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  1. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    You are right! It is a little strange. I am not sure if he did the fasting test. He went first thing in the morning, without breakfast. I am gonna ask him to consider doing it again. And you are right, with today's medicine it has become a lot easier to manage diabetes. Thank you for your help.
  2. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    No worries at all. Thank you for your response. I have blocked him now and do not intend to unblock him. The last conversation I had before I blocked him, he showed no remorse and kept saying Allah will serve him justice and that Allah is on his side. And that, because of me calling his dad has completely broken him family. There are a lot of things going on in his house because of me. And that Allah will punish me. At the point I thought what was even the point of talking to him so I blocked him and kicked him out of my life. A person with no sense of responsibility for his actions and blames it all on me deserves no chances. I haven't spoken to him. I feel a lot better but I am numb. Inside I am very hurt and worried about myself but on the outside I am okay, I am coping with it and keeping myself busy. i just feel enotionless about this situation now, I have cried a lot and have been in a lot of pain. Atleast I am not in pain and anxiety now. I am not hearing excuses everyday, I am not begging him to hurry up. I feel a lot better now but deep down inside I am hurt and in pain. Furthermore, the way his family treated me was disgusting and disrespectful. His father blocked me on Watsapp when I told him to call me. They didn't contact me and I feel like my worth is a lot more than that. As you are saying if I married him and he took me to Pakistan, imagine how things would have been when in their hearts they only had hate for me. They got rid of me so I am sure they are happy now. My only wish is that Allah serves justice. My father hasn't called their family. And we have just left it. Because in this world he is legally not accountable for what he has done to me but I know in Allahs court he is. I really hope justice is served. On a positive note, I am concentrating on myself. I haven't told my parents yet to find me someone as I need time to heal. I have joined a gym and I am trying to look for other activities that will keep me busy. i feel like without your duas I wouldn't be here. I feel like there is someone who is helping me and that is Allah through your prayers. Your guidance has helped me a lot. I never thought Allah will give me this much strength. Thank you
  3. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    Thank you very much. Means a lot. Well he has type 2 diabetes, he had a test few months ago and the result was not bad. But this time he had the test and it came out quite dangerous. He isn't overweight, and he works out too. He was expecting a better result but unfortunately it didn't come out good. He doesn't eat unhealthy anymore (as far as I am aware). Inshallah he gets it back to normal and controls it.
  4. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    Thank you brother. 28 is definitely not old but in Pakistani culture I am sure you know what they think like... Any girl older than 25 is like 50 to them. Most people who are my age are usually married now/ engaged so he has significantly reduced my chances but no doubt Allah will be reward me with a nice man inshallah. Please keep me in your duas.
  5. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    Don't you worry, all of you are in my prayers. Your help means a lot to me and coming here and talking to you all is really making me stronger day by day. When I came here I was completely broken, in tears and hadn't slept all night. But now I am healing, all thanks to your advice and this platform where I can discuss my feelings and ask for advice. This is the beauty of our religion, when we see one of our brothers or sisters in pain, we all come together and help out. It is such a blessing that we should be thankful for. You are 100% accurate on this, he plays mind games. Even the last conversation I had with him, he said "Allah will serve justice" and I am like what are you even saying, you did me wrong and now you are acting like a victim. He is delusional and I am actually grateful now that is marriage is not going ahead. When a person can not differentiate between what is right and wrong, then he is truely delusional and lacks common sense. I just wish this thing became clear way before all this. He thinks he is following the will of Allah by not marrying me, nothing else matters. Funny because he promised me years ago that he will marry me no matter what, even if he had to go against his parents but he took years and years of my life trying to convince them and in the end when they made him do istikhara he couldn't do anything. I just imagine if I got married to him and if he mistreated me or his family treated me like this it would have been a lot worse. Imagine we all packed our stuff, went to Pakistan for the wedding and then the day before they said lets do istikhara! It could have been a lot worse. It's sad because his parents called my house formally and said we will get our children married. And then go back on their words? These people have no shame.. It is really sad that heartless people like that exist in this world. His dad today blocked me on Watsapp. This is the disrespect they gave me. Funnily I never