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Hopeful123

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  1. abusive father

    Your words are empowering, I often think Inshalla if I am blessed with children that I have to be a better parent. People say that the abused often go on to being abusers but I pray inshalla that I don't, not to my future children or to anyone else. I have snapped at him twice but thats in all my life and thats all this year anyway, but I have never said anything rude I have just told him to stop shouting at me. I have a tremendous amount of built up anger inside me that I wish I knew how to get rid of. I understand perfectly that you mean no disrespect and to be perfectly honest, forgive me, but its a breath of fresh air compared to all the people that constantly praise him on how wonderful and perfect and helpful he is. I have never in my life witnessed this side to him, for me or my mum
  2. abusive father

    Alaykum alsalaam, You have a pure heart mashalla, perhaps more than me. I just cant find any single part of me that can forgive, simply because I am still in the same place, no change or progression. I have so much built up anger. What can I do to get rid of this hatred and anger? I absolutely know its not good for me to be so full of hate, I'm scared that my salaah won't be accepted if I'm like this.
  3. abusive father

    I have to thank you sincerely for this, I read it and weeped. Also I did not know it would be halal to move out, of course it's not the best thing to do but without exaggeration, I am simply miserable under my fathers roof, I am depressed every day and sometimes I pray to die. I wanted to wait for a pious man to marry but its been so long because i never wanted to give anyone a chance who came my way through my parents because marriage scared me, now i fear its too late. I'm sorry to bombard you all like this but i am beyond grateful for your input I feel less alone. May Allah SWT bless you inshalla, just for giving me the time of day.
  4. abusive father

    Salaam Alaykum, Thank you for your time to respond, I am sure your intentions are good, but I at one time blamed Islam or shia or arabs for my dads behaviour but its not right. This is not a shia problem as I see many shia fathers so loving and they joke and play with their children they get up and help their wives, my dad doesn't even do that in front of people never mind behind closed doors. The ziyarat changed my life completely alhamdulila. Ya Rab inshalla i always get the opportunity to go again, i went with just my mum its was amazing. I am sincerely sorry and hurt for you to have bullies in your life, May Allah SWT give you patience and strength to get by, I will also do a Dua for you too. Could you please tell me what Hawza is or where it is?
  5. abusive father

    I tried to explain my situation but it would take a lot more than a paragraph or two to fully show my journey. My mother is my life, she is literally my best friend but her view is different, she always reminds me that in society it won't look right if she divorced him, she just has to power on but alf alhamdulila he has never beat her so she is able to be more patient than I can. If I where to move out, which I am seriously considering, she would keep in contact but she wouldn't come with me as she doesn't want to destroy our reputation. I know our mental wellbeing is very important but this is her beliefs theres nothing I can do about that. As for me, I live in constant misery, unhappiness and fear and I am sick of feeling like this sometimes I pray for god to just take me. No exaggeration I am miserable and depressed every single day, any laughter I share with my mum is short lived.
  6. abusive father

    https://www.al-islam.org/treatise-rights-risalat-al-huquq-imam-zain-ul-abideen/rights-womb-relatives#24-right-child Salaam Alaykum brother, I am beyond grateful for your post, I didn't ever know my rights because as I mentioned I haven't always practiced Islam properly also my arabic reading is not great. This is so helpful and I thank you for sending me this. May Allah SWT bless you inshalla
  7. abusive father

    Alyakum alsalaam, Please don't apologise you have no reason to be sorry :). God bless you.
  8. abusive father

