situation. You helped me identify the main problem and his true intentions. Thank you. Everytime I feel sad I just come on Shia chat, type how I feel here and someone comes in to offer support. Thank you. May Allah bless you all. You are always in my prayers. Allah is witnessing you all helping someone who you don't even know to such an extent that they can think rationally. May Allah reward you all. I may have my faults as no one is perfect but one thing was for certain that my intentions to marry him were pure. I have learned a great lesson here and I will not be repeating the same mistake. Just keep me in your duas. That's all I need. I can't believe how fast I am recovering from this. I never thought I would let go of him, esp after 10 years. But he was toxic and kept me in a lot of pain. It was painful listening to promises of marriage each and every year and I had enough. Atleast that phase of my life is over. I wish I walked out of all this a long time ago, but I was a lot younger and naive. I did walk out when I was 22 but he persuaded me that he will marry me and then Led me on for more time and then used religion to make himself not feel guilty about doing all this to me. I hope this doesn't happen to any girl. No one deserves this. I strongly urge people to not get involved in haram relationships no matter how innocent they may seem and how genuine the other person is. If he isn't married to you, you shouldn't be speaking to him.
  15. Ofcourse not, I know you have the purest intention when you say this. It is the truth. I think every girl should read this thread who is in a non Islamic relationship and thinks that the guy who claims to "love" her is guaranteed to marry her. He can walk out of your life any time because you are not married to him, and until you aren't you shouldn't be attaching yourself emotionally to a non mehram. In my case unfortunately when my parents found out about him it was too late. Even when his parents and my parents got involved there was no guarantee. As you can see he walked out after 10 years, obviously his parents also had a big part to play. They shouldn't have promised my parents about the marriage by formally calling my parents and then breaking it down to an istikhara. Until you are married , they can walk out of any sort of commitment. It's easy for people to break promise these days. I remember when his parents called my parents to Pakistan to talk about the marriage but instead humiliated them, they said let him and her talk and be "friends" they can marry other ppl. Nothing wrong with being friends. That's the kind of of mentality his parents had. I am glad Allah saved me
  16. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful video. Made me feel a lot more positive. I can over come this pain inshallah and I hope Allah rewards me for those 10 years that have been wasted. i am so grateful to Allah for all his blessings. I'm so grateful for being a Muslim and having Muslim brothers and sisters like yourself who help each other in the time of need. I am truly blessed. Thank you
  17. Yes, it would have been polite if his parents called my parents and formally apologised but I don't think they give us that respect. And I think it is the guy who is at fault because all these years he would tell me that his family is very nice and welcoming and they will welcome me. He would give me false hopes every year that I will marry you this year but it wouldn't happen. He made it seem like he won't leave me ever like this. Even recently he said, before this istikhara thing got in the way that I am going to Pakistan to sort the wedding out. That's why my parents are calling me there. He got there and said I have to do istikhara because a maulana has said its mandatory. That's where everything started to change. He lied to me and when I spoke to everyone here and told him everything you all told me he denied it all. Clearly if he wanted this marriage to go on he could have said to his parents look, I have wasted so much time, I am not following your traditions and I am going to honour the promise. But no, apparently it came out "bad" and now Allah is not happy. I have never seen or heard of anything like this in my whole life. And when I said I will do the istikhara he said you can but my parents won't accept it. If he was not about going against his parents wishes why did he promise me marriage for 10 years. He wasted my time like water just so his parents could be happy and in the end he threw me away like I am worth nothing. And on top of that, he said Allah is on his side. This is emotional abuse on the next level. I am so grateful to Allah that I have dodge a bullet. If a man can't stand up for you and what is right then he isn't worth marrying. I hope there is some guilt in his heart but from what I can see I don't think there is. He kept saying why did you contact my parents, you ruined everything.... And I am like I thought the istikhara was bad, you had left me already. It's just mind games and I am tired of all this. I would rather be lonely than be with someone who plays mind games. You guys have no idea how much I used to cry, every year begging him to hurry up. I said look I am getting older hurry up and he would say don't worry I will marry you and in the end the play this whole game. Tomorrow even if he comes begging I won't have