spoke to them, only Salam and that's it. Never contacted them ever. Only now after 10 years of abuse and oppression I said to his father on Watsapp to call me, begged him for mercy while he was reading all my messages he blocked me. What are they hiding from? I doubt they have any guilt in their heart. They should fear Allah as they have daughters in their house too. I would rather not be disrespected. People who can't treasure you are not worthy of you. I honestly thought they accepted me but they didn't. If he truely loved me, he would have taken a firm stand and made his parents respect me. He promised me all this though. All those years I was talking to him he said don't worry I will always be there and then when the final stage came in, literally weeks before the wedding he does this. Leaves me empty handed and then says I am disrespectful. What a joke! I am sick of this now, to be honest I don't want a closure anymore. I told my father to not answer his dad's call if he calls. We are not waiting for him or his family. After all this disrespect I refuse to marry him or be with him. I have never been treated so badly in my entire life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am 28 but I look a lot younger than I am, I am educated, I come from a respectable family. Inshallah there will be someone out there for me. Id rather marry someone who has good morals and has a family who loves me not oppress me. He wanted to take me to Pakistan, he would often ask me if I go to Pakistan would I do stuff for his parents. So many red flags but I was just too stupid to realise. i really really hope Allah serves justice and that they think twice before mistreating anyone's daughter. My father has recently been diagnosed with diabetes, can you guys please pray for his health too. I feel like the world is just falling down on me all of a sudden. I have done nothing in my life to harm anyone... I really hope Allah helps me out. I am already halfway there thanks to your help and guidance.
  6. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    Thank you sister, means a lot. I have blocked him just now. I don't want my parents to explain his anything. I want his parents to do the explaining. But they are so heartless I doubt it's gonna work. Thank you once again for your kind words.
  7. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    I definitely don't want revenge. At first I thought maybe I should start contacting his family but now I am leaving it to Allah to serve justice. My revenge will be nothing compared to Allahs justice. Allah works in amazing ways.. I have 100% faith in that. His parents clearly have no sympathy for me. Me crying in front of them will not achieve anything. Furthermore I have no time to argue with him. The more I do, the more time I waste. I am going to block him. Enough is enough. Can you guys please keep in your prayers. I really need them right now. I want Allah to give me strength. Sorry guys I keep on asking you what to do when I get confused and upset. But I need someone with a rational approach rather than me acting in emotions. He has left me in a very lonely state. I have no friends who I can trust and I don't want to keep on discussing it with my parents to make them upset
  8. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    should I wait before his father talks to mine? Or should I just block him immediately? . To be honest I don't want to talk to him. You are right, he is toxic. Every day he comes up with something to bring me down. The more I talk the more time I waste. On the positive side Iv told my parents to start looking for someone else.
  9. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    He keeps calling me on my Watsapp, so I answer, even though I don't want to but it gets a little difficult sometimes . I am thinking of blocking him in a few days once my dad talks to his dad. I don't want to be with him anymore. But I want his dad to call my dad and speak once and I say something too so I have my final words.
  10. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    I forgot to mention, today he said to me because of your behaviour, he can't do anything now to marry me. He would have fought his family but because I called his dad on Watsapp when I was crying, in extreme amount of pain when I hadn't slept all night and he wasn't answering my single call. Me messaging his dad asking him to talk to me or asking his mother to talk to me, literally begging but they would just ignore my message after reading. I said one thing which he is using against me. I said how would you feel if someone treated your daughters the way you are treating me by ignoring my messages and calls. Please have mercy I am someone's daughter. He is basically using that against me and saying that I disrespected his family by saying that. Guys I have kept quite for 10 years, I didn't say one word to his family when they used to disrespect me, waste my time and even when they called my parents to their house to talk about marriage and instead they humiliated them. Even then I didn't say one word to his parents but after 10 years of suffering in silence when I finally thought they had accepted me and they made him do istikhara I honestly had to spreak. I didn't disrespect them. I just said call me I need to talk. They were reading my msgs but still didn't say one word. And now he is blaming me saying that I disrespected his parents by asking them to talk to me. I just want leave this whole thing. I want to cut him off completely.