    Salam Alaykum and thank you all for the replies I became very emotional reading this because I feel so alone and you took the time to read and respond to me. I don't have any friends whatsoever as I have cut out everyone I ever knew since about 3 years now. @abbas110 I guess since I live under his roof and have no career I am financially dependant on him but i also have my savings so i never actually ask him for money also my mother works so I have never gone to him for money before. @Guest Account Ali I have tried to understand his situation but his mother and father are laid back and other family members know them to be laid back. Of course work can be stressful but we do our best at home to make his life easy, I see very little reason for him to be so full of rage towards us especially me ever since i was young he was so impatient with me and unfair towards me I grew up in terror. I am glad my identity is hidden here because I'm humiliated to say that I used to wet the bed till a very late age because of constant terror. I am not demonising him because I once loved him but I didn't see it back. Also I do see a counsellor but its through my doctor and I cant chose to have a muslim counsellor, its out of desperation that i have come to this site for help. @Abu Hadi I understand what you say and thank you for your input but any stress he has should not be taken out on me believe me when i say I have never disrespected him, never swore at him yes I have made mistakes I am not perfect but I needed a guiding and supportive father, I was such a scared little girl and have grown up to be a crippled adult who still lives at home unmarried I have had multiple attempts at university but keep dropping out because I'm severely lacking in confidence. I can't move out because we don't believe that a girl should move out before she is married I don't want to ruin my parents' reputation but I wonder would it be halal to move out in my situation? @AmirAlmuminin Lover Thank you so much May Allah bless you and your wife inshallah, I cried when I read what you posted. Inshalla I will be patient for a pious man, I know better than to settle for anyone because I'm terrified to end up in a miserable marriage. I just want to make my mother proud and I want to be proud of myself that despite my unhappy life I can become someone successful inshallah. I don't disrespect him because I do want blessings from Allah (S.W.T). My beloved mother always tells me she fears that I won't see blessing if i don't forgive my father but I honestly can't do that. Will I always suffer in life and be unlucky because I can't forgive? I do all my prayers, I do not touch alcohol, I don't wear revealing clothing, I don't do haram I really do my best to practise Islam to the best of my abilities. But what are my rights in Islam?
  9. abusive father

    Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. I did make the huge mistake of confronting him today when he was shouting in that way that makes my hair fall out. I called him a nasty bully. Its something i regret because it had no positive outcome whatsoever. It doesn't matter that he had to hear it, he will never change as you said. Im sure its haram that i don't even have respect for him I don't swear at him of course, nor do i shout but still the hatred i have for him is it haram? I do see a counsellor weekly but theres only so much they can do and i need islamic advice, from shia to be specific because i cant read arabic very well so its hard to understand some rules in islam. I want so bad to be successful so i can move out with pride. Inshalla I can one day, thank you again for your kind words. God bless
  10. abusive father

    Please help me with advice. From such a young age I was fearful of my father he is a bully he would shout and scare me until i wet myself if i ever missed a salah, which made me hate religion. He shouted and used abusive, bullying behaviour if i didn't do so well in school which made me fear studying if i did ask him for help with homework he would shout so much i would get a ringing in my ear and couldn't concentrate i remember my hand would shake so much holding the pencil. It may seem like an exaggeration but he absolutely failed me as a father, he would always comment negatively on how i looked I still have an extremely low self esteem. For a long time, because of his behaviour, i stopped praying and even practicing my religion but alf alhamdulilla my mother took me to religious visits and as of two years ago I have come back to praying fully and being the best muslim i possibly can be. He is so highly respected in society, a doctor and a very religious man who's always smiling and helping others but to me he is pure evil and hates me. I am now 28, unmarried because i hate the though of marriage if its like this, I have never in my life seen him help my mother even when she is exhausted I do help but its just us, he is stingy with his money and she is in dept but terrified to tell him he shouts at her sometimes too in such a disrespectful manner but she is a slave to him, she doesn't seem to mind too much i guess they still sometimes share happy times I hate how i see him treat her but its not my business since she doesn't complain. I just feel like a failure i haven't managed to achieve anything in life because i have crippling depression and anxiety. He often reminds me or i hear him talking to my mother about how useless i am. Anyway i need to know what are my rights as a shia muslim girl, all speeches from sheiks preach about how you should love your parents and i love my mother to my core but forgive me and most importantly may Allah forgive me but i hate my father so much. I don't speak to him I don't even want to look at him because his face scares me. What does islam say about this situation because all i hear is you must love and respect your father like he loved and looked after you!
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