him back. I can't even express here in words how I felt. This month he was going to marry me and then he puts everything down to an istikhara. What makes it even worse is that all my friends are married now. And now I have to start all over. I feel left out and behind everyone. He left me empty handed. He wasted my time. I cried a lot in those 10 years. I worked hard to get to this stage of marriage and then he did all this to me. these people have no sense of responsibility. If I saw my son do this to a girl I would be scared of Allah. I would fear Allah but their family and him seem to think they are pleasing Allah by not marrying me because of a bad Istikhara. I do not miss him at all. I don't want to talk to him. I am just upset that how someone could play me for this long. Someone could promise me and then do that to me. I am hurt. And because of him I hardly have any friends left. He made sure I made him my priority. I went to the gym for the second time today and I have to say I really liked it. It made me take my mind of things. I felt relaxed and I felt I am doing something to make myself even more fit. I need to find other productive things to do but my mind is kinda blank. I want to go on a holiday but I have no one to go with me. But I am grateful. I am happy that Allah has saved me from evil people. Tomorrow they could have even hit me and my parents who live here in the U.K would have not been able to communicate with me. So I am happy. Just a little worried because I am emotionally unavailable right now for marriage. I find it hard to trust people and now I don't think I can but inshallah when the right person comes in my life I am sure I will be okay. Thank you for everything. Trust me when I am reading your and other peoples response here I have nothing but sincere duas coming out of my heart. I remember the day when I joined Shia chat I was so lost and felt sick because I was crying when he was telling me that istikhara is mandatory and all that. You guys helped me realise that I am worth a lot more than the lies and deception. Thank you.
  18. You are right! It is a little strange. I am not sure if he did the fasting test. He went first thing in the morning, without breakfast. I am gonna ask him to consider doing it again. And you are right, with today's medicine it has become a lot easier to manage diabetes. Thank you for your help.
  19. No worries at all. Thank you for your response. I have blocked him now and do not intend to unblock him. The last conversation I had before I blocked him, he showed no remorse and kept saying Allah will serve him justice and that Allah is on his side. And that, because of me calling his dad has completely broken him family. There are a lot of things going on in his house because of me. And that Allah will punish me. At the point I thought what was even the point of talking to him so I blocked him and kicked him out of my life. A person with no sense of responsibility for his actions and blames it all on me deserves no chances. I haven't spoken to him. I feel a lot better but I am numb. Inside I am very hurt and worried about myself but on the outside I am okay, I am coping with it and keeping myself busy. i just feel enotionless about this situation now, I have cried a lot and have been in a lot of pain. Atleast I am not in pain and anxiety now. I am not hearing excuses everyday, I am not begging him to hurry up. I feel a lot better now but deep down inside I am hurt and in pain. Furthermore, the way his family treated me was disgusting and disrespectful. His father blocked me on Watsapp when I told him to call me. They didn't contact me and I feel like my worth is a lot more than that. As you are saying if I married him and he took me to Pakistan, imagine how things would have been when in their hearts they only had hate for me. They got rid of me so I am sure they are happy now. My only wish is that Allah serves justice. My father hasn't called their family. And we have just left it. Because in this world he is legally not accountable for what he has done to me but I know in Allahs court he is. I really hope justice is served. On a positive note, I am concentrating on myself. I haven't told my parents yet to find me someone as I need time to heal. I have joined a gym and I am trying to look for other activities that will keep me busy. i feel like without your duas I wouldn't be here. I feel like there is someone who is helping me and that is Allah through your prayers. Your guidance has helped me a lot. I never thought Allah will give me this much strength. Thank you
  20. Thank you very much. Means a lot. Well he has type 2 diabetes, he had a test few months ago and the result was not bad. But this time he had the test and it came out quite dangerous. He isn't overweight, and he works out too. He was expecting a better result but unfortunately it didn't come out good. He doesn't eat unhealthy anymore (as far as I am aware). Inshallah he gets it back to normal and controls it.
  21. Thank you brother. 28 is definitely not old but in Pakistani culture I am sure you know what they think like... Any girl older than 25 is like 50 to them. Most people who are my age are usually married now/ engaged so he has significantly reduced my chances but no doubt Allah will be reward me with a nice man inshallah. Please keep me in your duas.