  11. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    @Intellectual Resistance I know I always say this but I just can't thank you enough for your wisdom and counselling. You have no idea how much your feedback here helps me put things into perspective. I have nothing but sincere duas for you. You are right. He doesn't have the intention of marrying me. If someone was so desperate he would use all the evidence he could find to marry me but with him it's like I am arguing with him to marry me and then he comes out with some illogical argument to not do it. He is not on my side. I just find it so weird because he apparently went to Pakistan to plan this whole marriage and sort out everything but in the end comes out with istikhara. When I say you wasted 10 years of my life he says that in those 10 years you were not nice to me. If I was that bad why did he promise me marriage the whole time and claimed to love me. i definitely need closure. I am gonna do that. I am not gonna leave him like this. He is afraid I will call his dad but you know what I will. It is time that things get discussed. But my dad is too polite he is saying leave it and I know my dad will not say much to his dad. But I want to speak. I have a lot to say. I will make sure I do that. As for evidence, I am gonna show them the evidence but they are blinded by their stubbornness so I have a feeling it won't achieve anything. But I will still call them and speak to him. This has to be done. And as you said after that the no contact phase follows where I cut him off completely. I want to cut him off completely. I want to cut off a manipulator and a liar out of my life. It's a shame because I truely did love him but in the end he stabbed me in the back but I believe now that Allah has better things in store for me than someone like him. I was just thinking if he could lie and use religion to defend it, in life he can stab me anytime on anything. After all a marriage, life is difficult. If the foundation of this marriage started with lies then I am sure it wouldn't last long. A man is a protector of a woman but around him I never felt protected. Even right now, instead of fearing Allah for wasting a woman's time, he is coming out excuses to follow this "bad Istikhara"...you guys have no idea how long he has been promising me marriage. Since I was 22 till now he would say we will get married this year and then next and next only in the end to put it down to Istikhara. I rejected so many proposals from good guys because I was waiting for him. i have learnt a great lesson, maybe it is the hard way and after a long time. I truely think Allah has something better in store for me. I am so fortunate that my parents pray for my well being everyday. Every single day. I am so lucky that my parents support me. My dad even after what he has done to me is responding with patience. For a father, it is difficult to see your child go through this. He is lucky my dad hasn't said a word to him. Allah will serve justice indeed and his justice will be the greatest. He doesn't understand the importance of treating women kindly, not oppressing people, and keeping promises. He is not worthy of me or my time. I think I am in that phase to cut him off completely but first I will speak to his father and family. I honestly do not have the energy left to cry anymore. I have done that enough for the past 5 years when he would disappoint me everyday by breaking his promise of marrying me every year. shia chat is my only place at the moment where I can discuss my feelings. I don't have many friends left in real life. I put so much energy and time into him that I forgot to invest in friends. It will be a slow start but I'm gonna start rebuilding myself. I am thinking of joining the gym. I also want to travel.. I want to meet people because I am tired of this lonely life which was solely based around him and marriage. Where I live, it's a small town and there is not much to do here but inshallah pray for me guys, that I find things to do that will improve me and help me forget this pain. Inshallah then I'll find someone who will love me and will be worthy of me. Please pray for me. And don't worry, I have you and everyone else who has contributed here in my prayers. Allah is watching that you all are helping me out... If it wasn't for you all I would be crying in my room all day begging him to marry me but you people have helped me put things into perspective. Thank you for your counselling and your valuable advice. You have saved me from a lot of pain.