  22. Don't you worry, all of you are in my prayers. Your help means a lot to me and coming here and talking to you all is really making me stronger day by day. When I came here I was completely broken, in tears and hadn't slept all night. But now I am healing, all thanks to your advice and this platform where I can discuss my feelings and ask for advice. This is the beauty of our religion, when we see one of our brothers or sisters in pain, we all come together and help out. It is such a blessing that we should be thankful for. You are 100% accurate on this, he plays mind games. Even the last conversation I had with him, he said "Allah will serve justice" and I am like what are you even saying, you did me wrong and now you are acting like a victim. He is delusional and I am actually grateful now that is marriage is not going ahead. When a person can not differentiate between what is right and wrong, then he is truely delusional and lacks common sense. I just wish this thing became clear way before all this. He thinks he is following the will of Allah by not marrying me, nothing else matters. Funny because he promised me years ago that he will marry me no matter what, even if he had to go against his parents but he took years and years of my life trying to convince them and in the end when they made him do istikhara he couldn't do anything. I just imagine if I got married to him and if he mistreated me or his family treated me like this it would have been a lot worse. Imagine we all packed our stuff, went to Pakistan for the wedding and then the day before they said lets do istikhara! It could have been a lot worse. It's sad because his parents called my house formally and said we will get our children married. And then go back on their words? These people have no shame.. It is really sad that heartless people like that exist in this world. His dad today blocked me on Watsapp. This is the disrespect they gave me. Funnily I never spoke to them, only Salam and that's it. Never contacted them ever. Only now after 10 years of abuse and oppression I said to his father on Watsapp to call me, begged him for mercy while he was reading all my messages he blocked me. What are they hiding from? I doubt they have any guilt in their heart. They should fear Allah as they have daughters in their house too. I would rather not be disrespected. People who can't treasure you are not worthy of you. I honestly thought they accepted me but they didn't. If he truely loved me, he would have taken a firm stand and made his parents respect me. He promised me all this though. All those years I was talking to him he said don't worry I will always be there and then when the final stage came in, literally weeks before the wedding he does this. Leaves me empty handed and then says I am disrespectful. What a joke! I am sick of this now, to be honest I don't want a closure anymore. I told my father to not answer his dad's call if he calls. We are not waiting for him or his family. After all this disrespect I refuse to marry him or be with him. I have never been treated so badly in my entire life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am 28 but I look a lot younger than I am, I am educated, I come from a respectable family. Inshallah there will be someone out there for me. Id rather marry someone who has good morals and has a family who loves me not oppress me. He wanted to take me to Pakistan, he would often ask me if I go to Pakistan would I do stuff for his parents. So many red flags but I was just too stupid to realise. i really really hope Allah serves justice and that they think twice before mistreating anyone's daughter. My father has recently been diagnosed with diabetes, can you guys please pray for his health too. I feel like the world is just falling down on me all of a sudden. I have done nothing in my life to harm anyone... I really hope Allah helps me out. I am already halfway there thanks to your help and guidance.
  23. Thank you sister, means a lot. I have blocked him just now. I don't want my parents to explain his anything. I want his parents to do the explaining. But they are so heartless I doubt it's gonna work. Thank you once again for your kind words.
  24. I definitely don't want revenge. At first I thought maybe I should start contacting his family but now I am leaving it to Allah to serve justice. My revenge will be nothing compared to Allahs justice. Allah works in amazing ways.. I have 100% faith in that. His parents clearly have no sympathy for me. Me crying in front of them will not achieve anything. Furthermore I have no time to argue with him. The more I do, the more time I waste. I am going to block him. Enough is enough. Can you guys please keep in your prayers. I really need them right now. I want Allah to give me strength. Sorry guys I keep on asking you what to do when I get confused and upset. But I need someone with a rational approach rather than me acting in emotions. He has left me in a very lonely state. I have no friends who I can trust and I don't want to keep on discussing it with my parents to make them upset
  25. should I wait before his father talks to mine? Or should I just block him immediately? . To be honest I don't want to talk to him. You are right, he is toxic. Every day he comes up with something to bring me down. The more I talk the more time I waste. On the positive side Iv told my parents to start looking for someone else.