  12. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    The first page of the same article he sent me clearly says: he didn't read this or quote this but scrolled all the way shown to the bits where he can take things out of context to support the fact that he is right in calling the whole marriage off
  13. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    Walaikum salam @Intellectual Resistance You know what, every single word you write here is 100% how I feel and think. It's amazing that you can understand this situation so well and he can be so heartless about it..,,yet he is the one who claims to "love" me and "care" for me. It is a joke. you have restored my faith in humanity. I know there will other humans out there in this world who will understand me. I thought he did but he has always given me pain and torture. Even waiting for this marriage to happen I went through so much pain. Every day I was worried, every year I was told by him that the marriage would happen this year and it would never happen. And then when I would start crying he would blame me and said how I am being impatient and disrespectful only to do this in the last minute and use istikhara to ditch me. He is not worthy of me. It's sad I wasted 10 years on a loser like him. I told him exactly what you said to me today. And he completely disregarded everything and replied: "How am I following Allah wrong... it is not about going.against istekhara, it is,about Allah not wanting us to get married as he sees maslihat (best) in it..he knows the best, and in his judgement our marriage is not going.to work out...he has commanded us, in HIS judgement that it will not be.for our benefit or happiness..how should I get.this through to you ? I am not saying shiachat. Is right or wrong..I can show,u 1000 instances of different.things I am just.telling.you the rulings and the law..as discussed and told to me by respected moulanas who have spent their lives studying.this...." As you can see, he is delusional. It is evident that he in his heart doesn't want this marriage because he keeps on going on about the same point over and over again. Without paying attention to my time or seeing what is right or wrong. He hasn't even mentioned or even thought about the time he has wasted. He keeps saying those 10 years you were bad and you do this and this wrong. If I was that bad why did he stay with me for that long. His reply to that is because I loved you and wanted to marry you but now Allah doesn't want it so I will call it off. He said that he isn't lying about his feelings but only following "religion" as apparently, he knows someone in Najaf who advised him and many maulvis. he then said he has to follow istikhara he sent me these screenshots from an article that is totally taken out of context by him to fulfil her personal needs. I have read this article which in the beginning warns others of using istikhara the wrong way. He sent me these screenshots: He then goes on to say that istikhara is mandatory and he must follow it and not marry Me. Either he is very ignorant or just trying to outsmart me. he also sent me this to prove that the method of Quran he used is the right way and must be followed: The funny thing is he thinks I haven't read this article. I have read it all. He is taking things out of context to prove his point as the first page clearly says exactly what you all have told me here. Link to the complete article: https://www.al-islam.org/printpdf/book/export/html/38019 You know what guys, I wish I was smarter and removed him from my life a very long time ago. It's a shame he showed his true colours only 1 month before marriage.
  14. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    Walaikum salam sister, I wanted to force it because I genuinely thought he didn't understand istikhara. I honestly thought he was being forced to do it but now I just feel like he is making excuses even after I showed him all the facts. He is so disgusting that he is going as far as misqoating the Quran. He has some personal plans that I am not aware of which I know Allah will never let him succeed in. You don't step over one human being and then think nothing will happen to you. I just want my precious time back sister, that is my biggest pain but I know it won't come back. So I have to agree that it is Allahs mercy that he is saving me from a liar and cheater like him. Also his parents who are oppressors. thank you for your words of wisdom and prayers. Really means a lot to me. I am sure Allah has something bigger and better. A family who would accept me and love me like their daughter and a man who doesn't lie and manipulate religion. Keep me in your prayers please.
  15. Is Istikhara mandatory before marriage

    A little update. he contacted me and said that why did you message my dad. (I messaged his did on Watsapp and tried to call him when they said they will do istikhara). He said why have you called him and messaged him. Because of you there are now so many arguements in my house. My parents are arguing with me everyday. Why can't you be happy with the will of Allah in the bad istikhara. In my house istikhara was important that's why I have done it. It came out bad, it said "no" and that's Allahs will. It is not my fault, I tried to get us married but now istikhara is bad so I can't do anything about it. he is basically telling me that istikhara said no now he is not to blame and has always been loyal. He is blaming istikhara than himself on not marrying me.